Autistic women assemble!

[Nepmarthiturn]

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

PS - I meant to add, sorry that you’ve had another rubbish night with sleep.

And welcome to the new joiners.

@Furries Ha! Yes.

When I met my husband I remember being shocked that one of his favourite things about me was my attention to detail , and how I'd always communicate a process clearly with no ambiguity. I was shocked because I'd always been told that I ask too many questions , do too much research and can't just 'go with the flow'.
It's nice when people understand you.

Yes @Furries that is exactly it! No comprehension or people releatedly asking questions that have been answered several times already. And then stage two begins with the completely invented backstory inserting new "facts" that aren't in the OP. "Well of course you're crowded, what did you expect when you decided to move to central London? And why are you having a third baby if you don't have enough space?" 🤣🤣

Can see why he was a keeper! 😊

Do you ever have those times where you desperately want to stay somewhere to spend time with people, but can't physically tolerate being there any longer? It's been like that for me today.

We went to my Granny's house (about 45m away) because it's Easter and my parents have come to stay (they live 300+ miles away so we don't see them often). My sister and BIL also came, so there were eight people in the house, including my two ND boys who were over excited at seeing everyone. Granny is only a few weeks short of 100, so is a bit deaf, which means everyone talking loudly so she can be part of the conversation. She also feels the cold so has the thermostat set to 23°C. It was hot and loud and crowded, and I really struggled. I popped out into the garden for a bit, but we ended up leaving earlier than I'd wanted to because I could feel myself brewing and needed to drive home while I was still in a fit state to do it.

I feel awful because I hardly ever get to see my parents, and there won't be many chances left to see Granny, but it was just too much. I'm now having one of those 'I hate being me' guilt filled afternoons.

Oh @CaptainCallisto that is hard. Sensory overload can just be too much. I get the same when my family are together: so loud, everybody speaking at once, and I get "peopled out" even though similarly they aren't local so it seems a shame as we don't see them frequently. I find going off on my own for half an hour to reset can help sometimes. Sorry you had to leave early. I think the quality of the time matters more than quantity though! Are they understanding about your limits and why it's difficult?

They generally are - mum messaged just after we got home to say Granny had gone up for a nap and DSis and BIL had left just after us, so I don't feel quite as bad as I did!

I'm struggling to keep up with this thread, but I'm glad it's had so many posts. It helps to know you aren't alone, even though I know that means other people are struggling too.

I've just been diagnosed (literally 5 minutes ago) and now I feel all weird and unsettled. Even though I knew that was the likely outcome. Someone make it make sense please!

It's a completely different feeling thinking to yourself "I'm pretty sure I meet criteria for this" and having a professional telling you "I believe you meet criteria for this". I felt weird about it for about three years…

@OdeToBarney it's a lot to process. I hope it's some relief that the assessment is done now and once things settle and you get your report it will help in terms of how to move forward and make things a little easier for yourself.

Oh that's good that you didn't really miss out on much in the end. 😊

Freaking out a little bit, the degree course I applied to, I'm through to the next stage which is an interview with the company (they pay for the degree and give you a job after you complete the degree), I thought I was going to vomit when I read the email. I'm having massive imposter syndrome feelings, I also keep flipping between being really excited (the company sounds amazing including being really inclusive/diverse) and being terrified. What if I get through and pass the degree, I'll have to be in an actual office with actual people, what if I mess up, what if the people hate me because I'm weird, what if I can't find a place to park (I have massive parking anxiety) so many unknowns my head feels like it's going to burst and at the same time I feel like such an idiot for feeling this way.

Does anyone else pick labels off things?
And get annoyed when they're hard to remove?

@camelCase that's fantastic news!! So happy to you. 👏👏👏👏

I understand your anxiety though. Try to take it one step at a time, look only at the next hurdle so it doesn't get overwhelming.

Do they know that you're autistic? If so, allowances and adjustments for the interview should be made. And many employers are actively trying to recruit autistic people now because despite our challenges many of us have abilities which are a huge asset to them. Which sector is it?

Yes. So itchy. Those little tools for unpicking stitches are really useful.

These:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=quick+unpick+tool&adgrpid=95572195824&hvadid=410715135735&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1006779&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=16983165414906603785&hvtargid=kwd-842032418088&hydadcr=92981723333&tag=hydrukspg-21&ref=pddsl1lih4pq8hjje

Well done, Camel - that's great! Can you look at the building/car park on Google Street View? I always find that looking at the available parking really helps me with my anxiety about it. I sort of make a hierarchy of available places, so if the first one isn't available, I've already got alternatives I know how to get to. It's a small thing, but it might help knock one item off the panic list!

I have annoyed myself with getting tangled up with yet another Mumsnet thread full of irrational people. 🫣🙄🤦🏻‍♀️😆

It was about economics, tax, net pay etc. and an online tool meant to calculate which decile people fall into, yet the tool didn't include any way to input key data (like housing or childcare costs) to make its conclusions valid.

I got told:

Sorry, the clarity of your point must have been lost amongst all the eye rolls and patronising language you use

And

So you’re saying there’s literally no way you could lower your housing costs and still work where you work. No cheaper areas / rentals / ex social housing within an hours drive. Righto.

When none of my post were about my own situation at all. Just the way the tool made its calculations.

And more similar comments. It reminded me so much of the conversations we were having on here about people misunderstanding stuff (wilfully? I can’t tell!) and being really personally rude for no reason. I had posted about how the calculation “tool” the thread was about wasn’t accurate and that therefore the conclusions it made were misleading because there were huge chunks of key data missing without which meaningful comparisons can't be drawn (economics is a large part of my job).

I think maybe I shouldn’t post on any threads except this one as I always end up getting attacked! I am so glad to have found a lovely bunch of people here and none of the nastiness that seems to be everywhere else on the site.

Had some good news today though, for once!! A legal issue I've been trying to sort out for 18 months has been resolved, finally!! Court sending documents this week apparently. 🎉🎉

Oh sorry just realised you probably mean the sticky labels, not clothes labels. And some companies still using those awful ones that rip and leave a horrible sticky residue? SO annoying, when there are varieties that will come off easily in one go and leave no mark. Why do they do it!? 😩

Actually, I cut labels out of clothes, too.

Me too! And for both kids, they insist.

@TheShellBeach
I hate it when labels stick, I have to get it off no matter how long, soapy water usually does the trick. There's a spray you can get on Amazon that removes them but I always forget to buy it then have another label incident and swear I'll get it for next time.

@Nepmarthiturn
I'm a lot calmer now, still lots to do, I need a decent outfit (my clothes are all way too casual), I've filled in the many forms and booked my mock/confidence-building interview with the degree company. I've spent all day doing a combination of reading the entire company website and watching youtube videos on interview techniques/tips. They do know I'm autistic, one of the reasons I'm so excited about this company is they are (apparently) very inclusive, they have little societies dedicated to things like gender equality, and ethnicity but most importantly for me neurodiversity. The job and degree are in software engineering(coding).

That thread you mentioned sounds annoying and I probably would have said the same thing, how can it be accurate without factoring in all possibilities? Great news about the legal issue I'm sure it's brought immense relief.

@CaptainCallisto
Thank you, I've already looked at the car park, that was one of the many things I looked into before I even applied. There is a train station a 10-minute walk away so if I can't cope I could catch a train, DH is going to take me for the interview though so one less thing to worry about. There is also a retail park about a 20-minute walk away so if I get really desperate I could park there and walk.

That all sounds fantastic! The employer and their culture makes such a difference. And you've done so much research and got good plans in place so hope that will make the anxiety manageable. When's the interview?