Autistic women assemble!

[Nepmarthiturn]

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

Hello. I just found this thread. I can’t read the whole thing as it’s so long and a bit overwhelming, but please can I join?

I was diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 40 and suddenly lots of things made more sense. I’m working on hating myself a little less for being completely unable to ‘adult’ properly, or as society expects anyway.

Hi and welcome.
Take your time and join in when you're ready.
There is no pressure on this thread.

Just been reading back through and I have realised my unfortunate typos today that make me appear illiterate and it made me so annoyed!! 😆 I make lots of typos all the time when typing on a phone (as you've all no doubt noticed), whereas I can touch type pretty well on a proper keyboard, but today I have typed "to" instead of "so" but in a context it made it look like I could have meant "too" so made me look totally dumb and then somehow I wrote "loose" instead of "lose", which I will blame on small child grabbing my arm while typing... So been sitting here thinking "in normal circumstances I would abandon the thread and change my username" but obviously don't want to do that with you lot! 🤣😳 So I felt compelled to post about it, explain my embarrassment and hope you haven't all concluded I am illiterate and can put this down to my lack of sleep and not expel me. 😵‍💫😆😆😆🧟‍♀️ Do other people tie their brains up in knots over ridiculous stuff like this?! Again not sure if this is a me issue or an autistic issue. Should have learned by now to never read back stuff I have written. 🥴🤦🏻‍♀️

Hello @PostItInABook ! Welcome to the thread. 😊😊

I realised after I'd posted that I'd written wfh home, instead of either wfh or work from home. I nearly posted an apology, but I had just made two posts in quick succession and didn't want you all to think I was trying to take over the thread. I very much also tie my brain up in knots about that sort of thing!

Also, hello PostIt

It's an autistic issue and I'm exactly the same.
Perfectionism.

Glad it is not just me!!! 🤣🤣

I'm an ex English teacher, relax about typos. I've taught so many incredible bright kids with atrocious spelling that I know how shit an intelligence indicator it is.

@Nepmarthiturn I didn't even notice any typos in your posts, but I completely get it - I spend so many hours analysing and picking apart my own posts and emails after I have written them (hence my default go to of writing and deleting rather than posting)

Even now I keep writing more words out and deleting them, it's so frustrating!

Yep, I do the typos thing too. I often send a follow-up text with my corrections, I doubt the recipients really care, they’re usually just amazed that I’ve sent a text anyway (I’m known for being shit with my mobile, it’s not glued to me and it can take me a while to read/respond to messages).

Just joining. Newly diagnosed :)

Hello!

Relating so hard to the typos thing. I reread what I've written over and over to check for mistakes, or anywhere somebody might take a different meaning to what I'd intended (then often end up obsessing over grammar and sentence structure as well in the process).

I usually start replying on here, cut and paste over to notes on my phone, fuck about with my response for a bit...and then give up and delete the whole thing. Don't even want to think about how much time I've wasted with that whole ridiculous rigmarole!

(But here, have a rare unobsessed-over reply 😂)

Just wanted to thank @JarByTheDoor and @Nepmarthiturn for sharing your stories. I had a horrible time growing up, but I still struggle to talk about it and definitely wouldn't be brave enough to post about it on here. (I will say I've also got PTSD, and haven't had any contact with my parents for around a decade, though).

I've felt quite isolated at times, because my experiences have been so different to many other people's. I've learned that my 'stuff' is far too dark for many people to hear, so I've kept it very close for most of my life. Reading your stories, and hearing about the insights you've gained, really helped me to feel less alone. You're clearly both incredibly strong, thoughtful, kind women; thank you.

I do this a lot, when I post on here I tend only to do so when I'm on my laptop so I can type it in a wordpad and go over and over it until I'm happy to post it (the rare time I'm on my phone I use notes to type it out), I also have Grammarly on my browser so that helps.

I don't know if it's just me, maybe others feel this way but it's because I don't want to be misunderstood and then judged/mocked yet again for saying/doing the wrong thing so I try my best to get it right the first time. It takes so much time and effort and almost every time I type something out I don't post it. Mentally I reply to every post I read on mumsnet, I type out a response maybe 20% of the time and then it's 50/50 whether I actually click post (after previewing and editing a million times lol)

It's the same with RL conversations, I rehearse the conversation over and over again in my head with all possible outcomes until I'm happy with what I want to say. Even with the people closest to me, I choose not to bring something up about 50% of the time. I mean general chit-chat/things I've seen/read about or whatever, if it's important stuff I will come out with it eventually, communicating is just exhausting.

"I don't know if it's just me, maybe others feel this way but it's because I don't want to be misunderstood and then judged/mocked yet again for saying/doing the wrong thing so I try my best to get it right the first time"

Oh yes, this. 100% this. I am always writing things which seem supportive to me, only for someone to come along and tell me off.

I’m having a bad sensory day today. Even the noise of my cat cleaning (slurping at 😫) himself and rubbing against my leg is sending me towards a meltdown. Luckily I can work from home on these days. The office would not be good for me today.

I'm exactly the same about posting!

YES! What is that!? I'm trying to be supportive, I've checked (and checked, and checked, and checked some more) the tone of what I've written...and then I'm told I've managed to come off as patronising anyway. I wonder sometimes if it's because my language can occasionally veer off towards formal, which I could see might come off as condescending to some people? That's my best guess so far!

Being misunderstood, though. Absolutely can't bear when somebody interprets something I hadn't intended in what I've said, I clarify what I actually meant (and usually apologise for not communicating clearly enough)...then they stick to their original assessment anyway. Then if you try to clarify more they take it as a sign that you're back peddling, or lying. I use too many words to avoid this, then my wordiness gets interpreted as meaning something too. I swear I'm going to get t-shirts made up with "DO NOT LOOK FOR SUBTEXT. I HAVE NO SUBTEXT" on them 😂

I know what you all mean. I've offended a lot of people by just answering a question properly. Apparently I'm too blunt. I have this one friend that has always responded well to this habit of mine , and she is the same with me. She's told me a couple of months ago that she's seeking an autism diagnosis. No surprises there really.

I’d buy a stack of those t-shirts from you, could you do the range in a few colours please. And maybe some sweatshirts too (I’m not really a fan of t-shirts).

When I try to clarify, I then get told I’m arguing. I’m really not, I hate arguing and confrontation, but I flipping hate someone putting their own spin on what I KNOW I meant/said.

@PostItInABook - I hope wfh helps with your day today. I know I’m having a bad day if my cat annoys me. I love the little joker more than anything else in the world, so if I’m irritated by him then I know it’s not a good day. And then I spend ages feeling guilty.

Hello, can I join please? I'm autistic and so is DD (and I suspect many others in my wider family).

DD has been badly bullied in school and it's bringing up a lot of bad memories for me. Think we both need somewhere we can be where people just get it.

Hi everyone!

I barely slept again last night. More chattering monkey brain as @JarByTheDoor so aptly called it. 🦧🚫🧟‍♀️ Then made the mistake of reading a different MN thread when I was trying to get to sleep and it was full of single mum bashing which made me wide awake again too furious to sleep! Feeling overwhelmed with my "to-do" list as well. Am getting really annoyed with myself. 🫣

Aaargh yes absolutely @yano about the being misunderstood. It's so frustrating and them often even whem I look back over the conversation I still cannot work out why it happened. I need an anti-subtext t shirt too please!! I don't really get how we're apparently the ones with communication issues when we usually write exactly what we mean and it's the other person who is inventing meanings that aren't actually there?! 🤣

Sorry you're feeling rubbish @PostItInABook . Sounds like a good idea to WFH. Offices are awful at the best of times!

Welcome @noblesix ! So sorry to hear about your DD, how awful. Schools should be zero tolerance on bullies. 😡 I hope she is ok, it must be so distressing for you as well because there's so little you can do about it. What have the school said about it?

More typos. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

@Nepmarthiturn - Mumsnet is absolute gold for inventing stuff that isn’t there. The amount of times, on so many different types of threads, that I see posts responding to an OP and I think “eh, how on earth did you come up with that reasoning.” People inventing their own back stories and reasonings as to what’s going on. I find it baffling.

Then add in the fact that some people just don’t read stuff, eg:

OP: I’ve been living in a rented flat for three years now. I have 2DC (3 and 5) and I am now feeling we’re a bit crowded here. The problem is …

AOP1 - Have you had it valued? It’s probably increased a fair bit in that time so you could sell and ….

AOP2 - do you have children?

AOP3 - how many children do you have?

AOP4 - how old are your kids?

Me (thinking, not posting) - you lot are all bonkers 🤪