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Original poster

So embarrassed by unexpected guests

252 replies

MortifiedMolly · 02/04/2023 04:23

We were having a really slobby day yesterday. It was mid afternoon and we were all in our pyjamas. There was leftover lunch in various places (thanks to my 2 and 4 year olds), crumbs all over the floor and piles of washing everywhere. This is actually quite unusual for me, I'm usually on top of things but it had been a tiring week and DH hasn't been well, so I've been managing by myself a lot.

Then there is a knock on the door; friends who we hadn't seen for ages and had just been passing by. Caught off guard, I enthusiastically welcomed them in.

It's now 4am and I can't sleep because I'm so embarrassed about the state the house was in. I feel like I never want to see them again!

Not sure why I'm posting this, perhaps someone can make me feel better?? Gah!

OP posts:
faffadoodledo · 03/04/2023 13:23

Bless you OP. You welcomed them enthusiastically (in your own words). That's what your guests will remember!

Newnamenewname109870 · 03/04/2023 13:29

This is why I absolutely hate pop ins! But all you can do is take a deep breath and realise that they’re really not going to care. They’ll have seen dh is unwell and it had been a hard week and they’ll know that’s not normally you. It might even make them feel better seeing that you’re human. If they really think badly of you they are honestly v v weird and I would not want to be friends with them.
It sounds like you were lovely and friendly and I’m sure they really appreciated the welcome.

UWhatNow · 03/04/2023 13:39

“I'm usually on top of things but it had been a tiring week and DH hasn't been well, so I've been managing by myself a lot.”

A messy house on a slobby Saturday is just life - it’s not your job to fret and be responsible for this. Both adults need to take responsibility but you were busy doing something far more important - relaxing in your pjs and being with your kids.

When my kids were little I could’ve cried at the state of our house. We had friends with large grand designs type homes but I have to say that the ones who had ‘messy’ lived-in houses were always nicer to visit and relax in than those friends with the insta-ready ones.

Really op, I would take their visit as a compliment and let people ‘take you how they find you’. And stop taking on ALL the psychological ‘load’ of the housework!

ored · 03/04/2023 13:39

Only way to feel better is to invite them around asap when you and your house are super ship shape. Honestly you won't rest until you do.

smizing · 03/04/2023 13:40

userxx · 03/04/2023 13:02

You sound a barrell of laughs.

Show quote history

No, I sound like I know what I want and what I don't want!

ArdeteiMasazxu · 03/04/2023 14:09

@SchoolTripDrama Some of us care about how our home looks and take pride in it

Of course - but the words in the OP are I'm so embarrassed about the state the house was in. I feel like I never want to see them again! - ie the OP thinks that the horror of someone seeing behind the polished "facade" is enough to lose a friendship over. Being house-proud is all very well but if it's more important to you than friendship then that's ridiculous. Of course if you and OP feel otherwise and would rather have no true friends, just distant acquaintances who admire your beautifully kept home but wouldn't consider you a friend, then do crack on.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 03/04/2023 14:38

Nitebook · 03/04/2023 11:49

I think it's sad so many consider it rude. Genuinely sad that that's what society has become. When did we become more bothered about how our homes look than the friends and family, the laughter and tears that are in them?

If someone calls on me unexpectedly, it's because they thought of me or needed me. Both lovely. If they're going to judge me over some laundry and leftovers, we probably wouldn't be friends anyway.

Just because some people prefer to have notice of visitors, it doesn’t mean they don’t like or want visitors. Why is it somehow less special and “laugh, cry, love” if guests are invited and visits are planned?

iloveburmese3 · 03/04/2023 14:41

Awful awful awful. But no one would dare drop in on me I make it quite clear I have boundaries with people... not in like a weird strict sense they just wouldn't with me

Nitebook · 03/04/2023 14:57

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 03/04/2023 14:38

Just because some people prefer to have notice of visitors, it doesn’t mean they don’t like or want visitors. Why is it somehow less special and “laugh, cry, love” if guests are invited and visits are planned?

Show quote history

Why not do both?

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 03/04/2023 15:27

Why would people do both when they don’t want to? It’s ridiculous.

smizing · 03/04/2023 15:47

Nitebook · 03/04/2023 14:57

Why not do both?

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Cuz we don't want to?

Marcinon · 03/04/2023 16:03

Doodat · 02/04/2023 04:50

If I was them I’d have thought “what a relief she’s a normal person who sometimes has an untidy house/ a slow Saturday just like the rest of us mortals!”

This^^

ReadersD1gest · 03/04/2023 16:22

smizing · 03/04/2023 13:40

No, I sound like I know what I want and what I don't want!

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Do you have many friends? 😂

smizing · 03/04/2023 16:29

ReadersD1gest · 03/04/2023 16:22

Do you have many friends? 😂

Show quote history

Yes I do. They text/call before coming over to my house and I do the same if I want to "pop" in to see them. We have a mutual respect for each others boundaries and I love that 😊

ReadersD1gest · 03/04/2023 16:32

Fair enough.

Deise · 03/04/2023 18:14

Doodat · 02/04/2023 04:50

If I was them I’d have thought “what a relief she’s a normal person who sometimes has an untidy house/ a slow Saturday just like the rest of us mortals!”

Exactly, I think most people would think this.

BeckyBarnFresh · 03/04/2023 18:26

That's definitely what they refer to as sods law (showing my age) - I'm 57 and still trying to have a duvet day without being busted !!
Let it go, it's fine - if the worst thing is they think you're messy so what - you know you're not and the children and you will have loved having a slow pj day and that's more important and they're all that matter

begoneday · 03/04/2023 18:28

They should feel embarrassed for not having the social grace to call ahead first. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about.

SeeWhatYouGetWhenYouAskAStupidQuestion · 03/04/2023 18:28

Oh no, I wouldn't have answered the door!

Redragtoabull · 03/04/2023 18:37

I absolutely hate 'drop in's'. I wouldn't do this to anyone, despite family members saying 'just drop in if your passing'. And if you walk into someone's house unannounced, shame on you, enjoy the spectical you've put your rude self in! YANBU x

PogoThePunk · 03/04/2023 18:46

I love visitors, unexpected or not.
I'm very much a take me as you find me, as far as my home goes person.
Fortunately, my family and friends are the same.
The kettle is always on here. Welcome. 🍰☕

ReadersD1gest · 03/04/2023 18:49

Redragtoabull · 03/04/2023 18:37

I absolutely hate 'drop in's'. I wouldn't do this to anyone, despite family members saying 'just drop in if your passing'. And if you walk into someone's house unannounced, shame on you, enjoy the spectical you've put your rude self in! YANBU x

That's an extreme overreaction? What sort of spectacle are people normally presented with when they walk into your home?
If it's really enough to frighten the horses, why force your family to live in it?
And if it's a temporary situation, why the angst?

ReadersD1gest · 03/04/2023 18:50

SeeWhatYouGetWhenYouAskAStupidQuestion · 03/04/2023 18:28

Oh no, I wouldn't have answered the door!

Jesus Christ! Seriously?

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 03/04/2023 18:56

They shoud've messaged but if they're real friebgs they won't care, just pleased to see you
Honestly, dw

userxx · 03/04/2023 19:08

No, I sound like I know what I want and what I don't want!

You sound angry, really angry. CBD oil will help, take a fuck ton of it.