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Original poster

So embarrassed by unexpected guests

252 replies

MortifiedMolly · 02/04/2023 04:23

We were having a really slobby day yesterday. It was mid afternoon and we were all in our pyjamas. There was leftover lunch in various places (thanks to my 2 and 4 year olds), crumbs all over the floor and piles of washing everywhere. This is actually quite unusual for me, I'm usually on top of things but it had been a tiring week and DH hasn't been well, so I've been managing by myself a lot.

Then there is a knock on the door; friends who we hadn't seen for ages and had just been passing by. Caught off guard, I enthusiastically welcomed them in.

It's now 4am and I can't sleep because I'm so embarrassed about the state the house was in. I feel like I never want to see them again!

Not sure why I'm posting this, perhaps someone can make me feel better?? Gah!

OP posts:
Hotvimto3 · 03/04/2023 11:54

Keymap · 02/04/2023 04:27

My social worker tried to Call me but for some reason couldn't reach me. She decided to come directly to the house.

I opened the door in my pajamas, disheveled hair, living room a mess, bed undone, dishes in the sink and on the table

Did they say anything about the mess

ilovesushi · 03/04/2023 11:57

I would hate that but it sounds like you were genuinely pleased to see them and I am sure they were pleased by the warm welcome and didn't even notice the other stuff.

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/04/2023 12:01

Keymap · 02/04/2023 04:28

I personally find unnanounced visitors rude

I never "drop in" (I even used to tell my parents when I was thinking of visiting, to ensure it was convenient for them) on anyone. Largely because I hate it if anyone does it to me.

Mammyloveswine · 03/04/2023 12:02

My brother always seems to pop round when my house is at peak shit tip level!!! I've asked him to message if he's common round but never bloody does!

Gives me the rage!

FrenchandSaunders · 03/04/2023 12:04

We've all been there OP. I don't open the door these days unless I now who it is.

I remember a friend popping in with her parents who were visiting her. I had two year olds twins at the time, who were kicking off so loudly that I didn't hear the door at first. The house was a tip, dishes not done, toys and breakfast everywhere. The worst bit was, we had just had a wine delivery and I had taken about 12 empty bottles of wine out the rack and replenished it .... the 12 bottles were by the back door waiting to be put into the recycling. Must have thought we were raging lushes.

FrenchandSaunders · 03/04/2023 12:04

know!

readbooksdrinktea · 03/04/2023 12:09

N4ish · 02/04/2023 10:08

I think unexpected visitors are inconsiderate - for me it’s nothing to do with worries about mess or the state of the house but more about being mentally ready to be cheerful & welcoming. I know that sounds odd to some people but I think fellow introverts will understand.

Absolutely I get this.

Seeingadistance · 03/04/2023 12:11

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 02/04/2023 05:52

I never notice the state of other people's houses, it would have to be worthy of an episode of hoarders for me to take note. Im very critical of my own mess, don't GAF about anyone else's.

Same here.

ClaraThePigeon · 03/04/2023 12:11

I think it's sad so many consider it rude. Genuinely sad that that's what society has become. When did we become more bothered about how our homes look than the friends and family, the laughter and tears that are in them?

Now I know who's responsible for the messages on Hallmark Cards.

Climbles · 03/04/2023 12:15

I don’t mind if people drop in but I need at least a 10 minute warning so I can get sorted and clear up a bit. I’m sure most of my mates wouldn’t judge me for being in my Odie or for having a few dishes out but it makes me feel uncomfortable. They must have known they would drop in a few minutes before so they should have called.

ReadersD1gest · 03/04/2023 12:16

ClaraThePigeon · 03/04/2023 12:11

I think it's sad so many consider it rude. Genuinely sad that that's what society has become. When did we become more bothered about how our homes look than the friends and family, the laughter and tears that are in them?

Now I know who's responsible for the messages on Hallmark Cards.

Jesus, what an ignorant response Hmm

GoingOnce · 03/04/2023 12:17

It’s interesting that “popping in” has really gone out of fashion. When I was a child my parents often had people drop in unannounced. It never really seemed to be a problem. I wonder what’s changed.

When I think back, our house was always tidy and my parents used to get up and get dressed before even coming downstairs for breakfast so there’s was no loafing around in pyjamas half the day as is common now (myself included!). Life seemed to be more regular, meal-times etc less chaotic.

I just can’t imagine my parents hearing the doorbell, looking at each other and going “shit” the way we do now!

Donewaiting · 03/04/2023 12:24

I can see why you feel mortified by it, similar thing happened to me after my first daughter arrived 14 years ago. My then partner invited the neighbours in to see the newborn, I looked really bad, the house looked really bad and my knickers were drying on the radiator right next to the bloke, I felt so embarrassed even though it was perfectly normal after just having a baby to not have a perfect house.

An aunt dropped in yesterday unexpectedly with Easter eggs for the kids. I had outdoor working clothes on, the kitchen looked like a bombsite, the bin was spliing out everwhere, recycling strewn on the side, random tat from the first garden tidy of the year everywhere. Happens to us all, it was a weekend and you were relaxing, I'd have been exactly the same.

WilsonMilson · 03/04/2023 12:25

There should be a law against unannounced visitors. My pet hate!

Honestly, do not arrive at my house without warning and expect to be graciously received. Absolutely rude, no need for it. At least give me warning so I can make an excuse to put you off Grin!

CustardySergeant · 03/04/2023 12:25

Keymap · 02/04/2023 04:27

My social worker tried to Call me but for some reason couldn't reach me. She decided to come directly to the house.

I opened the door in my pajamas, disheveled hair, living room a mess, bed undone, dishes in the sink and on the table

Why is there a door in your pyjamas? 😕

So sorry. I did try to resist - but failed.

Crumpleton · 03/04/2023 12:42

I very rarely call in unannounced on friends but if I do I can assure you I called to visit them not their mess.
Wouldn't give it a second thought most people have slob out days.

LaDamaDeElche · 03/04/2023 12:44

So weird to just drop by without calling or texting first. You could have been out, in the middle of watching a movie, in the middle of cleaning, hosting other people, kids away and having sex with your DH… multiple reasons why you wouldn’t be ready for visitors. I think the days where people just turned up were before mobiles. Surely now it is actually a bit inconsiderate not to check if it’s convenient unless you’re close family and it’s the norm for you. I wouldn’t be still stressing about it, I would have just tidied up and said that it was a mess as I was having a chill out day and wasn’t expecting anyone.

MultipleVeganPies · 03/04/2023 12:46

@GoingOnce what has changed is that not many homes have a housewife anymore?

housework is now either done by both partners (but a battle ground for many, and things get left undone) or done by an exhausted resentful woman after a day at work, or… not done at all

i vary between the 3 options 😂

back in the 70s in our street (nice council estate area) many mums were housewives

Justalittlebitduckling · 03/04/2023 12:47

In the days of smart phones I see absolutely no reason why you would do this without at least messaging first.

Justalittlebitduckling · 03/04/2023 12:49

GoingOnce · 03/04/2023 12:17

It’s interesting that “popping in” has really gone out of fashion. When I was a child my parents often had people drop in unannounced. It never really seemed to be a problem. I wonder what’s changed.

When I think back, our house was always tidy and my parents used to get up and get dressed before even coming downstairs for breakfast so there’s was no loafing around in pyjamas half the day as is common now (myself included!). Life seemed to be more regular, meal-times etc less chaotic.

I just can’t imagine my parents hearing the doorbell, looking at each other and going “shit” the way we do now!

N try MIl my

pinkyredrose · 03/04/2023 13:02

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 02/04/2023 10:56

Fortunately i don't have unstable, miserable people barging into my home expecting amateur psychotherapy. And am not "sad" at all about it.

My friends and family are capable of arranging mutually convenient meetups. Because they are considerate of others.

Show quote history

Say what? Miserable unstable people? Maybe you do actually know people like that but knowing your attitude they keep their feelings to themselves.

userxx · 03/04/2023 13:02

smizing · 03/04/2023 11:43

Another one agreeing it's very very rude. Don't come to my house without it being agreed first. I don't give a shit who you are.

You sound a barrell of laughs.

Unicorntastic · 03/04/2023 13:03

I had a similar scenario yesterday, a friend dropped in unannounced (although I knew she was around) and proceeded to barge her way and show her fiend around the house which was Ben more than a tip than normal as we were moving stuff to make room for new furniture. That was rude.
years ago friends and family did used to call in unannounced and it was normal but I hate it now!

SchoolTripDrama · 03/04/2023 13:03

Keymap · 02/04/2023 04:27

My social worker tried to Call me but for some reason couldn't reach me. She decided to come directly to the house.

I opened the door in my pajamas, disheveled hair, living room a mess, bed undone, dishes in the sink and on the table

Wow! They usually only do this if they have serious welfare concerns. If that's def not the case then I'd be putting a complaint in

SchoolTripDrama · 03/04/2023 13:04

ArdeteiMasazxu · 02/04/2023 05:50

assuming your friends are nice people, not the Good Housekeepng police, don't give it another thought. If it's a genuine friendship they won't give a hoot about the state of the house.

obviously if they were judgy about it they aren't actually friends but I've only read the OP at time of writing this and it seems to me this is all just in your head

Some of us care about how our home looks and take pride in it Hmm