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Original poster

What would you do? - Child disappointed

237 replies

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:36

At the end of each whole term at my ds school, they hold an awards assembly. Ds has never received one. He's in lower primary.

Last week I received an email inviting me to the award assembly. I was so happy for ds and ds was very excited. The night before he was feeling worried about standing in front of the school and had trouble sleeping. I reassured him it would be ok and he eventually got some sleep.

The day of the award he was so excited. A bit nervous still but looking forward to it.

I finished work early to attend and went to the school. I sat looking at ds feeling very proud. A few names were called out but no mention of my ds. I could see ds was becoming increasingly more anxious. The awards drew to a close and I felt so disappointed for ds as he wasn't mentioned at all. I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

I could have cried for ds. He looked so confused and emotional. I took him home and he cried in the car.

What would you have done in that situation? At the time I just needed to get ds out of the school as I could see he just wanted to get home. I feel like I should have said more.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 03/04/2023 13:58

I’d definitely contact school when they reopen. It’s not you bring precious. They specifically told you he was getting an award. I understand why you told dc mummy will be there. It’s awful to just brush off as a mistake they need to know.

Dobby123456 · 03/04/2023 14:06

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:49

You only get an email if your child is getting an award. The email even said: you are invited as your son (ds name) will be receiving an award.

I wish I'd said more at the time and let them know how worked up about it he was the night before and how I now owe an hour at work.

Why did you need to say more at the time? A message up like this requires a letter to the school explaining the impact on your son. I couldn't imagine anything more humiliating and embarassing (not to mention dusappointing) for a child than turning up to an awards ceremony they weren't supposed to be at. The fact that 24 hours or a week has passed doesn't mean this is over.

Dobby123456 · 03/04/2023 14:19

NotQuiteHere · 02/04/2023 17:28

leaving aside the mix-up and the teacher's indifference, how did your son know he was getting an award? It probably were you who told him and made a big deal out of it. It is only important to him if he is aware that it is very important to you.

There's always one isn't there! Children don't need their parents to tell them to get excited about awards. They get excited all on their own!

StillWantingADog · 03/04/2023 14:29

If the email specifically stated he’d
be getting an award I’d be bloody furious and absolutely taking it up with the HT

I get wound up though when my kids don’t get a 100% attendance certificate when they caught covid or a tummy bug
at school. Sometimes I think all certificates etc should just be banned causes too much aggro and rarely fair.

firealarmmum · 03/04/2023 14:31

soddingspiderseason · 01/04/2023 23:13

This is absolutely bloody awful. The Head needs to redress this urgently and make sure your son is apologised to personally that they 'forgot to read his name out' and given his award at the next assembly, with you invited. This is their mistake and they need to fix it and redress the damage done to your son's confidence.

This in spades!!!!!

LookItsMeAgain · 03/04/2023 14:50

Can I ask, when the teacher/head teacher saw you attending the assembly, did they not think it strange when there was no award for your DS? I mean you'd hardly show up to a school assembly to see your son not winning an award?
They should have realised this before it got too late and sorted out another prize for your DS.

I would be raising merry hell about this and I'd also say to them that based on the experience, particularly where male mental health at all ages is so vitally important, having 'awards' ceremonies in schools, unless it is at senior level where national exams are being awarded (highest points/most A Levels/Best GCSE results, that kind of thing) if awards are being given out, to not give an award to one pupil out of however many could be seen as segregation and bullying and you're going to go to the Board of Management about it. It's awards for everyone in the school for their contribution to the school or NO awards at all!

Antiquiteas · 03/04/2023 15:04

That is so shit of the school. Your poor son. That’s made me feel really sad.

Cherryblossomtreesforever · 03/04/2023 15:10

Don't let them forget about it just because the school has finished for Easter.
Make sure you follow it up at the start of term!
They will probably hope you will forget about it over the holidays, but don't let it go until you receive an apology.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 03/04/2023 15:13

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:49

You only get an email if your child is getting an award. The email even said: you are invited as your son (ds name) will be receiving an award.

I wish I'd said more at the time and let them know how worked up about it he was the night before and how I now owe an hour at work.

I’d tell the school exactly this.
Someone has messed up here, leaving a child upset and disappointed and what are they going to do to rectify it.

SparkyBlue · 03/04/2023 15:42

SemperIdem · 02/04/2023 19:50

To be clear - I don’t think anyone, regardless of age, would be able to just shrug that off.

I absolutely agree with this. Like most people on here I'd be able to shrug off a lot of stuff but this is awful. The poor child. It must have really knocked his self esteem. I wouldn't let it go OP as it was actually cruel.

TrashyPanda · 03/04/2023 16:52

So sad for your wee boy

Rubyupbeat · 03/04/2023 17:16

You really need to speak to his teacher, if no joy, then the head. This verges on cruelty.

WhoNeedsToSleepAnyway · 03/04/2023 17:46

My heart is hurting for him. Poor little one. Definitely 💯% an email to the school and a phone call. Not on at all.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 03/04/2023 17:54

I'd be making sure they gave him a special mention in the next assembly after Easter and and presented him with an award. Poor Chap 😥

PalominoUK · 03/04/2023 18:18

I'd have treated it as an opportunity to live in the moment. You can't always predict what might get in the way of plans and I totally understand how your child managed to get himself so worked up, but we need to learn that nothing is guaranteed, and this is a lesson learning opportunity.

Madamum18 · 03/04/2023 18:28

Speak to the HT. They need to change their systems. And ask what they are going to do abut your devastated little child who was so excited and who is very conscious that they have never been given an award.

Drfosters · 03/04/2023 18:46

I actually hate these awards they give out. At first I thought how lovely and then realised that they were just giving them out for really spurious reasons and not something the children had actually achieved. Eg for ‘being a good friend’ rather than ‘learnt all their times tables perfectly before anyone else’. My daughter for one in reception and then never got one again. My son got one maybe in year5. Some children got about 5 a year! The teachers part way through the school asked the children to put their hand up if they hadn’t had one in a while as they kept no records! It all was a bit daft and I realised because my kids were causing no trouble and working super hard the school didn’t want to waste an award on them as they were using them as motivational tools for the other children who needed a boost. This then made my children get the hump as they were wondering why the teachers hated them so much! All became a bit bit silly. However, If my child thought they were getting one and didn’t I would have definitely had a word with the head but luckily our head teacher was lovely and would have sorted it asap.

wtfishappening1 · 03/04/2023 18:47

leccybill · 03/04/2023 13:47

The biggest thing I've learnt as a teacher is that the things that seem little and inconsequential to us adults are big and important to children. Never forget this.

This. It's actually bloody awful and I would be livid. I probably would have done the same as you in the moment, but my goodness would they be hearing about it, a LOT.

Rainbow21 · 03/04/2023 18:55

So sorry that your son experienced this. My son has been the child who should have been invited to two different award ceremonies but the invite was sent to another child with the same first name but completely different surname....There is great secrecy around these types of ceremony at our school so we didn't know he was due an award till teachers asked where he'd been the next day as if it had been his fault. I emailed thd headteacher directly stating how disappointed and angry I was that it had happened twice to a child who lacked confidence. He got an apology and his certificates. It never happened again but obviously that poor other child and his family are probably wondering why he didn't get an award both those nights....

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 03/04/2023 18:56

Oh my goodness that's so devastating for you both 💔 I would definitely speak to the school and explain how much of an impact this mistake has had. It's heartbreaking when this type of thing happens. When my son was 5 he just missed out on a medal at sports day, he was looking to his left as he crossed the finish line and saw only one other person ahead of him, but didn't see the person to his right who took the silver! I was watching him hover around the teacher waiting for his medal, and remember his face when he didn't get one. It was nobody's fault but I was so upset for him, so I understand how you feel!

H007 · 03/04/2023 19:11

I would use the situation to teach my child about resilience, then I’d also email the teacher and let them know how cruel it was to make out DC had an award and then didn’t, regardless of whether it was a mistake or not.

AllyArty · 03/04/2023 19:13

That’s v bad. Your poor ds. Write to the head outlining what happened and request a meeting. And leave them in no doubt as to how this has upset yr ds.

Exl · 03/04/2023 19:19

That’s awful. I would write to the Head complaining about their process and explaining that as the school humiliated your son in this way neither he nor you will be attending any award ceremonies in future. I’d also buy him some kind of big treat.

I boycott our award ceremonies. They’re evening events, for which the children rehearse in the day, then are told they must go in the evening. Huge waste of time.

The school write to all parents several times in the run up making clear that attendance is compulsory for all children. Fuck off I say. What gives school the right to say what my DC do with their evening (the event finishes way past their bedtime)!

I don’t understand why teachers choose to celebrate a few children and make the rest feel humiliated, demotivated and sad. I can only assume that the schools that do this have deeply stupid staff 🤷‍♀️

Weirdly, the boy who won the big maths award last year is shit at maths, but his mum does all his homework for him and gives a lot of money to the school… 👀

AliceMcK · 03/04/2023 19:19

OhOGee · 02/04/2023 17:34

It's become a bit of a thing to ds as he's aware he's one of the last few (if not last) to get an end of term award. It's a small school so you would have thought all the children would get a chance by now.

Also, I had to tell him he was getting the award as he doesn't like surprises so I wanted him to be prepared to have to stand up and be in the spotlight for a moment. It really is that much of a thing for him.

Show quote history

First, you should absolutely be going mad at the school. I would be saying not only was your son excited, disappointed and upset but you had to take time off work. I’d be complaining about the teachers dismissal of the situation and wanting to know exactly what my child needed to do to get an award.

Second, NEVER EVER TELL HIM AGAIN! I never tell mine. Our school do weekly awards so they definitely get through the whole class throughout the year. Parents are invited for the main head teacher awards but the school also do internal school awards, 2 children chosen from each class each week for living the school values, star readers and anything else the schools promoting. So every child will eventually be picked for at least a couple of awards a year.

The assembly is open to all parents so sometime I may just go for no reason and tell my DCs I just feel like it. One won an award last week, I told them I was going as I knew 2 would be going on the birthday chair, they had no idea I knew one of the was getting the head teachers award. The school never say the child’s name, just “your child” so with 3 in the school I never know which child has won anyway.

Is there another child in your DSs class with the same name? It happened in my DDs class, 2 Lilly’s, one Lilly’s mum got a message but it was the other Lilly that won the award.

FawnFrenchieMum · 03/04/2023 19:31

AliceMcK · 03/04/2023 19:19

First, you should absolutely be going mad at the school. I would be saying not only was your son excited, disappointed and upset but you had to take time off work. I’d be complaining about the teachers dismissal of the situation and wanting to know exactly what my child needed to do to get an award.

Second, NEVER EVER TELL HIM AGAIN! I never tell mine. Our school do weekly awards so they definitely get through the whole class throughout the year. Parents are invited for the main head teacher awards but the school also do internal school awards, 2 children chosen from each class each week for living the school values, star readers and anything else the schools promoting. So every child will eventually be picked for at least a couple of awards a year.

The assembly is open to all parents so sometime I may just go for no reason and tell my DCs I just feel like it. One won an award last week, I told them I was going as I knew 2 would be going on the birthday chair, they had no idea I knew one of the was getting the head teachers award. The school never say the child’s name, just “your child” so with 3 in the school I never know which child has won anyway.

Is there another child in your DSs class with the same name? It happened in my DDs class, 2 Lilly’s, one Lilly’s mum got a message but it was the other Lilly that won the award.

Show quote history

In our school only the child getting awards have parents invited the the assembly’s and although they ask you not to tell your child, as soon as they clock you at the back of the room they know they are getting something.

@OhOGee id be furious! I would expect an apology to DS and an award at the next assembly (with you there).
I can’t believe when they saw you there, no one went and wrote an award for something!