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Original poster

What would you do? - Child disappointed

237 replies

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:36

At the end of each whole term at my ds school, they hold an awards assembly. Ds has never received one. He's in lower primary.

Last week I received an email inviting me to the award assembly. I was so happy for ds and ds was very excited. The night before he was feeling worried about standing in front of the school and had trouble sleeping. I reassured him it would be ok and he eventually got some sleep.

The day of the award he was so excited. A bit nervous still but looking forward to it.

I finished work early to attend and went to the school. I sat looking at ds feeling very proud. A few names were called out but no mention of my ds. I could see ds was becoming increasingly more anxious. The awards drew to a close and I felt so disappointed for ds as he wasn't mentioned at all. I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

I could have cried for ds. He looked so confused and emotional. I took him home and he cried in the car.

What would you have done in that situation? At the time I just needed to get ds out of the school as I could see he just wanted to get home. I feel like I should have said more.

OP posts:
pleasehelpwi3 · 02/04/2023 20:05

And yes, if I'd made the same mistake, I'd have certainly made an award up on the spot.

Furrydogmum · 02/04/2023 20:08

School mail merge is a pain in the arse! Whoever sent the email will have had a list of James S or whoever and clicked the wrong one - no excuse though and they should look at their awards system and make it fair!

winterchills · 02/04/2023 20:19

This is so sad!! Your poor child 🥺🥺 I would definitely be raising it at school when he goes back

2bazookas · 03/04/2023 11:29

I would go back to school head, be very icy, and suggest that since they have made a hideous mistake very hurtful to a pupil, they had better cover it up fast, and cobble together some story with a "late" presentation of an award that somehow had got left behind in the office. With crawling apologies to DS, at assembly.

Spudlet · 03/04/2023 11:39

Poor kid. I’d be really pissed off too, as much with the callous sounding response from the teacher as from the initial mixup. I’d certainly be laying it on very thick about the effect it had on DS - the nerves and anticipation, and the upset afterwards too. In the meantime, I’d be finding lots of things to praise DS about to try to rebuild his confidence, and telling him how proud I was of him for being so brave and trying so hard.

The school definitely need to be made aware of the effect their cockup has had on a young child, and they should be a. Mortified and b. Making things right for him. He needs his confidence to be built
up, especially if for whatever reason he finds school a challenge.

OllytheCollie · 03/04/2023 11:41

Oh your poor DS. Definitely not ok. There's no point making a fanfare of these things and getting parents along if they can't get the admin right and whilst it might seem small for children school is their world. Imagine if Buckingham Palace randomly invited the wrong person to a ceremony to get an OBE and then just said oops when they got there!

When our DC were small and certificates mattered we started giving them at home - template in Word, five mins and you can give them for best hugs, kindest smile, stinkiest farts etc. One of mine was unbeaten town burping champion for years. She was only competing against herself but her burps were epic. She is dyspraxic and struggled with the sporty stuff her sister enjoyed but has always been a clown so getting certificates for all the things she did which made us laugh helped her keep things in perspective.

PeskyPenguin · 03/04/2023 11:47

24KaratCucumber · 01/04/2023 22:40

I'd be going berserk at the teachers there and then. Mix up with the emails be damned.

I'd then be taking child to eat as much pizza McDonalds ice cream candy floss or sweets as they could handle. I'd probably get them a new toy or two too. I'd probably even buy them a shiny trophy of their own just for being awesome.

This is exactly how I would have handled it too.

Geordiebabe85 · 03/04/2023 11:50

Im a teacher and this has happened to me. If I've seen a parent there I'm not expecting to see then I go and do another award for that child so the child will never know about the error.

BlueBunting · 03/04/2023 12:12

That’s fucking awful. I would email the head teacher copying in the email you received and ask how they let this happen and what they were going to do to mitigate this? I would expect them to make up an award and award it and apologise. Ask them to explain to your child what happened and why

Farcis · 03/04/2023 12:14

That is so unkind. My youngest would be devastated by something like that. I know someone from the ‘not everyone can be a winner’ brigade will be along in a minute but honestly schools put so much value in these bloody things, and they are so exclusionary. There must be SOMETHING each child is good at that can be noted so I hope he gets recognised very soon.

we have to own our mistakes as much as our successes, I actually think whoever sent that email should say sorry to your son, and own their mistake.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/04/2023 12:22

I’d be livid and would certainly complain. TBH if teachers don’t understand how upsetting this sort of thing can be for young children, then IMO they shouldn’t be primary teachers.

TurnLeftAtTheBakery · 03/04/2023 12:40

That's such a terrible mistake. I think the teacher might have just been caught out and been a bit distracted when you confronted her and so I'd definitely try contacting the school again. It's really not on. Some adults can be completely blind to how things like this affect children. I remember some things like this happening at my school. It shouldn't happen.

Sunshine275 · 03/04/2023 12:45

I would email the email explaining the effect this had on your son, more to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

My daughter always puts so much thought and effort into competitions and things th school does, she rarely wins anything. I didn’t want her to stop trying to I have enforced ‘look at the fun we’ve had doing it’

However I can’t help myself but make her something like a pretend medal or certificate telling her how amazing she is and a little treat.

Shes learnt to then always try, expect she won’t always win, but she loves that Mummy is always proud of her.

IndysMamaRex · 03/04/2023 12:47

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:49

You only get an email if your child is getting an award. The email even said: you are invited as your son (ds name) will be receiving an award.

I wish I'd said more at the time and let them know how worked up about it he was the night before and how I now owe an hour at work.

OP I feel heartbroken for your kid & you.

Thats so bad, got their hopes up & dashed them. I’d send a a calm but clear email to the headteacher & explain that this “mix up” has caused a lot of upset. You want an apology for your child & assurance that this kind of thing won’t happen again. They need to understand the impact a f**k up like this can have.

I’d be so angry if it was my child. They must have been so excited then to have it shattered😢

FullBloom · 03/04/2023 12:47

I would hit the roof.

24KaratCucumber · 03/04/2023 13:00

Geordiebabe85 · 03/04/2023 11:50

Im a teacher and this has happened to me. If I've seen a parent there I'm not expecting to see then I go and do another award for that child so the child will never know about the error.

You're a good teacher.
This would be the best way to handle it. 👍

HumourReplacementTherapy · 03/04/2023 13:05

Oh god I'd have gone ballistic! That is so cruel, your poor DS and poor you too I bet you're gutted got him.

I do hope you manage to get it resolved somehow.

HoppingPavlova · 03/04/2023 13:08

I’d be fuming as that’s terrible for your son. However, when mine were in primary the notification that your child was getting an award was always accompanied by ‘do not tell your child, award winners are to be kept confidential until the presentation/assembly’, so I guess if there was ever a mix up, the up side is that the kid would be none the wiser. That’s probably why they write that tbh.

Peregrina · 03/04/2023 13:26

I am 72 now and still remember my form teacher from when I was a four year old who wrote Christmas cards for all her class bar me - because I was a quiet little girl, I no doubt got overlooked.

TurnLeftAtTheBakery · 03/04/2023 13:31

Peregrina · 03/04/2023 13:26

I am 72 now and still remember my form teacher from when I was a four year old who wrote Christmas cards for all her class bar me - because I was a quiet little girl, I no doubt got overlooked.

Aww, I'm sorry! 💐

thirdfiddle · 03/04/2023 13:33

Reminds me of the time when DD's teacher in y2 forgot that they were supposed to be pretending the awards were for merit, and asked the kids who hadn't had whatever award/sticker thing it was yet to stand up 'so we can get a good look at you'. Poor DD came out in tears thinking she was being made an example of. Of course what the teacher intended was so that the teacher and TAs could keep an eye out for things to reward them for. Talk about tone deaf though.

mswales · 03/04/2023 13:34

This is absolutely horrific and I would be asking for a sit down meeting with the headteacher so I could explain in person the impact of this fuck-up. They need to be held accountable. This is the kind of thing a kid will remember into adulthood. So so awful.

Raindropsonuebells · 03/04/2023 13:47

I would copy their email back to them explaining exactly how upset he was and ask them to ensure he gets recognised for something next term - your poor DS .. mistakes do happen but at Primary level they absolutely can make him an award next term .

leccybill · 03/04/2023 13:47

The biggest thing I've learnt as a teacher is that the things that seem little and inconsequential to us adults are big and important to children. Never forget this.

DangerousAlchemy · 03/04/2023 13:48

xyzandabc · 01/04/2023 22:55

Playing devil's advocate here. Did the email actually say he was getting an award? Or was it just inviting you to the assembly, as it says in the OP?
Where did he/you get the idea from that he was getting an award? Who told him he was getting one?

If the school or teacher actually told you or him that he was getting an award, and then he didn't, that terrible and definitely worth having a chat after with them after the holidays about what happened and how devastated Ds was.

If you assumed he was getting an award, because you were invited to the assembly, then that's more if a misunderstanding/miscommunication. Perhaps a bit of a strange way of doing things on the schools part but if that's the way they've always done it, they probably won't see the problem.

@xyzandabc OP clearly said the email specifically said her child was getting an award. Maybe try reading all the Op's replies?