Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Realities of life without a car?

254 replies

FeetOnly · 29/03/2023 20:13

DH wants to give up the car. We live in a small village with a small supermarket with post office counter. Bus runs twice an hour (not every 30 mins) except at 10 and 3 when it's once an hour.

Currently I use the car twice a week - shopping and DC activity delivery when DH wfh. DC would still be late for activity if the bus is on time and the connection connects. Once a week for a club taxi.
We use the car at weekends to go on day trips. To go stand up paddling etc. Also to go on holiday.

DH reckons we can do all this by bus/train. [I personally don't see how we can transport e.g. four paddle boards, pumps, picnic etc.] Occasionally rent a car if need be.

He asked me today what plans I would have for the shopping. I said a weekly online shop. He does not want me to do this, says we will waste too much food and it's better to go every couple of days. On the scooter he is planning to use to go to work unless the weather is too bad for him to take it Hmm So he's clearly expecting me to go into town and do the shopping by bus/shopping trolley. Now he's annoyed with me for not being on board with saving the environment and says we should keep the car. Of course that means if anything goes wrong with it and any repairs need doing it will be my fault for not selling it.

-I will admit I did all shopping by bus before Covid and him being allowed to wfh.
-I did all DC activities by bus.
-He moaned constantly about the bus/train commute the first year he was working and didn't yet have a parking space.
-He freaked out about Covid and made me cancel all the DC's activities even once everything was up and running again and I wasn't allowed to take the DC's on the bus until about a year ago. He still won't go e.g. to a cinema or swimming pool or let me take them there.

What is life like without a car?

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 29/03/2023 20:16

In a small village, not much fun I imagine. You need yo
live in a city to be car free.
just tell him no

PuttingDownRoots · 29/03/2023 20:16

I think it works fine in big cities with reliable public transport and something like a car club.

But can be limiting if there's places you want to go that can't be accessed by public transport.

Poppyblush · 29/03/2023 20:16

Living semi rural with kids? Life with no car by choice would be stupid. Your dh is being a Pratt.

PuttingDownRoots · 29/03/2023 20:19

Maybe practice life without a car first. So do as he suggests... (including going on a trip with your paddleboards and him doing food shopping by bus)

AluckyEllie · 29/03/2023 20:19

He’s trying to shrink your world even further by taking away the freedom a car gives. Still not going to the cinema or swimming pool?! You weren’t ‘allowed?’ Keep the car, ditch the man.

PacificallyRequested · 29/03/2023 20:19

I manage fine but I live in a city. I don't think you'd be able to easily live rurally without a car, especially with kids.

BarbaraofSeville · 29/03/2023 20:21

If it's for environmental reasons, it sounds like you hardly use the car anyway, so it's not like you're solely responsible for pollution or traffic.

Plus there's the fact that it sounds like he's expecting you to put up with all the inconveniences that relying on public transport will bring.

Like many a thread on here, it sounds like this is about far more than the car. You say he 'wouldn't let you' do various things for quite spurious reasons, that led to more inconvenience and DC missing out on activities. What would happen if you ignored him and just did it anyway?

Original poster
FeetOnly · 29/03/2023 20:24

@PuttingDownRoots his argument is that he occasionally does the shopping with the scooter. This is true. However, when he shops he will literally only buy exactly what we need for the weekend meals. He doesn't ever buy detergent, soap, toilet paper, pasta etc - the kind of stuff I buy when it's on offer.

I did ask why he's still taking the car to work... (apparently it's bad for the engine to only do short trips like I do).

OP posts:
Original poster
FeetOnly · 29/03/2023 20:27

What would happen if you ignored him and just did it anyway?
It would be fine until it wasn't fine. E.g. if one of the DC got ill then it's all my fault kind of thing. Like it will be with the car. If I say no, we need to keep it anything that goes wrong with it will clearly be my fault!

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 29/03/2023 20:43

How can you stand him? Keep the car, dump the husband.

Shaggy2Dope · 29/03/2023 20:44

I'm 40 and DH and I have never driven.

Poppyblush · 29/03/2023 20:44

So your dh is a selfish knob?

Mumof1andacat · 29/03/2023 20:47

In a city maybe but not in a semi rural setting

BogRollBOGOF · 29/03/2023 22:05

He sounds insufferably miserable and at best selfish/ inconsiderate, or potentially controlling.

Don't give up the car, it will significantly restrict your options when the only transport is a sporadic bus. Going to the shops for food every day or two would be a big drain on time and cut out opportunities to do other things which will probably suit the boring bastard very nicely

Does he actually bring any joy to your life?

kweeble · 30/03/2023 03:58

He is selfish and controlling- I would also keep the car but look to leave him unless you are given your freedom to choose what you do for yourself.

transformandriseup · 30/03/2023 04:09

We manage with one car living rurally but no car wouldn't work.

MichelleScarn · 30/03/2023 04:13

Can you ride the scooter too, or will it just ve him that has that means of transport/freedom?

BitOutOfPractice · 30/03/2023 04:19

So he already limits and controls what you and the kids are allowed to do. And now he wants to limit you further. At massive inconvenience to everyone except himself.

fuck that!

Joterrin · 30/03/2023 04:28

I live very rurally, was without a car for 6 months with kids & it was hell.
The bus service is every 2 hours however they’ve been hit with driver sickness & a broken bus so it’s been cancelled a lot.
Train strikes & driver sickness again meant I’ve been late for work/had to swap shifts etc.
Day trips without transport was out basically.

Shopping was not great.

Honestly don’t do it. Taking kids to doctors was an absolute nightmare, you need a car more than you realise.

JacobsCrackersCheeseFogg · 30/03/2023 04:28

I come from a rural area. I live in London. If I stayed living in my rural area I would have had to get a car & learn to drive, no question. The rural bus service to the village where my parents live (and where I grew up) is being disbanded this summer, cutting off many older people and those who can't afford a car. Rural bus services are always looked on profit-wise now, and if the route isn't making money, the contractor gets rid. So I say having a car is essential.

I've lived in London all my adult life and it's incredibly easy to live without a car. But even I would like to get my licence sometimes so I can go on holiday to more places. I also dispute your husband's assertion about the shopping. Done carefully, with planned meals in advance, you can do it online without waste.

Don't give up the car.

Theladyinred · 30/03/2023 04:31

It will cost you as much a month if not more in public transport costs than the car costs surely ? Public transport is not cheap and factor in it would be you AND the kids , it would all add up even if paying monthly bus passes then add taxi costs If the bus doesn't turn up.
You dont realise how stressful it can be relying on public transport until you have no choice.
The buses will probably finish quite early aswell so you become pretty isolated by a certain time at night and the kids too.

I don't have a car and rely on public transport and I don't think it's the best idea.

Merrow · 30/03/2023 04:37

Why is the scooter not an environmental concern? Is it electric? I mean, really he should be cycling.

We were car free in London which was sensible, and are now car free in a big city and it's surprisingly annoying as the public transport isn't the standard I'm used to! A sporadic bus sounds very very limiting, and I can't see how it fits in with a lifestyle that features paddle boards. And I love it when we have friends who visit with a car as it means we can go on day trips out to places that are really not accessible for us, and I think that would be really difficult to give up if we were already a car owning family.

On a more serious note DS2 is almost certainly only alive because we live round the corner from family who do own a car and could rush us to hospital. Especially with how things are at the moment I don't think an ambulance would have arrived in time, and a taxi might have but only because we are in a city. I can't drive for medical reasons but DP is now learning. Obviously quite an extreme situation but it really shocked me how wrong things could have gone and it made me feel actually really vulnerable not to be able to drive.

emptythelitterbox · 30/03/2023 04:40

He seems odd with odd ideas. Don't give up your car.

Typicalof · 30/03/2023 04:45

I sold my car last year. However, I live in London in area with great public transport.

Can you do a month with the car there, but not use it? So he could see how inconvenient it would be. I proved it to my dh by not using the car for 6 months. I did turn it on and drove it, to keep it functioning every now and then. But not to anywhere to save time, just to keep it alive.
Yes, I miss the convenience of having a car. But I'm more happier this way, not having to think about parking.

Eviebeans · 30/03/2023 04:46

I lived in London until I was 50 without learning to drive or having a car. I then moved out of London and couldn’t manage without a car. I’d learnt to drive within the first year of living here.
Public transport here is useless for practical purposes like getting anywhere on time, great for sightseeing as it drives through all the villages lol. Not to mention that it is infrequent and madly expensive.
it sounds like your husband may be suffering with some type of health/social anxiety left over from covid/lockdown. Don’t let yourself be trapped at home. If he wants to limit his life in that way that’s his choice.
Keep the car - remind him that he doesn’t need to use it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread