Realities of life without a car?

[FeetOnly]

DH wants to give up the car. We live in a small village with a small supermarket with post office counter. Bus runs twice an hour (not every 30 mins) except at 10 and 3 when it's once an hour.

Currently I use the car twice a week - shopping and DC activity delivery when DH wfh. DC would still be late for activity if the bus is on time and the connection connects. Once a week for a club taxi.
We use the car at weekends to go on day trips. To go stand up paddling etc. Also to go on holiday.

DH reckons we can do all this by bus/train. [I personally don't see how we can transport e.g. four paddle boards, pumps, picnic etc.] Occasionally rent a car if need be.

He asked me today what plans I would have for the shopping. I said a weekly online shop. He does not want me to do this, says we will waste too much food and it's better to go every couple of days. On the scooter he is planning to use to go to work unless the weather is too bad for him to take it So he's clearly expecting me to go into town and do the shopping by bus/shopping trolley. Now he's annoyed with me for not being on board with saving the environment and says we should keep the car. Of course that means if anything goes wrong with it and any repairs need doing it will be my fault for not selling it.

-I will admit I did all shopping by bus before Covid and him being allowed to wfh.
-I did all DC activities by bus.
-He moaned constantly about the bus/train commute the first year he was working and didn't yet have a parking space.
-He freaked out about Covid and made me cancel all the DC's activities even once everything was up and running again and I wasn't allowed to take the DC's on the bus until about a year ago. He still won't go e.g. to a cinema or swimming pool or let me take them there.

What is life like without a car?

I wouldn't like this. It's your husband pressurising you.

Shopping on a scooter is not the same as taking a bus!
He is very controlling- why does he get to dictate what and how you do things?
How will he get to work without a car when it's raining and he doesn't want to take his scooter?
It seems not having a car mostly affects you.

Sounds like you need a car.
Agree with him. Don't use the car for a month. See how it goes.

OP keep the car. I say this from the experience of my partner and I raising our kids without being able to drive. It is doable BUT it was a pain in the arse alot of the time, it also added alot of extra stress to travel. We live in a major city with very reliable public transport and private hire taxi firms and sometimes really struggled. Not only that but it isn't actually cheaper and can really restrict day trip and holiday destinations plus the amount of extra research you need to do due to lack of car. I would not EVER want to attempt to be car free if I lived in a small town or village. In fact I wouldn't even do it again in the city.

If you’ve never had a car, then you manage. In a village, with limited public transport, I think you need a car, even if you don’t use it for long journeys or very regularly. There could be an emergency that needs you to be somewhere quickly too, apart from the children missing out on activities.

Your world is shrinking and that’s not a good thing.

Another one OP who says your DH is selfish and controlling. Who does he think he is to unilaterally declare whether you use a car or public transport! Clearly he hasn’t always been anti-car, so what if his whim changed in 6 months when, inevitably, he’ll find living semi-rurally without a car will be a pain in the arse. Will you be expected to contribute to buying another car, despite not wanting to get rid in the first place? Do you really want to live your life catering to the whims of this man, who doesn’t treat you like an equal adult with a say in the discussion?

Not quite LTB, but I’d be having a frank conversation about being treated as an equal and with respect.

You might manage but in reality you manage by limiting what you do in life because there simply isn't time to do as much, because anything involving public transport takes so much longer.

If you do the activity/go to the cinema etc, it might take an hour or two more on the bus than in the car, so that's an hour or two that you can't spend doing something else, whether it's relaxing at home, sleeping, or doing things that need to be done at home like cooking, laundry etc.

I live in the suburbs of a large city with a bus service that is supposed to be every 15 minutes to the city centre. I don't think I've ever waited less than 20 minutes for the bus as there are frequent cancellations. It's also 10 minutes walk to the bus stop from my house. Last Saturday it took over an hour to walk to the bus stop, wait for the bus and to travel to the city. I only get the bus a few times a year, but this experience is typical. No way could anyone rely on a service like that to get to work or other appointments on time without allowing loads of extra time.

In the car it would have been a 15 minute drive to the outskirts where you can almost always park for free in the evenings and at weekends, or in the daytime I use the park and ride, which is more reliable as it has a dedicated bus and generally takes around 20-30 minutes.

So he gets to do what he wants on his little motorbike while the kids are stranded and have to walk/ be late on public transport/ give up on activities.

Nice.

DH reckons we can do all this by bus/train. [I personally don't see how we can transport e.g. four paddle boards, pumps, picnic etc.]

We? WE? He means you doesn't he? How nice of him to decide that WE can manage when WE will need to be the one dragging bags of shopping on buses, waiting for 30+ minutes at bus stops in the rain and cold with a bunch of kids.

I live in a village and if DH has the car then I stay in and we go shopping together (or I drive myself) when the car is available. Like fuck I'd give up a car in favour of struggling with crappy public transport.

We had no car for about five years with 2 and three year olds - it was doable. Grocery deliveries, bus (or cab) for local activities and a hire car for longer journeys.

But we live in a city with excellent public transport. Would not have done it if we'd lived a couple of miles out in the suburbs, let alone in a rural area.

I'd do a quick estimation of how much it'll cost but ultimately say no. E.g. hire car twice a year - at least £250 per hire. Cab every week for DD - £20. Grocery pass - £40.

Then get an electric car.

I'd like to be a fly on the bus windscreen when the OP and family try to get on a bus with 4 paddleboards and associated paraphenalia.

Adds a whole new dimension to the 'wheelchair vs pushchair, who gets thrown off the bus to wait in the rain' argument.

Does the bus go to the place you go paddleboarding anyway?

He sounds like a monumental bellend!

Who has told your husband that him not having a car will save the environment? Did he join a cult?

He sounds like a complete child.

I've never had a car but live in the city, we walk anywhere within an hour walking distance in the summer and use a few taxis in the winter. I use a taxi for my big shop, about a fiver, same as delivery fee, and do top up shops after the school run.

But we have regular buses and do much of our things locally.

What he's describing is self-flagellation. This planet cannot sustain exponential human habitation which is not going to stop and even if we all cut our emissions to zero tomorrow isn't the damage already done?

None of us are getting out of here alive. He needs to chill.

That would be a humungously big fat no from me. He can practice what he preaches by all means, but you need it to ferry the kids and their stuff around and the older they get, the more you'll need it.

And this is why the well intentioned posts suggesting trialing not using the car for a month aren’t the best idea imo - he’ll carry on virtually unaffected and then at the end he’ll be even worse about nagging to get rid of the car. Meanwhile the op will have been struggling along with the dc while his life is unaffected. He doesn’t sound like he has much empathy for his family or he wouldn’t be suggesting this, so those struggles are likely to leave him quite unmoved.

What kind of scooter? A moped or one of the currently illegal electric stand up ones?

Either way, he sounds like a nob.

Ditch him, keep the car

Good idea (I have a bike and do long distance/euro trips) but not v practical for lugging kids and paddleboards around, even with a GS or the like ...

You have a DH problem. I'd keep the car and get rid of him.

Signed,
A car-free family.

My first thoughts were about control, either deliberate or accidental ( he seems to be socially anxious due to covid ) but you appear to be ignoring these kind of replies OP ?

Maybe you should also get a job if you don't work so you are not totally reliant on him, you don't mention any commuting for yourself.

In a small village whose bus supply could be changed/cut off at any moment, I wouldn't not have a car.

I lived somewhere that had a bus every 2 hours and a train every hour. The train was better, but the stations in town weren't near anything useful. The bus went to more convenient places, but the first bus was too late to get me to work, and the last bus was before I finished work.

Why not do a test run for a while, without getting rid of the car. Say "let's try not using the car for a month and see how we get on". Keep a list of all the inconvenient times, or things that you were late for, or things that you couldn't do because you couldn't get there without the car.

His comment about online shopping is ridiculous though. We get an online shop once a week and yes, sometimes dates are a bit short, but I go through it all when I get it and plan out meals, etc, based around those dates. If a date is particularly short, there's not much that can't be frozen.

Don’t do it!

I’m 25 and I still can’t drive (im trying my best, but lessons are so expensive). Honestly, it limits you so much. You need rock solid patience to rely on public transport for all your needs. I’m knackered from walking everywhere too. I can walk 10+ miles every day just going about my daily activities, which albeit is good for my health, but I run out of energy for the tasks I have at home (eg cooking dinner, cleaning, etc). Not to mention, a simple 20 minute trip in the car can turn into an exhausting, complicated 1.5 hr journey by foot/ public transportation (it sounds exaggerated, but if you need to go somewhere without a direct pt route this is what it’s like). Then there’s the weather- the number of times I’ve arrived home soaked to the bone, freezing cold, envying people in their heated cars is beyond. From experience, there’s no way I’d give up a car if I had one.

It would be just about manageable if you lived and worked in a city and dcs were adults. No way would I give up a car with young dcs.

I always lived rurally as a teen with no access to a car and it limited life hugely. I lived semi urban in my 20s, again with no car. Buses were late, I was getting drowned when going to work, had to bring a spare outfit and shoes in a plastic bag. Otherwise sitting at work in wet clothes for the day. I always had coughs and colds due ti getting caught in rain. The umbrellas and coats are not great in a downpour, when you have to walk 10 mins to get a connecting bus.

I would leave dh completely if he even suggested we do with one car. We have 2. I have asthma and walking/bussing in frosty mornings would mean I arrive at work wheezing, trying to work and take phone calls.

As other posters said, it is only manageable if you only go to work and school, and do no activities, social events or beaches.