Realities of life without a car?

[FeetOnly]

DH wants to give up the car. We live in a small village with a small supermarket with post office counter. Bus runs twice an hour (not every 30 mins) except at 10 and 3 when it's once an hour.

Currently I use the car twice a week - shopping and DC activity delivery when DH wfh. DC would still be late for activity if the bus is on time and the connection connects. Once a week for a club taxi.
We use the car at weekends to go on day trips. To go stand up paddling etc. Also to go on holiday.

DH reckons we can do all this by bus/train. [I personally don't see how we can transport e.g. four paddle boards, pumps, picnic etc.] Occasionally rent a car if need be.

He asked me today what plans I would have for the shopping. I said a weekly online shop. He does not want me to do this, says we will waste too much food and it's better to go every couple of days. On the scooter he is planning to use to go to work unless the weather is too bad for him to take it So he's clearly expecting me to go into town and do the shopping by bus/shopping trolley. Now he's annoyed with me for not being on board with saving the environment and says we should keep the car. Of course that means if anything goes wrong with it and any repairs need doing it will be my fault for not selling it.

-I will admit I did all shopping by bus before Covid and him being allowed to wfh.
-I did all DC activities by bus.
-He moaned constantly about the bus/train commute the first year he was working and didn't yet have a parking space.
-He freaked out about Covid and made me cancel all the DC's activities even once everything was up and running again and I wasn't allowed to take the DC's on the bus until about a year ago. He still won't go e.g. to a cinema or swimming pool or let me take them there.

What is life like without a car?

Secondary school is in the next town (where one of DD's activities is). Bus is about 2 mins plus 5 min walk. Walking 25 mins, bike (safer route) 15-20.

From 8pm -11pm there's only one bus an hour.

Until he's the one at home doing the majority of the house and childcare, he's not in charge.
The car is the least of your worries.

Things to consider - how far are schools? Including secondary schools if your child is younger? Is the bus route to them in an emergency? How far is doctors- is it on the bus route? Will you end up paying higher food prices shopping at small shops more often?

I'd absolutely be using Internet shopping delivery services for groceries. I do anyway living rurally with a car.

We lived without a car before moving here which is rural with an hourly bus service. We got a car because of distance to schools, doctors, shops being 3miles with small children into the village. We couldn't get jobs easily because of the last bus end times. Lots of places needed connecting buses usually with an hour wait for each connection as nothing seems to join up.

When we didn't have a car in the town it Limited our days out.

Tell him you’ll only give up the car if you move to a city with excellent, regular public transport links.- So buses/trams/tube every 10 minutes from 5am till gone midnight kind of thing.
And even then, you can’t do stand up paddle boarding on public transport easily at all.

Your dh doesn't sound very nice. He sounds selfish and stubborn with and seems to see things from his point of view only.
Don't make life more difficult for yourself. Everything will become difficult. Even your days out will be hard slog getting everyone back home on various public transport with tired kids.

Sorry but your hubby don't half sound controlling. Can't go cinema,doesn't want online shop etc wtf you being a door mat for. If my hubby was like that to me and kids I would go mad. Its almost like yours wants you in a bubble

Is this a private electric scooter? They are illegal. What is he going to do if the police catch him and take it off him?

I'm temporarily without one but live in Towncentre near a train and bus station. I hate it! I'm literally counting down the days until I can buy a new car. I had feeling trapped and very much looking towards having a little freedom.

what is the local taxi service like? You may find it cheaper to lose the car and use taxis occasionally, along side buses. You also lose all parking problems.

Cars are terrible for the environment but not just because of pollution, but also for the parking spaces required, especially when you take your car into town, or concrete over gardens...

I would suggest taking your car off the road for 3 months as a trial

And do online shopping

Your husband sounds like an idiot. Living in a rural community without a car would be very difficult. You’d end up relying on your neighbours for lifts in an emergency, or paying through the nose for taxis etc. Limited on the activities you could do (paddle boarding on a bus?! How popular are you all going to be, bringing all your wet kit home afterwards…). Limited on where you can shop etc. Honestly, unless there’s a humungous drip feed on the way (and it doesn’t seem like there will be tbh?) I can’t understand what’s made him think this is a viable plan. He sounds very self-centred.

If he doesn't 'let' you take the children to the cinema or swimming how would he respond if you decided you didn't 'let' him do things? He sounds awful. He shouldn't be telling you what to do.

We live semi rurally and it would be very difficult to live here without a car. The public transport system is so unreliable that is not a feasible option. Taxis would work out costing a lot, as even short journeys here seem expensive. I think doing your daily life with two children and the activities you currently do would be extremely difficult without a car and good luck with the paddle boards on a bus!!

He sounds awful, is he seriously happy to have your 11 year old daughter waiting around for public transport at night?
He needs a massive wake up call.

@Flossflower One of these

I'm kind of hoping he would realise we need one after a couple of months. But then he'd already have given up his parking space and probably refuse to admit he was wrong. I think winter/bad weather would be an issue.Although summer too. There's no way Dd could carry a paddle board for example, and I'm not sure I would manage the board and picnic/water etc. He's said he would be able to carry two but it's just going to make the day miserable form the start!

First thing I'd have said is sure if you swap your scooter and get ebike or a bike.

If he wants to be environmentally friendly should have no vehicles

I don't have a car and it works totally fine. But then again I live 2 blocks away from the city center (200 000 people). 5 min walk from 3 grocery stores. Gym and football within 10min. Work from home and the office is 20min walk. And good public transportation that works 18h a day during week and 24h a day on the weekends. And great cycling routes so no need to take bus in cycling weather.

In your situation? Hell no! And his comments about delivery being a waste? Fuck that.

He sounds utterly joyless.

I live in suburban London and when I didn't have a car I found everything a massive struggle. For example, DC football training finishes at 8pm...takes me ten minutes to drive him back home... would take 45 minutes by bus door to door. A trip to the supermarket would end up taking two hours rather than half a hour. It was a huge pain. God knows how much more horrendous it would be in a rural area. Just no. You need a car. I don't think giving up your one shopping trip and one journey to take your DC to a club is going to save this planet. He is being ridiculous

And your question is what is life like without a CAR?! How about, how much better would life be without HIM?

He didn’t allow you to take the kids out? So what, he kept you hostage? Get some self esteem and get out. You’re going to ruin your children’s lives.

We don’t have a car but we live in a big city.
I grew up in a large village. There’s no way we could have managed without a car.

I've never been so glad of having a car than when DH was diagnosed with cancer and needed 5 weeks of daily treatment in a specialist hospital over 30 miles away. The only reason public transport wouldn't have bankrupted us is that he just wouldn't have been able to do it once the side effects kicked in. Hopefully nothing like this will happen to you or your family but it's the reason I will never not have a car.

Buy an electric car, not perfect but at least the fuel source can be decarbonised. Save it for special occasions. And definitely do get your weekly food shop delivered - it only creates waste if you're in the habit of forgetting what's in the fridge.

I'd tell him that the plan will need to wait for a few years.

At the minute the DCs are at peak ages for needing lifts for activities and mates, but a little too young to leave them to it. Once they are at an age to be confident about getting around say 15-16, then it becomes a bit more realistic.

He also sounds very controlling, dictating how you would choose to do the food shopping is not normal. It also seems as if these plans will impact you and the DCs a lot more than him.

I don't drive. I live on the edge of the city centre. I live here because of the transport links - can walk into town in 10 minutes, train station in 25 minutes, GP 10 minutes away and groceries are 5 minutes away.

I couldn't imagine no car and living in a village like the OP.

If you genuinely want to see what it's like, just pretend you don't have a car for a month, see how that feels. It's not a true reflection as we're out ( hopefully) of the worst of winter, but see how it goes.

It's an admirable idea, but in your circumstances seems a bit unrealistic.

He sounds like a right twat. Obviously don’t get rid of the car. This would be a hill to die on for me. Why make your life more difficult than it needs to be? I’d be happy to assume all responsibility and control over the car and let him cycle/walk/use public transport for the “environment” 🙄.