How do I deal with DD’s expensive school snack situation?

[Springisintheair123]

DD attends a secondary school where they do not allow kids to bring in their own snack from home. Instead, they may purchase snacks from the school cafe. I’ve battled with school to change this policy as I can’t afford DD spending 3.50-5 a day. I have said to her there is a £1 limit a day and she must have breakfast in the morning (she doesn’t eat much and so is hungry by break time at 10am). At the same time, she has no idea that 3.50-5/day is excessive for an 11 years old. I understand she’s hungry. School say they provide free fruit (sliced). This is a private school BTW.

Any ideas how to deal with this?

I would bung a nut free cereal bar in her bag and she can eat it if she is really hungry. If they are allowed to buy snacks in school, she can easily avoid getting caught with it. The school are clearly trying to make more money out of you.

Tell the school that she has a £1 budget a day for snacks and they’ve not to let her spend more. Encourage her to eat a large breakfast. Put £5 at start of week and don’t top up. My son has some secret hidden snacks (sealed snack packs of biscuits) in his bag, really for journey home but sometimes if staving eats in playground secretly for same reason.

@GymNewbie

on what planet are baguettes and pizza classed as snacks?!

RIDICULOUS

@JudesBiggestFan

yeah op!

Best get re-mortgaging your house so your daughter can spend the best part of a fiver every day on top of her three meals a day and on top of private school fees!

Don’t be so stingy!!

It’s a learning curve. When my DD started secondary school and was able to buy daily meals and snacks we had a bit of a few weeks where we had to really drum it into her about acceptable spending. The parent what’s app was full of the same issues. Kids spending too much on snacks and meals. It’s a new thing, they do it, they do grow out of it and it becomes less on an issue. At my DD’s school you top up a school account and they use their finger print to buy. You can apparently set spending limits. The accounts can also go overdrawn as I don’t think they’d allow a child to not have a lunch. First few weeks she was trying all the snacks - which are almost like a small lunch. We’ve settled that she takes a home snack now. She buys lunch 4/5 days. I found the meal deal cheaper than her just getting a main course and drink - adding in a traybake brought price down weirdly for a meal deal. She got a bit obsessed with flavoured water and was getting these at break and lunch. I started to buy some cheaper ones for her to take in. She’s a few years older now and out of the flavoured water phase. She also buys breakfast 1-2 days a week when we all get up early as I leave for work but insist she’s out of bed so she tends to be ready early to leave. We now have an agreement that she has a certain spend limit and when it’s gone it’s gone - she can’t top
it up.

when I was a kid my mum gave me lunch money and bus money. My sister sometimes walked home so she could spend her lunch money on sweets.

11 year olds being given free rein to spend money is always going to start with overspending. I’m dreading my younger DD starting high school as she’s a nightmare with pocket money and spends it all. Eldest’s actually saves hers and buys something more expensive every now and then but not always. But she went through the 11 year old phase.

Definitely put the limit on. Definitely speak to the school about not giving her credit - sets a really bad precedent for her future spending habits. Definitely tell her to eat the free fruit.

In many other European countries, kids take snacks in and it’s fine. I can’t believe that British schools have a much higher number of children with allergies, so why is this not a problem in other countries?

State schools in the UK allow children to take their own snacks. What OP and others describe is a quirk of private schools and is to maximise profits at the school canteen.

Because of the school food standards, state schools also cannot sell the chocolate, sweets, and energy drinks that some private schools apparently sell happily.

Not all teens want to eat breakfast, same as not all adults do, so I think posters saying she should eat more at breakfast are being a bit ridiculous. My DD feels sick if she eats too early in the morning, so totally get where your DD is coming from. The school should allow a snack for break time from home. I don’t understand why they don’t. Before anyone trots out allergies, as I said, this isn’t a “thing” like it is in the U.K. in most other European countries and we all survive. If a child in class has a serious but allergy or something, surely parents can be informed and steps can be taken to ensure their safety.

I thought that may be the case, but I saw quite a few post about allergies. Clearly state school kids, like European kids survive too, so the school needs to change their policy.

In my son's school a meal deal is £2.50 so spending £3 at snack seems excessive. That being said, when I was in high school (also private) I used up my daily lunch allowance (I think it was £1.10 back then) on two chocolate bars and a hot chocolate at snack time then bought my lunch with extra money which probably cost the same as snack 😂
As others have said I'd just top up her card each week with £5 and if she's spent it then tough, no snack for the rest of the week. If she then owes money then that comes out of her fiver the next week. She'll soon learn to manage it better. She's eating breakfast and lunch and there's fruit available so that's more than enough.

Agreed, but they won’t while it makes them so much money!

Just don't give her any money and tell her to eat the free fruit?

So it possibly could be all the things everyone is saying butttt if she was happy with fruit before could the issue possibly be that the provided cut up fruit is a bit gross? I’m honestly getting images of a watery plate of mushy fruit that everyone’s had their hands on 😂 I can’t even remember what it was we used to be provided as a desert alternative for lunch but I’m getting flashbacks of chunks of soggy fruit that had started to go a bit brown already (I’ll admit there may have been a bit of undiagnosed neurodivergence at work there) 😂but I’d completely understand if going from having your own whole fruit to something like that might be a bit off putting. And instead of say having a full apple does that mean she would only get part of an apple? Or orange etc?

The flavoured water thing is obviously excessive but maybe you could get her one of those squirty juice things she could keep in her pocket and squirt in her water? I’m sure the school will find something to moan about but since the teachers office will be filled with juices, coffee and tea I think it’s a bit hypocritical to expect kids to not bring their own things in.

I'm flummoxed by the "can not bring food from home" thing. Personally I'd ignore that. Do people in the UK not pack their kids lunch every morning? Tell the school it's a religious thing. They won't say boo. How bizarre.

Typically yes, but some private schools do provide lunch, included in the fees, and you cant bring a pack up. I don't mind a "no home food" rules as blanket but the difference is that my DC's school provides a mid morning and "stay late" snack as well as lunch. I would not be happy about some "allergy" excuse being used to basically force me to spend additional money on junk, when I'm banned from bringing an identical item from home.

Do talk to the school about the chef allowing IOUs.
Your daughter has a good breakfast, lunch, water and fruit as a snack.
That is enough for anyone.
Give your daughter 5 per week so she learns to budget.
When it's gone it's gone.
If the card needs more money, don't top it up.

Maybe you could also allow a larger spend for lunch at school once per month or term, as a treat.

Well I feel awful now 😆 my dd is not in a private school. Has breakfast , no snacks and none sold in school at breaks . Then lunch . She has a water bottle and that's that .
I don't think she would have time on her short morning break to buy and eat a croissant anyway .
Does sound tricky op ,getting her to understand the cost when her friends probably don't even consider it

It isn't just private schools which do the snacks, state schools too. My kids go to a state comprehensive and we're in an area with fairly high levels of FSM families, and also families who are no better off than if their kids did get free meals, eg parents earning over £7.4 K a year (that's not much) but needing to claim Universal Credit (and many of these will be paying very high rents in the private sector for housing which is not of a good standard). For those who pay, the set meal is £2.20.

But school catering is mostly outsourced for both state and private schools, and the way catering companies make money on the contract is by offering a good range of extras. I've found that DS1 does keep tabs on how much is on his account (through Parentpay), and will spend to use all of whatever I give him so there's no point in hoping there'll be a bit left at the beginning of next week!

So why can't they bring fruit to school themselves. The school is ripping the parents off

Sadly today's cashless society doesn't actually help kids learn to budget because they have to make an effort to check balance or remember what's left, etc.
Maybe she needs more help visually. Probably sounds stupid but actually have that amount that you give her (in 10p or 50p or whatever) and every morning she can check her allowance pile and decide her spend limit for the day. Every evening you can both remove what was spent and put it back in your purse. Anything left at the end of the week goes in her moneybox.

Couldn't you compromise? £1 a day most days, maybe £3.50 on a Friday so she can get what she likes?

I think it's a bit unfair to say she can never buy a snack she likes at school when you can easily afford it.

I've not read the full thread so maybe someone has already has suggested this. Try to turn the situation in an opportunity for her. If she likes 3 pounds you give her one and the other two go to a saving pot. You have mentioned that is the lesson about expending the final outcome you want. If you can afford the other 2 pounds going in a saving pot, once she got a decent amount she can buy herself something she likes with her own money from the pot. That will make her feel better and she will learn that money doesn't grow on trees. Doesn't matter if the school is expensive or about the money you have is about a early lesson of economics you want your daughter to learn.

@Springisintheair123 top up her card £5 a week. If she has ran out by the end of the week then tough, she should’ve budgeted £1 a day for a snack (you mentioned a few choices for £1 and there’s also free fruit available).

Also, buy her a reusable water bottle and fill it with a 1l supermarket own flavoured water or a pack of 500ml flavoured water.It sounds like your Dd is skipping lunch or just picking at it. She needs to eat more at breakfast and lunch. She might also be buying snacks/drinks for friends she wants to impress.

DS used to do this and it was a nightmare. He’d spend up to £30 a week on lunches sometimes! In the end, I just put a tenner on every two weeks for a snack and he had a packed lunch everyday as it was getting ridiculous. Some days he didn’t eat the lunch but I always made sure it was things he liked so that wasn’t my problem 🤷‍♀️

Agree with you OP that just because you can afford £100 pm doesn’t mean you should be giving it to her. That’s a lot to spend on snacks. Even as a fully grown professional adult earning my own money I don’t spend that and it would be a bad habit to encourage in her if you’re trying to teach the value of money, and especially in a private school setting.

I can sympathise though - as a young teenager I got over excited when I did have my own money and always spent it too quickly (on food - as I was always hungry). 11yo is still quite young if she’s never had to manage money before. I never felt like eating breakfast, it made me feel sick, and so I felt starving with stomach cramps and headaches by 10am. Cue overspending on snacks. That’s only changed recently now I get up earlier and exercise before breakfast and therefore feel hungry at 7.30/8am. Fruit didn't and still doesn’t fill me up when I feel like that, unless it’s a banana.

if she can grab a croissant and a banana, that would be great surely!