How do I deal with DD’s expensive school snack situation?

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DD attends a secondary school where they do not allow kids to bring in their own snack from home. Instead, they may purchase snacks from the school cafe. I’ve battled with school to change this policy as I can’t afford DD spending 3.50-5 a day. I have said to her there is a £1 limit a day and she must have breakfast in the morning (she doesn’t eat much and so is hungry by break time at 10am). At the same time, she has no idea that 3.50-5/day is excessive for an 11 years old. I understand she’s hungry. School say they provide free fruit (sliced). This is a private school BTW.

Any ideas how to deal with this?

I’ve had numerous conversations with school about how inappropriate it is. The most ridiculous aspect is that they sell biscuits where the wrapper clearly states they have been produced in an environment where nuts were present. So, banning healthy snacks from home is not about allergies I believe (and I fully understand the reason why a school may prevent it to keep others safe), but about profit.

They're not allowed to bring food from home. It's quite common in private schools and I assume the OP knew that when she chose the school.

All secondary schools sell stuff like this.

• I mean nuts may have been present - standard disclaimer.

I think the problem is the school not allowing snacks in from home - that's not reasonable in combination with such expensive snacks on sale there.

My DC is at a private school too but they don't have any prohibition on snacks from home. Teens do get hungry. My DC has an enormous bowl ful of high fibre breakfast cereal (about 3 servings worth if you go by the "serving size" on the side of the packet) but is still apparently starving by break time. But we supply snacks from home - a packet of crisps, a dairylea dunker and some fridgeraiders chicken pieces, all bought as six-packs and so a daily cost of £1.17, is just about enough to keep hunger at bay until lunch time, but buying the same combinationas individual items rather than multipacks probably would cost at least £3.50 or more.

DC does occasionally spend pocket money on additional snacks - we use a rooster card rather than gohenry but it's the same principle, and so I get an alert on my phone when money is spent at the tuck shop - but I don't give any extra pocket money for snacks and the money on rooster has to cover everything DC wants to buy so if it all gets spent at thetuck shop there is nothing left to spend on other important things (lego) so its fairly rare.

I think in the first instance you should complain to the school that their policy against snacks from home is unreasonable - and if the school makes any efforts towards reaching a broader base than the privileged elite (e.g. has a scholarship & bursary programme) point out how such a policy will have a disproportionate impact on lower income families.

Whether or not that succeeds, the school also needs to put an absolute stop to your DD (or anyone else) being able to obtain unauthorised credit from the tuck shop.

My private school provides mid morning snack, afternoon snack and, if staying for clubs another snack, as well as the main meal, all free. Drinks free too. I think we're missing a trick here if parents are willing to pay!

But yes, ensure school know she can't IOU, and limit the card. She is old enough to budget and flavoured waters are a poor choice anyway.

They don't accept cash but she owes the chef odd....I'd just message school and say she's on a budget please do not give her credit

Do the same if she's hungry she will eat it....presumably she can get tap water too.

My concern would be regarding her having enough to drink? Do the school allow her to bring bottled water for break time? If she has this or something else is provide free then I wouldn't see the need for a 2.50 bottle of flavoured water. Surely then the £1 a day would be enough. Though I don't agree with the schools policy of no outside food as it does appear to be a money making exercise.

Either she won't or can't budget her money properly. Of course you should set a ",when it has gone, its gone" limit and "no iou" policy but I'd go back to basics over the holidays and work on her budgeting skills.

My concern would be regarding her having enough to drink?

Presumably the school has taps.

Do you know how much her friends are given?
It is likely she just wants to be like and have the same as everyone else.

Can you compromise. Say 2 pound a day and the 3.50 as a treat on a Friday or something.

DD went to an expensive prep school and they provided all food. This system sounds bonkers. I would feed her egg on toast for breakfast and send her on her merry way. Fruit is fine. I don't even remember having snacks at school though I know at DDs school they had mid morning fruit and a honey sandwich after school.

Never understand why people get a go Henry card pay for it to put money on for your child what a waste...all you have to do is open a basic bank account no overdraft etc etc and it's all for free

I had a very similar problem when I went to private school years ago.
An awful lot of my classmates had an awful lot of disposable cash, and I felt very poor by comparison, and begrudged that they had stuff that I didn't.

Unfortunately, for all the comments on private school threads that no one cares how much your parents earn, it sounds like it's not much better today. OP might have been better to send her child to a state school with less pressure to conform to ridiculous spending "norms".

I don't think this is about genuine hunger.She will just be enjoying the treats in the same way we all enjoy a takeaway coffee. The problem is she doesn't have a developed enough frontal cortex to say no to the temptation. It's likely that at least some of her friends are being given unlimited access to snack money as well and she just wants to fit in and share a pizza with them. Is this really what you want though? Her growing up just thinking everything drops off a magic unicorn cloud? I think you're absolutely right to limit her snack money. If she's adament she's hungry then pick her up from school armed with a snack and give her the chance to earn more snack money by doing jobs etc round the house maybe? And write to rhe school and explain that she's absolutely allowed no tabs. It's great that you can afford a luxury education for her and even greater that you want her to realise what a luxury it is. Xx

Mine were not at a private school but their school did bacon rolls etc
1 of mine really struggled to east first thing so I never minded giving him money for a snack

I'm sure they do. Would that be to fill her own bottle of water that she brought from home though like I asked or would she have to have the embarrassment of asking for a cup. The only reason I mentioned was due to the fact the poster had said no outside food, I wasn't sure if that included bottled water. Given that she spends 2.50 a day on flavoured water which takes her over budget just wondered.

When I tried to do this when my DC was 11, I found it was impossible as all the appropriate accounts that included a Debit card had an age 13 minimum. The fee-paying pocketmoney cards like GoHenry and Rooster were the only option - except there was one account that was appropriate - I think it was with Nationwide - but you had to have an in-person appointment to open the account, and this was during th Covid stuff and it wasn't possible to get an in-person appointment, so I gave up. DC is 13 now and I could switch to a bank account but the app has loads of extra functionalities that we get a lot of value out of, so not bothering to swap yet - plus the Rooster Card business has been bought by my own bank and they have started to waive the Rooster Card fee for their Current Account customers, so it's free now anyway.

Stick to your guns OP. She won’t starve if you take away the card altogether and she’s at the age where she will shortly be complaining to her friends about how unfair her life is and how you can be a real bitch for not letting her have the latest designer clothes/boys in her room/underage drinking/unlimited access to your expensive makeup anyway so you may as well treat this as a training exercise in dealing with teenagers.

I took the opposite approach. I gave DS an amount for the half term (to cover snacks & lunch) & told him he would get no more & would have to take a packed lunch if he ran out (I know OP can't) & keep whatever was left at half term. It worked a treat & taught him to budget. We could see on the system what he was buying & he was buying stuff for other people as well as himself.

£5 is a lot of snacks and flavoured water if her lunch is paid for separately. I would wonder if she is buying for other children - either to try and buy their friendship or as a result of bullying.

Just to say that you’ve had some good backing here but yes you really do need to address this. I have a lovely friend but due to her parents’ acrimonious divorce and (I think) private school education she has very firmly engrained beliefs that money = love and more expensive = better.

It has done her absolutely no favours either, she still gets really upset when her dad doesn’t want to treat her at the most expensive restaurant, or go to a 5 star hotel as she sees that as him not wanting to spend money on her meaning he doesn’t love her. And she’s mid 40s! Don’t let any guilt stop you nipping this in the bud, the very best thing you can teach her is to be able to stick to a budget.

Not based on the prices that OP has quoted. It's a bottle of water and a muffin.

Stick to your guns. She doesn’t need £5 a day and she’s happy to spend your money on stuff she doesn’t need. ( does anyone need flavoured water?)
Refuse to clear her debt with the chef. She can earn that money at home cleaning the car, windows, cupboards etc… She needs to learn a life lesson.

Surely this is more due to her poor money management? I’d stick £10 on each week and tell her that’s all she is getting. She won’t starve if she has lunch already paid for and free fruit on offer.