Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Should I put partner on birth certificate

137 replies

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 13:14

So I’m 38 weeks pregnant me and the father of the baby are no longer together. He hasn’t been abusive or overly awful but he hasn’t done anything for the baby like literally only spent £50 on him the past 9 months . He has been uninterested and also tries to put rules on how often our baby has too see other people and his family. I’m worried about giving him parental responsibility and him leaving my baby with his mum as she is very abusive and lets people smoke in the house. His family aren’t Particularly caring and neither is he. my biggest fear is that he will take the baby for days at a time and my baby will be In a stressful environment. He can see the baby everyday and come over whenever he wants I just don’t know if it is smart to give him legal responsibility.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2023 13:15

Absolutely not.

Sapphire387 · 26/03/2023 13:15

Personally, I wouldn't.

megletthesecond · 26/03/2023 13:17

Don't give the baby his surname either. Stand your ground on this.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families Family law General pregnancy
CoffeeBeansGalore · 26/03/2023 13:18

No. If he shows himself to be a good dad I believe you can always add him later. If you put him on & he's awful, you can't take him off.

Lillycoo222 · 26/03/2023 13:18

I agree with others OP. Don't put him on the certificate or give your child his last name

Onefootinthegroove · 26/03/2023 13:18

No fucking way.

Original poster
Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 13:21

This is how I feel too, if he turns out to be a great dad and doesn’t push me to make uncomfortable decisions then he can be added . I’m just terrified of his reaction and how to tell him that he will not be going on the bc at Least for now

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2023 13:24

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 13:21

This is how I feel too, if he turns out to be a great dad and doesn’t push me to make uncomfortable decisions then he can be added . I’m just terrified of his reaction and how to tell him that he will not be going on the bc at Least for now

You don't have to tell him anything, just do it. I would also stop talking to him. There's really nothing to discuss. You can inform him of the birth after it happens, when you feel up to it.

MrsRickAstley · 26/03/2023 13:26

Can he add himself to birth certificate later on ? Does he need your agreement?

Lastnamedidntstick · 26/03/2023 13:26

Bear in mind if he wants PR he can get a court order. It’s not solely your decision.

i would see a solicitor- to start to get your will drawn up so you can designate carers for dc should anything happen to you (and he doesn’t have PR), and also to tie your money up in trust for your dc- if they are underage and he gets PR he will have access.

Pink139 · 26/03/2023 13:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as we do not believe that the poster is genuine.

gkhg · 26/03/2023 14:01

No no no. Then he'll have parental rights and you don't want that.

Hellamegafuckup · 26/03/2023 14:10

Honestly the worst mistake I have made and I've made a lot ! Don't do it

ThisIsntMyUsualUsername · 26/03/2023 14:11

Don't put him on. If he goes on he has joint parental responsibility. Make him earn that. Make sure baby has your surname. Don't tell him he isn't going on, just book the registration appointment and go alone.

You can re-register to add him later if you want to. Can change baby's name then, if you wanted to, though I wouldn't. He cannot re-register without you.
He'd have to go via court to prove parentage and push for it.

googlejourney · 26/03/2023 14:12

Don't do it. It could be the biggest mistake.

Zog14 · 26/03/2023 14:15

I wouldn’t. Otherwise you will be forced to give 50/50 custody by the courts (if the father wants it). If he is as disinterested as you say, he will leave baby with his mother while he carries on a life without responsibility and you are left constantly worrying about how your baby is being cared for.

it can become a power play tug of war, which has nothing to do with what is best for baby.

category12 · 26/03/2023 14:16

No, and tbf, he'd have to come with you to register the birth if he wants to be added or give you written permission as you're not married.

So all you need to do is go alone, and you can't add him anyway.

He can apply to be added later on and get parental responsibility, but I wouldn't just give it to him unless he proves he wants to be involved.

drpet49 · 26/03/2023 14:16

You won’t have a choice in the matter when he goes to court, get parental rights established and get himself put on the birth certificate.

FriendsDrinkBook · 26/03/2023 14:16

You're going to give the baby your name right?

Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2023 14:18

drpet49 · 26/03/2023 14:16

You won’t have a choice in the matter when he goes to court, get parental rights established and get himself put on the birth certificate.

IF he goes to court.

category12 · 26/03/2023 14:19

And personally, I wouldn't bother telling him, it's like picking a fight.

Summer2424 · 26/03/2023 14:24

@Cakebake03 i wouldn't put him on the birth certificate x

Original poster
Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:27

Wouldn’t he need a DNA test to prove he is the father? If so I’m pretty sure I can deny him getting that dna test. I’m not questioning wether he should go on the birth certificate because of silly reasons, he has contributed nothing, has an abusive mother who is overly involved and he himself is irresponsible. If anything happened to me I want my baby going into the care of my family who are loving and have been a massive support the whole time not to him and his family who are again uncaring and abusive.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 26/03/2023 14:27

You can still claim maintenance if he's not on the birth certificate if that's a concern.

Let him make the move on being on the birth certificate.

Original poster
Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:30

I will be be claiming maintenance, I have done it all by myself up until now and have no need for his money

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread