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Original poster

Should I put partner on birth certificate

137 replies

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 13:14

So I’m 38 weeks pregnant me and the father of the baby are no longer together. He hasn’t been abusive or overly awful but he hasn’t done anything for the baby like literally only spent £50 on him the past 9 months . He has been uninterested and also tries to put rules on how often our baby has too see other people and his family. I’m worried about giving him parental responsibility and him leaving my baby with his mum as she is very abusive and lets people smoke in the house. His family aren’t Particularly caring and neither is he. my biggest fear is that he will take the baby for days at a time and my baby will be In a stressful environment. He can see the baby everyday and come over whenever he wants I just don’t know if it is smart to give him legal responsibility.

OP posts:

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 26/03/2023 17:05

So all children of single motherers can't get passports?

What?????

caringcarer · 26/03/2023 17:09

If you exclusively breastfeed you won't be expected to leave baby for more than about 1 hour at a time at most. As you say if he wants to see baby he can come to see him at your place and at convenient time. If he threatens going for putting his name on BC you can threaten child support payments. That might put him off.

Madwomanuptheroad29 · 26/03/2023 17:14

Your life will be significantly easier without his name on the birth certificate.
If he is on the BC, he has equal rights to you - and can make any future decision you take much more difficult - just because he can.
This is entirely different from the argument that children have a right to know who their father is - for that he does not need to be on legal paperwork.
Regarding him going to court to acquire parental responsibility - I would take that chance. It costs thousands and in reality is likely to be an empty threat.
You absedo not want to be legally tied to this man for the next 18 years.
All the arguments re identity, contact etc are entirely separate.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families Family law General pregnancy

Madwomanuptheroad29 · 26/03/2023 17:16

Forgot to say he can't just go to get his name put on the birth cert. He can only be on it if the OP physically takes him with her to register the baby and agrees for him to be on the paperwork (unless they are married).

Lizzt2007 · 26/03/2023 17:23

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:27

Wouldn’t he need a DNA test to prove he is the father? If so I’m pretty sure I can deny him getting that dna test. I’m not questioning wether he should go on the birth certificate because of silly reasons, he has contributed nothing, has an abusive mother who is overly involved and he himself is irresponsible. If anything happened to me I want my baby going into the care of my family who are loving and have been a massive support the whole time not to him and his family who are again uncaring and abusive.

Yes he would but no you can't. If he went to court the court would order you to allow the test. Refusing would them land you in contempt of court which can carry fines and could ( but unlikely) also attract jail time. If it then turned out he was the father , which obviously he is, your refusals would count against you in any custody hearings.

LaughingSomnambulist · 26/03/2023 17:30

You cannot deny him the DNA test. He will be granted that.
After he gets that, he will be given parental responsibility.

You cannot stop it. All you do is make yourself look belligerent to a court.

And he is correct; he can leave his child with anyone he wants to during his contact time. You cannot stop him.

If he will fight you for his rights, then nothing you do now will stop him. If you think he won’t bother then do what you want but if you think he will, then you need to behave well because your attitude will be looked at by the court and right now, your attitude is not one of a co-parent. You need to be impeccable, no matter how frustrating it is.

Madwomanuptheroad29 · 26/03/2023 17:48

There are a lot of ifs involved.
You can't predict if he actually will go to court and a positive DNA test (which would only be needed if the mother states that he is not the putative father) does establish paternity but does not necessarily convey parental responsibility.
The court will look into issues such as attachment, the fathers commitment and his motivation for making the application.
Ultimately the child's best interest will be at the centre of the decision.
Just go and register the child - don't invite him along and then see what happens. Also keep all texts, emails etc just in case it is needed.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/03/2023 18:10

CoffeeBeansGalore · 26/03/2023 13:18

No. If he shows himself to be a good dad I believe you can always add him later. If you put him on & he's awful, you can't take him off.

This

You aren't together and doesn't seem to be interested

I had he said about being on it

As not married he would have to go with you to get registered if wanted name on it

NemoandDoris · 26/03/2023 20:22

agree that unless your partner steps up massively you are right to keep him off the bc. If he is on it you will have to consult him over everything. Every time you want to go abroad etc.

even has a key to my house.
your partner appears to be under the thumb of his mother and sister which concerns me. I would be rethinking this tbh.* *Fine if everyone plays nicely but if not could leave you vulnerable.

Yoyo2021 · 26/03/2023 20:26

End the thread now because ….

If everything your saying is true you’re doing the right thing.

Concentrate on your self and the baby now you can do it and you are doing it.

Don’t tell him when you’re giving birth.

He won’t order to be on it or take you court or dna as that all costs money and if he did he will need to pay child support should he be added on.

You are in for a tough ride I am nearly 11 years on, have kept my self to my self and apart from one guy I saw briefly a few months every evening I’ve kept away from men. All attention has been on my son.

Good luck x

TwirlyGalaxy · 26/03/2023 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Coyoacan · 26/03/2023 21:24

I have taught many children who don’t have their fathers name on their birth certificate. Not one single one of them was happy that they don’t know their father

That is a completely different kettle of fish. My dd's father is not on her birth certificate but she has known him all her life and nowadays talks to him nearly every day.

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