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Original poster

Should I put partner on birth certificate

137 replies

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 13:14

So I’m 38 weeks pregnant me and the father of the baby are no longer together. He hasn’t been abusive or overly awful but he hasn’t done anything for the baby like literally only spent £50 on him the past 9 months . He has been uninterested and also tries to put rules on how often our baby has too see other people and his family. I’m worried about giving him parental responsibility and him leaving my baby with his mum as she is very abusive and lets people smoke in the house. His family aren’t Particularly caring and neither is he. my biggest fear is that he will take the baby for days at a time and my baby will be In a stressful environment. He can see the baby everyday and come over whenever he wants I just don’t know if it is smart to give him legal responsibility.

OP posts:
davegrohll · 26/03/2023 14:46

By keeping him sweet I mean letting him have access to his child. I know you said he can at yours but he should be able to see the baby on his own too, obviously not when very young but when the baby is getting older

category12 · 26/03/2023 14:47

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:44

It's his baby too though and he is the babies dad. You don't really earn it. It's just facts.

You really should be forcing him to pay. Your career is going to be affected for a start

Show quote history

I dunno, it seems a reasonable trade-off -
OP has sole parental responsibility but allows contact, while he doesn't pay maintenance. She has the maintenance card to play if he goes for parental responsibility.

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/03/2023 14:48

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:27

Wouldn’t he need a DNA test to prove he is the father? If so I’m pretty sure I can deny him getting that dna test. I’m not questioning wether he should go on the birth certificate because of silly reasons, he has contributed nothing, has an abusive mother who is overly involved and he himself is irresponsible. If anything happened to me I want my baby going into the care of my family who are loving and have been a massive support the whole time not to him and his family who are again uncaring and abusive.

He can get added to the bc at anytime if he can be bothered going to court.

You cannot prevent a court ordered DNA test.

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Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:48

category12 · 26/03/2023 14:47

I dunno, it seems a reasonable trade-off -
OP has sole parental responsibility but allows contact, while he doesn't pay maintenance. She has the maintenance card to play if he goes for parental responsibility.

Show quote history

I guess yeah. Just thinking OP's career and earning potential is going to take a hit and she's not going to have another parent to take their share of the load.

Coyoacan · 26/03/2023 14:51

I'd put him on the birth certificate. He's the father as much as you are the mother, and though he may well turn out to be crap, that doesn't change your baby's parentage. I know plenty of people who struggle with not having their dad's name on their BC

Why would anyone worry about whose name is on their birth cert?

I didn't put my ex's name on my dd's birth certificate because he was abusive and I didn't trust not to use his parental rights to the detriment of my dd. However I never denied his parentage and, as he wasn't particularly harmful, I never blocked his contact. My dd is now an adult, get on really well with her father but totally agrees with the fact that I didn't put him on her cert.

Another friend didn't put the father on the birth cert and eventually had to cut him out of her child's life because of abuse and drug taking. Does anyone really think the child of a drug addict needs him to have parental rights over them?

category12 · 26/03/2023 14:55

I know plenty of people who struggle with not having their dad's name on their BC

Really? Seems a strange non-problem to "struggle" with. It's a document you look at once in a blue moon, and no father being named doesn't mean you don't know who your dad is.

Gremlins101 · 26/03/2023 14:55

Do not put him on birth cert or allow he or his family to have unsupervised time.

Itawapuddytat · 26/03/2023 14:56

You cannot put him on the birth certificate if you two are not married. It's not up to you. HE will need to come with you when you're registering the baby's birth, have his ID documents with you ( just like yourself), give his details, sign and then he gets put on the birth certificate. If you two were married, he'd been put as a father automatically even if he weren't there ( because his name is on your marriage certificate) . But since you two are not married, he would need to be present when you register the birth. if he's not there - his name cannot be on the birth certificate. And that' pretty much how it works. He CAN apply to have his name added later on, but that is on him, he would need to deal with it himself, it's not your issue.

SheilaFentiman · 26/03/2023 14:56

“He has said he has ever right to leave the baby with who he wants even if I not comfortable, including abusive family members”

Unfortunately, he is right about this (unless they are abusive to the point of a non molestation order or something). If he gets contact time with your child, he can take the child to visit Gran/aunt. You have no obligation to take DC to them directly though.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 26/03/2023 14:58

Move home, block him, do not communicate with him.

Is he going to make the effort, time and money to find you and then take you to court.

He can't take baby for overnights if you're breastfeeding

Glitterstars · 26/03/2023 14:59

Put some rules in place. First 3 months baby will need to be with you constantly anyway to establish feeding so that will be a great reason for you not to leave the baby with anyone for a few months. After that time a lot of family members get bored of the baby as no longer a newborn so you can hope that they will not want to see baby as much x

Happygal88 · 26/03/2023 15:00

I think the responses on here are shocking! We have your side of the story and not his, yet everyone has already written this guy off. It's not just your child ... it is also his child. He hasn't been abusive or overly awful .. is what you've said 😕
I think you sound awful, already using your child as a weapon. He is the father, as hard as it may be, but when the child visits his father (obviously if the child is allowed 🙄), you have no control over what happens. I understand this will be incredibly difficult, but it's a reality. You also don't know how he will be as a father, assuming neither of you have other children?
I think not to put him on the BC because you don't know if he is going to be a good dad is ridiculous. So how do we know if you're a good mum 🤷 should you have Full parental responsibility for your child. Honestly ridiculous imo

Snorlaxing · 26/03/2023 15:02

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:27

Wouldn’t he need a DNA test to prove he is the father? If so I’m pretty sure I can deny him getting that dna test. I’m not questioning wether he should go on the birth certificate because of silly reasons, he has contributed nothing, has an abusive mother who is overly involved and he himself is irresponsible. If anything happened to me I want my baby going into the care of my family who are loving and have been a massive support the whole time not to him and his family who are again uncaring and abusive.

It doesn't work like that.

Being added to a birth certificate is a matter of paying a fee and filling out the form. He doesn't need your permission for a DNA test as it would be ordered by the court and you wouldn't be the one giving dna. People in prison keep their PR - it's not like the US where it happens more.

The only way that you can stop him getting parental responsibility is if you agree to dna because he's not the father.

If you don't take him to the naming appointment then he won't be added to the birth certificate. It will save you the hassle of being intimidated into a name that you don't like. I would say that is the main reason not to add him. (He sounds like the type who would insist on his surname)

When it comes to CM, if he denies he's the father then he can insist on a dna test. If he is the father then he has to pay for the year. If he's not the father then he'd get the fee refunded. (Think it's about£150)

davegrohll · 26/03/2023 15:02

Babysharkdoodoodood · 26/03/2023 14:58

Move home, block him, do not communicate with him.

Is he going to make the effort, time and money to find you and then take you to court.

He can't take baby for overnights if you're breastfeeding

Wtf this is shocking

davegrohll · 26/03/2023 15:04

Op has said herself he hasn't been abusive or awful! He just needs to grow up abit by the sounds of it like many men do ! To suggest moving home and taking his baby away is just disgusting

PrettyMaybug · 26/03/2023 15:07

NO! Putting the biological father's name on the birth certificate gives him more rights to the child - access and custody etc. Also, do NOT give the baby his surname. Never understand why women do this when they are not married. If they and the child's father split, the child almost ALWAYS stays with the mother. Yet ends up with the father's surname! Daft.

Itawapuddytat · 26/03/2023 15:07

It's not about him being a good dad or not. Since they are not married, SHE cannot put HIM on the birth certificate. She literally can't. HE needs to be there and declare that the baby is his. All she can do is to let him know that she has the appointment to register the baby's birth on X day and Y 'clock, and if he wants to be on the birth certificate he will need to be there, show his ID documents to the registrar and sign that the baby is his and that, by putting his name on the birth certificate, he accepts he has parental responsibilities, just like mum. But this is on HIM to get his name there, not on mum. He can add his name later on the birth certificate if he misses this opportunity, but it is more complicated, is usually done through court and it's up to him to start the procedures.

NotAlabama · 26/03/2023 15:07

Absolutely not.

PrettyMaybug · 26/03/2023 15:09

Itawapuddytat · 26/03/2023 15:07

It's not about him being a good dad or not. Since they are not married, SHE cannot put HIM on the birth certificate. She literally can't. HE needs to be there and declare that the baby is his. All she can do is to let him know that she has the appointment to register the baby's birth on X day and Y 'clock, and if he wants to be on the birth certificate he will need to be there, show his ID documents to the registrar and sign that the baby is his and that, by putting his name on the birth certificate, he accepts he has parental responsibilities, just like mum. But this is on HIM to get his name there, not on mum. He can add his name later on the birth certificate if he misses this opportunity, but it is more complicated, is usually done through court and it's up to him to start the procedures.

What a load of absolute nonsense. Educate yourself.

Register a birth: Who can register a birth - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Register a birth

Find out how to register a birth - who can register, birth certificates

https://www.gov.uk/register-birth/who-can-register-a-birth

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 15:09

davegrohll · 26/03/2023 15:04

Op has said herself he hasn't been abusive or awful! He just needs to grow up abit by the sounds of it like many men do ! To suggest moving home and taking his baby away is just disgusting

He should have grown up a bit before he decided to have a kid.

kittensinthekitchen · 26/03/2023 15:11

I fucking hate this attitude on MN

YABU. The birth certificate is a legal document that gives your child details of their parentage. He is the father of the child and if he is able to be at the registration, should be named.

It's not about you. It's for your child.

PrettyMaybug · 26/03/2023 15:11

Ignore my last post. I completely misread the info on the website. Sorry @Itawapuddytat Blush

MelchiorsMistress · 26/03/2023 15:11

A child deserve to have both their parents based on their birth certificate.

You know who the father is so he should be on it. It is not a document that is there to provide you with the power to decide wether or not your partner deserves it. It is about the facts of a child’s birth.

Original poster
Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 15:14

I work from home on a good salary and have a lot of support around me so not concerned about this. My main concern is my baby’s safety and having an irresponsible man being responsible for him makes me incredibly uncomfortable. he has also said that it’s not fair for me to ask him and his family/ to not smoke around the baby . My baby’s safety and happiness comes before his feelings

OP posts:
KittyAlfred · 26/03/2023 15:14

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:48

I guess yeah. Just thinking OP's career and earning potential is going to take a hit and she's not going to have another parent to take their share of the load.

Show quote history

There’s nothing in the OP’s posts that suggests her ex will share the load in any meaningful way.