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Original poster

Should I put partner on birth certificate

137 replies

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 13:14

So I’m 38 weeks pregnant me and the father of the baby are no longer together. He hasn’t been abusive or overly awful but he hasn’t done anything for the baby like literally only spent £50 on him the past 9 months . He has been uninterested and also tries to put rules on how often our baby has too see other people and his family. I’m worried about giving him parental responsibility and him leaving my baby with his mum as she is very abusive and lets people smoke in the house. His family aren’t Particularly caring and neither is he. my biggest fear is that he will take the baby for days at a time and my baby will be In a stressful environment. He can see the baby everyday and come over whenever he wants I just don’t know if it is smart to give him legal responsibility.

OP posts:
Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:30

He's not going to bother going to court if he cant even be bothered to do the shopping for the baby. Literally the easiest thing ever clicking on a website and ordering stuff. He's a lazy fella so he's not going to court any time soon

Original poster
Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:30

NOT claiming maintenance, fuzzy brain 😂

OP posts:
Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:31

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:30

NOT claiming maintenance, fuzzy brain 😂

You should claim maintenance - even if you save it in jisa for your child.

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davegrohll · 26/03/2023 14:32

Would he not have to also prove parentage for you to claim maintenance though ? If he goes to court, he can be put on the birth certificate. No matter what you think of his family etc that is still his child too

Original poster
Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:32

Yes x

OP posts:
davegrohll · 26/03/2023 14:32

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:30

NOT claiming maintenance, fuzzy brain 😂

Oh sorry cross posted

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:32

davegrohll · 26/03/2023 14:32

Would he not have to also prove parentage for you to claim maintenance though ? If he goes to court, he can be put on the birth certificate. No matter what you think of his family etc that is still his child too

He's not going to go to court if he cant even be arsed to go shopping

BlueBunting · 26/03/2023 14:33

Give baby your surname.

You don’t even have to tell him you’re in labour/the baby is born. You don’t have to tell him you are registering them. If he asks when you are going just reply it’s done.

You can still claim Maintenence and tell your child where they’re from and put him on in the future if he’s great.

davegrohll · 26/03/2023 14:33

@Fluffodils parental rights are different to shopping though aren't they. He might actually be arsed to fight for that

PotatoFacedWombat · 26/03/2023 14:34

I'd put him on the birth certificate. He's the father as much as you are the mother, and though he may well turn out to be crap, that doesn't change your baby's parentage. I know plenty of people who struggle with not having their dad's name on their BC.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 26/03/2023 14:34

You can claim cms without him on the bc. Without a dna test cms assume him to be the df. If he takes a dna test he pays via cms. If won't give him PR but he could apply to court for a judge to have him named pn the bc.

Original poster
Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:36

I’m not claiming maintenance, he has done nothing to earn being his dad and has in fact been rather unpleasant towards me. I’m more than happy to give him the opportunity to step up and In the future to be added to the birth certificate but not to give him legal rights to take my baby away for days at a time and likely leave him around an abusive/stressful environment because he cannot be bothered himself.

OP posts:
usererror99 · 26/03/2023 14:37

I'm sorry but If you didn't want him to be the father then you did have options. It's a legal document. He's the father. Therefore he should be named on it

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:37

davegrohll · 26/03/2023 14:33

@Fluffodils parental rights are different to shopping though aren't they. He might actually be arsed to fight for that

I guess. I don't see the point of making it easy for him buy putting his name on the certificate though.

category12 · 26/03/2023 14:38

I think the courts could make you get a DNA test done if he wanted to pursue it that far.

Probably if you allow contact as you plan, there won't be the motivation for him to go to court.

Doubly so if you're not planning to get maintenance from him. It might be that he'd rather not have that fight if it would lead to you asking for maintenance.

davegrohll · 26/03/2023 14:38

Sorry op but I don't think you're being very fair. I understand not wanting your baby in a certain environment of course. But he is still your baby's father whether you like it or not. You said he hasn't been a abusive or awful, just not necessarily bothered... to be honest a lot of men are like this in the pregnancy stage and it all changes when their baby is here !
If he goes to court for PR and probably then a CAO you won't stand a chance about him having the baby for days, albeit it will build it when the baby is young still but still the courts are very much for both parents being parents !

Napmum · 26/03/2023 14:39

MrsRickAstley · 26/03/2023 13:26

Can he add himself to birth certificate later on ? Does he need your agreement?

Yep, Dad's can be added I know someone who got a court order to be added. But there were reasons for that which I don't want to go into.

SheilaFentiman · 26/03/2023 14:40

You cannot put him on the birth certificate unless he comes with you, because you aren’t married, so that’s easy.

You could be ordered to give a sample for DNA, but that’s a long way off.

Original poster
Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:41

He has said he has ever right to leave the baby with who he wants even if I not comfortable, including abusive family members has also only contributed £50 towards this baby and left me to do everything else while he buys his trainers and plans lads holidays . This is reason enough for me!

OP posts:
Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:42

Do you think his family will pressure him to get legal rights?

Original poster
Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:43

Yes this is what I am concerned about to be honest, his mum and sister have demanded that the baby sees them at least 3 times a week. I am completely Terrified x

OP posts:
Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:44

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:36

I’m not claiming maintenance, he has done nothing to earn being his dad and has in fact been rather unpleasant towards me. I’m more than happy to give him the opportunity to step up and In the future to be added to the birth certificate but not to give him legal rights to take my baby away for days at a time and likely leave him around an abusive/stressful environment because he cannot be bothered himself.

It's his baby too though and he is the babies dad. You don't really earn it. It's just facts.

You really should be forcing him to pay. Your career is going to be affected for a start

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:44

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:43

Yes this is what I am concerned about to be honest, his mum and sister have demanded that the baby sees them at least 3 times a week. I am completely Terrified x

They can demand all they want but they have no rights.

drpet49 · 26/03/2023 14:44

Cakebake03 · 26/03/2023 14:27

Wouldn’t he need a DNA test to prove he is the father? If so I’m pretty sure I can deny him getting that dna test. I’m not questioning wether he should go on the birth certificate because of silly reasons, he has contributed nothing, has an abusive mother who is overly involved and he himself is irresponsible. If anything happened to me I want my baby going into the care of my family who are loving and have been a massive support the whole time not to him and his family who are again uncaring and abusive.

If he goes to court you will be forced to do a DNA test. You cannot prevent that from happening.

davegrohll · 26/03/2023 14:45

His mum and sister have fuck all to do with it let's just get that part straight so ignore them. But he is the babies dad and he does have rights, he can bypass you and go to the courts so maybe you need to keep him sweet if you really don't want that happening

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