I’m watching an affair unfold in front of me.

[AnyoneElse1982]

I don’t usually notice this stuff. I won’t be saying a word to anyone. But I can see an affair going on. It’s a neighbour of mine.

I’m seeing him with the OW more and more. She’s a friend of a friend (hence I notice her) very attractive. I’ve just seen them in the coffee shop together now.

I feel sad for my lady neighbour. I can see that even if something hasn’t actually happened (because how would I know) her H sees this OW is a lot, I see them together most days now, neighbour is a teacher. I do an early school run so see her leave. Each morning I see her H and OW walking together when I get back. It’s entirely coincidental my timings match.

I won’t say a word, but I can see it in front of me, body language has changed over time between them.

im only putting it here because I won’t be saying a word as I can’t know for sure. But I strongly suspect. It’s not something that would bother me, just I’m seeing it out of no choice of mine unfold in front of me.

God, people are such busybodies.

I don't get people on here (Not you OP)

They wouldn't tell the partner, but would want to be told
They don't condone affairs, but tell people to mind their own business

So if you saw something would you tell?
If it was your partner, would you want to be told?

Personally I would tell the wife

Who gets hurt if no one finds out? Well, the DP who ends up with an STI that the cheat brought home gets hurt. The recipients of the blood that the DP donated get hurt, if the cheat brought home HIV.

Your friends are immoral bastards.

Zero! It is possible to have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex

I wasn’t saying don’t comment on your thread 🙄 My point is that, over a month on, you’re still so over-invested in a non-event that you’ve come back to Mumsnet in the hope we’re all like dogs drooling for an update.

No idea why everyone's being so mean, I find this interesting, and given it's anonymous it's not like we're all making fun of named people.

To the people who wouldn't say anything - why? Because it's better to stay in a relationship where you're not loved, but you don't realize that? That's the bar, is it?

Personally I wouldn’t like this. Do either of them not have other friends/workmates they want to see at lunchtime? Do they never have to work through lunch or alter their lunchtime to fit in with other people?
Do they never have an errand to carry out at lunchtime?
Im retired so have probably hours more time than most of MN but still only manage to see my best friend (female) 2/3 times a week. She’s also retired and lives about 10 minutes walk from me.

Just dropping in to express surprise at the number of posters who are "deaf" to human behaviour - or claim to be. Of course you can observe people you see regularly, without being a spy or a stalker. Most normal people can see when two people feel intimate together, and it doesn't take regular observations to see it.

FWIW, I'd want to say something to the missus, though I don't know what I'd say. I've been the wife my entire family, most of my friends and all my colleagues "didn't want to upset". It's bloody gutting.

Back in the day when I knew my ex was having an affair but hadn’t figured out who with, I checked his phone records and could see nothing out of the ordinary except calls to the optician. It didn’t twig at first because he was actually in the process of getting contacts, but sure enough he was shagging a woman who worked there and I’m pretty sure it was on the premises. Completely irrelevant to this case but yeah, opticians.

oh my god, just mind your own business!

To the people who wouldn't say anything - why? Because it's better to stay in a relationship where you're not loved, but you don't realize that? That's the bar, is it?

Because there’s nothing to say. There’s no hard evidence of any kind - it’s the speculation of a neighbour desperate to cast herself as a key player in this “drama” when, in reality, she’s barely an extra.

You’re taking it way, way too literally. @clocktock said “Almost every day” - by definition, that’s not every day without fail, regardless of work patterns, needing to run errands, having to work through during busy periods etc.

By whom?

Are you an aspiring novelist?

She’s not going to be published any time soon.

I don't believe it doesn't affect the relationship with the other partner though. Who would the one they were most emotionally intimate with be? Surely it would affect their sexual life?

It might be driving the partner mad not knowing why things were different.

As for having male friends, yes I do. I don't flirt with them though. I'd think anyone seeing me with them would know the difference between an intimate relationship and our friendship.

You're either incredibly boring and in the 1% of people who don't love a good bit of tea, or a cheater yourself, hence being so butthurt. Can't work out which.

@Bananarepublic
^*
I don't believe it doesn't affect the relationship with the other partner though. Who would the one they were most emotionally intimate with be? Surely it would affect their sexual life?

It might be driving the partner mad not knowing why things were different.*^

But sometimes things are not different at home. The sex life hasn't changed. The emotional intimacy hasn't changed. Not all affairs are fully charged with emotions, sometimes it's just sex.

So (putting sexual health to one side) if/until the husband or wife know, they're not hurt. When it all comes out in the wash of course they will feel the hurt and betrayal, but if they don't know...

If OP's posts were in any way interesting then it might count as a good bit of tea but they're duller than JRMs underpants drawer, she hasn't even attempted to create a compelling narrative.

I'm waiting for the plot twist.

This happened to me when my dc were small. I was often out walking around the nearby park with dc in the stroller and the dog and wherever I went I kept seeing this very good-looking neighbour in his early 50s (from about 3 doors down), whom I knew only slightly, with a very attractive (younger) woman that wasn't his wife.

His wife was slightly frumpy compared to her handsome dh but she always seemed nice. They had a very beautiful house and two teenage dc. On the weekends I'd see him and his family, walking past our house, and he and his DW would usually be walking hand in hand.

At some point I stopped seeing him with the OW, he'd either been dumped or had ended things himself, but whatever it was he looked miserable. I know he started drinking a lot after that- every time I bumped into him he was unloading bottles into the recycling or quietly buying wine and gin at the corner shop, and looking sad and unwell. Sometimes he'd be out with his wife, always hand in hand. The dc moved away for university and they were left together. I'm not particularly observant normally (!!) but honestly, this was somehow so hard to avoid, it was incredible how often our paths used to cross, it was incredibly awkward and embarrassing.

We moved house a few years ago but I happened to be in the old area recently and saw him again, looking very much like a heavy drinker with little to live for. Sad.

The plot twist is that the OP is actually the OW, and she's wondering if anybody around her has noticed that she's been touching secluded parts of a school dad in the park, and regularly engaging in illicit coffee drinking.

WTF does “a good bit of tea” mean?