How to bag a rich husband?

[Sugarfish]

I’m not really looking for a rich husband, I’m in a very happy long term relationship with my average earning partner, but I’ve seen a lot of threads here where women are married to dh’s who earn over 6 figures. And I’m just being nosey about how you met. Currently have covid and bored but also genuinely interested. Especially if you’re from different “classes” as I’m from a working class family and in my circles, no one earns close to that so I would not know where to look even if I did want to “marry well” as my mother would call it!

If you come from a high earning family, did you always have an expectation that you’d have a certain lifestyle so specifically chose someone with a high earning job? Or are you also a high earner and met through work / uni. If you’re a low earner compared to your husband, do you ever feel like he thinks he’s more important in the relationship because of this, and how did you meet him?

Also to switch it round for fairness, if you’re the higher earner, how did you meet and does your dh ever feel threatened? Do people ever comment on it?

Have any of you ever faced and snobbery / reverse snobbery due to your choice of Partner?

You may want to direct that at @23jds. I have zero skin in this. I just answered the OP’s question!

They’re not mutually exclusive; my high earning husband is both funny and kind! I’m also a high earner and am funny and mostly kind 🤷🏻‍♀️

We're both higher earners but from very different backgrounds. I'm from Council estate / single mum on benefits. He's middle class, Oxford educated. We met at work where I guess the playing field was level so it didn't matter where we'd come from (though it was clear we were from v different places!). He always earned considerably more than me until around 5 years ago when I started to catch him up and now I out earn him by some way.

From my own point of view, by the time I met dh I had done my bit being in relationships with men who earned less than me (while I wasn't a high earner back then I was on a very good wage for a 22 year old) and I made a conscious decision to steer away from that. Honestly if someone had come along who'd swept me off my feet I don't think I'd have rejected them on the basis of their salary but I remember being quite alert to it as a factor. Maybe because I'd grown up poor. As it happened the person who swept me off my feet did earn a decent salary and the rest is history!

Both WC - I was a high-earner in my 20's/30's - but (happily) having 3 kids & being burnt-out, killed any more high-flying. Got divorced.

I knew DH was "well-off" but no real sense of it as he lived in a similar house to mine/drove an oldish car. He was very private secretive/covert & sold his business & became MUCH wealthier in the space of months. I knew what sort of business he was in, but had no idea of the scale/never heard anyone discuss it.

I had some capital & property but a drop in the ocean compared to his, which became apparent very very quickly. I continued to work & still do into my 60's - sometimes part-time as I've always looked after family/elderly parents/grandchild/voluntary work & even now I have a very small business as I always want to contribute/have some independence
The accusations of being a "gold digger" have probably never stopped due to our financial disparity, despite my love for him from the beginning & my continued work-ethic - but other peoples opinions are not my business

My ex wasnt a high earner when we met, I earmed more than he did. Married, had kids, I became a sahm which gave him the freedom to pursue his career. He earned over 100k a year when we split. I got next to nothing (no capital assets).

I’d skip the husband and earn your own money tbh…or at least dont sacrifice your career for kids.

There are few places on earth where a quarter million pounds a year (converted to the local currency) isn’t rich. If you have more money than everybody else, you’re rich. It’s not a ‘feeling’.

You’re either bring goady or have no understanding of the world at all.

Where do you live?

Yes I get you! Funny, kind & rich would be acceptable & you & your husband both sound good like good (& lucky) people, albeit rare ime!

The first of my rich boyfriends was funny & kind but he took too many drugs & was a little obsessive.

Maybe Ricky Gervais might ditch Jane & might consider me!

I met dh when we were both students and penniless. He earns six figures now but it took time to get there.

DH and I come from solidly middle class families, and we met on a grad scheme. We both earn well though, it's not just him. Most couples we know have 2 earners, I think that's standard nowadays, and high flyers generally marry other high flyers.

Fucking hell, the world I live in is so different. The only loaded men I've ever met have been drug dealers 😂

Both working class but husband worked his arse off and earns very well. We live in a very MC area now and live in a beautiful home etc that I could only have dreamed of but our working class roots means we appreciate it all and don't ever brag.

We met at work and at the time i earned more than him. I still have a very good career but work part time as we have a young family and I wanted to prioritise the children. Since we had our first child my husbands career has sky rocketed.

The only issues we have had is with some of our oldest and closest friends. It's definitely changed a couple of relationships, odd comments are sometimes made etc. and there is sometimes an underlying tension.

Because of my DH role, we have to mix in circles with the super wealthy. At first I was very nervous but I've met such lovely people and the older I get, the more confident I am in myself and I don't hide our WC backgrounds. I'm proud of how much he (we) have achieved. A lot of people presume I am a SAHM because we have young children but I'm proud to tell them I have a good job too (I just earn far less!).

Earn a high wage yourself.

Due to my new job which is based in London and Switzerland - I rent a small cottage on the estate of the landowner. My colleagues / managers earn far more than me. My relatives in India can afford multiple holidays to Dubai (not that I find Dubai appealing for a holiday). My brother was on a six figure salary as soon as he left university whereas I have only just achieved it. So, I don't feel rich in comparison to them. Of course, there are people on benefits and £25k per annum etc - but I don't know them. The only people that I know that were of that type of income were my grandparents in the UK, my parents did only slightly better and their associates. It's been 20 years since I've known anyone in that income bracket. So, my income does not seem a lot in comparison to the people I am surrounded by. Why is that so hard to understand?!

This exchange started because you said On Mumsnet it's mostly no income, benefits, minimum wage, working class, lower middle class. Lower middle class will see rich as the top end of £150k because that's usually as good as it gets. £450k peeps are not really going to be on this thread although my ex boss was really thick and earned that. I am in the lower middle class bracket in the UK so can see why most people will see £150k as a high wage although in London £250k as a couple is not much let one £140k.

That is simply not true. None of it. Only a very small amount of people earn that and an even smaller number earn more, either in the U.K. or globally. It doesn’t matter how you feel or if you know people that earn more, it doesn’t impact the reality that people who earn that are rich. Statistics, economics and the meaning of words don’t hinge on your feelings or your extremely blinkered view of the world.

Why is that so hard to understand?

I've heard this too 😂
Girls looking for a hubby come into town from the 'burbs dressed up and available

Honesty it’s really not true. I work in Canary Wharf. It’s nightlife is fairly dull. It mainly consists of bankers (make and female) going for a quick drink before going home. Pretty much empty by 10pm. I’ve worked there since I was 23 and it’s never been exciting.

I think in our family all the women earn over 6 figures ourselves for starters! May be the men earning over 6 figures simply want wives who are earning the same - like attracting like? I am sure those of my children are married were not looking for money but they probably wanted someone who was similar to them as do most couples in most cultures across the whole planet - it is just human nature.

So my advice to women wanting a husband on six figures is stage 1 - woman go out there and earn 6 figures for yourself, then find husband who is similar...

In fact I thikn it is called "assortive mating" - that on the whole people tend to marry someone similar eg both been to university or both not etc etc

We met online and have very similar family backgrounds. He earns way more than me because he's a) older, b) career driven, c) in a well paid industry and d) commutes to London. On the other hand, I worked part-time because I would rather have more free time than money, am qualified in a poorly paid industry and would hate to commute.

No, I don't feel looked down on by him. No I didn't seek out a rich husband as I had a lifestyle I was very happy with without him!

I wanted to be a sahm if I had kids but that didn't factor in to my thinking when seeking a husband because by the time we met (later in life) I was already mortgage free (I inherited young) and just assumed it would be possible.

You earn a quarter of a million pounds a year and rent a small cottage on the estate of the landowner for whom you work?

You have relatives in India (a country where 60% of the 1.3 billion live in abject poverty), but say people don’t earn a lot of money in the U.K.? One of the richest countries in the world?

You literally don’t have eyes to see the human beings all over the world, in every country you visit, who earn far far less than a quarter of a million pounds a year. Your understanding of the world is restricted to the people you know to such an extent you can say things like ‘in London £250k as a couple is not much let one £140k’ and not realise how utterly ridiculous you’re being?

Is this real? 🤣

When I married DH I earned 3 times what he did. But he wanted a particular qualification. I paid for our mortgage (and for our wedding) and supported him while he studied for it. Then because of that qualification, his career took off while I had babies, so now I’m a housewife and he’s on £300k. It makes no sense for me to return to work so I don’t plan to. I wouldn’t say I “bagged a rich man” though.

We met at uni when neither of us had a clue what jobs we would do. Both from low income working class backgrounds in families that took education very seriously and knew that you only get one shot at it.

OK I feel poor. Statistically I'm not.

Also be a high earlier! I think that's how it often happens. We both earn a similar amount. Life is easier like that

You can feel however you want, tbh. Nobody actually asked. You shared your incorrect and, quite frankly, rather ignorant views on the economic realities of London and I responded.

Exactly this. I didn’t ‘bag a rich man’ any more than he ‘bagged a rich woman. We both earn similar amounts in similar careers.