I feel a bit shit about giving birth now - I missed the 'golden hour'

[Silverlog]

I've just been reading in the news about how important the golden hour is for your newborn. To have it laid on your chest skin-to-skin for the first hour. I was absolutely pie-faced on drugs giving birth and I was hallucinating too. It took me 3 days to come down to earth again afterwards, I was zombied-out. I'm actually really unhappy about the amount of drugs I was given. (The reason was that nothing gave pain-relief, all 8 epidurals were like water, no effect). I was given a lot of different stuff.

Having given birth, baby was wrapped up, shown to me & handed to dad, where she stayed whilst I was stitched. Very soon I was fast asleep after a 3 day labour.

I know it doesn't matter now as she's grown, but how I wish it'd been different.

I think motherhood goes hand in hand with guilt and beating one's self up for every perceived failing.

Have you given yourself any credit whatsoever for gestating your baby for 9months? For keeping her safe and protected and loved inside your body for that whole time? Have you felt any sense of pride for surviving what sounds like a really, really difficult birth?

Easy to say, but that golden hour is on too high a pedestal as far as I'm concerned. How many golden hours have you loved and nurtured your baby for, post-birth? THAT'S what really and truly counts.

Give yourself some kindness.

I think it's like that for many of us. My youngest was whipped off to SCBU pretty pronto.

It was necessary for her but I wish things had been different. But I have to temper that with the fact she's healthy, happy and here.

Oh I hear you. Mine was whisked away to NICU after very briefly being shown to me all wrapped up and I wasn’t able to hold him until day 3. He is 6 now and gorgeous but I do still get a pang when I see friends sharing beautiful photos just after birth in pools and suchlike when I was off my tits after a crash section and not knowing if my baby was ok. I’m not sure I’ll ever get past it tbh, I think it’s ok to have your moments where you can wish it had gone differently

Of it makes you feel any better, I think the golden hour is a myth like the tooth fairy. One of mine spent her golden hour being resuscitated and I'm just glad it worked.

I was just thinking the same thing.

I couldn't tell you if I hugged my children the first hour or not. Epidurals, pethidine, puking up, falling asleep mid push with baby one, delirious in theatre with baby two.

I also specified no skin to skin anyway, the idea of all that birth gunk was 🤢 I only wanted the baby once it was wrapped in a nice blanket.

Though I'm sure I'm rare in mumsnet land for that last one!

WHo says the golden hour has to be at birth? The first time you were with it enough to hold and love your new baby was your golden hour

With my first, she was handed to DH and I didn’t even know about skin to skin til a new midwife barked about half a hour in that she should be on my chest and ordered the first midwife to undress her again. By that time my baby was asleep anyway. She seems unscathed and is my most confident, secure child. I am sure it is important but so is everything else we have done since.

I dunno, in the grand scheme of things I don't think it's that important. It wasn't for me, anyway - I had a crash C-section under GA, so didn't get to hold DS for hours. We bonded perfectly, I was utterly besotted with him after a few hours, and I bf him for 3 years. I don't see what could've been improved TBH, or what I'm supposed to have missed out on (other than death, which is what would've happened without the life-saving intervention by the medics).

Yip, saw that and I feel the same. Unconscious for the birth and baby taken to NICU. More mum guilt!

Didn't have the chance with either of mine, both were whisked off to SCBU and I had barely seen them. I didn't see them for hours and hours in both cases, and couldn't pick them up or do skin to skin for longer still. But I don't think that one hour is the only chance you get to gain the benefits they mention. When I got home with both of mine I barely put them down, and I felt a real need to hold them and to touch them - that's when we had our many golden hours.

No I was the same!

Also I’d been awake for 72 hours and was mainly interested in my cup of tea and toast.

I've never heard of golden hour. Mine was prem and whisked away to NICU while I was still on the operating table. I don't think many people have dream deliveries and are all snuggled up blissfully immediately afterwards.

@DorritLittle phew, thought I might be an outlier on that one!

I didn’t get to hold mine until he was two weeks old. I wouldn’t say my bond with him is any more or less than his older brother who I had skin to skin with straight away.

Yep I got my little one for 2 minutes then he had to go for some treatment so it was a good few hours before they brought from to us in the recovery unit I was a bit out of it to be fair so can't say I really gave it much thought!

I didn’t either. My twins were both rushed to the NICU after a traumatic 35 week birth. Didn’t hold one of them till the following day. The other was in for 6 weeks so she never felt like mine till I got her home. They are 5 now though and I really don’t think it matters in the long run!

My youngest of foot was a homebirth after a 3 day labour with no sleep. The second she was out of me I was told she was on and I fell sleep legs akimbo. They woke me to tell me that the placenta was stuck and if I didn't push I had to go to hospital. I dutifully pushed while they pulled and then they changed the puppy pad and tucked a load of absorbent material in it and literally taped it to me like a nappy as I was back asleep. It was on my notes as medical exhaustion. I woke 7 hours later and sorted myself out before going downstairs to the smell of bacon butties and the beautiful sight of my DH carrying my baby towards me. That's when I met her for the first time.

She's by far the best, happiest and most well adjusted off all my children.

Please don't beat yourself up about it. Your child will love you and you will love your child regardless!

With my first DC I was being put on a drip due to PPH and the staff were rushing/panicking a bit. With my second I passed her straight to DH as she peed all over me and I needed to wipe it all. He handed her back and she shat on me! 😂 Charming! So we were busy cleaning that up. For me golden hour was more like golden shower! Little sod.

They're 12 and 15, no ill effects!

It's all bullshit, love and care for your children and they will grow up just fine.

With my now 12 year old, I had an EMCS and he was whisked off quickly after to check his blood sugar as I had severe GDS. I had the shakes from the birth and so my DH held him first. He finally came to me some time later.
Anyway, it certainly didn’t affect our bond at all! He’s a lovely affectionate, cuddly boy.
I couldn’t even breast feed him! Everything went wrong and yet it made no difference at all. I have a second son who did get immediate skin to skin and breast fed and I am no closer to one and honestly you’d never be able to guess which one had the “better” start.
Only my personal anecdotes but just don’t worry about things you couldn’t control, just look at things you can, how lovely you are to your child now, how you respond to them etc, that’s what makes the difference, not some random hour the moment they’re born.

Those of you who feel guilty, did you feel guilty before you heard about the "golden hour"?

You made a person! Be proud 🤗

Similar happened with me due a PPH.

What happened was an amazing bonding experience between my husband and baby. He got to take care and be the one - after baby and I had 9 months together.

Baby was exhausted after birth (if you had stitches there may have been a little intervention?) So got to rest, feel warm and hear daddy's heartbeat for the first time and pick up dad's scent which is really important for their bonding.

I didn't have the Golden hour either, the doctors were more concerned with repairing my tattered undercarriage after a difficult forceps delivery. I don't even remember who first dressed the baby, I assume it was one of the midwives, because it was done by the time I was with it enough to notice. It didn't make any difference in the long run to our bonding, although I did fail at breastfeeding due to low supply and I wonder if skin to skin would have made a difference, but what's done is done and no point stressing about it.

Ds was waved at me as soon as he emerged and then was taken to SCBU and I didn't even see him properly for a few hours apart from a polaroid and didn't hold him at all. He was very well attached as a baby/toddler and is a lovely (mostly!) 16 year old now in spite of spending his first days in an incubator.
I was jealous of other peoples lovely pics of them cuddling their babies though, so I think its a very normal thing to feel.

Never heard of golden hour. Another stick to beat new mums with I see. I’m sure you are glued to your baby now, that’s what counts. All those drugs leaving your system probably made you feel even worse. All the best to you