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Original poster

I feel a bit shit about giving birth now - I missed the 'golden hour'

251 replies

Silverlog · 15/03/2023 18:58

I've just been reading in the news about how important the golden hour is for your newborn. To have it laid on your chest skin-to-skin for the first hour. I was absolutely pie-faced on drugs giving birth and I was hallucinating too. It took me 3 days to come down to earth again afterwards, I was zombied-out. I'm actually really unhappy about the amount of drugs I was given. (The reason was that nothing gave pain-relief, all 8 epidurals were like water, no effect). I was given a lot of different stuff.

Having given birth, baby was wrapped up, shown to me & handed to dad, where she stayed whilst I was stitched. Very soon I was fast asleep after a 3 day labour.

I know it doesn't matter now as she's grown, but how I wish it'd been different.

OP posts:
BellaTheDarkOverlord · 15/03/2023 19:18

@Moredarkchocolateplease I'm same as for the skin to skin. Wipe off all her mess and I'll hold her when she's warm and struggled up instead. My next is due in June as I'll specify the same. Dh can hold her first but let her be cuddled in a blanket and warm before she comes to us.

Whoneedsleep · 15/03/2023 19:18

I missed it with both DC. With DC1 I was exhausted and DC2 was whisked off as she was blue and not breathing strongly enough.

DC2 in particular is the clingiest child known to man…no bonding problems here!

Rolomuffin · 15/03/2023 19:21

I didn't hold my baby for 6 hours because he got whisked off to NICU plus I was shaking so much from the drugs/shock I wouldn't have been safe holding him. It wasn't ideal but he's alive and that's the main thing.

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Ukholidaysaregreat · 15/03/2023 19:21

I have never heard of the golden hour and I have got 4 kids. It is just a random idea that some one has had. I often think women are encouraged to make birth plans but actually we just want the mother and child to make it through alive and healthy. Encouraging people to make a plan where you listen to whale music floating in a calm pool and then the reality of giving birth often being a life or death situation is just setting people up to be disappointed. I think they should just talk people through all the medical options and say we can make the best decisions in the moment. Hopefully would lead to less guilt and people beating themselves up for having failed later. Well done for getting through it with you and your child. You have the rest of your lives for golden hours! Xxxx

MustardChair · 15/03/2023 19:21

Cloudhoppingdancer · 15/03/2023 19:03

Of it makes you feel any better, I think the golden hour is a myth like the tooth fairy. One of mine spent her golden hour being resuscitated and I'm just glad it worked.

Same.

Don't beat yourself up. Plenty of opportunities for beating yourself up for pretty much everything as the years go by. Give yourself a break on this one. Thanks

whenindoubtgotothelibrary · 15/03/2023 19:21

Cloudhoppingdancer · Today 19:03

Of it makes you feel any better, I think the golden hour is a myth like the tooth fairy. One of mine spent her golden hour being resuscitated and I'm just glad it worked.

So true. And wasn't even a thing when my dc were born

MustardChair · 15/03/2023 19:24

DorritLittle · 15/03/2023 19:08

No I was the same!

Also I’d been awake for 72 hours and was mainly interested in my cup of tea and toast.

Show quote history

I was desperate for the toast i had heard so much about.

i gave birth at 1 am. I asked about toast and was told that breakfast was at 8. I ate the last 3 winegums DH had not eaten.

26 hour labour.

I'm still annoyed.

Sleepless1096 · 15/03/2023 19:25

I spent my "golden hour" being stitched up after a very fast and traumatic labour with only gas and air. The stitches almost took longer than the labour. Having been relatively ok up until this point, I shook uncontrollably and screamed hysterically every time anyone came near me as my tolerance was completely at an end (in hindsight, I realise I was in shock). Giving birth is generally messy however you do it.

StJulian2023 · 15/03/2023 19:27

Nimbostratus100 · 15/03/2023 19:05

WHo says the golden hour has to be at birth? The first time you were with it enough to hold and love your new baby was your golden hour

This is beautiful. I had many golden hours in the first few weeks and beyond with both DC - neither within the first hour of birth

Topseyt123 · 15/03/2023 19:27

I wasn't even aware that there was a "Golden Hour" when I had my three. I asked for them to be handed to DH anyway because I felt wobbly and was more worried about dropping them at first.

I don't think it made any difference at all to how we bonded.

Don't beat yourself up. You and your child will be fine.

notthisagainforest · 15/03/2023 19:31

You really should let it go. It doesn't matter now and you can't change it. Accept how it went and know that the hospital staff do their best to have a good outcome for mum and baby at the time.

olympicsrock · 15/03/2023 19:31

Birth is rarely perfect or even ok… We all just do our best. There is a lifetime to be a mother.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 15/03/2023 19:31

Cloudhoppingdancer · 15/03/2023 19:03

Of it makes you feel any better, I think the golden hour is a myth like the tooth fairy. One of mine spent her golden hour being resuscitated and I'm just glad it worked.

I was lucky to have this, but it's very dependent on as little intervention as possible which I don't think many pregnant women are told about or seem to know about (and of course it's not always possible ie if you have an emergency)

Sapphire387 · 15/03/2023 19:32

Yet another way that new mums are made to feel guilty. Sounds like internalised misogyny to me - you were ill, you needed to recover from a hard birth. You shouldn't have been expected to 'bond' with your baby within the first hour when for medical reasons, you couldn't.

UWhatNow · 15/03/2023 19:33

I’m sure there will be plenty of ‘golden hour’ mums wondering what happened 13 years later when that child slams a door screaming ‘I hate you’ after you’ve asked them nicely to not let cereal bowls grow mould in their tip of a bedroom.

Golden hour is best practise in the very first hour of life, but there are a billion more hours of bonding and parenting with that child. In a life-long relationship - the first hour, even if you remember it, they won’t and it all becomes pretty insignificant.

TeenLifeMum · 15/03/2023 19:33

My oldest had skin to skin etc although I was in total shock as her birth was so quick. Dtds were emergency cs - dtd1 resuscitated and rushed to scbu so I didn’t meet her for 3 hours, dtd2 did have skin to skin. Dd1 has never been cuddly but dtds are so cuddly and confident.

what I’m saying is, it made no difference.

happyp123 · 15/03/2023 19:34

I was under general anaesthetic having my son and I didn’t see him properly (only pictures) until he was 3 days old when they brought him to me in IC for a cuddle. Things happen we don’t have control over, please don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m pretty sure you’ve had many wonderful moments with your baby since then.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 15/03/2023 19:35

I also had a three day labour and I slept immediately after baby was born. I also failed to wake up to feed him the first night we were home.
motherhood I'd guilt with guilt op.

Echobelly · 15/03/2023 19:36

You just need to let go of it - as you say, it hasn't mattered now your child is grown. There is literally nothing to be gained by even thinking about it. I hope you can move on.

ssd · 15/03/2023 19:36

Golden hour sounds a load of nonsense, up there with quality time.

Flubadubba · 15/03/2023 19:37

Very similar situation to you- was handed to DH after a very quick snuggle, as I was off my face ans being stitched up after forceps. DD was then rushed to NICU, and I didn't see her for 48 hours, or really hold her much until 72 hours after.

She is 3.t now, and I do wonder what impact it might have had. We are incredibly close, but she is simultaneously both the most secure and independent kid I know.

DameKatyDenisesClagnuts · 15/03/2023 19:38

Mine went straight to SCBU as she was prem and I don't even remember meeting her for the first time as I was so drugged/knackered. Golden Hour would've been lovely but sometimes these things just don't work out. Please don't feel bad about it OP

KilljoysMakeSomeNoise · 15/03/2023 19:38

My first 4 weren't handed to me straight away, as 2 were emergency sections, one under GA, the next 2 twins that needed SCBU. My youngest was given straight to me for skin to skin. It was lovely, but I can't say bonding or feeding etc was any different to how it was with the others.

They are all grown up now (youngest is 15) and I seriously don't think it has that much effect on their lives.

Be kind to yourself, it honestly doesn't matter.

Lcb123 · 15/03/2023 19:38

I thought golden hour is when you had a cocktail at sunset!
youve got a healthy baby-nothing else matters. Focus your attention on being present with them now, not worrying about the past

bussteward · 15/03/2023 19:38

I thought the golden hour was just about feeding during that hour makes you more lil wet my to feed successfully? Not a magical bonding hour. Neither of my two fed in the first hour, DD’s first hour I don’t even recall - I’d been awake for four days and was on many drugs - but fed her til she was three. DS was too sleepy his first 24 hours and I contracted some kind of grim hospital-grade diarrhoea so spent his first week on earth hunched on the loo, crying.

Skin to skin is magical and golden but you can do it whenever you want. And it’s almost more magical when you’re not leaking and bleeding and off your tits on drugs, and you’re home and there’s cake as well.