I feel a bit shit about giving birth now - I missed the 'golden hour'

[Silverlog]

I've just been reading in the news about how important the golden hour is for your newborn. To have it laid on your chest skin-to-skin for the first hour. I was absolutely pie-faced on drugs giving birth and I was hallucinating too. It took me 3 days to come down to earth again afterwards, I was zombied-out. I'm actually really unhappy about the amount of drugs I was given. (The reason was that nothing gave pain-relief, all 8 epidurals were like water, no effect). I was given a lot of different stuff.

Having given birth, baby was wrapped up, shown to me & handed to dad, where she stayed whilst I was stitched. Very soon I was fast asleep after a 3 day labour.

I know it doesn't matter now as she's grown, but how I wish it'd been different.

This concept seems to do nothing but add to Mum guilt. What a pile of shite! Your baby has been as close as possible to you for 9 months.

My baby’s ‘golden hour’ consisted of resuscitation for him, and me being off my tits on drugs hallucinating.

Oh @Silverlog your child is your child until they die, honestly one hour here or there isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference to that or if we are being totally honest, to them. I am sure over the many years they are your child, you will more than make up for it

Mine all flew out of me in very fast, sober, violent labours that left me in tatters. I held each for moments before handing them to their father so i could get stitched up. There was a lovely moment, but no hour. It was mostly a pretty gruesome hour if I recall (and I try not too).

Both of mine were born by crash section under GA. I need saw either until they were two days old .They are 53 and 50 now.I accepted this as at that time it was considered normal after emergency sections.
I am now a great grandma, one o my great grandsons had a water birth.I near knew these things were possible!

I did do this, but don’t buy into it at all. Made not a jot of difference to either of us. You didn’t miss anything.

Seems like it was a very tough labour and your body obviously took the rest it needed for the 18 years ahead (& beyond).

I had a c-section and my baby went straight into NICU. Couldn't see her till my drugs wore off, could cuddle her till 4 days old. I grieve for the 'golden hour' too but there was nothing I could do to change it. Try to not be so unkind to yourself, motherhood is hard enough as it is x

I also missed out on the golden hour, emergency C-section meant I was also being stitches back together. Not going to lie everytime I hear about the golden hour and how important it is I feel a twinge of sadness that something may be missing or I failed I'm some way.

I certainly did today when I saw it on news. Then I looked at my daughter and how happy she is. What happened at her birth was beyond my control and she is loved and content and we have had many, many wonderful hours together.

Sometimes I think it's all just another thing to guilt women with.

What is this fresh piece of nonsense to make women feel inadequate? Isn't being pregnant, giving birth, breast feeding (if you want to and it works for you), getting back in shape, coping with hardly any sleep, weaning, and just bonding and loving them enough to deal with. I was treated like shit by a vile midwife when I gave birth, I developed PTSD and had to have therapy, and bonding with my baby was slow because of the flashbacks of the birth and the whole of my hideous hospital experience. So it was more like a grimy, grim and nasty episode with nothing golden other than my beauty of a baby

I posted something similar on here a year or so ago and relate to how you feel. After I had DD I just didn't want to hold her. I think I was in shock and a bit out of it and selfishly I just wanted to get myself sorted out first with stitches etc. I remember she was crying and my husband was holding her and somebody commented that she was probably hungry and my thoughts were well she's just going to have to wait. Looking back I feel so awful that this is how I felt when she was only moments old and her instincts were to be with me/feeding. After she was born no one encouraged or supported me to do skin to skin once we moved to the ward and I didn't know the importance of it really. A midwife dressed her quite quickly after she was born and popped her in the cot next to me and that's where she spent most of her first day with me staring into space wondering what had happened.

When we got home I just wanted to sleep after being awake for almost 3 days and my husband took care of her the first night where apparently she just screamed at him (starving hungry I think because I had no idea how often I needed to breastfeed). Knowing what I know now I do look back at this time with sadness that I didn't enjoy that initial 'newborn bubble' and soak up all the snuggles etc, I just wanted to put her down and to sleep. I often wish I could go back and do it again but differently.

Anyway I try not to dwell on it too much now and recognise that I just went into some kind of survival mode I think 😆. We did somehow establish breastfeeding, bonded etc and DD doesn't seem to hold any grudges against me, even though I didn't hold her and starved her for the first day 😅

I didn't have it as I was just out of it after an emergency c-sect, our daughter had skin to skin with my husband instead. It's literally made no difference to anything. Don't stress about it too much. I really don't think it's a thing.

I didn’t get a golden hour either. I was rushed to theatre straight after giving birth with a retained placenta and massive haemorrhage. My partner held and fed our son first. I barely remember holding him for the first time, I was so drugged up and in shock. Wasn’t until we got home and settled that I felt more with it. Definitely hoping for a better experience if I have any more children

It’s also important to remember that newborns can’t tell the time. Tiny idiots, they haven’t a clue whether it’s within the hour or within the day or week or whatever. They don’t know what a clock is or what their own head is. Most of them haven’t read the baby books and they certainly don’t read daily mail headlines.

I didn't even see
Dts for 24 hours. It is what it it is.

‘Golden hour?!’ Are they having a fucking laugh?

Hardly anyone has a textbook perfect birth.

Personally I was still quite numb from epidural, also shaking like a shitting dog for some reason, I was being stitched up after a tear and an episiotomy, and I couldn’t really move as a 9lb baby had just been wrenched with forceps from my vag, leaving the area looking like it had been though a mincer. I could barely hold my ds for shaking and fear of dropping him.

Golden hour t’was not!

If it makes you feel better, I’m adopted and didn’t get a golden hour. Nor did anyone love me for the first six weeks of my life. That used to break my heart but then I had newborns are realised they are clueless; it’s the months and years that follow that matter most. Since I was six weeks old, I have had loving parents and am happy, fulfilled, doing well in my job and have gorgeous happy kids of my own. I guess my point is - don’t beat yourself up; missing ‘golden hour’ won’t have any detrimental effect whatsoever 😘

I had dreams of labouring for my baby and holding them on my chest.
I ended up having an emergency C section for twins and one of my babies went to the special babies unit while I was being stitched up and given a blood transfusion.
My husband and my m'n'law went to go visit my son - my husband and my m'n'law had a cuddle and held him before I did. I get my hubby as its his baby too - m'n'law not so much.

I’ve never heard of the golden hour. I couldn’t tell you much about the first hour after any of my 3 were born. I have a million and one other happy memories since then so it’s not something I’m going to worry about.
It was that long ago so to be honest it’s all a bit of a blur- I just remember feeling an overwhelming sense of relief that it was all over.
OP don’t dwell on stuff like this it’s not important in the grand scale of things. Honestly 💐

i thought the golden hour was about police finding kidnap victims?

mine breast-fed for England and I felt trapped and uncomfortable.

Oh god as if there aren't enough things to feel guilty about without that! Something you have no control over either. What's so important about it? Please don't overthink this - baby was safe and you did it, that'd what is important.

I haven't read the thread, but the first hour is a lovely time to bond and snuggle IF YOU DON'T NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION, OR YOUR BABY ISN'T ILL

If you don't do it, it's fine! Baby won't suffer. It's a cherry on the icing on the cake thing, not the cake.

And, your baby was with her dad, being cuddled and held and loved. She didn't miss out, she had a great start!

Let it go OP, I'm sure your baby is just fine.

And you have a healthy child so stop dwelling on it.

I kissed mine briefly before she was taken to NICU and I was left trying to not die of sepsis, so I missed it too. I'd never even heard of it till now! I think we did the best we could at the time.

I haven't read the DM article, but I have read the Cochrane review of evidence around skin-to-skin at birth. It found that women who had early skin-to-skin contact with their babies were more likely to breastfeed, and breastfed on average for 60 days longer than those who didn't. The review looked at the timing and duration of skin-to-skin and found that it was of unclear significance whether skin-to-skin occurred immediately at birth or at some later point within the first 24 hours, and whether it lasted for more or less than an hour. It concludes that early skin-to-skin should be recommended as standard because it seems like there may be some small benefits, and there's no risk of harm. Which essentially boils down to "It's nice to cuddle your baby, maybe it'll help with the breastfeeding, and there's no harm in trying, so why not give it a go?" It certainly doesn't support the idea that some kind of magical 'Golden Hour' immediately post-birth has any significant impact on the baby's long-term wellbeing.

Thank you for your honesty here, you’ve brought back some memories for me I find quite painful to reflect on because I feel so ashamed that I didn’t fall in love straight away and my main thoughts were for my own recovery. Just reading about your experience has been quite healing. The very fact you worry about it means you’re a great Mum, like you said just in survival mode after the hideous experience that is childbirth. So thank you!

I noticed the language in the article was primed for making Mother's feel this way eg vital etc.
I didn't get a golden hour with my son - he was induced as that's the policy in our area for IVF babies. Ended up an emergency c section and he needed a bit of help so for 30 mins he at the side of the theatre with the Paediatrician and nurses. Dad got to hold his hand, cut the cord, hold him etc and then he was finally brought over to me but only for a quick 5 mins so they could do further check.
There was nothing golden about the post natal ward either. But that's another story. It was nothing like I had hoped for and I do often wonder if my journey to conceive was smoother if I'd feel differently and more resentful. I do think it could have been done better but some bits were unavoidable and I don't feel it's negatively impacted my bond with our baby at all. I'm so grateful I got a baby after all the IVF. He's just wonderful. If I was lucky enough to have another yes I'd use my experience to advocate better for what I want after birth... xxx