I feel a bit shit about giving birth now - I missed the 'golden hour'

[Silverlog]

I've just been reading in the news about how important the golden hour is for your newborn. To have it laid on your chest skin-to-skin for the first hour. I was absolutely pie-faced on drugs giving birth and I was hallucinating too. It took me 3 days to come down to earth again afterwards, I was zombied-out. I'm actually really unhappy about the amount of drugs I was given. (The reason was that nothing gave pain-relief, all 8 epidurals were like water, no effect). I was given a lot of different stuff.

Having given birth, baby was wrapped up, shown to me & handed to dad, where she stayed whilst I was stitched. Very soon I was fast asleep after a 3 day labour.

I know it doesn't matter now as she's grown, but how I wish it'd been different.

This. Skin to skin hadn’t been invented when most of us were born. We all seem to be reasonably OK.

@Silverlog I was the same. After my DC were born, they were handed to me for a few minutes then swiftly passed to DH who looked after them for the first 2 weeks. DH was wearing a shirt that he unbuttoned, so at least the babies did get skin to skin contact.
I think it is nonsense anyway. Just another theory to make women feel shit about themselves.

Just another stick to beat women with, in my opinion. This ‘golden hour’ - bollocks, what matters is the years afterwards, for those of us lucky enough to have them.

I gave birth by section and didn't get to hold my first til I was in recovery. My second not at all as she was whisked to NICU.
Sure it would have been better to have more normal births, but it is what it is. I don't regret anything as it was best for both my baby's health.

Absolutely true. I had 4 and I've had two where I had them straight away and I've had an EMCS and wasn't even awake for the first hour and a 10lb baby with a difficult forceps and all I wanted to do after the birth was eat toast and drink tea. Still loved him but I was so hungry and empty. If you met them now you'd realise it didn't make a bit of difference, in fact the one who took second place to the toast is the most confident so I don't think it damaged him.

There just seems to be more and more things we are supposed to worry about or feel guilty about.

If it helps, I had a mix with mine between having it and not having it and honestly don’t feel I missed anything with those I didn’t. I’ve had immediate placed on chest and uninterrupted, through to not holding one for weeks due to surgeries/critical state and permutations between. I don’t feel either myself or those with immediate placement on me and where we were left to it for the next several hours gained any benefit than the others, and don’t anything was missed with those where that didn’t occur.

Honestly, don’t lose any sleep over this. I had caesareans with my two, the hour after DH kind of held them next to me while I was stitched up and just looked at them affectionately! They are fine. Women need to stop writing crap like this on social media to make themselves feel superior!

Completely echo what the PPs have said. Very few births are perfect and go how you expect or want them to so please don’t beat yourself up! My little one was a preemie and is still in hospital eight months after birth. I didn’t get a cuddle until he was six weeks old and we have still have an amazing bond even though he is still attached to machines and stuck in hospital. The guilt I have felt throughout this process is unreal but honestly we’re all doing our best and whilst it would be amazing for things to go to plan I genuinely don’t think that anything that early on will make a massive world of difference, so please don’t stress.

I didn’t have that at all - a combination of DD being whisked off for medical attention and me having a catastrophic bleed and blood pressure crash.

DD is now 15. Our bond has always been exceptional and continues to be so, we’ve never had anything different. I think we just had our golden hour at a different moment.

So don’t beat yourself up. It really is all the time afterwards that matters.

Guilt is part of giving birth. 6 DC and have regrets and guilt for all of them. We are made to feel guilty by media all the time. That’s part of sadly being a mum. Don’t do this. Do so that. Ignore all and you will be fine.

I've never even heard of this "golden hour" but I can tell you that DH got that time with both of our DDs. I was busy getting stitched up or filling my face with tea and toast!

Honestly, motherhood is so full of guilt for every tiny thing, these ideas need to be sacked off!

Golden hour?!!! HOUR??? Your body spent 9 whole months creating and nurturing your child, building a bond together, your baby knew your voice, your smell. Then you spent 3 days delivering her into the world in horrible circumstances, but you did it. One bloody hour that some dickhead (probably a man) declares as important means nothing after that. You should be proud of what you did, without wanting to sound like a pro-lifer, it’s a mini miracle every time. Women’s bodies are incredible.

@Silverlog I had two failed epidurals, horrible Oxytocin that made contractions brutally painful,and then Pethidine that absolutely made me so Zonko I felt so far removed from it all, like a red tunnel of something that was happening to someone else.
DS was zonked, too.

It really affected breast feeding initially as DS was so sleepy .

I wish I could have done it without painkillers ( I didn’t expect to feel so remote from what was going on).
🙂

I really wouldn't worry about. My 11 year old was briefly put in me before being handed to my husband whilst I was being stitched up. It hasn't effected our relationship. He loves me 🥰

I had my vagina sliced open and a spinal block. I’d been awake for three days and was hallucinating cats walking around. Had no interest in holding the baby when the poor sod was finally dragged out. Dh held him and I was stitched up. Took them about 2 hours. I still didnt sleep for another day & night, no one would let me rest. I should join the fucking SAS.

Please don’t put this pressure on yourself! You and bay are healthy that’s what matters most. Your baby won’t even remember “golden hour” all they want is a loving mum x

My eldest 2 were in an incubator for nearly a month. They're just fine. And, most importantly, still alive. They couldn't really not stitch up your fanny, could they?

Well that would have been lovely, but I was busy getting an emergency blood transfusion as I’d lost too much… we had plenty of cuddles later, you’d never know we’d missed a crucial bit of parenting while I was busy not dying.
Total bollocks I say!

Another one with no "golden hour" here. Mine was born at 34 weeks, I had a very brief hold of him wrapped in a blanket and then he was taken off to NICU. We didn't have any skin to skin until day 10.

There were signs up in the NICU/SCBU about this golden hour and I remember feeling really shit about it at the time (I still do every now and again), but he's now 15 months old and we have an amazing bond.

@Silverlog oh, love please ignore the daily Mail - that article is total pish. The actual science of the neonatal golden hour is about the importance of treating medical trauma within the first hour, eg getting premmies into SCBU.

Skin to skin contact is a good way to bond with a newborn and support breast feeding - but doesn’t have to happen straight after birth.

My DS was rushed to NICU from birth and I was taken to surgery and then ICU. We did skin to skin when he was 3 weeks old. I hope it reassures you - and any other worried mums on this chat - it didn’t affect our bond or his development at all. I am currently on the sofa, sharing a heated blanket, watching football with my now 18-year old ‘baby’.

congratulations to all you new mums x

Newborn was air ambulanced two hours away from me whilst I was in recovery from my c-section. No golden hour here!

Totally agree. And it changes regularly so in a few years there will be another piece of guidance to feel bad about.

my understanding is that the hour after birth is good to get breastfeeding started as it can be easier to get them to latch etc. Nothing to do with bonding- more taking advantage of the biological instincts that make it easier to start and establish feeding. Babies have been with you, hearing your voice and your heartbeat for months- they can wait for you to rest and recover after labour, they still know you’re their mum! I do understand your feelings though and have had similar ones about my first c-section.

This

Oh, load of rubbish. Everything's important, but that single hour will not change your child's future. We parents are made to feel guilty about literally everything.