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Did he propose? Am I engaged?

396 replies

crymeout · 13/03/2023 07:41

DP and I are in the process of buying a house. We've talked about getting married before and wanting to be married but we are going to wait until we move (we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances). Last night, we were celebrating our house purchase (I wasn't feeling well at the weekend) and had quite a lot of Prosecco/champagne. At one point DP says 'now all that's left to do is get married' and I said 'yes, please' and we kissed. Does that count? A, I now engaged? DP is fast asleep so can't ask him yet but would you say that counts/assume you were engaged after that??

OP posts:
Elfidela1980 · 13/03/2023 10:54

Sirius3030 · 13/03/2023 09:06

I really wouldn’t do this.

Just sayin, but DH’s ex did this exact routine. Not saying their break-up was entirely down to that, but certain things have got to be joint decisions, and promises made with an open heart and free will, right? (when DH proposed to me, my reply was ‘and are you absolutely sure?’ 🤪)

Glame · 13/03/2023 10:54

Nocutenamesleft · 13/03/2023 10:23

Hahah. That’s so true!!

Her partner said that, because he thought he was going to die of cancer. It helps to read the thread x

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 13/03/2023 10:57

Ask him @crymeout if he did actually ask!! And if not ask him. Smile

Hope you will be really happy together. 😍

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

SerafinasGoose · 13/03/2023 10:58

Wildly tangential I know, but the screen name @StephenDedalus does make me smile in this particular context.

He asks Emma Clery to shag him, suggests they go their own separate ways in the morning, and is quite surprised when she says no, accuses him of being a woman-hater, and all his friends laugh at him.

From my reading of the site it seems there are quite a few Stephens partnered to the good women of Mumsnet! Perhaps there is still something to be said for a bit of romance and adventure ...

Soontobemumof2x · 13/03/2023 11:04

Unless he says, will you marry me, I’d assume no!

Either way, exciting future ahead OP!

Cheesywholemealbread · 13/03/2023 11:08

No.

You wouldn't be questioning your engagement if you knew.

InsertMoniker · 13/03/2023 11:13

Id say no and if he said it was I'd be disappointed there was no proper proposal!

I'm never sure if mine was a proposal, or just a conversation. Talking about some friends who were getting married, now dh says, in the pub. . .

"That's what I'd like us to do eventually"

"Oh, what do you mean eventually?"

"Well I've got the the 3rd week off next month"

"OK"

Heronwatcher · 13/03/2023 11:13

I mean I don’t want to get married but there is no way I would accept that as a proposal! I think unless he’s actually said “will you marry me” and produced a ring it’s probably more an expression of a nice thing to do in the future than a proposal? But obviously the only thing to do really is to ask him!

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 11:14

JackHackettsMac · 13/03/2023 10:47

Whoosh! Oh dear, I think you missed the point by a country mile there so I’ll spell it out for you. 😂

He assumed as it was a blood cancer that he was going to die and was worried about leaving me with young DC. Thankfully, he was more subtle with his proposal.

Yes I got all that.

You missed my point. How can you come on a thread and mock people who say they would like a romantic proposal and say that is from the 1950s and then in the same breath talk about changing your surname for whatever reason? Personally I think it was a lovely reason especially because of the circumstances. But then don’t go around saying others must be from the 1950 if they would like a romantic proposal. I just pointed out that that is ironic.

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 11:16

Glame · 13/03/2023 10:54

Her partner said that, because he thought he was going to die of cancer. It helps to read the thread x

Yes @Glame we got it. Read above.

Bollindger · 13/03/2023 11:16

You can ask him.
When he wakes up just look him in the eyes and say did you really propose last night or did I dream it.
If he wants to be engaged he can say yes, or you can laugh with him and see where he stands.

Blossomtoes · 13/03/2023 11:17

RudsyFarmer · 13/03/2023 08:59

I think you are now waiting for a formal proposal.

Why? We’ve been married for 23 years, still no proposal. Where did we go so wrong?

CalpolDependant · 13/03/2023 11:17

Liorae · 13/03/2023 09:57

I guess that explains the Mumsnet obsession with "roast dinners". I don't know anyone in real life who eats them.

You don’t know ANYONE in real life that eats roast dinners!? 😂😂😂

vera99 · 13/03/2023 11:17

Sounds like you are half pregnant - congratu.......😁

SerafinasGoose · 13/03/2023 11:28

Nothing wrong with demonstrative proposals if that's what floats your boat. If a couple is happy with this then other people's approval or disapproval is irrelevant.

Where problems arise is around some expectations of proposals always coming from the man. The idea of a woman sitting on her laurels and 'waiting' for this moment, thereby handing all the power of an important decision about both people's futures solely to him, <is> archaic. There's no getting away from it.

It makes sense to discuss beforehand exactly what you hope for and expect from a relationship. Communicate! It's pointless neglecting to tell your partner what you want because of certain outmoded expectations surrounding 'tradition', then being all pissed off and disappointed when you don't get it. I'd have thought this attitude a thing of the past, but it's quite surprising how many variations of 'he won't marry me' still appear on this site: usually from women who had children in the expectation marriage will happen sometime but hasn't, or from those whose partners have promised marriage with no intention of fulfilling it.

I never particularly cared about marriage. DH originally wanted that, and I agreed to it because I love him, but we're both independent professionals and parent on an equal basis. In the end we both knew how essential it was that we could order our affairs in the event of something happening to one of us, or if we became incapacitated. Without marriage these things can pose great added difficulties in already challenging situations. It's a serious covenant, not a romantic whim.

We'd been together a decade before we married, and it still amuses me that some superficial acquaintances think I 'waited all that time' for a proposal. They must be joking! I had other priorities at that time. DH always knew I wasn't going anywhere.

Glame · 13/03/2023 11:30

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 11:14

Yes I got all that.

You missed my point. How can you come on a thread and mock people who say they would like a romantic proposal and say that is from the 1950s and then in the same breath talk about changing your surname for whatever reason? Personally I think it was a lovely reason especially because of the circumstances. But then don’t go around saying others must be from the 1950 if they would like a romantic proposal. I just pointed out that that is ironic.

I'd just leave it now @Ndd135632; you know you stepped out of line and your doubling down is getting embarrassing 😬

PhillySub · 13/03/2023 11:32

He made a comment when he was pissed, he needs to say it again when he is sober.

CalpolDependant · 13/03/2023 11:32

Bollindger · 13/03/2023 11:16

You can ask him.
When he wakes up just look him in the eyes and say did you really propose last night or did I dream it.
If he wants to be engaged he can say yes, or you can laugh with him and see where he stands.

You could be ready, hovering over him, for when his eyes do open.

You could say “Is it my imagination, or are we engaged? I really hope it’s not my imagination…”

In the background, I’m thinking Stuck in the Middle by Stealers Wheel should be softly playing.

And, “Mrs <his surname here>” written over and over again on the mirror, in what he hopes is red lipstick.

Cloudhoppingdancer · 13/03/2023 11:34

I would say you've arranged to get engaged. He probably doesn't think that was his proposal.

Doris86 · 13/03/2023 11:36

How are we supposed to know? Ask him!

Monster80 · 13/03/2023 11:39

No, but your partner is thinking you’ll do that next. That would have been an awful proposal.

ancientgran · 13/03/2023 11:40

I've been married twice, never had a proposal but we talked about the future and it just became accepted that we would marry. First one I did get a ring before we married, second one I've never had a ring, bit late now as we will be celebrating our 40th anniversary next year.

Maireas · 13/03/2023 11:42

Book a venue and plan a hen night.
See what happens.

PrincessScarlett · 13/03/2023 11:42

No it was not a proposal. He was pissed.

My now DH proposed when pissed, I said no and he could ask me when sober. Next morning he didn't remember a thing!

Tontostitis · 13/03/2023 11:42

Yes and I'd pony up up some cash to help get the ring bought and start planning. House, wedding, babies in that order it's the only way to protect yourself financially.