Personal Statement about Match of the Day

[Random789]

With so many people refusing to host Match of the Day it seems inevitable that they will eventually work their way right down the list to the point where they have to ask me.

I can confirm that, despite Gary Lineker having my full support, I am prepared (in this time of great national crisis) to step up and do my duty.

I'm not the best informed about football, but I can bring the following talking points to the table:

*Ooh, doesn't he have lovely knees. So chunky.

*Which one is England again?

I'm trying to think of a third one, but no luck. Perhaps I will need some co-hosts.

What?

😂😂😂

You can always go with "I just hope both teams have fun" or my Grandma's classic line of "why does no one pass to the man wearing black?"

@Hellocatshome 🤣

Just keep repeating that tottenham are useless and Conte needs to go

Thats all Gary says anyway 😂

(I support Tottenham. Poor me innit!!)

Where’s Beckham? Just to show you know the team and you’re down with the homies.

But remember it's pronounced "CONTAAY" not "CUNTY" because the Beebs won't like it 🤭

Could you find out when David Ginola will start warming up to kick the ball around and I'll tune in for the first time ever.

You’ve missed - ‘remind me again what offside means’

I'll help! I ca bring...

'Ruby players have much nicer bodies'

' I much preferred it when they played in short shorts'

and my top line

Just kick the fucking thing!!!

I miss the days when they'd spend more time properly belting the ball instead of throwing themselves on the ground...

might pop to the studio next door afterwards & see if they fancy recording a new series of 'Grumpy old women'
😂😂

Just shout 'man on' whenever any player had the ball. You'll do fine.

I'll add:
It's been an hour and neither team have scored. What's the point?

Ha I reckon Beckham would present it if asked

Ha ha ha. He is a fine looking man.

Autocadelite · Today 13:48

(I support Tottenham. Poor me innit!!)

Good job you don't support Chelsea, you'd have been hounded off the internet!

Some great suggestions here. And of course there is always "The thing with Arsenal is they always try to walk it in."
I reckon that between us we could keep up an exceptionally informed commentary.

I'm trying to think of a third one, but no luck. Perhaps I will need some co-hosts.

How about... "For those of you watching in black and white, the player I am talking about is wearing the pink football boots."

Back of the nettttt (Alan P style)

I can chip in with the occasional pertinent observation, 'that's no way to speak to the Ref young man, do you kiss your Mom with that mouth?'.

How about "How much are all these men paid again for kicking a ball around and talking about it, while I get paid a pittance for saving / developing lives in vital education / health services in shit working conditions?"
*= delete as appropriate

I'm trying to think of a third one, but no luck.

"Kids"...something along the lines of "you can't win anything with kids".

Twitter and Facebook are currently infested with middle aged LADS celebrating Alex Scott not appearing

You could take a leaf out of my Mum's book and shout "Kick it!" every now and then when things get tense. Dh and I have expanded this to "Kick it in the net!".

I always feel winning by more than two goals is just showing off, maybe you can point that out if necessary? Good luck OP