I haven't eaten properly for months & my house is a tip. I hate being me.

[HoppingMarchHares]

I live on my own in a tiny one bedroom flat. I have adhd. I also have depression.
I have absolutely no interest in cooking food. I don't remember the last time I ate a proper meal. I don't eat at proper meal times.
Yesterday I ate 3 donuts, 2 packs of cadbury chocolate fingers and 2 bars of galaxy chocolate. That's it.
Today I've had quaker golden syrup porridge, tesco meal deal wrap and crisps, box of fingers, bar of galaxy chocolate and 3 potato waffles (not together,.obviously). Weirdly tho I've actually lost 1.5 stone since October.

My house is also an absolute pig sty. Haven't done any laundry for a few days but laundry basket is empty because my dirty clothes are all over the floor. Haven't washed dishes for a few days (not that I've used many). But I have no motivation to do it.

I have depression but it's controlled and I don't feel like I'm going through a bad patch.

I am so so so so tired all the time too. I've had a cold this week that hasn't helped but I have been going to bed around 9pm, waking around 1am then 5am for toilet, then up for the day about 8am so really I'm getting enough sleep so why am I so tired.

I don't know how to get out of this rut and to start eating better. I go the supermarket and don't have a clue what to buy other than junk food. I seem to have forgotten how to eat normal. It doesn't help that food is so expensive.

Don't even know what I want from this. Just so tired.

First of all, very well done for coming here and sharing your problem. It’s not easy and I hope that’s taken some of the shame away.

There are no easy answers. I was once the same as you (and still sort of am). While I also think I have ADHD, I’m going to put forward another reason: it’s living alone. As I get older I just think it’s unnatural, inhuman, and very hard to do psychologically. We are meant to live in communities and some of us find the reality of being just one consciousness inside a flat just too hard. That existential struggle makes everything else harder, so housework slips

Living with others gets harder as you get older. But think about a lodger / flatmate, it might help?

When you’re in that kind of a rut, abandon all other obligations other than reaching towards the life you actually want to live. You deserve more joy. Be brave 💐 xx

Could you say a little about any daily routine you have. You say you are up at 8 but what then? Do you have any support? Close friends or family? You have some good advice about the food, I'd definitely recommend getting some healthier options that require no more effort that the junk. I was without a kitchen a while ago and washing up became a total ball ache. I got round it my keeping all but one plate, glass mug and bowl stored in the boxes so I hand no choice but to clean them if I needed another. Also think about multi tasking. I know this might sound crazy for someone with adhd but I do things like wipe a surface whilst waiting for the kettle to boil.

Could you just pick up some of the dirty clothes off the floor and put the washing machine on? Then later on, hang it on an airer? Nothing else, just that? Or even just put them in the laundry basket if washing them is too much.

maybe if you could the next day you could do it again? The floor would soon be clear of dirty clothes and would hopefully make you feel a bit better?

Well I have to respond to this one. I do wonder about self and ADHD but no my diagnosis would be Bipolar or Major Depressive Disorder. I live just with my dog in a 2 bed semi which is my own.
I kept a very tidy house when my children were small but those days have gone. I have a dishwasher/washer/dryer. I do loads of washing but never seem to get much of a break from it.
I am really struggling to sleep just now and know this is bad for me. I have recently started Lithium and do feel a bit better (only on it 3 weeks). I also have Venlafaxine at the moment.
I feel very overwhelmed by the upkeep of my home but I do not really want to move.
It is your comments on your diet that I can relate to most. I try to leave chocolate alone but not easy. I am getting myself upset because I really do not want savoury food. The odd plate of beans on toast might be the exception. Possibly grilled cheese on toast but tonight I could not bring myself to scramble some eggs. I used to buy tubs of Greek yoghurt and eat that by the bowl ful with banana chopped through. Or strawberries. And I do eat a lot of cereal. It also occurs to me that maybe the fatigue you feel is linked to your depression.

With a diet like that, I expect your gut biome is lacking and that can cause all sorts of mental health issues. When you buy your chocolate can you manage to also buy some healthy things too - nuts, fruit (easy to eat I don't think you're ready to prepare a pineapple yet), live yoghurts, can of beans? Things that are as quick and easy to eat as the chocolate but will also feed your health?

One thing at a time with the house too. Pick up 5 items, put them in the washing machine. Don't try and get everything done in one go because that will feel so overwhelming that you'll just shut down again.

Do you work? I don't mean that in an insulting way. I have the exact same symptoms (ADHD / bipolar II) and working 5 - 6 days a week is the only thing that gives me routine.

Even part time work would give you some structure.

I don't think you need recipe or meal ideas. I don't think you need tips on housework and decluttering. I think you probably are a bit depressed but that due mostly to living in a shithole. The depression is the result of your environment.
You might come across as a lazy filthy cow and a hoarder. You might have papers and odd clothes everywhere but nothing to wear. What yourecstruggling with is Executive function and you probably hang on to shite because you know somewhere in that pile there's something you need/important.
Your local health authority should have a crisis intervention team. You need a home visit for people to understand how you are truly struggling. I'm being realistic here, gheres not an awful lot of 'treatment' but just having someone understand yourvplite could be the first step to recovery. Maybe some CBTcould help plus of course meds.
I think ADHD is so misunderstood. Its not all about running around excited and hyper. Chaos is exhausting,
This state is not permanent. You probably feel that your life as always been chaotic and you've had enough. It hasn't. It's hard, but it hasn't always been this bad....and it will get back to normal. Of course your normal will not be conventional, but I suspect you quite like the real quirky you.
Good luck

I have ADHD, I’m fully medicated (have been for years). But between that, the CPTSD (I take Quetiapine for that, at night, and Diazepam as needed), being a single parent to 3 and working full time, I’m the same.

House is a untidy tip but is clean because I have a cleaner for 3 hours a week. Laundry/general tidying is beyond me. Gets done in a mad dash the night before the cleaner comes - gets thrown into baskets (Doom Boxes) which are then stacked up.

Teen DDs eat leftovers or make their own food, young DD is fed by the childminder every evening after school, I live on cereal/toast/other crap because even when I’ve cooked, I just don’t want to fucking eat it. I’m 5”2 and 9st, take a bunch of vitamins.

Psych says I’m burnt out; I argue that this is just life when you have no family around to support/help out and it won’t change for a long time.

That's depression food and depression behaviour. I can't afford to lapse because I work full time and I'm helping DS to buy a house.
So when my GP decided to take me off Escitalopram to see if I really needed it any more (I have complex PTSD) without really noticing I lapsed right back into depression/anxiety mode, house a tip, eating junk food, putting a stone on in my case, Not being able to cope with work, I was a right bloody mess.
Thanks not very much GP.
I refuse to come off it again, now I'm back to feeling happy, doing my job properly and having a nice home.
Are you on the proper medication that suits you because it sounds as though that needs to be sorted out.

I definitely agree that work will help your mental state and give you structure. After two weeks annual leave I definitely find I'm lapsing.

Try to do some really simple but reasonably healthy meals like jacket potatoes, pasta with sauce etc

Oh bloody hell it sounds like you've got in a rut and you're getting malnourished from the lack of food. No wonder you're exhausted.
I would say start off small. Eat a banana every day and start stretching out your arms and legs, toes, fingers and shoulders and back. Get some fortified cereals, drink milk and start getting some fresh air. Sod the house for now - work on getting your vitality back then you'll be able to slowly tackle other stuff. You first. Good luck hun x

Oh goodness. Thank you so much for all of your replies. I wasn't really expecting any advice.
I absolutely need to eat better.
I'll read through your replies again and make some notes.

I work 4 days a week and I'm on annual leave this week. I've been off for a week and go back on Wednesday. I'm just feeling frustrated because I was planning on using my time off to sort things out but haven't done.

Have you made a list of what it is you want to get done?

Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re coping with neurodivergence and a mental health condition, things are not rigged in your favour. I agree with others that some nourishing food would be a good start. If the shops are too overwhelming, would a grocery delivery work? Or go to a smaller shop with less options, armed with a list? In terms of the house being a tip, what’s the task you hate least? Could you start with that to get yourself going? Can you break tasks like “laundry” into component parts and set an alarm to do 1 thing an hour? Or challenge yourself to eg wash up 5 items then take a break? Good luck, and please be kind to yourself.

I agree with those that said go back to the doctor.

For food with no planning required you could buy a few different tins - soups, meals, baked beans, ratatouille, tinned fruit, tinned fish for sandwiches if you like it. They won’t go off so no further planning required. And a loaf of sliced bread but put it straight in the freezer. Then you can always make toast. Apples keep fresh for weeks if you keep them in the fridge. If you like peanut butter, that has protein in.

Obviously if you can go more ambitious and cook simple meals that’s great, but a baseline of having things to eat in the house that are more nutritious than chocolate is a start. And go back to the doctor.

Have you considered applying to DWP’s access to work scheme to get some funding for things like ADHD coaching? That might really help you - being adequately fed and healthy and not living in squalor is part of ensuring you can stay in work, so it’s not a misuse of anything either.

I find that I can’t do anything without external pressure. I manage to eat properly because it’s about feeding the kids properly (I don’t do it efficiently or cost effectively but I do it). Same with laundry and cleaning. Without that, I’d really struggle.

Cleaning, I find that it gets disastrous and then I have to blitz it. Not that disastrous (because it needs to be hygienic because of the children!) but I can’t do cleaning up after every meal. So I might have kitchen mess (dishes and such like) accumulate over a couple of days and then have to do something about it - so I return it to properly clean in one spurt.

if it weren’t for the kids I’d probably just use paper plates/bowls etc. Minimising dish cleaning requirements would improve things.

Or, the single best way to motivate me to panic speed clean is to invite someone round. Maybe get yourself into the habit of inviting friends round at least weekly so that you need to clean up for them?

Washing I find is easiest done by necessity. Shit I have no clean clothes and must be presentable in public is the best motivator I have for ensuring laundry gets done. I have a survival of the fittest system: everything goes in at once at the same temperature and then it all goes in the dryer (obviously nothing gets ironed). Putting it away is my nemesis - so I’ve given up and the correct home for my clean clothes is now a basket next to the dryer. I just dump it in and don’t even pretend it’s going to be put away. I have baskets for the kids too.

Are you getting enough exercise? I know it’s difficult to compel yourself to do it, but I do find that all my symptoms get better if I can manage to exercise regularly. I find external pressure useful, joining a group activity where I’ll be letting people down if I don’t go is helpful. Or trying to tag it on to my work day I’m some way. In a previous job, I went to really good exercise classes near my workplace and that served as a procrastination activity for work (which made it more appealing).

I was without my adhd meds for a few months when I moved a few years back now and I was in exactly the same place. Is it worth a meds review? Aside from that microwave meals, ready prepped stuff is your friend, of course the ideal is nutritious freshly made meals but honestly take it slowly- a hot meal you just have to pop in tbe microwave is fine, cereal is fine, sarnies are fine; aim for progress not perfection.

Do you have friends who can help clean? I know its hard to ask but honestly I have helped friends and been helped myself before, I find if I can get to a place where its tidier then I can work from lists, it's too overwhelming though when it's already a mess. Another option if you can afford it would be to outsource to a clearer or someone who does laundry? Obviously not affordable for everyone, but even as a one off might help?

Be kind to yourself as well, it is hard, you're doing great and you'll get there.

You're tired and lacking energy because you aren't eating properly.
There are no nutrients in the food you've listed

I am yet another person who thinks that you may have diabetes, and that was my first thought when reading your post. It is really hard to look after yourself if you have any mental health issues, but if you do have diabetes then that will be contributing to your tiredness. It can be a vicious circle. I think your first port of call is to go to your doctor to have your blood sugars checked. If they confirm that you have diabetes you will HAVE to change your diet and once you have your diabetes under control and are eating more healthily you will feel more able to tackle your housework and maybe do a bit of exercise, which also will help your health and this will become a positive circle.
I speak as somebody with type 2 diabetes who loves all the 'wrong' foods, is autistic and has suffered with very bad depression. I don't do everything 'right' now, but I do know that I feel better when my diabetes is under control and I feel more able to keep on top of things at home and at work.

First of all, don't try to change everything at once. It'll be too overwhelming and you'll do nothing.

Start small. Dump all the washing in the laundry basket. Your flat will look instantly better.

Then get yourself out to the supermarket and pick up a load of cheap frozen ready meals. You could order online but i think a walk out and some fresh air might do you good.

Ready meals might not be the healthiest but they're better than crisps and chocolate. You can even eat them directly out of the packaging to cut down on washing up. Grab some Multivitamins while you're there, keep them next to your tea bags or whatever you would have first thing. It'll remind you to take them.

That's it for now.

Eating better is the first step. Hopefully you'll start to have more energy and other small steps will feel easier.

Try buying the boxes of salad from Tesco.
The prepared fruit.
Sachets of microwave rice.
Tinned fruit.

Tinned curry plus tinned carrots and tinned peas is easyish to prepare with microwave rice (recently bereaved and even opening three tins and mixing them up was difficult) does two portions.

Are you on meds for ADHD?

I don’t have adhd but I’m similar in that I have no interest in cooking and find it a huge chore. Also struggle with depression and motivation.

when I lived alone I would buy packs of frozen baked potatoes that I could just throw in the microwave or oven and then have a tin of beans or tuna with as a quick easy healthy meal. My main game changer is batch cooking with my slow cooker. I found a few recipes I liked, threw the ingredients in and left it for a few hours and boom. I’d get 4 dinners out of that. Minimal effort and clean up too

I really think there is something medical and absolutely agree that there are symptoms of diabetes. Weight loss, fatigue, sugar cravings, frequency of needing to wee. One step at a time and this first step should be the GP. Everything else can wait. Don't feel guilty.