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Original poster

Father left child and went out

181 replies

elliees11 · 03/03/2023 20:17

Since me and my ex don't speak my mum does the contact with him. He takes her every other Saturday night. On Saturday he picked her up and he was dressed and he never is he's always in work clothes as he works to 6 and picks her up at 7. We smelt a rat when he came down dressed but we let it go. So my mum messaged him around 9 to see how the child was getting on and there was no response all night until 10 the next morning. So then he left her back Sunday and my mum said to him where u out last night or something and he said no no I just wasn't on the phone so we took his word for it but knew something wasn't right when he didn't send any photos of the child on Saturday which he usually does. Mum said to him any photos from Saturday and he said no and put his head down instantly we knew something wasn't right. So during the week I found out it was his friends 21st birthday and he went out drinking and left the child with his parents. When mum confronted him about it on Wednesday he said what does it matter to you and she said it's the fact you lied and couldn't tell the truth to make other arrangements when it's your time with your daughter to sleep over. So me and my mum decided she won't be going back up if he can't be there for her because it's not the first time he's went out and left her with his parents because his mates told us. Do you think we're being too harsh not letting her go up to stay? He's still yet to apologise it's the fact he lied about it and couldn't just be honest and make other arrangements idk are we being too hard???

OP posts:
MaireadMcSweeney · 03/03/2023 22:25

No you cannot stop his contact because he left the child with his parents one time. It's absolutely not your decision if he chooses to leave her with his parents just as it's not his decision if you leave her with yours. Also your mum is way too involved and needs to butt out.

LittlePinkPill · 03/03/2023 22:28

CremeEggThief · 03/03/2023 20:39

He should have told you, yes, but he didn't need to ask your permission to go out and leave her with her grandparents, OP.

Honestly I thought this was going to be about him leaving her home alone!

Tbf, if this is the reaction, you can see why he hid it!

OP YABU.

NumberTheory · 03/03/2023 22:30

So you leave your DD with your DM. But if he leaves the same child with his DM, you think that’s wrong?

And your DM is obsessed with him and harasses him about his love life when he goes round to pick up DD up?

I’m assuming, if you’re using your mum for handover, that there was abuse in your marriage. But the way you talk about this issue and your proposed solution being to stop him having contact really makes me question whether he was the (only) abusive one.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
ChrisPPancake · 03/03/2023 22:30

Do you never go out and leave your child at all? With your mum I mean?

TeenLifeMum · 03/03/2023 22:36

He organised appropriate childcare whilst the child was in his care. Totally normal and not your business.

amonsteronthehill · 03/03/2023 22:39

Sometimeswinning · 03/03/2023 20:30

I thought you meant he left her alone! No you can't stop him seeing her. It's not your choice or call. He sounds a dick but she spent time with her grandparents so she was happy and safe.

This

It was his time with her, and presumably she sleeps in the evenings, so he ensured she had proper care while he went out. As you would do if you went out to a party

CMO · 03/03/2023 22:39

You sound massively controlling and having your mum involved is not healthy. If I were the father, I'd be seeking a court order to ensure contact given your fuckwitery.

Blossomtoes · 03/03/2023 22:44

TeenLifeMum · 03/03/2023 22:36

He organised appropriate childcare whilst the child was in his care. Totally normal and not your business.

This. What are you and your mum on?

steff13 · 03/03/2023 22:44

Would you have switched weekends with him if he had asked? Maybe he didn't think so, so he didn't tell you he had plans that night.

YABVU to stop contact with him over this. From your title, I expected that he left her home alone while he went out. If that was the case, you would have a point.

Crumpleton · 03/03/2023 22:55

It was wrong of him to lie but if he'd have said he was going out would you have stopped him having DC that night?

If the other GP's normally only get to see her at this time it's bit unfair on them had you of stopped him.

Newyearnewmeow · 03/03/2023 22:59

You have a mother problem not an ex problem. She needs to butt out.

Pearshaped20 · 03/03/2023 22:59

Why do you call her "the child" it's your daughter . And yes YABU. I would imagine that for most of the time he was out she would have been in bed anyway

WidthofaLine · 03/03/2023 23:03

How often does he see his child, if it's just the once a fortnight, that's not good but really as a one off this isn't too bad as she would have spent her time with loving grandparents, and that is good.

Rubyupbeat · 03/03/2023 23:05

How lovely for her grandparents to spend time with her. They are just as entitled to see her as your parents are. He doesn't do it everytime.
And why is it for your mum to decide, alongside you, whether he will be having her again?

TrashyPanda · 03/03/2023 23:06

TeenLifeMum · 03/03/2023 22:36

He organised appropriate childcare whilst the child was in his care. Totally normal and not your business.

Absolutely.

no reason why he shouldn’t go out for a few hours.

your mum is trying to stir up trouble

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotOfMen · 03/03/2023 23:36

It’s his day. It’s not your time.
If the child is safe I don’t see a problem.
Isnt the child allowed to spend time with grandparents.
I don’t see the concern, or you requiring pictures. Do you send pictures of every day that you have your dc.
I Think OP you and your mother are too controlling
Assuming your ex partner hasn’t told you when he’s out because you and your mum are controlling.

ConfusedNT · 03/03/2023 23:40

So me and my mum decided she won't be going back up if he can't be there for her

If he was posting I would strongly recommend he goes to court to get contact formalised so you stop thinking you have the right to decide whether or not he can see his child,, based on rules which you apparently don't apply to yourself

He would probably get more access than one Saturday evening a fortnight if he wanted it too

Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness · 03/03/2023 23:44

You and your mum are very unreasonable: it’s not your business. Your child was safe with their grandparents m

Kinneddar · 03/03/2023 23:54

So presumably you never go out unless it's the one night a fortnight your daughter is at her Dad's. Otherwise you're doing the same thing, going out & leaving her with someone so what's the difference

MoreSleepPleasee · 03/03/2023 23:56

Yabu as long as she is safe and looked after what he does in his time us down to him. You cannot control him and tell him him what to do.

Bs0u416d · 04/03/2023 00:00

Sorry OP, your mum is a twat.

LikeTearsInRain · 04/03/2023 00:17

YABU

LikeTearsInRain · 04/03/2023 00:18

Disgusting using contact with your DC as a weapon to control your exes life.

Mariposa26 · 04/03/2023 00:20

How old are you? Why is your mum so involved in this? Your ex is her parent as well, he arranged appropriate childcare, I don’t understand the issue?

Kic · 04/03/2023 00:28

Is your mum jealous that the other grandparents spent time with their grandchild?

Asking for photos during contact time is odd behaviour. It's really none of your mum's business.