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Original poster

Father left child and went out

181 replies

elliees11 · 03/03/2023 20:17

Since me and my ex don't speak my mum does the contact with him. He takes her every other Saturday night. On Saturday he picked her up and he was dressed and he never is he's always in work clothes as he works to 6 and picks her up at 7. We smelt a rat when he came down dressed but we let it go. So my mum messaged him around 9 to see how the child was getting on and there was no response all night until 10 the next morning. So then he left her back Sunday and my mum said to him where u out last night or something and he said no no I just wasn't on the phone so we took his word for it but knew something wasn't right when he didn't send any photos of the child on Saturday which he usually does. Mum said to him any photos from Saturday and he said no and put his head down instantly we knew something wasn't right. So during the week I found out it was his friends 21st birthday and he went out drinking and left the child with his parents. When mum confronted him about it on Wednesday he said what does it matter to you and she said it's the fact you lied and couldn't tell the truth to make other arrangements when it's your time with your daughter to sleep over. So me and my mum decided she won't be going back up if he can't be there for her because it's not the first time he's went out and left her with his parents because his mates told us. Do you think we're being too harsh not letting her go up to stay? He's still yet to apologise it's the fact he lied about it and couldn't just be honest and make other arrangements idk are we being too hard???

OP posts:
namechange3394 · 03/03/2023 21:10

Are you both very young? Your mum is WAY too involved here.

purplediscolove · 03/03/2023 21:11

It’s his time with his child and it’s up to him what he does with it. He essentially still gave you your own time while letting his parents who are her grandparents look after her. Now I would never do this if I had my child one night I’d of arranged for them to come on the Friday or the Saturday or miss that weekend and do the next kind of thing. I do get it but maybe explain you’d rather keep her instead of send her to her grandparents for what ever reason you are against it? Which how he takes it is how he takes it or just tell him to be honest and be okay with that? There’s nothing wrong with her grandparents watching her but maybe he should’ve had her the weekend before and missed that weekend?

namechange3394 · 03/03/2023 21:11

namechange3394 · 03/03/2023 21:10

Are you both very young? Your mum is WAY too involved here.

And do you ask his permission every time your mum looks after your DD? I doubt it...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
SpinningFloppa · 03/03/2023 21:12

elliees11 · 03/03/2023 21:01

To be fair I don't have a problem with it I want the contact to continue but like I said before she's literally obsessed with him. When he leaves the child back she's asking him if he's with other girls and about going out and she asks me if he's on any girls story on Snapchat and if he goes out and all it's her with the problem

What? Are you 11?

purplediscolove · 03/03/2023 21:12

@elliees11 so instead of stopping contact ask him to make you aware in future and you can swap weekends with him so it’s all done fairly and if she is to stay with grandparents which there’s nothing wrong with you can all pre arrange and know what’s happening because you

Donnashair · 03/03/2023 21:12

elliees11 · 03/03/2023 21:01

To be fair I don't have a problem with it I want the contact to continue but like I said before she's literally obsessed with him. When he leaves the child back she's asking him if he's with other girls and about going out and she asks me if he's on any girls story on Snapchat and if he goes out and all it's her with the problem

So it’s fine from ‘we did this’, ‘we want to stop contact’ etc.

To being your mum, not you.

Even though on your last thread, you also said that you would prefer it if he stopped contact? But now it’s your mum that wants to stop contact?

Why are you letting f her have such a way on this?

purplediscolove · 03/03/2023 21:13

Sorry @elliees11 whay I was trying to say is deserve a break too!! As does he from life as it is and being a parent although he gets a long enough one from being a dad.

JustSoTired23 · 03/03/2023 21:13

From now on
Whoever drops dd drops him off says goodbye. See you on collection.

Doesn't need checking up on, doesn't need spying or questioning.
Far too much drana. You have a lot of years ahead of parenting. Keep it simple

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 03/03/2023 21:13

PrinceHaz · 03/03/2023 21:06

In fairness to the OP, he only has the child once a fortnight so although she can’t police him she can rightly feel upset that he chose not to spend that time with her.
Also, people are stating that she was cared for by loving grandparents therefore all is good. We don’t now, from what the OPs told us, enough to make a judgement about their level of care. We don’t know whether the child was neglected by them that night or not.

‘Yes the grandparents are very good to her but it's just the fact it's his time with her not to go out drinking’

The op’s second post says she has no concerns about the grandparents care. And unless the op is arranging contact (which she absolutely does not need to do), then that once a fortnight is also the child’s only chance to see their grandparents. The odd sleepover can create a wonderful bond and incredibly special memories.

FightingFatAt49 · 03/03/2023 21:14

elliees11 · 03/03/2023 21:01

To be fair I don't have a problem with it I want the contact to continue but like I said before she's literally obsessed with him. When he leaves the child back she's asking him if he's with other girls and about going out and she asks me if he's on any girls story on Snapchat and if he goes out and all it's her with the problem

Who's obsessed? And why?
How old is your DD and how old is the dad? You all sound very young.
Like PP said, it's his time so he gets to decide. His parents sound like nice grandparents.

aSofaNearYou · 03/03/2023 21:15

Your mum sounds a bit nuts but yea you are both being too harsh, very unreasonable. There's nothing wrong with what he did if his parents are normal, trustworthy people.

Withnailandeye · 03/03/2023 21:18

namechange3394 · 03/03/2023 21:10

Are you both very young? Your mum is WAY too involved here.

this.

gamerchick · 03/03/2023 21:20

What do you do when you want a night out and you have the bairn?

You need to stop and you need to tell your mother to back off a bit like.

Commonsensitivity · 03/03/2023 21:21

The title is misleading.
Your dd was safe and with caring grandparents. That's fine, surely?

Randomhead · 03/03/2023 21:23

It’s got absolutely nothing to do with you unless your child is unsafe. Also you don’t get to decide if your child sees her dad? Wtf am I reading?

WhistleWhileIWork · 03/03/2023 21:23

Your mum sounds like a control freak, and somewhat unhinged

You sound weak minded, allowing your mother to think and speak for you

Maybe it's time to gain some assertiveness and take over the contact with your dds father. Your mother is.going to cause more and more problems if you allow her to keep holding the reins over this.

We all need support, but your mother doesn't come across as being supportive, just heavily controlling and weird. It's all very unhealthy.

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/03/2023 21:23

Your thread title is very misleading. He didn't leave her alone she was with her grandmother. Why does your mother demand photos?

AaaaaandBreathe · 03/03/2023 21:30

You're being ridiculous.

Why does he only see his DC every 2 Saturdays? Why does he have to send photos?

He should be seeing his child more and you shouldn't be going mad over your child spending time with their other grandparents. I'm assuming they spend plenty of time with your Mum?

Events will always fall on some weekends so be more flexible and start putting your child first rather than controlling everything.

Maddison12 · 03/03/2023 21:30

You want to stop her from going back there because he left her with grandparents who are, as you say, very good to her?! Sorry but yabu and it sounds like you're pissed off he had a night out.

Maddison12 · 03/03/2023 21:33

Also why is your mum so involved? Your title is really misleading, I thought he'd left the child on their own all night to go out.

Knackeredmommy · 03/03/2023 21:37

That's no reason to stop contact! He left his child with their grandparents, they were safe and looked after. I don't see why he was quizzed for pictures etc. unless there are concerns for the child's safety, it sounds very controlling.

xprincessxjanetx · 03/03/2023 21:38

Quite frankly as long as the child is not in danger and he has appropriate childcare then what he does on his contact days are absolutely none of your business.

NGCO · 03/03/2023 21:40

I think he should have let you know, I like to know where my kids are at all times. But you can't stop him seeing her for that

MaidOfSteel · 03/03/2023 21:41

Nobody seems concerned that he'd rather not spend his time with his daughter, and would rather go out boozing instead. Not much if a dad, is he.

Ginger1982 · 03/03/2023 21:42

Sounds like your mum is the one running the show here.