Have we finally let go of the idea that it's better to have sons than daughters?

[Echobelly]

Do you think our society has got rid of the last rememnants of the idea that a son is the 'gold standard' of having a child?

I got thinking about this watching an Orthodox Jewish mum (I'm Jewish myself) manouevering 3 small daughters through the Tube this morning and reflecting she'd likely be keeping going with the kids until at least one son was born, as in her context daughters would probably still be considered a bit of a disappointment - but I think society on the whole has now moved beyond that.

My parents - very much of Boomer generation - genuinely weren't bothered about the genders of their grandchildren. My grandparents weren't really either, but I do remember a few comments, after their first 3 great-grandchildren were
girls, that gently implied a boy would be extra-desirable somehow. Nothing hurtful, but I could sense the feeling had been fairly well inculcated in them that it was a bit better to have a boy.

The preference for a son stuff was obviously wrapped up in a lot of obsolete things - dowries, that only a son could 'make you proud' with his career etc - and some not quite obsolete things, like 'carrying on the family name'. I guess these attitudes may continue in the aristocracy where somehow male primogeniture still sometimes hangs on. And, as I mentioned, in some religious groups where sons are still considered worth more, and obviously you can still have people who on an individual level feel sad about not having any sons once they complete their family, but that's probably not for 'family name' or 'only a son can make us proud' reasons. But I think as a whole we've dropped the cultural concept that boys are best.

Well, the exact opposite here, I feel we are finally reaching a point where sons are considered nearly as good as daughters...

Interesting. I think most people would rather have a daughter, as daughters are often expected to care for parents as they get older.

Have you never read the gender disappointment threads on here? Its always about boys, always. Girls are deemed far more superior.

I never had a desire for a girl. I have 2 sons and got what I wanted both times 🙌🏼

It helps that the monarchy have finally let females in line take the throne.

Wonder if they will allowed an openly gay king or queen? Nah one step at a time eh!

Yeah it’s the opposite - everyone wants girls these days. A friend of mine has decided not to have any more children because she’s so terrified her second might be a boy.

Since any preference is based on sexist stereotyping I find it totally disgraceful.

what?

I think you will find there have been many openly gay kings and queens - I don't know who "they" are that you think would or wouldn't allow it?

and I really really really don't think any sane person exists who would base their preference for a son or daughter on what the some obsolete anarchism of a royal family are doing!

Uh, no. Well, maybe actually swung to the other extreme but I don’t suppose that’s what you’re aiming for OP. People are often deflated when they hear of a boy. Gender disappointment is always about boys.

I don’t think this is a U.K. thing, pretty much all women want girls and all the gender disappointment threads are always about boys.

Have you never read the gender disappointment threads on here? Its always about boys, always.

isn't that because the threads are by women though? most men I know have been really happy to have a son. Except my dad!

I think some people genuinely don't care but I think a lot on here seem to favour the one of each & the girl does stuff eg shopping with the mum & the dad does sport etc with the boy. I can't relate to that as only have a lot of sisters so both parents needed to tag team!

Yes and then it went the other way. When someone mentions “gender disappointment” you always know which way round it will
be sadly.

And this is precisely why we didn't find out our children's gender until birth. It's much harder to be disappointed when you've got the baby in your arms.

Though I can't say I've noticed a preference either way

I was going to say the same as PPs, that we‘ve almost flipped and now girls somehow seem more desirable.

I suppose the "desirability" of boys was, like you say, linked to sons carrying on their father‘s legacy/name/fortune and girls were almost a burden, to be married off or care for their elderly parents. Because most women tend to work these days and earn their own money, I suppose the "provider" role has gone and more elderly people will be in a home of some kind, so won‘t need the same sort of looking after.

These days, I think the desire for girls comes from (if mumsnet threads are to be believed!) that girls are closer to their mums once they‘ve grown up - if you just read the MIL threads, there seems to be a much bigger intolerance towards MILs than women‘s own mothers. There is also this notion that boys are noisy and boisterous and girls are quiet and well behaved.

It is interesting though.

Western culture favours girls - has done for a while.Eastern cultures still favour boys!

Agreed. This is my experience in real life too. Lots of people seemed genuinely disappointed for me when I had DS. I never saw why it was deemed so preferable to have a girl, I would have been just as happy either way but girls definitely seem to be seen as superior.

If anything it has gone the other way. I've heard the following regularly;generally girls are more compliant and able at school, son only bothered until takes a wife, kids closer to maternal grandparents, girls clothes cuter. Mothers of boys almost pitied if anything. I find it awful. I wanted and got girls but I secretly hankee for a boy as it does seem like a different kind of love I will never know now.

I was watching a programme a few years ago about a clinic that offered gender selection, can't remember where it was located but they said most UK parents wanted girls, but in general the preference around the world was still for boys.

I have to agree I’ve heard more people wanting girls and being disappointed when it’s a boy. I know someone who treated their daughters much better than sons.

i did read that older mothers are more likely to have daughters & younger ones sons because boys require more investment apparently. All so billionaires are more likely to have sons but who knows.

I think in the Western world having a girl is more highly prized. It's been like that for a while I would say.

When I was giving birth to my second daughter 8 years ago the midwife asked me if I was going to have another so I could try and have a boy.

I agree that a lot of the gender disappointment threads are about boys but I presume they are posted predominantly by women, I'm sure if it was a mainly male forum they would be favouring boys.

I had a preference - a boy.

Think both sides get this if you have two the same

@Gingerlygreen yes my bill recently had a son after 2 daughters & although the open narrative was very "super happy with another girl" he told DH he was elated & so pleased & he really was hoping for a boy.