Have we finally let go of the idea that it's better to have sons than daughters?

[Echobelly]

Do you think our society has got rid of the last rememnants of the idea that a son is the 'gold standard' of having a child?

I got thinking about this watching an Orthodox Jewish mum (I'm Jewish myself) manouevering 3 small daughters through the Tube this morning and reflecting she'd likely be keeping going with the kids until at least one son was born, as in her context daughters would probably still be considered a bit of a disappointment - but I think society on the whole has now moved beyond that.

My parents - very much of Boomer generation - genuinely weren't bothered about the genders of their grandchildren. My grandparents weren't really either, but I do remember a few comments, after their first 3 great-grandchildren were
girls, that gently implied a boy would be extra-desirable somehow. Nothing hurtful, but I could sense the feeling had been fairly well inculcated in them that it was a bit better to have a boy.

The preference for a son stuff was obviously wrapped up in a lot of obsolete things - dowries, that only a son could 'make you proud' with his career etc - and some not quite obsolete things, like 'carrying on the family name'. I guess these attitudes may continue in the aristocracy where somehow male primogeniture still sometimes hangs on. And, as I mentioned, in some religious groups where sons are still considered worth more, and obviously you can still have people who on an individual level feel sad about not having any sons once they complete their family, but that's probably not for 'family name' or 'only a son can make us proud' reasons. But I think as a whole we've dropped the cultural concept that boys are best.

And OP, yes boys have long not been wanted - it’s ALL about girls now. I’ve learnt to live with it but after many years of infertility being told by so many randoms that I must be disappointed was incredibly hurtful.

@GettingThereCharleyBear well that makes you just as bad as anyone else with aspersions doesn’t it?

@Tabitha005 , some years ago I read of a well known sportsman - father of just sons - saying that because he such was a Man (in his own eyes a super-masculine one) he could only ever have fathered sons.
To me such daft ignorance was astounding.

At around the same time some specialist fertility medic said it was very interesting how, in couples where the fertility problem lay with the male, if they did eventually produce a baby, it was more likely to be a boy.

Again at around the same time, IIRC at least 2 or 3 of the rugby team that won the World Cup in Australia, announced that their new baby was a girl.

It’s 50/50. When people have 3 girls and say something like ‘oh I only make girls’ they seem to believe it. They don’t seem to realise it’s as likely as flipping tails 3 times in a row with a coin - it doesn’t mean you can’t flip heads, it’s just coincidence.

My neighbour had a second girl a year ago, our other neighbour (admittedly she's a lot older- 85) told her to tell her husband not to be upset that it's another girl. (he wasnt)
I do think in the East cultures a boy is still very much preferred but West it always seem to be a girl.

I have a girl myself, I was genuinely happy for either. Didn't find out until birth. As it turns out, my girl is all for playing with emergency vehicles, superheros are her love too. Which seems to horrify many that i would dare let a girl have 'boys toys'. Personally I couldn't give a flying fuck. The only thing I might have changed is the stigma associated with her having learning disabilities.

@Coffeeandbourbons what are my aspersions?

Eastern and African cultures still value boys I find. Our Nigerian friends are really disappointed they are expecting a third girl, and they said they were embarrassed to tell their extended families as they had all been praying for a boy. I find the whole thing madness tbh

I have three girls and have had mixed opinions on this. Had a few 'will you try for a boy' comments from elderly but people my age generally seem to want girls.

I think the 'gold standard' is seen as having both a boy and a girl.

Well that ,s a huge generalisation🙄

When DD had her 20 week scan, and found she was having a boy (her first baby), she was upset by the number of friends who said things like "Never mind, maybe a little girl next time!"

This is an aspersion. Every bit as bad as saying some is ‘unfortunate’ to have two boys, or two girls, or an only child.

Yes, since culturally boys aren’t needed to be heads of the family and sole providers there has been a shift away from that need for boys to be born in the way they once were.

I think the preference some have for girls is that they are seen to stay within the family unit more closely than sons when they are adults and that mothers will have more contact with the children of their daughters in the longer term. In the past daughters could be sent away to their new husbands family so were lost to their birth family. Sons would have been the ones staying closer to their birth family.

This is how some cultures still
work now which might be why others still have a preference towards sons.

I’d say that that perception in the UK probably isn’t quite true. All our male and female family members have remained close and it’s probably true for many families.

Another reason boys may seem less desirable in UK is the number of women left as single parents in our culture may mean boys are seen as harder work.

Girls are for life boys take a wife - true for us

I'm male and delighted with two boy's - both into football and cars like me. I don't think I would have had enthusiasm for princess dress up and playing with dolls. I also have two boys to carry on my name.

I'm close to my mum and in daily contact whereas my wife isn't particularly close to her mum. It's more about personalities rather than if you have a penis or not.

I suppose there's an expectation that women want a girl and men want a boy. Maybe as you'll relate more easily as you were once a boy or girl yourself, you see yourself in them and you kind of have an idea about what they might going going through at different stages of their childhoods and lives overall.

In other words, complete bullshit!

Haven’t RTFT but I’m Jewish (not religious but have family who are) and pretty offended you think we only value sons. All children are a joy.

I've read the opposite from a top Welsh rugby player - 'Real men have daughters' is what he told the press when his first child - a daughter - was born. Either way is just tosh.

I always thought the head of the Jewish household was always the woman.

It always has been in the Jewish households I know.
I have friends who have had boys and kept going till they had a girl.

My friend who was an Orthodox Jew told me years ago that the Jewish bloodline could only be passed on through the female line. If a son married "out" the children would not be Jewish, but if a daughter married "out" her children would be. Not sure if this still applies.