Have we finally let go of the idea that it's better to have sons than daughters?

[Echobelly]

Do you think our society has got rid of the last rememnants of the idea that a son is the 'gold standard' of having a child?

I got thinking about this watching an Orthodox Jewish mum (I'm Jewish myself) manouevering 3 small daughters through the Tube this morning and reflecting she'd likely be keeping going with the kids until at least one son was born, as in her context daughters would probably still be considered a bit of a disappointment - but I think society on the whole has now moved beyond that.

My parents - very much of Boomer generation - genuinely weren't bothered about the genders of their grandchildren. My grandparents weren't really either, but I do remember a few comments, after their first 3 great-grandchildren were
girls, that gently implied a boy would be extra-desirable somehow. Nothing hurtful, but I could sense the feeling had been fairly well inculcated in them that it was a bit better to have a boy.

The preference for a son stuff was obviously wrapped up in a lot of obsolete things - dowries, that only a son could 'make you proud' with his career etc - and some not quite obsolete things, like 'carrying on the family name'. I guess these attitudes may continue in the aristocracy where somehow male primogeniture still sometimes hangs on. And, as I mentioned, in some religious groups where sons are still considered worth more, and obviously you can still have people who on an individual level feel sad about not having any sons once they complete their family, but that's probably not for 'family name' or 'only a son can make us proud' reasons. But I think as a whole we've dropped the cultural concept that boys are best.

I said generally 😂

My DH initially wanted a boy when I first fell pregnant. But within a few weeks he'd totally changed his mind. He decided it would be well cool to take his daughter to the football, or to shows and concerts he likes (when she's older obvs). I think he thought he wouldn't be able to share all his hobbies and things with a girl but very quickly realised (on his own - no persuasion necessary) that was bollocks - that's not the world girls live in these days.

but it's the same the other way around as children are individuals. Out of my dc it's my son that likes to bake with me, is very artistic & will spend hours colouring.

My mother years for a grandson. Even to the point where she claimed she was being "punished" because she's had three granddaughters so far. So no, we haven't all moved on

my parents did because they only had daughters but tbf I used to want an older brother.

On MN posters are usually upset when they find out they are having a boy.

Happens to me all the time and really winds me up. I have two boys and wouldn't change them for the world.

My friend has three girls and never seems to get asked if she's going to 'try again for a boy' though so I think it just depends who you speak to.

What a load of absolute bullshit!

@Undermyumberellaellaella my bil used to get it but not my sil. My mum did use to get it, I think one midwife said to her let's pray it's not another girl!

I'm sure I read a study ages ago when I was looking into this that said western society valued female children more to a certain age (18? 21?) and then it reversed, and males became more valuable. Older females go into a decline and males increase. I've not expressed it well but it was fascinating.

I have both sexes and only received rude comments about my boy when he was born, asking if I was disappointed, if I'd be trying for a girl, and a close friend saying she would have been devastated to have had a boy. I was holding my brand new beautiful newborn son at the time and was as proud as punch of him so that stung.

I'm sure I read a study ages ago when I was looking into this that said western society valued female children more to a certain age (18? 21?) and then it reversed, and males became more valuable.

That certainly sounds right.

I have five sons and any time someone realizes that they say "oh, your poor thing. you must have been desperate for just one daughter!" LOL My youngest are now 19 but when they were born there was still the old pat on the back for my DH as congratulations for producing sons! I don't think that is quite as prevalent now.

I would never want to have a girl. You're immediately disadvantaged in so so many ways the minute you're born female. If you want your child to have the best possible life you ought to hope for a boy. Not because they're 'better' but because I would never want a child of mine to experience the crapness that is being a girl. For context I have no children and will not.

I've got three female friends who all have two sons each. Privately, they've all told me they'd have loved to have a daughter. Openly, their husbands constantly brag about having sons like it's some seal fo quality for their poxy sperm 🙄

This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read on MN and I’ve been here over 15 years 😂😂😂

Crazy isn't it?!

I don't usually even think about things like that but the amount of times I've had "oh you'll have to try again, everyone wants a boy and a girl" and "bet you really wanted a daughter" like wtf?? It's mostly from random people I hardly know too which makes it even weirder.

I have both and was extremely happy either way ❤️

There is a thing in my DH's family, particularly among his grandparents that boys are preferred. DH is clearly favoured as 'the boy'. One of his uncles actually refers to himself as the 'son and heir', an attitude that hasn't formed in a vacuum. It has kind of leaked through to the current generation as well, it's
not overt favouritism, it's subtler than that, if you aren't in the family you probably wouldn't even notice but the grandsons are preferred. It's like micro preferences. We do our best to shelter DD from it.

Always wanted a boy, had my boy. He's lovely and I prefer boys.

@Undermyumberellaellaella I know! I actually loved having same sex siblings, I secretly wanted 2 boys & 2 girls & then I grew up & thought no way am I having 4 dc! And in terms of qualities & attributes I hope my dc have gender is pretty much irrelevant.

When DD had her first baby last year, and told people she was having a boy, at least three people, including a family member, said things along the lines of: "Never mind, it could be a little girl next time!" It really upset her.

What absolute rot

I agree.

I've seen tonnes of anti boy sentiment. Even known of 2 separate teachers who made their dislike og boys obvious.

I have both.

my mum also used to find that people expected her daughters to all have the same personality & like the same things. We were often grouped as "the planet girls". Even teachers would do it.

If you go into a baby boutique about 70% of the stock will be for girls. Not that this indicates anything other than than people finding more enjoyment in dressing a baby girl than a boy. Which isn't a marker of any kind of progress really, just an observation.