Have we finally let go of the idea that it's better to have sons than daughters?

[Echobelly]

Do you think our society has got rid of the last rememnants of the idea that a son is the 'gold standard' of having a child?

I got thinking about this watching an Orthodox Jewish mum (I'm Jewish myself) manouevering 3 small daughters through the Tube this morning and reflecting she'd likely be keeping going with the kids until at least one son was born, as in her context daughters would probably still be considered a bit of a disappointment - but I think society on the whole has now moved beyond that.

My parents - very much of Boomer generation - genuinely weren't bothered about the genders of their grandchildren. My grandparents weren't really either, but I do remember a few comments, after their first 3 great-grandchildren were
girls, that gently implied a boy would be extra-desirable somehow. Nothing hurtful, but I could sense the feeling had been fairly well inculcated in them that it was a bit better to have a boy.

The preference for a son stuff was obviously wrapped up in a lot of obsolete things - dowries, that only a son could 'make you proud' with his career etc - and some not quite obsolete things, like 'carrying on the family name'. I guess these attitudes may continue in the aristocracy where somehow male primogeniture still sometimes hangs on. And, as I mentioned, in some religious groups where sons are still considered worth more, and obviously you can still have people who on an individual level feel sad about not having any sons once they complete their family, but that's probably not for 'family name' or 'only a son can make us proud' reasons. But I think as a whole we've dropped the cultural concept that boys are best.

Al the youngsters I know seem to want girls these days.....the disappointment is when they are expecting boys... I have 3 GD .....when my DD was expecting her 2 , she was desperate for girls both times....just really didn't want a boy...her friends are just the same .....I'm 58 ...I've got 3 DC ( 2 boys 1 girl) never found out with any of them....got what I was given and was happy with my lot🤷‍♀️

I don’t think wanting a boy after having girl(s)= a view that boys are best or more desirable because it’s coming from a place of already having (a) girl(s) and wanting to have both girls and boys equally.

This happens to boys too. I have four brothers. The oldest was the wildest and teachers always assumed from the off that the younger three brothers would be just as unruly as him. So from day 1 it was 'Wait. brother of X? sit at the front where I can keep an eye on you'.

My father ended up with 3 girls when all he ever wanted was a boy.

I have a friend that's 10 weeks pregnant and if having boy number 2 they'll go for a third baby. If it's a girl, they'll stop.

Most women probably. But stats show most men want boys and are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.

In the UK? Openly gay? Which ones?

I have one of each and find it's always the parents of all boys or all girls, that have the strongest views on this.

"I'm so glad that I had two girls, no idea what I would do with a boy" and vice versa. And #girlmum #girlgang at the end of every post.

They can also have really strange ideas about what opposite sex children are like.

Shout out for the boys!! That's all I ever wanted. And happily ended up with two😀

O come on! Many were openly gay, some were much more discrete, and didn't publicly show their sexuality either way

It didn't matter, did it,

it just mattered that if they were available to be married off for diplomatic purposes, personal sexuality never came into it, for anyone, they were just pawns

I don't think he can be said to have been 'openly gay' but James I was known to have made favourites of some young men and I think historians accept he was gay, or bisexual. I could be wrong.

Richard I
Edward II
James I (IV)

The preference in the uk for girls has been like that for the last 20 years at least ( mother of 4 boys aged 9-19). They are all fabulous and i get a bit pissed off when people suggest i kept trying until i got a girl. Load of bollocks. They are all individual and i cant imagine being mum to anyone else.

I have a boy and a girl and I get this too.

In my circle of friends it seems a bit that the preference is to have one of each. Although not openly talked about, when it's been mentioned it's more along these lines when there has been disappointment on having a second of the same gender.

I agree with this.

I had a DS. Everyone else in our group of friends had 1-3 children and all born a year before and 6 years after ds were girls.

I had a lot of the head titling emailed when ds was a boy.

He's been the easiest kid of all of them

Friends all say the same now and a few went on to have a boy eventually as 3rd/4th child and enjoyed and embraced them - and all agree that they aren't the feral gits everyone makes out they are to raise!

I had two boys in my 20s and when Dh and decided we wanted another child when my younger son was 14 everyone asked whether we wanted another child to have a girl to which I always replied I was having a third child because I wanted another child and as my sons were so different that another boy would be wonderful. Mind you we did have girl who is lovely but another boy would have been as lovely.

Smiles - not emailed.

I can sure you no one emailed me about ds sex!

MNers have had bias for 20 yrs that girls >>> boys.

I think you are confusing different cultures here.
In the culture of this country daughters are valued no less and often above the sons and this has been the case since I can remember, particularly for the middle classes.
Some minority and particularly newer cultures to the UK often don't value women or girls and this concept being introduced in the UK of course has at least some impact on the culture of this country and how females are viewed and the female freedoms and choices are being erased at a phenomenal speed.
I'm sorry the main culture of the country you live in and benefit from passed you by. Try to expand your horizons a bit.

Who are you addressing that to @fairywhale ?

I’ve only ever done across girls being favoured on MN. In real life (sadly in my own family) boys seem to be favoured, for money reasons. obviously it shouldn’t matter.

I don’t know any actual statistics on this.

While I know that we have some way to go in some areas to achieve equality, I certainly don‘t feel personally that being a girl is crap. I have many female friends and I don‘t think any of us would say we would rather not have been born, or would rather have been born a boy than be a girl/woman.

I understand you may have had some experiences yourself that have coloured your view, but I‘m not sure many girls or women would share the view that being female is inherently crap and that we should strive to only have boys?!

My Dad (no longer with us) said he was very grateful that he had daughters. A few weeks before he died, he expressed his wishes for what he wanted when he died and said he wanted to be in hospital with his daughters by his side. He explicitly said that he thought daughters would be better in a situation like that. When I was born, apparently a few people said things to him bordering on whether he was disappointed not to have had a boy, I think he believed that girls were easily, although the reason for that is probably cause my Mum was formidable. Unfortunately I think being a daughter does carry higher expectations than being a son, certainly in terms of staying in touch with and looking after elderly parents. Personally I wouldn't have had it any other way though, hard as it was.

In the UK girls are definitely favoured, at least by women. I have all boys and have been openly pitied and told it's a shame!