If you are in the shoes off brigade

[Halfastoneextra]

If you invite someone to your house, say as an evening guest , here is the scenario:

The guest has made an effort to dress up for the evening, say a nice dress, updo, jewellery etc. She turns up at your house where you ask all guests to take their shoes off. This guest turns to a carrier bag she has on her, and withdraws a pair of very nice shoes that she wishes to wear with her dress. They are not stilettos, so won't damage any wooden floors. She shows you the soles and explains they are specially clean ie have not been worn outside and have been wiped down to make sure they are spotless. She says she wishes to wear them as they are part of her outfit and she does not wish to be discomforted by having to go barefoot.

Would you acquiesce. If not, why not?

@Crumpetdisappointment

yes I’m very careful

but lots of people aren’t

also it can be hard to avoid as sometimes it’s all spread across the pavement and dried. Sometimes mixed in with mud or leaves so hard to spot. Etc.

Nope. Vanity is an example of pride, which is a sin. Nobody thinks highly of you for it.

Nobody gives a shit about your shoes matching your outfit, and it is very rude to expect to wear shoes in someone else’s home.

Hhhmm so you think dressing up is a sign of your respect for the host but complying with their rules (however fussy) unnecessary?

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks

Whilst I disagree with the ops views on appearance

Why should she give a shit about someone's flooring?

I'd think the guest was absolutely nuts but then again I don't hold gatherings at my house where dressing up to that extent is necessary. I'd let them wear the shoes but think they were being weird! In general though, you abide by the rules of the house you're visiting. IMO anything else is rudeness. If it's a shoes off house, you take your damn shoes off. If it's a shoes on house and the hosts can't bear the sight of feet, keep them on even if you hate it in your own house.

Also we have a cat and his paws get stuck into all sorts. I can't ask him to remove his paws so I accept we have some of the outside coming in, anyway. But hoovers and the occasional carpet clean seem to work fine

Do you not wipe your cats paws after its been outside? Just let it walk through your home with wet/muddy paws?

My slippers are actually shoes I bought to wear in the office, but the soles are so thin I figured they wouldn't survive long if I used them as outdoor shoes and it wouldn't be comfy to wear them outside either as I would be able to feel every tiny stone through the soles. I needed some slippers so ...

Yep. He has access in and out of the house 24/7 via a cat flap. We are often asleep when he comes in and out ( such is the way of cats usually), so it would be unrealistic to always expect to catch him at point of re-entry.

New York dog excrement pavement/shoe study: www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/feb/18/new-york-dog-poop-bacteria-shoes?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Gross. That cat is bringing in all sorts.

Don't worry. I'm not planning to come over to yours anytime.

No different than bringing slippers, as long as they have been cleaned it wouldn’t bother me. We are a strict shoes off house

I was brought up to belive it's the height of rudeness to keep shows on indoors. I don't know of any friends or family where shoes are kept on in houses so I don't think this will ever be an issue.

We've got brand new fluffy carpet so we don't even go in the living room with slippers so if you came to mine with shoes (however clean they are) I wouldn't be happy with you going in there. I'd be OK with clean shoes where there's no carpet though.

That's cats I'm afraid. Not everyone's a cat lover which is fine.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this. I'd be in awe of you being so well prepared that you weren't pairing an evening dress with spotty slippers! We are a shoes off most of the time house.... so if you're a regular guest and we're going to sit in the upstairs sitting room you will probably have your own slippers here anyway, or you'll have come prepared with your own house shoes or slippers.

If you've come for an evening meal we're probably going to stay downstairs in the kitchen, dining room etc and as long as you don't have visible dog excrement on your shoes I'm not going to ask you take them off if you don't want to. I have a working dog, so the kitchen floor is tiled and subsequently covered in mud at all hours of the day except for the precise moment it's been mopped. She occasionally slips through the door into the hall and the dining room so the carpet in there is regularly Bisselled to within an inch of it's life!

Most of our visitors naturally take their shoes off though as a matter of respect which I thought was normal, but it's just dawned on me that I might be a bit mad about this and people just accept it's one of my quirks... My friends bring driving shoes with them when we go shooting, walking etc which we do regardless of who's car we're in, and I have shoe covers in my car for those who forget though, so maybe we're all a bit mad?

No wonder you are a 'shoes on' house, your floors must not be the cleanest if you allow wet muddy paws on them.

It’s basic respect and courtesy if someone has invited you round.

But OP cares more about her appearance than anyone else, and she should know nobody is thinking highly of her for it.

She's going to someone's house, no the coronation. She's being a bit precious.
You go to someone's house, you fo as your hosts do. Don't go otherwise.

I hate cold floors on bare feet so I feel your pain but also understand some people find it rude.

I think bringing slipper would be better than bringing shoes though, even if they are clean.

Maybe slippers like these:

www.charlesclinkard.co.uk/women-c1/slippers-c6/knot-leather-slipper-p1423

Totally acceptable if they’ve not been worn outside and are in fact clean. We’re a shoes off house and my mum recently came over with a pair of slippers that she wears in at home that isn’t shoes off house so I don’t class them as clean. She now has her own pair here 😂

While we’re generally shoes off, if I were inviting people for a party/dinner, especially the kind of event where people would make an effort to dress up, I would expect people to keep their shoes on. So it wouldn’t be an issue.

However, if you were going to a house where you knew someone was fanatically “shoes off” I think it’s quite rude to bring shoes and you should have planned your outfit around it. Basic rule of accepting someone’s hospitality is to abide by their conventions in their home.

The worst one for me recently was being asked to take my shoes off, and going through a stone flagged hall to have coffee in a stone floored kitchen! My feet were bloody freezing by the end of it. I thought if you're worried about stone flooring, you've got a problem.

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks

Not where I live.

You saying it doesn't make it so

I think these are flat court shoes, aren't they?

So the pristine indoor shoes that you took to wear aren't actually that pristine, if you wear them around your own filthy house