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Original poster

If you are in the shoes off brigade

360 replies

Halfastoneextra · 27/02/2023 09:29

If you invite someone to your house, say as an evening guest , here is the scenario:

The guest has made an effort to dress up for the evening, say a nice dress, updo, jewellery etc. She turns up at your house where you ask all guests to take their shoes off. This guest turns to a carrier bag she has on her, and withdraws a pair of very nice shoes that she wishes to wear with her dress. They are not stilettos, so won't damage any wooden floors. She shows you the soles and explains they are specially clean ie have not been worn outside and have been wiped down to make sure they are spotless. She says she wishes to wear them as they are part of her outfit and she does not wish to be discomforted by having to go barefoot.

Would you acquiesce. If not, why not?

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 27/02/2023 10:34

Downstairs in my house I don't really care what visitors choose to do. But if someone has been kind enough to invite me around I'd always comply with their house rules. I definitely wouldn't put the host on the spot.

chipswitheveryting · 27/02/2023 10:34

Yes it's fine, your home is still clean (which is the intention of not having shoes inside) and she still gets to feel glam and therefore confident.

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 27/02/2023 10:40

It depends on what kind of guest you are, if you are throwing formal dinner parties it is demented to ask guests to remove the shoes, protect the floor instead.

If you are more informal, provide slippers, especially if you have tiles or stone floors.

Personally, I just ask people to keep their shoes on unless it is clear they were covered in poo, paint or mud.

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borntobequiet · 27/02/2023 10:42

Brigade? So militant?

I prefer shoes off but don’t make a big deal about it.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 27/02/2023 10:51

Shoes that haven't been outside are totally fine. I don't like mud being tracked through the house, even when I hoover/wash floors frequently, it's just not nice.

Sparklingbrook · 27/02/2023 10:53

borntobequiet · 27/02/2023 10:42

Brigade? So militant?

I prefer shoes off but don’t make a big deal about it.

I thought that. Brigade? Grin
I prefer shoes off too but I don't make a fuss over it.

Maireas · 27/02/2023 11:02

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 27/02/2023 10:51

Shoes that haven't been outside are totally fine. I don't like mud being tracked through the house, even when I hoover/wash floors frequently, it's just not nice.

I think it would be very rude to track mud across someone's house, fortunately I've never come across that.

WaitingRoomBoredom · 27/02/2023 11:02

We're shoes off and never ask guests coming round for dinner to take off their shoes (we just roll up the rug we like sitting on).
But if someone rocked up for an evening with friends with extra shoes to 'complete her outfit', I'd think she'd lost a few marbles.

lunar1 · 27/02/2023 11:08

DH is Hindu, no shoes are being worn in our house. Slippers are fine. We aren't in the habit of inviting people who it would bother though.

mast0650 · 27/02/2023 11:09

Yes of course. We are basically a shoes-off household on a day to day basis. But if guests come and they clearly want to be a bit dressed up and their shoes are pretty clean then it's fine! It's quite common for our local friends to walk over in one pair of comfy outdoor shoes and change to something nicer for indoors. I would often to that for a party myself.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 27/02/2023 11:09

To avoid any favouritism I would provide everyone with a pair of slippers, rather like these.

If you are in the shoes off brigade
InsertMoniker · 27/02/2023 11:14

Well, I'd let her, but privately I'd feel a bit irritated because it's unlikely she's never worn them outside

Why? Lots of people have indoor shoes. I have a few pairs of Clark's Freckle ice I wear indoors only, and I have taken them with me to friends houses, even if they don't ask for shoes off.

ChristmasKraken · 27/02/2023 11:17

MissDollyMix · 27/02/2023 10:26

We're a shoes off house but I'd never make a guest feel uncomfortable by insisting they took their shoes off. My mum is the worst. Always tramps in in her muddy dog walking trainers, I always ask if she'd like to take them off, she always ignores me.... anyway, I digress...
I call reverse!

How can it be a reverse when OP isn't writing it from the point of view of either party?

Original poster
Halfastoneextra · 27/02/2023 11:19

No this is definitely not a reverse.

I think that if you invite guests and immediately ask them to take off their shoes, (when they have made an effort to dress up) - I feel rather diminished. And yes, I do like to dress up when I'm invited to come to your house because I love my clothes and I think it's important to make the effort as a mark of respect for the people hosting.

Unsurprisingly we are a shoes on house. If people want to remove their shoes that's fine but we would never ask someone to do so ( we have doormats and we trust our guests' judgements as to whether they need to remove shoes or not).

Also we have a cat and his paws get stuck into all sorts. I can't ask him to remove his paws so I accept we have some of the outside coming in, anyway. But hoovers and the occasional carpet clean seem to work fine.

OP posts:
Crumpetdisappointment · 27/02/2023 11:19

it is so naff imo to ask people to remove their shoes

ChristmasKraken · 27/02/2023 11:21

I'd think it was a bit odd though - mostly because if people are going to a party or dinner or whatever at someone's house, it usually means they can relax a bit more than when 'out out', so Id be baffled by someone wanting to wear fancy shoes rather than kick them off asap and relax...

Original poster
Halfastoneextra · 27/02/2023 11:23

On one occasion, we turn up - new house, new carpets etc. Hosts ask us to remove shoes. Immediately have to put stockinged feet onto a cold floor, very unwelcoming and uncomfortable. I can understand the new carpets thing, but the kitchen was tiled. Can not an exception be made for uncarpeted areas?

OP posts:
Treetopviews · 27/02/2023 11:25

I’d find it odd to bring a change of shoes but I’d never ask a guest to remove their shoes in the first place, I find it incredibly rude. My job as host is to make you feel comfortable. The only exception to this would be if foot wear was muddy or whatever , but normal shoes, of course I’d not ask someone to take them off

Lcb123 · 27/02/2023 11:27

i think that’s rude. We don’t wear shoes in house but I’d never ask someone else to take theirs off, unless very muddy. There’s too much obsession with cleanliness nowadays

Botw1 · 27/02/2023 11:27

Chuckling at people pretending folk aren't militant bout shoes off. Some folk are utter batshit about it. Online at least.

The op scenario wouldn't bother me but I only know 1 person who asks for shoes off.

Adrelaxzz · 27/02/2023 11:27

Crumpetdisappointment · 27/02/2023 11:19

it is so naff imo to ask people to remove their shoes

I'm not sure you understand the word naff? It might be fussy or pretentious or petty but not naff!
We are a shoes off house but never expect visitors (except kids friends who all do it anyway, lot of them are Asian and it's culturally very common.

Caviarandgelatine · 27/02/2023 11:28

Halfastoneextra · 27/02/2023 11:19

No this is definitely not a reverse.

I think that if you invite guests and immediately ask them to take off their shoes, (when they have made an effort to dress up) - I feel rather diminished. And yes, I do like to dress up when I'm invited to come to your house because I love my clothes and I think it's important to make the effort as a mark of respect for the people hosting.

Unsurprisingly we are a shoes on house. If people want to remove their shoes that's fine but we would never ask someone to do so ( we have doormats and we trust our guests' judgements as to whether they need to remove shoes or not).

Also we have a cat and his paws get stuck into all sorts. I can't ask him to remove his paws so I accept we have some of the outside coming in, anyway. But hoovers and the occasional carpet clean seem to work fine.

No OP, a mark of respect for your host isn't dressing up for them, a mark of respect is taking your shoes off if that's what they want you to do.

floratess · 27/02/2023 11:28

I would never wear shoes in someone's house, I automatically take them off straight away. However I don't ask others to remove them, I let them make that call. People seem to have very strong views on this on either side.

Original poster
Halfastoneextra · 27/02/2023 11:29

Treetopviews · 27/02/2023 11:25

I’d find it odd to bring a change of shoes but I’d never ask a guest to remove their shoes in the first place, I find it incredibly rude. My job as host is to make you feel comfortable. The only exception to this would be if foot wear was muddy or whatever , but normal shoes, of course I’d not ask someone to take them off

I don't understand why you'd find this odd - I'd only do it for houses which I know are shoes off. It's a way of getting round the fact I don't want to take my shoes off at your house - so I bring my own (clean) shoes instead of - horrors - having to walk barefoot etc.

Arguably I could bring my own slippers as opposed to a pair of shoes, which may be instantly acceptable if you are a shoes off person. But I don't want to wear slippers with a nice outfit.

OP posts:
silentpool · 27/02/2023 11:30

I take my shoes off at home but I don't ask visitors to.