If you are in the shoes off brigade

[Halfastoneextra]

If you invite someone to your house, say as an evening guest , here is the scenario:

The guest has made an effort to dress up for the evening, say a nice dress, updo, jewellery etc. She turns up at your house where you ask all guests to take their shoes off. This guest turns to a carrier bag she has on her, and withdraws a pair of very nice shoes that she wishes to wear with her dress. They are not stilettos, so won't damage any wooden floors. She shows you the soles and explains they are specially clean ie have not been worn outside and have been wiped down to make sure they are spotless. She says she wishes to wear them as they are part of her outfit and she does not wish to be discomforted by having to go barefoot.

Would you acquiesce. If not, why not?

I always offer to take my shoes off - there’s no demanding to know why.

It’s basic etiquette though to put your guests above your floor. So if someone comes to my house and they offer to take their shoes off - I just say ‘ you don’t need to we have wooden floors’ then they do what makes them feel comfortable.

It’s the height of bad manners to have a party - people get dressed up - then demand all shoes off. What if the party is in summer and you are in and out of the garden? Shoes on and off every time you go outside?

This is just not a thing in my circle of friends.

My views don’t affect the shoes off households though as I would take my shoes off. I just don’t encounter this very much.

Whereas demanding shoes are removed does affect people’s comfort.

Yep, I think the same. Why does someone's religious or cultural belief trump someone else's wish to have a clean/hygienic house? In fact, perhaps in the depths of time/history, the religious/cultural norms were borne out of cleanliness/hygiene?

Personally, I just think it's common sense to have a "divide" between the dirty outside and the clean inside. Yet it's strange that some people would find that rude and insulting, but if I was, say, an religious Asian, they'd find it fine and would have no problems "embracing" my culture!

It’s not in the culture of this country to take shoes off en mass. There is a complete mix. In Japan, Scandinavia etc everyone takes their shoes off so that is the cultural norm. For whatever the reason, it is not the cultural norm in this country hence the mixture of replies. We have a class culture in this country which is also different.

For example, it’s rude to tip in Japan. I could say ‘ooh I like that, even though I’m not Japanese when I go to the US I shan’t tip’. But that would be considered rude in the US.

You can demand people take their shoes off but in many circles, in this country that is seen as rude. You may not care and that’s fine.

I think shoes off is becoming, if not a 'cultural norm' then at least very much within the range of normal behaviours within the U.K.

I agree @ErrolTheDragon

Yes, I have weird baby toes that are especially short, have no joint and don’t bend. They look noticeably small and funky. I although I never refuse, I always feel massively uncomfortable going shoeless. I wear a dedicated pair of crocs around my house 😂 I always assess the situation. If someone stops by and had clean looking shoes, I don’t say anything - if they ask if we’re shoes off though, I always say we try to be, so it’s up to them. I just want people to be comfortable in our house.

I agree. We've been a shoes off household for at least the 25 years we've lived in our current house. It's now definitely more "normal" for people to offer to take off their shoes or bring their own plastic shoe covers with them. Even "workmen" like Virgin TV installer, British Gas boiler service engineer, etc., have had shoe-covers in their hand as we opened the door to them! Same with a furniture delivery we had a month ago - the two delivery guys put on heavy duty shoe covers at the door, and put down a huge cover cloth over the hall carpet, all without us having to ask!

The UK is a multicultural country so its not really accurate to say its not part of the culture in the UK because it very much is part of some of the population's culture and whether someone is part of that culture or not is not outwardly visible.

Personally as a foreigner, I have decided to fully assimilate, be super English and follow the maxim " An Englishwoman's house is her castle." And place all my shoes on a rack outside in the porch. Most visitors get the hint and take their shoes off. I don't ask.

Deltatron

Yes basic etticute, seems to have flown out the window in the face of flooring...

Yep floors are more precious than guests comfort. .. that’s the message that this gives out.

Back to the OP - they sound awful hosts and I wouldn’t bother going. Never heard of a shoes off party in my life. What if someone smashes a glass?!

Just mop/ clean the floor afterwards. Job done.

Not everyone has hard floors @Delatron. However, I don't get my knickers in a twist if someone wants to keep their clean shoes on in my house.

Don't you wear socks in winter @WhiteNoiseMoreToys?

Although we usually take our shoes off, we do not expect guests to do so and tell them it's fine not to. Some people feel more comfortable taking their shoes off, as it is what they do in their own homes.

Most people who are wearing muddy shoes will automatically take them off. - anyway I would expect them to. In the case you mention, I would be quite happy for the guest to keep her shoes on.

That would be perfectly fine with me, at least your guest has given the matter some thought, some don't.
Mine is a 'shoes off' house too.

I remember one house that stunk of urine and my host stoood over myself and dd whilst we took our shoes off in a teeny mat.

Later on she took a potty full of pee and sloshed it into her sink /with splatters.
I'm actually quite easy about urine from babies and toddlers it's not really offensive but I wouldn't slosh it into a sink.

Surely you have dedicated house shoes for wearing around your country mansion? When you arrive home, you enter via a boot room where you exchange outdoor shoes for indoor ones. It would be more necessary in the country too, as there is a greater chance of outdoor footwear getting covered in mud or poo.

I’m sure they do have house shoes in their big mansions. And servants to clean the stone floors so not too precious. They also wouldn’t dream of hosting a party and asking guests to remove shoes and pad around in socks/stockings. That’s why it’s an etiquette/ hosting issue.

Unless of course the host in the country mansion comes from a shoes off culture, then its magically not an etiquette issue.

This is like a weird distortion of that thing you get when you're a white European immigrant and people talk shit about immigrants in front of you, then remember that you're an immigrant and assure you that they "didn't mean you".

Oh, it's so rude and such poor etiquette. How could anyone have a party in socks, the very idea! Oh, your parents are Danish? Well obviously I didn't mean you.

It comes off like you think it's awful and inexplicable behaviour, but you'll give those peculiar foreigners a pass because they can't help it.

This.

Yep, this exactly.

Have a look at the pavements you're walking on, dog poo & wee, bird poo, dropped food, mud, and it all sticks to the bottom of your shoes to some degree or another. Take your outdoor shoes off and wear slippers.

Oh bullshit. Everyone is pulling this card to justify being rude to their guests. Different cultures have different traditions. Certain things that are rude in some cultures are not in others.

Like I said, I would offer to take my shoes off in any house as it’s the polite thing to do - so this would never be an issue.

But in my house, my guests comfort comes above my floor! So I ask them what they feel comfortable doing. Don’t make it about anything else other than that. Shoes off isn’t a predominant tradition in this country. And it never has been.

And many people would think asking people to remove their shoes at the door is rude.

But I think it's rude for people to come to my house and walk all over it with shoes and dirt etc from outside. What people think is rude is subjective isn't it. I think something is rude, you think the opposite, that's fine. There's no law that says what's rude and what isn't.
Personally I think it's rude of guests to potentially ruin my floor for the sake of not wanting to take shoes off for a few hours.