If you are in the shoes off brigade

[Halfastoneextra]

If you invite someone to your house, say as an evening guest , here is the scenario:

The guest has made an effort to dress up for the evening, say a nice dress, updo, jewellery etc. She turns up at your house where you ask all guests to take their shoes off. This guest turns to a carrier bag she has on her, and withdraws a pair of very nice shoes that she wishes to wear with her dress. They are not stilettos, so won't damage any wooden floors. She shows you the soles and explains they are specially clean ie have not been worn outside and have been wiped down to make sure they are spotless. She says she wishes to wear them as they are part of her outfit and she does not wish to be discomforted by having to go barefoot.

Would you acquiesce. If not, why not?

If you’ve never, ever come across this, you clearly are not very well traveled. In many, many countries across huge swathes of Europe, Asia, Africa, and South America, it is standard practice to remove shoes and is considered extremely rude to keep shoes on… We live in continental Europe and the school children aren’t even allowed to wear their shoes in school—they keep slippers there to put on when they arrive. Anyway, almost everyone here is saying they would never ask guests to remove their shoes even if they themselves do. So no, I’d say not a class thing so much as a ‘people who have life experience outside of the UK’ thing. 🤷‍♀️

Me neither! Not once, ever!!

@Secretname123

👊

I'd have no issue with you wearing those shoes OP.

@Secretname123 yet....

We are shoes off, I was brought up like that, it's got a religious significance for me too. Not to mention that I have two young kids, one of whom is still crawling around sticking stuff in their gob. It's rare that we need to ask someone as the shoe rack is right by the front door and almost everyone will obviously notice and take their shoes off. If they don't, we do ask them to and we have a stack of shoe covers if they'd prefer to just stick them over the top. Workmen wear shoe covers as a general rule and I do usually ask them to do this if they don't do it themselves straight away (plenty of them do) but it depends on the circumstances, there are occasional exceptions. Also elderly visitors or anyone who would have difficulty removing shoes obviously is an exception too.

In your example OP that would be absolutely fine as they're not outdoor shoes. I have family abroad and that's the done thing for women at parties in that country/culture.

I make my kids and oh take shoes off but I wouldn’t ask guests to

I would have no problem with clean shoes but then I don’t ask people to take their shoes off. They do tend to do it anyway though as we all take our shoes off when we get in. In all honesty I don’t known
that I’d notice their shoe status anyway

No. It's not a class thing. It's a " not white British" thing. We are all precious.

I’m honestly guessing a lot of the shoes off folk don’t actually have many friends to visit.

on a separate note. I have a friend who gets up in the morning and puts her shoes on after she gets ready, I find it very odd. In her own home.

generally people do take their shoes off if they are staying with us before they go upstairs. They wear them downstairs. So my happily shoed friend is the opposite and I just let her crack on. I have seen her barefoot, her feet are fine, I’ve been on holiday with her, she just likes to wear her shoes. I’ll be honest, I don’t really like it when she trails up the stairs in them but I like her more than I dislike it so I say nothing.

I take my shoes off when I visit my friends homes. If staying over I take a pair of slippers or flip flops. As I prefer to be comfy.

if it’s a formal thing with more of an acquaintance or a neighbour , I keep them on, unless the host is barefoot. And then I always ask. None of them ever said yes take ‘em off, other than new carpet mate.😂

I’d never ask someone to remove their shoes, it seems a bit unwelcoming. However most (all?) visitors notice the prevailing shoelessness indoors, and remove their shoes anyway.

Lots of guests bring slippers or house shoes with them. I take slippers to other people’s houses too. It’s more a comfort thing than a protecting the floor thing really. In the same way you would take your coat off if you went into someone’s house. If you keep it on, it looks like you are uncomfortable and about to leave.

I’m not a member of a brigade though. I just don’t wear shoes in the house, that’s the cultural norm to me.

I’d be surprised at someone dressing up in a fancy outfit with matching shoes to just spend time in my house though, can’t really imagine that happening.

I’d be surprised at someone dressing up in a fancy outfit with matching shoes to just spend time in my house though, can’t really imagine that happening.

This is the bit I found a bit baffling. When I invite my friends over we’re going to be having a relatively casual nice dinner followed by drinks in the living room, at which point I’ll be chilled on the sofa with wine and have my (bare) feet tucked up underneath me. I can’t imagine any of my friends coming around for dinner in a smart outfit and matching shoes they’d brought for the occasion and then perching on the edge of the sofa looking as though they should be at a cocktail party!

I would think the person with the shoes in the carrier bag needed therapy. And a large drink.

Will have to wear with shoe covers!

The one type of footwear I won’t tolerate in my house is slippers. Fugly sloppy tasteless aesthetically displeasing anathema to me. If the householder just wants their floors kept clean of course these shoes are ok. It is very displeasing to wear a nice outfit and not be able to wear the shoes that go with it.

I am a bit stunned that people wipe their cats' paws. I have 3 cats and none of them are keen on having their paws touched, let alone wiped. In fact I'd probably need hospital treatment if I tried wiping my grumpiest cat's paws!
😳

Try showering with them.

Yes, this, 100%. Who hosts formal dinner parties these days, particularly uptight ones for which a person would need a special outfit with painstakingly matched shoes?

Most definitely let her wear them.
It would make me puke to think I'll be walking around in bare feet when who knows what the other guests have got???? I don't want to leave with athletes foot, verrucas or any other disease from their feet!

We're shoes off and ask guests to remove. But if they are truly clean, that's fine. But I'd find it bloody odd as they'd be the only one in shoes

Me too

I think yr guest was very thoughtful to bring extra shoes. Good for them.

I think having your shoes off means you're not fully dressed. I would never ask people to undress coming into my home. Gives the impression that I care more about my marginally cleaner floors than I do about their comfort and dignity.

Floors are for walking on, not for thinking too hard about.

Re: the original question -

I think your guest was being very thoughtful, but it's sad that she spent her time explaining her shoe arrangements to the host rather than simply walking in and enjoying the space is a sad state of affairs.

Grown ups can deal with shoes being worn in their houses.

Our house still has its Victorian floors, and like the original owners, the only rule we have is no riding boots. We do have some large Persian rugs downstairs but none of this takes very long to clean, which is done twice a week, and not by me