If you are in the shoes off brigade

[Halfastoneextra]

If you invite someone to your house, say as an evening guest , here is the scenario:

The guest has made an effort to dress up for the evening, say a nice dress, updo, jewellery etc. She turns up at your house where you ask all guests to take their shoes off. This guest turns to a carrier bag she has on her, and withdraws a pair of very nice shoes that she wishes to wear with her dress. They are not stilettos, so won't damage any wooden floors. She shows you the soles and explains they are specially clean ie have not been worn outside and have been wiped down to make sure they are spotless. She says she wishes to wear them as they are part of her outfit and she does not wish to be discomforted by having to go barefoot.

Would you acquiesce. If not, why not?

I would agree but think she was weird forevermore.

We're shoes off, but I wouldn't dream of asking a guest to remove theirs. In practice, people tend to offer to anyway. I'd think a guest who bothered to bring their own house shoes was very considerate.

I can't actually walk barefoot (even with socks on) as following a stroke i have issues with my feet. So i would always take indoor shoes with me.

At home we don't wear shoes indoors ourselves but we don't ask guests to remove them unless it's been wet or muddy outside.

I'd be more than happy for someone to bring clean, indoor shoes to wear indoors instead of barefoot.

Come to think of it, I did go to a house party a couple of years ago that was a fancy dress party and at least some of the costumes must have had shoes that went with the outfit but still everyone took their shoes off when they went inside, because they're all adults and can cope with a slight change to their outfit (some coped with more than a slight change, one was in his underpants and captain's hat by the end of the night as he couldn't be arsed to get fully dressed again after sauna )

the Reason we remove shoes is so mid/dog poop etc isn’t walked through the house on carpets…. So if shoes are clean that’s fine. No different to bringing slippers to change into really.

I have painful arthritis in my toes.
I am much more comfortable with a shoe with a shaped sole to support my arch as it holds my toes in the most comfortable place.

I usually wear 'indoor shoes' at home, which in practice is Birkenstocks with socks in winter and shaped flip flop type shoes in summer.

If I come to yours and we are sitting on the sofa I'd be fine, but if it was a lot of people and we're standing round talking, I am not fine.

For the same reason I am not interested in slippers.

I have arthritis in a big toe @steppemum. What brand of shoes do you wear?

I think they are terrible hosts and shouldn’t have dinner parties if they can’t put their guests comfort first.

Its rude to ask guests to take their shoes off - different cultures excepted.

I think your proposition is fine but never in my life or my circle of friends (who have lots of parties) would anybody be asked to remove their shoes - nice outfit or. It is plain bad manners. It’s showing them up as bad hosts that you have to think and stress about this.

We take out shoes off at home but we have wooden floors and a dog so wouldn’t dream of inflicting that on guests. I always offer when I go round to friends but they all have wooden floors and are unbothered. Fortunately I don’t know anyone with cream carpets and I have no idea why you would have something so impractical downstairs.

mostly trainers!
anything with padded sole. I struggle for example with sandals because all have such thin soles.
I have to wear very expensive walking boots when walking the dog to get the support and thick soles.

I actually find all shoes uncomfortable now, and I am size 10 so can't buy them easily either.
One of my problems is that my big toe joint is now pretty immoveable, so I can only wear dead flat, and even boots where I have to slide my foot in are often too hard to get on. The joint is also swollen, so that rules out anything court shoe shaped as the edge catches on the joint.

Where possible I just wear trainers, or boots if I can and indoors I wear birkenstocks because the shaped sole works for my toes.

It’s a cultural thing in other countries- which may be brought over here if you are from that culture. And that is to be respected.

But cultural reasons aside it is a class thing in this country. You think they’re all sat around in stocking feet in big country mansions?

I have lived in 3 different countries in Asia and a couple in Europe.
The shoe thing is REALLY cultural.

But in those cultural contexts it is also very practical.

In hot, dusty countries your shoes are covered in dust, and you need to remove them (if you are wearing sandals, you sort of need to wash your feet when you arrive too.)
In the rainy season they may be wet and muddy
In cold, snowy countries, you arrive with thick winter boots covered in wet snow and slush, which you couldn't possibly walk into a house.

In those contexts the shoes you are wearing are obviously not suitable to walk inside.

It is habit for me now to remove shoes indoors. We have a shoe rack by the front door, so most visitors ask. I usually say - whatever you are comfortable with.
My parents keep shoes on (and their house is not a shoes off house)
My friends from South Asia, Eastern Europe and Africa all take theirs off without a thought and are actually really uncomfortable with the idea of having shoes on in the house
Everyone else does what they like.

The world hasn't ended yet.
But then I don't bath my dog, or wipe my cat's paws, so who am I to talk?

If any guest was enough of a twat to turn up with a complicated work-around to a no-shoes household... I'd let them crack on with their twattish solution. I wouldn't invite them again, and I can guarantee that when we next spoke of them, no one would be discussing how nicely their shoes complimented their outfit.

It's not hard. You just do whatever your hosts do unless you have a pressing reason not to (ie, elderly and find it difficult to take off and put on shoes; wearing a brace, etc).

Dial back the narcissism and follow the lead of your hosts whenever you can.

You say its a cultural thing to be respected but in your previous post you said its rude, so which is it? Something to be respected or something rude? How do you decide whether the host has a shoes off house because of their culture or because of their class or because they're rude?

If you've got staff cleaning your floors for you in a big country mansion that is probably a bit on the chilly side as its harder to heat big rooms then not surprising that they'd keep their socks on. Though people in country mansions here would take their shoes off but we heat houses properly here.

I remember when I was working in a charity shop a few years ago one summer and a group of people from Thailand came into the shop - they all took off their sandals/flipflops at the door and left them outside, so culturally engrained in them to remove shoes.

It’s not up for me to decide. I will respect whoever’s home I go to. Only they know whether they are asking people to remove shoes because of cultural reasons or because they are bad hosts. It’s not an issue as I’ll always offer. Many on here demand shoes off for non cultural reasons and they fully admit it’s because they value their precious floors above their guests’ comfort. Otherwise they’d say ‘this is what we do in our culture’ rather than ‘I don’t want dog shit on my floor’.

Just like many things are bad manners in other countries which are fine here and vice versa.

TBH we are an either shoes or no shoes house. Your choice. I hate wearing shoes so my shoes come off in the hallway as does my eldest and youngest. My DS2 usually takes his shoes off but will sometimes leave them on. My DH and DS3 take their shoes off to go to bed only. Not wearing shoes makes them feel incredibly uncomfortable. I would hate to make a guest feel uncomfortable by making them remove their shoes.

You do realise those cultural traditions stem from people not wanting dirt/dust/snow/dog shit on their floors? So how come its rude if someone says that's the reason rather than merely saying its cultural?

I don't see a problem with @Delatron 's take on this. She's willing to take her shoes off in a no-shoes household. Job done.

She doesn't have to like it. She can go home and complain about them, call them bad hosts, come on MN and have a moan. Whatever.

I find all sorts of things uncomfortable in other people's homes. (Why isn't there a bin in the bathroom? They really do drink too much. No sparkling water. Three cats is excessive, no?) They are not me. When in their homes, I go with their norms whenever I can.

In hot, dusty countries your shoes are covered in dust, and you need to remove them (if you are wearing sandals, you sort of need to wash your feet when you arrive too.)

WWJD?
I guess we should all be glad we don't have to wash our guests dirty feet when they arrive.

@CharmedUndead Its the logical inconsistency I have an issue with, why Delatron views it rude if person A insists on shoes off but a cultural thing worthy of respect if person B insists on it.

I’m mostly a shoes-offer but the OP’s very specific scenario is fine in my book.

If people have made an effort and arrived by car then yes, I would allow visitors to wear the footwear they came in. I doubt they'd been sloshing in puddles or have dirt on their shoes if they'd bothered to dress up.
It looks rather odd to be dressed up yet walking around barefoot or wearing tights but shoeless and it may affect the way the visitor views themselves. I myself always ask the homeowner whether I need to remove my footwear. 9/10 say no but I fully understand the 1 who says yes please.
Workmen are a different kettle of fish and always either change into indoor trainers or put on plastic overshoes but they've been in several homes and walking over wet or mucky pavements/grass.
I think your guest was incredibly polite and forward thinking. How nice of her to explain that she'd cleaned the shoes especially in light of your preference.
I'd give her a hug and feel bad about her worrying to that extent.
By the way...do the men have to remove their footwear?

I'd be cut to ribbons 🫣😂

As a rider to my previous comment and after reading more comments, I take slipperettes or unworn outside ballet pumps if it's the custom in another household for whatever reason. I don't like going barefoot so take appropriate foot coverings.

Yes, I see your point. True enough. You don't get to demand a reason for a host's norms and start an argument about it. I mean, not if you're trying to be polite.