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Original poster

Do children belong in a "fancy" restaurant?

333 replies

Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 10:30

Hello All!

I'm looking for people's thoughts on children in high end restaurants.

For context we were invited to a very high end restaurant this weekend (think £150 a head set tasting menu fine dining place) to celebrate a family members birthday (less than a weeks notice).

We have a toddler and a new baby so I declined as soon as I looked the restaurant up as I knew we couldn't organise childcare and husband was on call that night (needs to be near home).

Family wanted me to still come and bring the children but I declined as I really couldn't imagine wrangling a hungry toddler (no children's menu) and trying to latch a baby on while the couple on the next table celebrate their wedding anniversary!

I'll be honest I was also thinking of a popular thread on AIBU here recently where people were commenting on the behaviour of young children in a cafe at an aquarium. The consensus there was children shouldn't be in any sort of fancier restaurants!

However family think we're being overly precious to not bring the kids (and therefore not attend) and another thread yesterday had posters recommending a mum took her 8 month old to a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

OP posts:
IWineAndDontDine · 26/02/2023 07:33

I think you need to ask the restaurant. Its not up to some intolerable punters who can't imagine a meal out with ANYONE disturbing their meal (classic children should be seen and not heard on MN and the rest of britain) . It's up to the restaurant what kind of dynamic they want, and if punters don't want to return then that's up to them. People don't get to decide what vibe restaurant they don't own should be. They are welcome to not return.

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 26/02/2023 07:38

You are quite right. Taking young children to a restaurant does nobody any favours. Your family need to be told that the decision has been made and you won't be discussing it further.

Dentistlakes · 26/02/2023 07:39

It depends on the restaurant, the time of day and the ages of the children. We do take our children to high end restaurants, but only for lunch unless we’re staying there. They understand they eat the same as us and that they try everything. Tasting menus are the norm and they rarely leave anything and if they do, it’s eaten by one of us. We didn’t start doing this until they were over 10.

We did take them when they were babies but only for quick lunch type menus, never a long drawn out lunch and as soon as there was a hint of them making a disruption they were taken out and we tag teamed our lunch. I can only think of a couple of occasions that happened. As soon as they were toddler age we stopped taking them until they were older.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Scrumbler · 26/02/2023 07:41

It's so strange to me that people get annoyed my children at fancy restaurants. A crying newborn or loud toddler aren't going to ruin anyone's night. Now if you let your kids run riot then that's going to annoy anyone in any situation, not just fancy restaurants. But children are part of the family, of course they should be a part of these things.
I don't understand why people believe that family restaurants are only the cheap ones and anywhere expensive should be adults only. I can't imagine refusing to go to a nice restaurant just because I have kids. If I'm going to a nice place, my kids are coming with me. It's weird that so many people in the UK will treat kids as if they're an inconvenience and a hassle to other people.

piedbeauty · 26/02/2023 07:47

Yanbu at all. Various reasons:

Husband on call - might be called in to work.
Not relaxing AT ALL taking kids that age out to eat, especially somewhere posh.
Other diners will not appreciate kids being there.
The cost!!!
Restaurants is not keen on kids being there.
Is it lunch or dinner? Lunch would be better; at dinner, kids will be tired/witching hour so more likely to kick off/misbehave/cry/be tired and need to go home.

If I was at that kind of restaurant I'd not want to see young Dc anywhere near me. Sorry!

milkyaqua · 26/02/2023 07:47

A crying newborn or loud toddler aren't going to ruin anyone's night.

Would ruin mine.

Hellenabe · 26/02/2023 07:47

It depends on the children really. I have a friend whose children both have ADHD and she's very bohemian in terms of letting them run around a lot. They would think nothing of going to very high end restaurants for group things. It doesn't bother me but im sure people would stare/get frustrated. Her attitude is its her money plus she doesn't see their behaviour as annoying, just kids being kids.

MintJulia · 26/02/2023 07:51

No. Their needs won't be met, you'll be stressed and won't enjoy your meal, and it might spoil everyone else's special lunch out.

Pipsquiggle · 26/02/2023 07:51

You have done the right thing @Puttingchildrenfirst

Your family are being naive about DC being allowed.

It would be an awful experience for you, your DC and the other diners if your DC just started acting like DC.

pilates · 26/02/2023 07:53

God no very bad idea. Is there no way you can get a sitter and you go on your own? If you don’t want to go, you have a good excuse.

Fireflybaby · 26/02/2023 07:53

To me it sounds like you're a backup plan to replace someone who decided they're not coming so they don't have to pay for your table reservation place.
Less than a weeknotice when they know you have to make child care arrangements it's a bit short.
Don't let them push you into it. Go if you want to , but please don't go just because they insist and make you feel bad about you refusing/declining.
Tbh, I wouldn't go. And yes, if I paid a lot of money for a very fancy restaurant I wouldn't expect to have a family pub lunch atmosphere with kids running around or making a lot of noise. You expect that in family pub lunches, not in a fancy restaurant.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 26/02/2023 07:53

Good lord, why on earth shouldn't children be allowed in restaurants? The British are really, really weird about children sometimes.

Twiglets1 · 26/02/2023 07:53

Puttingchildrenfirst · 24/02/2023 10:30

Hello All!

I'm looking for people's thoughts on children in high end restaurants.

For context we were invited to a very high end restaurant this weekend (think £150 a head set tasting menu fine dining place) to celebrate a family members birthday (less than a weeks notice).

We have a toddler and a new baby so I declined as soon as I looked the restaurant up as I knew we couldn't organise childcare and husband was on call that night (needs to be near home).

Family wanted me to still come and bring the children but I declined as I really couldn't imagine wrangling a hungry toddler (no children's menu) and trying to latch a baby on while the couple on the next table celebrate their wedding anniversary!

I'll be honest I was also thinking of a popular thread on AIBU here recently where people were commenting on the behaviour of young children in a cafe at an aquarium. The consensus there was children shouldn't be in any sort of fancier restaurants!

However family think we're being overly precious to not bring the kids (and therefore not attend) and another thread yesterday had posters recommending a mum took her 8 month old to a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

If you were sat next to 2 kids under 3 at a very expensive restaurant... what would you be thinking?

I would think “oh shit” if sat next to a family with very young children at a restaurant charging £150 a head. In fact I would probably ask if it was possible to change tables.
No problem with young children in normal restaurants but not those charging so much money which I would only go to for a very special occasion.

MintJulia · 26/02/2023 07:55

Scrumbler · 26/02/2023 07:41

It's so strange to me that people get annoyed my children at fancy restaurants. A crying newborn or loud toddler aren't going to ruin anyone's night. Now if you let your kids run riot then that's going to annoy anyone in any situation, not just fancy restaurants. But children are part of the family, of course they should be a part of these things.
I don't understand why people believe that family restaurants are only the cheap ones and anywhere expensive should be adults only. I can't imagine refusing to go to a nice restaurant just because I have kids. If I'm going to a nice place, my kids are coming with me. It's weird that so many people in the UK will treat kids as if they're an inconvenience and a hassle to other people.

A crying baby would spoil my lunch.

Children aren't an inconvenience or a hassle. I love the very bones of my ds but I also recognise that a grouchy toddler isn't going to enhance my experience or other diners' experience of a gourmet meal.

I wouldn't be that inconsiderate.

Ellie1015 · 26/02/2023 07:58

Yanbu. This would not be enjoyable for the children, stressful for you and irrating for diners nearby. If dh not available then even a child friendly restaurant would be tricky unless the other guests will definitely help.

Being charitable to the person celebrating maybe they just really want you to be there I would offer an alternative at another time. Absolutely do not feel bad for not attending it is best for everyone.

Also in my circle we are usually very sensitive not to pressure/overwhelm mums with newborns and see them where/when she wants to. Whoever is pressuring you is being very insensitive.

Bunnycat101 · 26/02/2023 07:59

It depends one the set-up. We’ve been to family events at nice places
but there have been in private rooms. I have found these sort of events last a long time (more than the average toddler attention span) and wouldn’t have been happy attending the venues if we hadn’t been in a private room.

I think you are very much in the right here. If they still would like you to attend, they need to
be asking about private rooms or effectively booking out the whole place if it’s small.

I have also found a degree of pressure from older relatives who a) don’t seem to understand a 3 hour meal isn’t fun for a 3yo and b) are much more indulgent of their darling grandchildren’s poor behaviour than other diners are. I have always been of the ‘make a swift exit if children kicking off’ camp and that is not always compatible with some events.

Justenjoyinglife · 26/02/2023 08:01

Firstly, what a caring & considerate person you are.

Personally, I think you did the right thing. I would never have taken mine at that age and I would probably be the person who smiles at the baby & interact with the kid now but would not be impressed if they were playing up etc with the cost of the meal.

Thankfully mine are now 11 & 8 and I know we could take them somewhere like this with absolutely no problem. I suspect your relatives forget how boring such a thing is for young children but just wanted them there for the moment.

Pipsquiggle · 26/02/2023 08:01

StepAwayFromGoogling · 26/02/2023 07:53

Good lord, why on earth shouldn't children be allowed in restaurants? The British are really, really weird about children sometimes.

Most restaurants are fine for DC. I have absolutely no issue with DC being there.

£200 per head, 3* Michelin restaurant, generally not geared up for DC in terms of menu or facilities. Also I do like having a DC free evening once in a while so appreciate adult only restaurants

YukoandHiro · 26/02/2023 08:03

"It’s usually the mum getting stressed whilst everyone else tucks into their meals, relaxed and generally only offering tokenistic help. Not for me."

This is why it's totally shit. Everyone else says they had a lovely time. Well I DID NOT. And why didn't you notice?

Dammitthisisshit · 26/02/2023 08:03

Depends on child. If they are quiet and not running around I don’t see the issue.

I took our (older, on solids) baby to a very fancy restaurant - I didn’t realise how fancy it was in advance as we were taken there by a family member. The staff were amazing, there wasn’t a childrens menu but I don’t like them anyway, DD behaved impeccably as she was interested and engaged.

I’ve also had to hot foot it out a nice restaurant when DD got overtired and started crying. But we’d had our meal, I just left before dessert and immediately on her crying - I really don’t think anyone was affected too badly - I was gone within seconds. Service had been very slow so despite going early we’d hit the witching hour. My sister who I was with settled the bill and we sorted it out later - but we made the plan when things started going slowly as we knew it was a possibility that would happen.

Basecampzero · 26/02/2023 08:06

Tbh I wouldn't be happy.

I like children but I don't think high end restaurants are the place for very young children. People go there to enjoy the meal and be with other adults.

The kind of attention you have to give small children is irritating for those going to experience the food and ambiance. I think it would be especially annoying for those people who'd paid a babysitter to have time away from their own children and then have to listen to yours or you having to fuss round them.

As PPs say, whatever people say now, they won't be the ones taking your kids mid-meal outside if they make a noise. I've experienced this too, with people promising their help and then abandoning your children back to you after five minutes when it gets tedious.

Bunnycat101 · 26/02/2023 08:06

A crying newborn or loud toddler aren't going to ruin anyone's night.

At 5pm in pizza express probably not, no. At 8pm in a £200 a head restaurant the answer is quite different.

People need to accept there is a time and place for small children and some venues are more suitable than others. I was so pissed off when I went to see frozen with my 6yo and left my 3yo behind to have the show spoiled by someone else who had selfishly brought a 2yo along. Said toddler was scared, couldn’t sit still and should never have been allowed in. A toddler show would have been much more appropriate. We moved seats at the interval. At a show like that you expect young children to be a bit fidgety, the odd whisper but not screaming and climbing over seats when you’ve paid £££. Same principle applies to restaurants.

WalkAwaySugarbear · 26/02/2023 08:07

I hate hearing kids in restaurants full stop, even if it is a family one. Its just not an enjoyable experience. As kids we were expected to sit and behave through a meal and we always expected the same for ours.

LolaSmiles · 26/02/2023 08:07

This is the pain in the backside, I actually called the restaurant and they said, "we don't technically ban children however we are a fine dining restaurant experience". Eg. Do not bring your small children!
I think they're relying on common sense.
A fine dining restaurant where adults are spending large amounts of money on a fancy meal isn't the place for small children.

With older children it's common sense and courtesy.
Someone might have a 10 year old who is able to behave appropriately for the duration of a meal, without all the associated child junk we cart around to entertain younger children. They'd probably be fine there.
Someone with a 10 year old who still needs endless activities and some sort of device with/without headphones and I'd argue that if they're not able to behave as expected for fine dining, that 10 year old shouldn't be there.

MoreSleepPleasee · 26/02/2023 08:08

I'd think FFS 😭😭 Don't do it op.