Is this fair? Inheritance related.

[WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant]

There are three adult siblings in DH family. DH is the eldest and is from his DF first marriage. Sadly, DH’s DM died when he was a baby. His DF married again when DH was very young and went on to have a further two boys with his new wife.

The new wife raised DH along with her two biological children and they still have a good relationship today. DH’s DF passed away six years ago and all of his assets went to his wife. However, his DF had a joint Will with his wife and all three children were included in the will with all to be shared fairly once the parents had passed.

At a visit with MIL (DH’s step mum) over the weekend, she talked about her plans to pay off her mortgage in a few weeks and how she was relieved to know the two boys would never have to worry about housing in the current climate. (DH’s adult brothers are still both living at home whilst studying). It transpires her plans are to leave the only asset to DH’s two brothers; this would mean she would need to have the current will amended to exclude DH.

DH didn’t say anything but it has blindsided him and he’s feeling very hurt; his step mum has raised him since he was small.

It does seem rather unfair but after all, it’s his DSM’s asset to do as she wishes. Would you be hurt by this? DH is not going to raise it and will carry on as normal but he is understandably taken aback about this.

Added to which if there’s enough lack of capacity to require POA to be enacted, that automatically indicates insufficient capacity to change a will. Can’t have it both ways.

Where do you get a copy of a will though?

as far as I know you have no right to see a will unless the writer (or POA) chooses to share.

nothing to stop the sib drawing up a will with them as sole beneficiary and getting a parent to sign it with a couple of witnesses. Don’t even need a solicitor.

even a solicitor- unless they have reason to suspect coercion would they even think to ask if there any other children they would want to leave a share to?

parent is very trusting as well as not wanting to upset sibling as they are now living with them so will just sign documents without asking what they are. Or they’re not being told what they are, just that they need to sign. Not been declared incompetent so no grounds there.

For those who asked, all three brothers have large age gaps so they are not particularly close. One has a long term partner so it’s likely that one of the brothers living at home will eventually move out .

@WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant I see you think the wills were mirror wills, in which case there is nothing to stop the MIL changing her own will sadly.

I hope your DH can at least discuss it with her calmly, especially if she wants him to be Executor. I don't blame him for being upset, but unfortunately this scenario is all to common. I feel for him (and you)

A different example, but a lady who was worried about overdevelopment in her area bought 20 acres of land for the birds.
When she died, she left it the RSPB - who later applied for planning permission before selling the land to developers.
The court found in their favour that the sweet lady had in fact been an expert on inheritance and would have therefore made it a condition that it not be sold to developers, if that's what she meant, whereas she cleverly made it her 'wish' - in order that the charity could do as they liked.

Money has a way of bringing the worst out in some folks.

From what I have heard there are will writing companies who are not actually solicitors ...has your husband seen the previous will who did this for his df and sm? it is possible that she could have been given bad advise

They will be mirror wills and sadly this is all too common. We thought that this would happen to DH and his DSM as his DF died first and the assets went to his wife. DH wasn't expecting anything as his parents divorced when he was a baby and he was brought up by his mum so had little to do with DSM but his brother spent a lot of time with her and his DF as he is 11 years older and lived with them for a while. When she died he was not expecting anything but she did in fact leave all assets and the joint house to be divided four ways between her niece and nephew and DH and his brother. She had no children. DH only got 10% and the other three 30% each but she wrote a letter to explain why and your DHs DSM will be advised to do the same to prevent the will being contested. DH was surprised to get anything really but she was very fair.

I would suggest a conversation to say that he is not sure what she is planning re dividing her estate but he would be hurt to be completely excluded especially as he treats her like a DM and his DF wanted them all to be treated the same. Can he suggest the house be split three ways and the other two have the right to live there until such time as it is to be sold. At some point the other two will want to move in with partners presumably.

Your husband is right that family is more important than money but doesn't this show that his SM clearly doesn't value him as her family by not including him? Thats such a slap in the face considering she's raised him from a young age!

Your DH should confront his SM on behalf of your child if anything surely?! I'm probably not the right person to comment on this thread as I have so many personal experiences with being let down by so called family.

Good luck though OP.

If she’s concerned about them being homeless she could give the ones that live at home a right of occupation for a fixed length of time then after say 2 years after death house sold and the proceeds divided 3 ways.

As I said before solicitors can only advise their clients - often blended families are adamant that they want mirror wills despite this risk being pointed out because they are cheaper and it’s simpler. It’s ultimately the father’s fault.

Your husband wanted to pass on money to insure his son's future. Your MIL is using her asset to insure her sons' future. There is absolutely no difference in their respective intents.

Both are biological parents wanting to provide for their children against an uncertain future. The only difference is that your husband wanted to use a resource that he did not yet own.

Maybe your husband can best prepare for his child' s future by allowing you to be the full time carer while he seeks more lucrative employment.

If the 2 of you already own a home, your MIL thought it best to look out for the 2 younger sons who did not yet have such an asset. One would assume that if your father had legal assistance in preparing his will, he was probably advised that his wife would have the option of making modifications and alterations that were not consistent with his expressed wishes.

This is so sad. Best he gets some clarity.

@Mari9999 I agree with what you posted; that’s why DH is reluctant to raise it. The reality of the situation does sting whether that is her right or not sadly, but it is her choice and DH will carry on as normal.

Unless there is a trust in place, there has to be a point at which any assets left on mirror wills become simply the surviving spouse's assets. Even on moral grounds.

My DM & DF had mirror wills. Since DF's death DM has rewritten her will to leave her estate differently from the way the mirror wills were written. DB1 still refers to it as DF's money despite DF having been dead for nearly 30 years! (DB1 has an obsession with stopping DB2 getting any of 'Dad's money'). He can't see that it is DM's money to leave as she wants.

That's a pretty unpleasant thing to write to someone with a disabled son. The OP has already said that she and her husband are renting and do not own their own home.

Solicitors are often absolutely clueless when estate planning. They just do not ask the questions that should be asked and often leave a terrible mess.

It's clear the OP's father-in-law trusted his wife to fulfil his wishes to leave all three of his sons an equal inheritance. The fact she has abused this trust may be legal but it is unpleasant, grabby and immoral.

OP I suspect your DH doesn't want to challenge this as then he will have to confront the painful truth that his stepmother doesn't love him and intends to stop him inheriting anything from his father. She sounds like a horrible woman. If I were him I'd definitely call her out on it and if she continued on with it I'd stop all contact.

What a slap in the face! I feel so sorry for your DH. What a way to make someone feel like an outsider. People trust their spouse but sadly there are so many stories like this.

@WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant You can buy a copy of your FIL’s will. Available online after probate is granted.

We will have this same situation!! All of the family wealth belongs to DH’s father, but if he dies before the step-mother, DH will get nothing. She’s a total cow bag!! Hopefully she will die first 😆

@WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant I don't believe it's the same at all. Your DH wants to provide for his child. Your MIL wants to take money left on trust with her to be willed on her death to her stepson and give it to her own biological children instead when they will already be receiving their own share.

Don't let people try to guilt you into not questioning this.

@SleepingStandingUp . According to DM 1. I don’t need it 2. I’ve spent more time with her, and time is more important.
i didn’t meet my DH until I was in my mid 30s and DM was my best friend. We hung out a lot.
siblings and I all earn in the same ball park. My DH earns more than their partners. One sibling is a borderline alcoholic with a cocaine habit …..but apparently they are more deserving than me.😢

I think that does depend. A health POA only kicks in after loss of capacity, a finance one can be used, with the donor’s permission, whilst the donor still has capacity.

Both should be registered before the donor loses capacity

I'm anticipating this happening when my dad dies and my SM inherits. The intention is for us 3 kids to get half and the other half go to charity, but since I doubt dad mistrusted sm enough to do a lifetime interest or anything else that stops her changing her will, I don't expect to see a penny. We've a horrendous relationship and I don't plan on keeping it after dad passes.

All these parents (mentioned on this thread) that don't ensure that there kids inherit is so shortsighted and selfish.

The ones still alive should be talked to (tactfully) not just blindly left to trust their spouse.

And whilst money is not more important than family. If that family is telling you through actions that you are an outsider or worth less or not thought of at all then they are not your family.

The people left in this situation should go no contact, to do otherwise is just being a total mug for no reason.

They are not worth your time and effort espescially when they give no thought, time or effort to you.

perhaps a disabled grandchild who needs more help

There IS a disabled grandchild already @MontyDonsBlueScarf - it's @WhereTheresAWillTheresAWant 's child!

But clearly her DH's [step] mother after raising him for most of his life, doesn't actually, deep down, regard him as a member of the family, nor see that their DC is her late DH's grandchild. She's despicable in this regard, frankly.

That must really sting @Orangetapemeasure - I hope you do ot spend any time with your DM now, so that she realises what she's given away.

This thread is full of evidence that money in families is so, so much more than just the cash. Some of your stories are heart-breaking.

I saw it in my own family. One of my parents was left out of their parent's will. But the other 3 siblings thought this was outrageous and split the estate 4 ways instead of 3. But 30 years later, my parent is still troubled by being cut out from the will. There was no explanation, nothing.

MIL told DH that the house is the bio children’s home. She also mentioned she was going to a solicitor next week to have the Will amended to ensure the boys won’t have to worry about housing in the current climate. Considering DH would only inherit if the asset was sold, it is safe to say, she is likely taking away DH’s share to prevent the asset being sold and thus ensuring a home for life for the siblings

I said this upthread and I'll say it again. The OP has inferred from the above that DH is going to be excluded from the will and the estate will be split between the other two boys.
As a result of this the MIL has been called vile, despicable and all the rest. And if in fact she does do this, then yes, it's a terrible thing to do.
But that is not what she has said. She said the house is the bio children's home. And she said she was going to a solicitor next week to have the will amended to ensure they won't have to worry about housing in the current climate.

Look at it from her point of view for a moment. Her stepson, whom she has brought up since he was tiny, already has a home and a family, including a disabled child. Her other two sons do not own their own homes yet and are currently living in the family home.
MIL thinks, wisely, what happens if I die tomorrow with the will the way it is? Mmmm... well if the estate is split three ways, each son inherits a third of the property. The eldest, the stepson, could potentially ask for the value of a third of the property as soon as the will is settled. The property would then either have to be put on the market and sold so he can receive his money OR the other boys would have to raise the money to buy him out, which they might not be able to do. This would mean one or both of them becoming homeless, depending on who is living in the property at the time - having to find somewhere to rent or try to get a mortgage etc.
So MIL thinks, ok, I could go to a solicitor and amend the will and have a clause put in that states a length of time after my demise during which the property cannot be sold and one or both boys have a right to live there for this length of time.

The MIL did not say "The house is the children's home so I'm going to a solicitor next week to cut you out of the will".
OP has assumed those are her intentions saying "it's safe to say, she is likely taking away DH's share".
Unless DH asks, OP and DH will have no idea what her intentions actually are.