What is something someone has said that is etched in your brain?

[WhiteNoiseMoreToys]

Mine is when I was 17, pretty self conscious and just finished being intimate with my then boyfriend.

We decided to get up and go out and as I sat up to put my top on he poked my belly and said “Christ, you could feed Africa with that tyre” it baffles me now, how brazen it was to just come out with it. But I was a size 8-10 and honestly I think I’m still confused 😂

Its one of those things that ‘pop’ into my mind at random times ans it’s gout me wondering what others peoples ‘moments’ are when they remember something someone has said that might not have significance, but will always be remembered.

@Ireallydohope I hope your Dad said something!! The amount of people that have suffered physical assaults here is shocking.

When I was nine and on a school trip one of the instructors of an activity told me with my figure I'd make a good rugby player.

At an even younger age my mum told me if she had her time again she wouldn't have children. She only has me so basically she regrets having me

My mother to me shortly after my father died for not acknowledging him when he walked past me and my (older than me and poor influence on me) ‘friends’ several months before he died. My mother : “You destroyed him”. I was 15, was having a terrible time, being relentlessly bullied at school, had been dumped by the boy I thought was going to take me away from my unhappy home life and was ‘coping’ by getting pissed and hanging out with the wrong crowd. I was embarrassed all round. Embarrassed to be seen with these people, drinking cans of booze on the street and embarrassed that these ‘friends’ might think me a weak baby if I acknowledged my dad.

I now have a 14 yo dd. We went into town recently and she told me if she walked away from me a bit, it was because she didn’t want some of the kids she’s loosely friends with to see us together - presumably as they’d take the piss. I eye rolled amd took no offence as I have a secure attachment to her, who knows her… unlike my parents. My father was a workaholic and I really didn’t know him at all.

My mother tried to do the same thing after another person close to us died a few years ago. I was ready and shut her down. Made no bones that if she was going to start, she was not going to be seeing me for a very long time. I can’t remember that one tbh but it was even more petty than the first.

On a positive note, a friend saving me from doing a secretarial course and persuading me to go through clearing ‘you don’t want to stay around here and do that’. No I didn’t and I would have been rubbish at it. And when I was in France as part of my degree, being told by a member of the admin team and friend working at the school I was teaching English at that I was highly intelligent. Until that point, I’d thought I was thick as pig shit. Two people saved me. But not my family.

It was normalised in lots of families back then. My brother got the brunt of the parental stuff but was allowed to treat me terribly. He was regularly violent with me, which included red traffic light behaviour- sexualised bullying. Far worse than what he received from them.

'If you finally leave him,I'll do absolutely anything to help you with financials amd childcare...If you don't...well,I'll still do those things but I'll be grumpy about it' 🤣

My awesome father.

My dad to me when mum was in hospital after a car crash where he was driving "This is your fault"

MIL after yet another miscarriage "such a shame you can't perform".

Mother when I was about 4 and I have never forgotten it "no darling, you can have the blue dress not the pink one. Pink is for pretty girls".

A few I can remember off the top of my head:

A girl in my class when I was in year 6. "Your little sister is so much better looking than you. She's not ugly like you are.

Again in year 6. I walked past a teacher who was talking to another teacher and she pointed to me and said very loudly "I can't stand that child!" She didn't care that I or anyone else heard her.

I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last person on earth. I wouldn't be caught dead with you. (A boy when I was in my teens).

Again in my teens, a boy walked past me on the bus and as he walked past, pointed at me and said to his friend that thing is the ugliest creature I've ever seen.

"I do love you but I can't be with you until you lose weight". "I only date skinny women".

A friend when I was going through a major mental health crisis several years ago. "You need to get over it and stop being unwell, people with a mental illness are losers in life". "You don't want to be a loser all your life do you"? I was later diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder so not sure how I could "get over it".

Boyfriend years ago:

Actually no, I don't want you to meet my family, so don't come on Friday for dinner. You're too embarrassing.

You've got calves that make you look like a rugby player, I'm so embarrassed to be seen with you.

I hate inviting you to hang out with my friends, every time you open your mouth I cringe.

Looking back, he knew I was extroverted and have no problem with a room full of strangers. He, on the other hand, wasn't shy at all but always sat in a corner on his phone with a face like a slapped arse, interacting with no one, even his best friends.

Even though we broke up 10 years ago, his insistence that I was 'embarrassing' always stuck with me. Now in social situations I really struggle to be myself, and I would rather say nothing than risk saying something 'embarrassing'.

Mine is a little different.. I was being badly bullied at work by a more senior lady, I was 18 at the time. I didn’t dare say anything to her even though now I realise she was just a total bitch and picked on the weakest in the pack as such. Anyway this had gone on for months and I met my friend after work at a local pub and cried and cried to her, said I was handing my notice in because I couldn’t take anymore. This guy came across to me with a handful of tissues and said “come on, every dog has its day”. I think about it a lot, he was right… she was sacked before I had chance to hand my notice in! 😊

"The only reason I'm afraid to break up with you is because of the loss of income I'll experience".

Age 15 had become close friends with a girl who was a few years older and considered her really cool. Everytime we were around other people she would nickname me "jailbait" or drop into the conversation in a insulting/bullying banter way that I was Jewish. It wasn't till years later when she added me on Facebook did I realise how much that friendship had affected my self esteem.

Age 15/16- Bumped into my dad, who had come home on an early train and I was on a walk with my male best friend. My dad has a very bad squint in one of his eyes that he has always had. I'm used to his face so I don't even notice it!
My friend made a joke afterwards about how he wasn't sure whether my dad was talking to me or him - because of his squint. I didn't actually get what he meant so he explained his joke and I remember feeling so sad and angry because he'd killed our friendship there and then.

At the start of my academic career, someone introduced me at a conference to a senior academic as the author of a recent article. The senior academic stared me down, and said,
"She wrote that? Oh." Pause. "Hasn't she got a pretty face?"

Bitch.

A friend of an ex boyfriend when I was 15 (20 years ago) said I had a good body, but my face looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp! Makes me laugh now because you should see the state of him and his wife 🤣

'I don't think you've got it in you to be happy'...exh when we were splitting up. Oddly I find I'm incredibly happy now I'm not married to him.

My DM " when you agree to do something agree with your whole self including the part that won't want to do it at the time" very wise.
" you catch more bees with honey"

All women get hit, it’s what happens in a marriage! Told to me by my grandmother when I was 17 years old and my parents divorced because her son was abusive.

Married for 28 years and my husband has never raised his hand or been abusive, proving she knew nothing about relationships!

ugh the statistics on this thread of how many that are about weight or looks is so saddening

I’ve got loads

my mum put me on a diet when I started nursery so 3 I still remember the staff saying ‘SuffolkUnicorn isn’t allowed any pudding her mum said so’ I have had eating disorders my whole life and I’m 40 now

when my youngest brother got diagnosed with autism I was told by my mum ‘it’s all your fault you’ve given him that’ yes of course I did that’s my speciality giving autism to children

threw a clock at me when I was 16 at my head on Boxing Day and said I bought you that to show you how much of your life you’re wasting away

my mother emotionally abused me from as young as I can remember she would ‘send me to Coventry’ it started as days weeks months then years she didn’t speak to me when I hit 12/13 at all very rarely never called me by my name either I was either she it that or her

after having a miscarriage she said don’t worry you don’t want to be a fat parent do you it doesn’t look nice

No one said this to me but being called Claire and seeing this at 15 I’ve never forgotten it and I’m still paranoid even though my DC are adults that it will happen. From The Breakfast Club
Claire Standish: What's your name?
John Bender: What's yours?
Claire Standish: Claire.
John Bender: Claire?
Claire Standish: Claire. It's a family name.
John Bender: Oh, it's a fat girl's name.
Claire Standish: Oh, thank you.
John Bender: You're welcome.
Claire Standish: I'm not fat.
John Bender: Well not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density. See I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people: there's fat people that were born to be fat, and there's fat people that were once thin but became fat... so when you look at 'em you can sorta see that thin person inside. You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh...

@TeenLifeMum Elegance sounds lovely to me, and will serve you very well as you go through life.

I was told this by a relative and I’d believe this was said: why doesn’t she just go and have a good f!!!k and have a child I spent 11 years trying for my son she had 9 of us so just didn’t get it I guess I wasn’t a real woman in her eyes

My DD had had open heart surgery in a hospital at 7 months old a couple of days earlier. I asked my DM if she was going to come and visit her. ‘No, I need to do my washing’ was the answer.

I worked for a bank and we had one particularly wealthy customer that was a really nice person but one of our colleagues would embarrassingly flirt and always mention his finances giving a real gold digger vibe. Leading up to her birthday she was dropping hints about her birthday every time he came in, subtle as a brick. He came into the branch on her birthday with a bottle of champagne and a card. When she opened the card, on the front it said theres a saying, every dog has its day and when she opened it, inside it said and this one is all yours she timidly thanked him and never flirted with him again.

Years ago when I was trying for a millionth time to exercise, some guys leaned out the car window and shouted run fatty run.

i wasn’t even that big looking back maybe a 12. So conscious about exercising in public now