What is something someone has said that is etched in your brain?

[WhiteNoiseMoreToys]

Mine is when I was 17, pretty self conscious and just finished being intimate with my then boyfriend.

We decided to get up and go out and as I sat up to put my top on he poked my belly and said “Christ, you could feed Africa with that tyre” it baffles me now, how brazen it was to just come out with it. But I was a size 8-10 and honestly I think I’m still confused 😂

Its one of those things that ‘pop’ into my mind at random times ans it’s gout me wondering what others peoples ‘moments’ are when they remember something someone has said that might not have significance, but will always be remembered.

For everyone who has been belittled about their looks, remember the wise words of Judge Judy.

"Beauty fades, my dear. Dumb is forever".

My Uncle telling me I have a mundane voice. I have always been shy and lacked confidence, which is probably why I was talking like that. Nevertheless, it didn't help to raise my confidence, funnily enough!

Also, someone telling me at school that my nose looks broken. Yes, I have a bump on my nose. That has always stayed with me and made me more self conscious of it!

I had a similar experience with my degree. I royally messed up my A Levels and couldn't get in to my chosen uni. I got in to a 'new' uni through clearing. Think poly type place. Anyway got a 2.1 and was thrilled especially after the debacle with my A Levels. I remember my mum picking me up from the bus stop after collecting my results and she told me that my dad had said employers might not think my degree was as good cos it wasn't from a proper uni. I was absolutely crushed that she told me that. It's always stuck with me but she's always been critical.

”She was never going to be a supermodel anyway” my Dad to the doctor who suggested further surgery to tidy up a badly stitched injury when was 13. That was my Dad damaging my self esteem then, and it stayed with me ever since. He was probably trying to be funny, but 40 years and an ED later, those words have remained with me.

‘Nice body, shame about the face’. I was 18 at the time.

I will never forget it, and am drilling into my own son to never ever speak in a disparaging way about women, even as a ‘joke’.

My mum once told me, at the age of 10, that no one would want to go out with me if I didn't lose weight. This was one of many comments but it has stayed with me. She was a very loving and caring mum other than about my weight. And she wonders how I ended up in an emotionally abusive marriage.

“Hello fatty”
”look it’s big bird”
”have you seen the size of her legs”
All said by different random men to me in the street over the years.

A girl I used to work with (who hated me as I was dating a guy she fancied) said my "eyes were too small, my nose was too big, my mouth was too wide and I had too many teeth" 🤣

“The past doesn’t exist and the future is fantasy we live in this moment now”. Said by my psychologist. It doesn’t fix stuff but it helps me gather myself together sometimes.

”I’ve stopped worrying what other people think of me and started concerning myself with what I think of THEM” (or words to that effect, said on mumsnet, bloody brilliant)

“I’m surprised you haven’t got fatter” - DH dealt with that one quickly (it was his relative and I think they believed he wouldn’t say anything because he is extremely courteous and respectful of older people).

Men can be utterly vile, there was a study in the middle east about street harrassment and sexual assualts, it was often rooted in a desire for control

egyptindependent.com/64-men-admit-harassing-women-egypts-streets-report/

I came home, thrilled, feet barely touching the floor, with my grades: straight As. Perfect.

Mum: “Maybe next term you can do just a little bit better.”

what?
It wasn’t long after that that I just stopped trying.

What's for you won't go by you.

"Oh for a little girl" when her second GS was born. "Gutted" with her third.
My mum.

Almost every single teacher at school (from primary to a levels) must try harder, could do better, is just lazy....

I was diagnosed dyslexic at 26 doing a MSc in pharmaceutical chemistry 😢

Because I didn't have some of the more obvious signs of dyslexia at school no one picked up on it. I went to a grammar school after being the only girl in my class to pass the 11 plus. I was told by one of my primary school teachers I'd never come to much if I didn't try harder yet if he'd just checked properly I probably would have been diagnosed back then and my life may have gone differently

Sticks and stones
May break my bones,
But words will haunt me forever... 😔

“You’ll make a great mum”. Just a random comment in an email from an old school friend when he got back in touch and I mentioned I was expecting my first child. Nobody had said it before then and at the time it made me feel reassured and happy

Don’t sell your own house…from a colleague when I got together with now DH. Still with DH and happy 17 years later. But she was right, it’s given me great comfort at times knowing I have own independence financially and otherwise. Have had same tenant in for 10 years now.

Id just split up with a boyfriend and was feeling sorry for myself.

A teacher said self pity is the ultimate indulgence. It benefits no one. Least of all you.

She was so right. I hope I've never done it since.

Bad : my ex while l was still married to him with 2 kids - not in an argument - just general chat “ you’ve never really taken to being a mother have you ? It’s just doesn’t come naturally to you “

Good : New Boyfriend when l was nervous about getting out of bed naked to walk to the toilet. “What you on about ..l’ve seen more fat on a chip ! 😁” totally not true - l’m chubby - but loved that he wanted to reassure me !

Something similar happened to me in a club in my early 20s. My friend was chatting to a guy at the bar, and when I went up to get myself a drink she introduced me to him. I said "hi, I'm Containsnuts, are you having good night?". He lent into my ear and replied "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last person on earth". I was so shocked. It felt quite aggressive being in my ear like that meant nobody heard it but me. I didn't think my friend would believe what just happened. I spent the night trying to convince her that he wasn't than hot and that she could do better. Never saw him again thankfully but it's etched in my mind. There are some strange people out there.

A lovely one here. One of my exes and I remained friends for a while and one day discussed our relationship. I told him that I always felt a bit inadequate compared to his previous partners, because they were all outstandingly successful women. His response "You were just like them, only a lot younger".

Another from a friend, way back when I had zero confidence: "Look at you. You have no idea. You have everything going for you and I see you now, you've got so far already, just think what you could do".

Both didn't click at the time, but they were right. I was, and am, an incredibly successful women, but couldn't see it for a long time.

"People used to ask me "What's wrong with her?" when you were wee because you were so funny looking".
Lovely thing for a mother to tell her daughter, and I highly doubt anyone would say that in real life in fact.

Many eons ago when at junior school heading off for a swimming lesson, i was a bit chubby,and i heard another girl say when catmania jumps in the swimming pool everyone else jumps out, infering that i would cause a tidal wave.

When I was as school an older girl was talking to me at the bus stop and she just stopped mid sentence and turned and looked at me and said ‘I’m sorry but you really are so ugly’
and I said ‘I know’ I regret that so much I’m a very different person now. But still hate my appearance but I know I’m not particularly ugly or good looking.