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Original poster

What is something someone has said that is etched in your brain?

707 replies

WhiteNoiseMoreToys · 19/02/2023 21:49

Mine is when I was 17, pretty self conscious and just finished being intimate with my then boyfriend.

We decided to get up and go out and as I sat up to put my top on he poked my belly and said “Christ, you could feed Africa with that tyre” it baffles me now, how brazen it was to just come out with it. But I was a size 8-10 and honestly I think I’m still confused 😂

Its one of those things that ‘pop’ into my mind at random times ans it’s gout me wondering what others peoples ‘moments’ are when they remember something someone has said that might not have significance, but will always be remembered.

OP posts:
maybebaby2023 · 21/02/2023 19:04

When I was at secondary school, I normally wore a little makeup every day. One day, I went in without any makeup on. A boy said to me, "you look like Cheryl Cole but with cancer". I don't wear a lot of makeup anyway but it's still stuck with me (many years later) and makes me feel like I have to put something on to prevent looking like I was previously described. I've found that when people tell me I don't need to wear makeup, I don't believe them because that comment is very much etched in my brain.

ettabea · 21/02/2023 19:05

A couple of remarks really stick in my mind...

My absolute prick of a boss telling me "You're a nothing woman doing a nothing job"

And a complete stranger coming up to me, pointing at my cute, curly-headed 3-year-old daughter, and remarking, "Look at her head of hair! It'll be a horrible, knotty, unmanageable mess when she's older".

Both remarks just completely floored me.

WickedSerious · 21/02/2023 19:07

Mine's a bit odd.

When my grandfather was dying he told my grandmother that under no circumstances was she to close the curtains after he'd gone 'because sitting in the dark never brought anyone back'.
Six year old me thought it was the most sensible thing I'd ever heard.

TeenLifeMum · 21/02/2023 19:12

@Utterknowitall i bet you’re really attractive. People are mean and push their own insecurities on others.

Coxy1234 · 21/02/2023 19:12

I must have been about 13/14 in the kitchen with my parents when I asked for help with something. Mam told dad "go and help your daughter" and he replied "my daughter?" "Yes!" she said with a glare. "Well, we know she's YOUR daughter don't we" he said and sort of laughed. I'd never questioned my paternity until then.

Another time, I was about 12 I suppose and u asked my mother if I was pretty. She said "no, I wouldn't say you're pretty - attractive but not pretty". I didn't even know what attractive meant, haha

Harls1969 · 21/02/2023 19:12

I don't think families always realise that what they say, sometimes in jest, or to be 'helpful', stays with us. My mum and I were very close but she could never compliment me, or tell me I'd done well. All of the 'Should you really be eating that/little pickers wear big knickers' comments; the 'Yeah, that's not bad but you could have done this better' comments; the 'You'd look better if...' and 'What DO you look like?' comments - they still hurt. And yes, I have had a lifetime of EDs and weight issues as well as low self esteem.
I remember standing in my front garden, eating an apple and a neighbour walked past. No hello from him, just 'Oh, you're always eating aren't you?' WTF?
I much prefer animals to most humans 🙄

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 21/02/2023 19:12

What strikes me about a lot of these comments is the absolute venom directed by the speaker to (in many cases) a total stranger. Do people actually feel better about themselves after saying something like that, or is their self-hatred so great that they can't contain it and have to spread it around?

venus7 · 21/02/2023 19:16

Two come to mind...
'you seem to think it's the worst thing ever', from 'best friend', a couple of months after my husband died suddenly, after twenty one months of marriage. She hadn't previously called me because she 'couldn't get a signal on her 'phone'.
Another friend, years earlier, when I called her to tell her rejected suitor had said 'I know which way you walk home' (I was working in a restaurant, walking home in small hours) said 'what about HIS feelings?'

namechangeididtoo · 21/02/2023 19:17

my ex,”if this relationship ever ends it will be me leaving you” years later I left him.

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 21/02/2023 19:17

A few:

“when are you going to fuck off avd leave?” Dad to 19 year old me after uni.

sister to me: “my friend saw a photo of you and said you think you’re better looking than you are”

friend to me: “you’re not well.” After I’d not paid for a cookie in the student union cafe.

all still in my life!

Blueink · 21/02/2023 19:21

Someone commenting at a party my bump was big when I was 5 months pregnant with PFB. Felt really self conscious and like I was doing something wrong.

Another time waiting for a bus (which went to the hospital) stranger at the bus stop told me “you know you shouldn’t be out, your bump has dropped”. I was going for a scan to check if I needed a planned c/section.

Sadly thought I would enjoy being pregnant and the whole time had some sort of body dysmorphia where I became really sensitive to (arguably very stupid) comments.

Imsomeoneelse · 21/02/2023 19:25

💐to everyone here who has had cruel, spiteful things said to them, especially by someone they love and is meant to love them back.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 21/02/2023 19:28

My mother repeatedly told me she wished I was a cot death statistic, having first explained what she meant. The first time I remember I must have been 4 or so. Never got any praise from either parent, even 97 percent in an exam wasn't good enough.

My dad's squadron called me Lolita and Jailbait from the age of 10 or so. One of the wives accused me of being a slippery little slut before ranting about how I was "asking for it". I was 13 or so and I hated her husband/the fact that he used to like "wrestling" with me. When I was raped 6 years later, I spent months wondering if she'd been right and it was all my own fault.

Barbarolo · 21/02/2023 19:30

DM said that my wonderful DD would be ‘a bastard in the eyes of the Lord’ when I told her I was expecting with my now DH of 25 years. She’s not religious, think weddings and funerals only. It’s burned into my very soul - I don’t think I can ever forgive it.

verabarbleen · 21/02/2023 19:33

"Go and play in the park like a normal kid" my dad... I was just shy. Sat in the tube slide and cried for ten mins and came out and said I played

RenoDakota · 21/02/2023 19:39

Pliudev · 21/02/2023 18:52

These are mostly so sad I'm keeping my depressing ones to myself bu thought this might raise a smile:
I was 17, walking down Blackburn Boulevard (it was just the bus station) wearing a bright orange cape and holding my tall, lanky boyfriend's hand, a passerby looked us up and down and said 'Bloody hell, Batman and Robin'. I don't think I wore it again.

Love this!

Anele22 · 21/02/2023 19:44

I was 15 and asked for a half price bus ticket - it was for under 16s. Bus driver didn't believe me, looked at my chest and said 'you don't look 15 in any way, shape or form' I was so humiliated. Wish I'd been a feisty girl and told him where to go.

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 21/02/2023 19:46

@Dinosauratemydaffodils I’m so sorry. 💐

anon666 · 21/02/2023 19:48

A psychotic boss pulled me in for my mid-probationary period review. I was at the time a workaholic perfectionist, not necessarily something I condone, but I fit in perfectly in that place where the work ethic was extreme.

I was delivering all my targets and them some. I'd really turned things around and was already winning things over.

She said "How do you think it's going?"

I proceeded to outline a positive but realistic appraisal with my goals for the next few months.

She looked at me with a nasty, snidey expression, this evil little smile, and said "Well I'm sorry to say that's not what I was going to say". She looked like she was enjoying it.

I was so shocked I literally could have fallen through the floor. I'm not over confident, hence the workaholic thing, and I've never previously been wrong about a job. I've always been able to call it and been pretty sure what my performance is, strengths, weaknesses.

After this supposed informal meeting, I went into some sort of traumatic shock. It was like my life fell apart.

That was 3 1/2 years ago and even with it firmly behind me and having compared notes with many others who had the same (or worse) experience with her, I can still see that nasty face. Ugh.

Ihaveawonderfulpartner · 21/02/2023 19:50

My dad had dementia and when I took my newborn son to see him he said "that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen". My lovely dad, when well, would have been so proud of my baby. When he said those words I knew I'd lost my lovely dad forever.

anwensmummy · 21/02/2023 19:55

Someone I was dating many years ago when I was in my late 20s, went down on me and then said “you do know it tastes f*ing disgusting, don’t you?”
I left and went home that night but after that comment I didn’t let anyone go down on me for about five years, and I still sometimes feel paranoid about it now, aged almost 48, even though every partner I’ve had since then and my husband all said that guy was wrong!

anon666 · 21/02/2023 19:59

Feel I should contribute something more positive.

After spending my whole life thinking I had a big nose that made me ugly, my daughter asked me which nose I thought she had, mine or her dad's.

I looked at it and said, I think probably mine.

She exclaimed "Yessssss!".

And honestly a lifetime of self hatred over that nose evaporated. 🤣

Mackymacmacface · 21/02/2023 19:59

In high-school on a uniform free day, I was wearing "cool" outfit and makeup, complete with lipstick. A younger sister of a boy in my class was on the bus home with me that afternoon. She yelled/sneered out for all to hear: "I hate your ugly lipstick!" Everyone of course turned to look at me. I was a generally confident/ indifferent kid, so what she said in and of itself didn't overly phase me but the lasting thought in my head, and which I recalled yesterday when I was trying on lipsticks some 30years later is that she may have a point there - that orange-y red lipsticks don't overly suit my skin tone. Otherwise why would she even bother to engage. And I think she's right FWIW!!

sarahh96 · 21/02/2023 20:00

Worst chat up line ever "you won't regret having sex with me, I'm good at it"
Was nearly sick on the spot!!

Insertcreativenamehere · 21/02/2023 20:01

My mum, whilst cutting my hair in front of a friend - I was about 12 or 13 and she’s ‘gosh you really are ugly aren’t you’ 😢