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Original poster

What is something someone has said that is etched in your brain?

707 replies

WhiteNoiseMoreToys · 19/02/2023 21:49

Mine is when I was 17, pretty self conscious and just finished being intimate with my then boyfriend.

We decided to get up and go out and as I sat up to put my top on he poked my belly and said “Christ, you could feed Africa with that tyre” it baffles me now, how brazen it was to just come out with it. But I was a size 8-10 and honestly I think I’m still confused 😂

Its one of those things that ‘pop’ into my mind at random times ans it’s gout me wondering what others peoples ‘moments’ are when they remember something someone has said that might not have significance, but will always be remembered.

OP posts:
Chartreuse45 · 20/02/2023 20:52

@Ireallydohope First of all, my deepest sympathies to you and I do hope you have been able to leave that abuse behind. Emotionally and that you never saw that waste of skin after you left home.
Was that sibling his child? Where on earth was your mother? Were you able to tell your dad? I watched "The Trials of Gabriel Fernández" on Netflix and apparently they have invented computer software or an algorithm that predicts likelihood of abuse. However all I could think about was Dr Phil and the statistics he gave showing that step parents are far more likely to abuse children. Shouldn't all children in that situation be monitored more closely? At the end of the almost 6 hour documentary they report on another child Anythony Avalos whose abuse literally started as Gabriel died and he died as Gabtiel's murderers were being sentenced. The vicious circle seemed to close. The poor investigating officer seemed to be taken aback. The children lived within 3 miles of each other, both killed because they were thought to be gay. Anthony had just come out and Gabriel had lived with his uncle and his husband from the age of 3 days to 4 years of age.

Lilybetsey · 20/02/2023 21:55

"Those shoes make you look like a prostitute" from my mother ... I was 45 .. perfectly normal pair of heels

Chartreuse45 · 20/02/2023 21:56

Sorry I of course meant to tag @FredInYourHead - I got confused skipping pages on my phone.

FredInYourHead · 20/02/2023 22:48

@Chartreuse45 Thank you, I really appreciate the kind words x
Yes, my sibling is his biological child. My mum was/is still abused by him in every way.
Some things my mum witnessed, she just used to stay quiet or turn her back on me. There were a couple of times I tried to tell her what he'd done but she didn't want to know so I never said anything again. I didn't know my biological dad.
I was too scared to tell anyone on the outside, I didn't think anyone could help me. He always used to tell me as much.
I used to feel sorry for my mum, I still do a bit to be honest - but since having children of my own, I know I could never ever watch anyone treat them half as bad as he did me. So I lost a lot of sympathy for her as I got older.

The Trials of Gabriel Fernández, I'm going to give it a watch. I've also read that abuse is more common with step parents, it's quite heartbreaking.

Cakemonger · 20/02/2023 23:04

After going to a friend's party aged 10 I found out her mother had told all the other mothers that I 'didn't know how to enjoy myself'. I was upset and baffled as I thought I had had a good time like everyone else. Horrible to feel adults observing and gossiping about me like that.

Rellywobble · 20/02/2023 23:09

Being told by a good friend 30 years ago that I only ever called her if I needed help !
She was 100% right and I have remembered it since then ! I always now ask how anyone is before I start a conversation.

cassiatwenty · 20/02/2023 23:34

How are you doing yourself @Rellywobble ?

StillMedusa · 21/02/2023 00:04

A nice one:
I'm part of a charity that has a week long camp every year (we all have a child with disabilities)
DS1 VERY challenging during his teens and even at camp he was awful.. you name it he did it.

Fast forward 6 years, and my now young adult kids came to camp with their sibling as always. As I left the shower block one morning another camper said ' Can I have a word?' My heart sank... I'd heard that so often during the previous years and it was never good.

Then she said ' HOW did you do it?! Your kids are so amazing and wonderful with everyone here!'

I actually burst into tears. I realised she hadn't been there during DS1's awful years and only saw the fabulous young man he had finally become.. and she was right DS1 (and the others) WERE wonderful.. they helped out everywhere, were amazing with the children... and that I was still stuck panicking about how DS1 WAS and was failing to see how he is now.

One simple sentence took away years of ' where did I go wrong?'

(DS1 has made his career working with children who have disabilities now and he is great at it :) )

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 21/02/2023 08:27

LocSeeTan · 20/02/2023 01:36

Pulled up outside my late fathers house on hearing he had passed away.
"You can't drive the car as your not insured as your Dad's dead, ive looked it up and there is no period of grace"
First words out of that bitches ( sil)gob.
He'd died that morning and I had asked my sibling who had power of attorney to change the V5 for my dads car into my name ( very old low value car)of which I was insured, to be in my name as I couldn't afford to mot and insure my own car due to not being able to work as I was caring for my father etc. Was told they had more important things to deal with.

Sorry for your loss, although not a great delivery by your sil, I get the not sorting the car on the day as your sibling was also grieving.

Chartreuse45 · 21/02/2023 08:44

@FredInYourHead you are very welcome! It's depressing how i instantly knew she was his biological daughter.

PickleMcPickle · 21/02/2023 08:52

"How dare you say there's anything wrong with him" - my mother about my young son.
At the time I was was becoming aware that my baby son was not devloping in the way as other children and I needed support. Years later and he has multiple diagnoses, Profound intellectual disability, Autism, ADHD and CP.

EatingWormsMichael · 21/02/2023 08:54

When I was around 13 my friends mum had a really obnoxious friend. We all went camping together and she referred to me as "the ugly sister".

The same woman turned up when I was 38 and had just had my baby. "Oh is this the late baby then?"

She managed to zone in on the things I was most conscious about at two stages in my life. Stupid bitch.

Lampzade · 21/02/2023 09:26

School residential trip to Devon.
I was 15 years old
At the end of the week long trip there was a disco attended by teenagers from other schools. A boy ( call him S) from another school asked me to dance. I was flattered as he was very attractive
Afterwards one of my ‘friends’ shouted out
’S is so nice, he asked Lampzade for a dance because she is not pretty and he felt sorry for her’

Lampzade · 21/02/2023 09:31

GoldCherub · 20/02/2023 02:05

My dad has complimented me every time we have spoken or been together. It really sticks with me. He also does the same to my mum, my husband and daughter.

I still feel intelligent, relevant and beautiful because of a lifetime of my dad telling me so.

Lovely

Beeinalily · 21/02/2023 09:34

Ex-husband: You're not a bad person, you just have no charisma.
Teacher on report: Usually in a state of non compos mentis.
Adult son: You can always see the beauty in things.

Oddly that last lovely comment was the one that made me cry!

JudgeJ · 21/02/2023 11:06

matthancockscareer · 20/02/2023 11:50

My Dad (who was always lovely so this was just a blip) on my wedding day, I came back from having my hair and make up done "oh, I thought you were at least going to make an effort on today of all days" Cheers Dad!!

And my now ExH when he was driving and I was passenger ,I pointed a turn out for him which he then missed and he blamed me as apparently me hands were so fat he couldn't see which way I pointed!! WTAF! 30 years on I still think of that!

I think your Dad, who you say was always lovely, was probably making a jike that misfired because of your nervousness, it's a bit like when someone says You scrub up well!

JudgeJ · 21/02/2023 11:32

When we told my late MIL that I was pregnant with her first grandchild, we'd been married for 8 years but had only just decided to have a baby, her very first words were 'How will you manage his meals when you're in hospital?!

When No 1 was 14 months old we told her I was having another baby, 'Oh, you're like bloody rabbits!. There were 9 years between her two children.

When I told her about a major promotion, becoming the Head of Mathematics in a High School, her comment was 'Were there no married Men with children wanting that job? Married Men with children should always get jobs like that, you don't need it! She always seemed to use a capital letter when saying Men!

JudgeJ · 21/02/2023 11:56

NHSmummy84 · 20/02/2023 13:54

I've got so many. People can be really mean!
I'd been at the hospital with my 13 month old son. He'd been in hospital for 5 weeks after heart surgery.
I walked to the shop and some girls were outside. They looked at each other and then looked at me. One of them said "if I looked like her, I'd kill myself!"
I got home and cried for ages. I was so stressed and down after going through all that with very little support.
I really wish I had said something at the time.

'Don't let me stop you' for any future reference.

JudgeJ · 21/02/2023 12:09

Cadburysucks · 20/02/2023 14:40

There should be some stock phrases to retaliate. Just some easy to remember comebacks. Like your no oil painting yourself, if I was your boyfriend I would get a new girlfriend, a much more prettier one,
nasty people say these things at your most vulnerable, they think you won’t say anything back.
be double barrel armed. Or even the most easy to remember Go fuck yourself.

One useful phrase to remember 'It takes one to know one', it can be very handy when one's appearance is under negative discussion!

Periornot · 21/02/2023 12:31

At a neighbour's barbecue/party being questioned/lectured at a table about how I shouldn't leave it too late if I wanted kids etc. Unbeknown to them, I was still bleeding after a recent miscarriage.

Periornot · 21/02/2023 12:35

A nice one was 'thanks, you've helped me more than you'll probably ever realise' said to me by a more junior member of staff at my leaving do.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 21/02/2023 12:39

Periornot · 21/02/2023 12:31

At a neighbour's barbecue/party being questioned/lectured at a table about how I shouldn't leave it too late if I wanted kids etc. Unbeknown to them, I was still bleeding after a recent miscarriage.

I wouldn't have been able to stop myself telling them for the sheer pleasure of seeing their face and how they got out of that.

Icanbetherubberband · 21/02/2023 12:53

Somebody called me a coward once. I'm not sure I really deserved it, tbh, but every day since I think about that at least once. I am now one of the least cowardly people I know, I always try to be brave. Because I realised that never being called a coward again is very, very important to me. The downside to this, is I have sometimes been brave in situations when I should have listened to my intuition, and realised that it wasn't bravery that was called for but a change of course. I don't have to walk through fire to prove myself brave, I can decide that fire walking might not be the best course, and choose to walk a path that suits me better.

SchoolTripDrama · 21/02/2023 13:08

@SVRT19674 Thank you. I'll never forget it. Whenever I mention it to my Mum she just reminds me how 'naughty' I was

GettingStuffed · 21/02/2023 13:13

My ex boyfriend " I know why your friends are ugly, it's so you look even prettier "
My husband "I wish I'd never married you" in the heat of our worst argument ever, he's since apologised and tells me he loves me but it's always at the back of my mind.