What is something someone has said that is etched in your brain?

[WhiteNoiseMoreToys]

Mine is when I was 17, pretty self conscious and just finished being intimate with my then boyfriend.

We decided to get up and go out and as I sat up to put my top on he poked my belly and said “Christ, you could feed Africa with that tyre” it baffles me now, how brazen it was to just come out with it. But I was a size 8-10 and honestly I think I’m still confused 😂

Its one of those things that ‘pop’ into my mind at random times ans it’s gout me wondering what others peoples ‘moments’ are when they remember something someone has said that might not have significance, but will always be remembered.

My dad, talking to a friend with me right beside him, "I have two older children - they are really fantastic and I'm so proud of them. I didn't want this one as it's unlikely I'll get so lucky again. I'm not expecting much from her; she'll never live up to the other two and it's pointless for her to try" I was about 8 years old and it suddenly crystalised everything about my life and my dad's attitude to me.

Also from my dad; "disgusting slut" because I'd left a bit of blood in the toilet (I would have been around 12 or 13).

I now live in a different country to my parents and see them around once per year. A few years ago, as we were saying goodbye at the airport, my mum pulled me into a big hug (unexpected - she's not the emotional type) but then whispered "I'm not really hugging you; I just want to say you had better get that weight off before we see you next year". Unfortunately, if anything, I continued to gain more weight so she likes to tells me that she can't possibly introduce me to her friends or take any photos of me in case anyone sees them.

After I told my mother my O level results (she was at work) she said you're not so clever then, you failed one!
I got 4As,4Bs, 2Cs and a D
I can't imagine ever saying something like that to my dc

You mum is a nasty cow and doesn’t deserve a daughter who visits her x

Telling my mum I was pregnant with no 3 at age 37. "If I'd have found myself pregnant at your age I'd have killed myself'
Telling my mum I was pregnant with no 4 at age 42 "Some people will do anything not to get a job".

Horrendous. I'm so sorry.

It’s always the negatives that come straight to mind, isn’t it? We have to really dig down to remember the positives, or at least I do!

I remember my dad commenting on how skinny my legs were. He said your sister’s might be fat, but at least they’ve got shape to them. After gaining weight, I’ve lost count of how many times he told me I have tree trunks for legs.

after hearing I had been raped at 17 - “are you sure you didn’t lead him on?” (My dad said this).

I was 12 weeks pregnant with my youngest and my parents were taking our 2 sons away for the week and we were looking after their pub for them. We slept in so I called to explain we’d be a few minutes late and apologise. He had a go at me on the phone (we’d have been 1 min late if he hadn’t) and then my dad proceeded to scream at me about how selfish I was, etc. bearing in mind I was also working full time whilst their business for them that week.

At a party chatting to an unknown woman, her friend joins us wanting to be introduced to me. "Don't bother" said the first woman to her friend "she's not worth getting to know".

My recent ex had some corkers. 'I couldn't live with you' and 'It's like you didn't know I was coming' (referring to my incredibly dirty/messy house/average family home in my experience, or if I had run out of something he liked, e.g. marmalade). 'Right I'm bored now' and 'Anyway, moving on' to shut people down when he wasn't interested in, or didn't know anything about a subject. Also guilty of fat shaming (I'm not overweight and work hard at looking after my fitness) exclaiming loudly about the sun going in if I bent down near him, and food shaming, watching and commenting on how much butter I used, for example So glad to be free of the constant put-downs (5 months now!) but can still hear his voice.
From childhood I remember my Granny saying to my parents 'I wouldn't put it past her!' in front of me, aged about 10 - she was afraid I would commit the disgusting act of bringing the milk in to serve tea in the living room in the bottle, rather than using a jug 😂 I was really hurt at the time!
My other granny was furious when my sleeve caught on a door handle and I dropped some plates, so maybe I was an incompetent scivvy 🤔

After sex and the day before my bf at the time dumped me after a year of seeing each other, 18 years old, went on pill and put on a bit of weight.

He said "you should keep yourself special" (implying I was letting myself go).

Etched in my mind as I knew exactly what he meant but I said nothing. Wish mature bolshy me could go back in time and lamp him!

It was 2 years after I lost my husband young in an accident.
My friend said that her other half had told her I would meet someone else eventually if I lost weight.
I was flabbergasted she even told me what he said. It's etched on my brain. I'm happily married again, but I always think of myself as fat.

A good one for me was actually being tagged in a facebook post of all things.

It was someone I had worked with as a teenager, he was a little older. We reconnected on facebook about years later and he tagged me in a post about an album that had turned 25 years old thanking me for introducing him to that album and that band and how he was so grateful to me for introducing them to him.

I know it doesn’t sound much, but my life has always been pretty worthless, I’ve never had many friends and have always been told how useless I am. Just that someone remembered me telling them about my favourite band, them actually listening to me and then still remembering it years later meant so much to me. I didn’t think I had ever had an impact or left an impression on anyone until that day.

“People might forget what you said but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.”
It’s so very true, for both the positive and negative side of this.

Some of these are heartbreaking. Please, to anyone feeling worthless or crap - you really are not! With these comments, the people that utter them are holding up a mirror to themselves, and it is their self-hatred, twisted, ugly thoughts and not a reflection on you.
i have a number of comments that I have dwelled for far too long that I was going to post until I read a number of these. I’m now, instead, going to make the decision to take a different message from this thread. So many words are powerful and they stick with us, so I’m going to make a conscious effort to share some positive words with others in ‘real life’ to hopefully provide some balance in the world.

It's only impossible until it's not...

It was years and years ago, I had left university and had my first job as a graduate entry into a finance company.
But I was also engaged, then married, and as my job involved commuting to London and my husband was working elsewhere, I handed in my notice to work more locally.

At my exit interview, the area manager ended his short talk with "you know what your problem is, you got married". It angered me at the time, both his presumption at commenting on my marital status and what I perceived to be an anti-woman thing (would he have said such a comment to a male in the same position?)

I have never forgotten it. But as the years went by and I saw how I had given up the best career years of my life to trail around after my husband, and then got divorced when it was too late, I now think that perhaps that manager was actually correct after all.

Loads.

Mum- "Its only cancer. It doesnt make you special. Dont expect me to mollycoddle you" After a stage3 breast cancer diagnosis at the height of lockdown.I could post 1 million more. Its why im NC now.

Abusive ex DH" I will be forever grateful our kids dont look like you, esp with that nose"

Baby nurse in hospital " Awww hes lovely !! You must be so relieved he's not ginger like you"

I was running down the street when I was a teen. It was raining hard and I’d pulled my coat over my head to stay dry as I ran.

I was thinking about something that made me feel happy.

A man was running in the opposite direction and as he approached me he briefly paused and said “you have the most beautiful smile - it lights up your whole face!” And then he just ran off. There was nothing flirtatious or creepy or lecherous. Just a genuine, beautiful compliment that I’ve never forgotten.

And I do this too as an adult - if I notice something lovely about someone I compliment them if it’s not in a situation where it would be embarrassing or weird. I was in the petrol station the other day and the cashier had the most wonderful perfume on. She smelt lovely. So I told her, and she seemed thrilled.

I do think it’s those little moments that can make a difference. And it’s so easy to think something nice but never say it out loud. And yet, that one little genuine compliment could be something that a person remembers, or makes a difference to their whole day. I know it did for me.

I was 14. One day at school a boy kicked me really hard in the shins and commented how he was surprised that my legs didn't snap because I was stick thin.
Loads of people told me to put weight on at school. My PE teacher sent a message to my form teacher that she thought I was anorexic because I was so slim. I ate like a horse. I wore two pairs of thick tights under my school trousers from then on, and wouldn't take my jumper off on hot days.
It really affected me. Most people know it's rude to comment if someone is bigger than average, but it seems like they think it's ok to say things to thin people.

After losing 4 babies (2 sb 2 ltm's), I finally had a successful pregnancy and DD was born. My (now thankfully), exMiL's comment......" Well at least this one is alive so that's something I suppose, I would have liked a grandson though"...all 4 I lost were boys.

You poor love. I have a daughter who I am so proud of and tell her she's beautiful and clever as often as I can. Curiously she hasn't grown up spoiled, but kind, loving and full of confidence. Your mother obviously has her own demons but she doesn't deserve you Suffolk. xx

Thankyou ❤️
I love my mum but I don’t understand her parenting I moved 100 miles away nearly 3 years ago and she has never visited me or her grandson I went back to London twice to see her and my sister and the last time she looked through me and shoulder barged me and said you better not be speaking about me 🙄 I could have typed worse things she had said and done but my sister is on here and she knows about some of it but not all and I don’t want her to have any mental stress from it xx

Thankyou ❤️ my son is 7 and autistic and he tells me everyday he is having the best day ever and how much he loves me and how happy he is 🥰 I say you tell mummy that everyday (inside I’m beaming obviously) he said because I have a happy life I feel sad because I never had that ever never felt seen or loved as I said to previous poster o could have put other things she’s done and said but my sister is on mumsnet and she knows how my mum treated me but not all of it and I don’t want to upset her x

my mother also told me to kill myself at one point I think I must have been 15 and agreed to me having bulimia as a teenager (when she did acknowledge me)

Thankyou both for your kind words

Keeping in mind that this was prevalent when we were growing up in the late 60s/early 70s, my cousin and I (our mums were sisters) were 'governed' by the phrase "What Will The Neighbours Think?" growing up. Everything you did, wore, and said needed to be considered in this light. To be fair, they were also governed by this 'rule', too, as were most people back then.

Wear a short skirt or other 'non-standard' outfit? 'WWTNT'. Drink or smoke? 'WWTNT'. Date someone who didn't 'fit the mold'? 'WWTNT'. Hang out at the local donut shop (yes that was our hangout, how scandalous!)? 'WWTNT'. Get a divorce (even from a cheat or an abuser)? 'WWTNT'.

I 'broke out' of that particular gaol by my mid 20s after 'the scandal' of my divorce, but my cousin (6 years younger) didn't see the light until she was almost 40. Even now we'll both find that occasionally, when we do to something 'out of the ordinary' we'll hear the echo of our mother's voices "What on Earth will the neighbours think!!". But these days we answer back "Fuck the neighbours!".

Um, just because they know it's rude doesn't mean they don't do it. I can assure you almost every fat person has been subject to taunts and abuse on at least one occasion, as well as many casual indirect comments intended to hit home. Don't kid yourself fat people are immune from the body police!

My DM told her friend in front of me that DN, who is exactly a year younger than my DD "would soon catch up and over take" my DD. I assume based on the fact that DB and SIL are highly academic and sporty and DH and I are bog standard.

We're still waiting for DN to catch up over 10 years later.

Another that has stuck with me is SIL saying we should we seem to have had each others children. No, SIL my fantastic DD is vey much meant to be my child, thanks.