Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Over heard in the swimming pool changing room today

302 replies

BankOfMaeve · 19/02/2023 20:39

This made me smile so much.

Two small kids chatting to one another in the next cubicle after their swim.

they were clearly very impressed by the skills of a slightly older child.

“I think she’s a proper swimmer, she has one of those things on her head to cover her hair like they do in the Olympics, and she’s wearing a yellow band, which means she gets to stay in longer than us. She must be training for the Olympics.”

All this at a regular splash and play session in the council pool!

OP posts:
MrBallensWife · 20/02/2023 18:35

JustDrama · 19/02/2023 20:53

My DD to me some years ago.

"Mummy. Your boobies are low"

I heard someone laugh in another cubicle.

🤣
This reminds me of a time years ago when my nephew was around 3 or 4 and he said to my mom "Nanny,your boobies are getting long!"

SomersetBrie · 20/02/2023 18:37

I remember driving my DS and his friend somewhere when they were about 5. The whole conversation in the back was about airplanes they could see in the sky. The spent their time deciding which were airplanes and which were rockets on the way to space. Happy times, they were.

AnnieMore · 20/02/2023 18:40

After swimming, getting myself dressed in the communal changing area after sorting out 2 year old ds - he was rummaging through my bag and loudly said, holding a tampon aloft, ‘here you go mummy. Do you want to stick this up your willy?’

letsallmeetupinthehyear2000 · 20/02/2023 18:42

AGoldenNarwhal · 19/02/2023 22:14

A few weeks ago, I overhead a mum and three kids (baby, toddler and older child) in a family cubicle near us. Baby screaming her head off. The mum calmly says to the other children, 'Just wait while I feed her'. Screaming stops.

Mum to oldest child. 'Don't pick your nose'. Child starts screaming, 'I'm bleeding, there's blood everyone'. Mum says calmly, 'Put your head back and pinch your nose.' Mum to younger child 'Don't step in it.' Sound of slipping. 'Are you ok? Wait there love while I wipe it off you.'

Mum to younger child, 'Don't jump on the bench'... 'Don't jump on your sister, her nose is bleeding'...'Don't look under the side, love, there's someone next door'.

Mum to younger child, 'Don't open the door, love, we're not wearing our clothes'... 'Oh you've opened the door sweetie, can you shut it again? I'm not sure everyone wants to see us with no clothes on'.

Older child 'I think the bleeding's stopped.' Mum to older child 'Can you wipe the floor with your towel?.' Child does this. Mum to child 'I think that's my scarf.'

Mum to toddler 'Come over here so we can get you dressed'. Then, 'no don't put your bottoms on the floor, there's a puddle there.' To older child, 'Can you get the spare bottoms out of the bag?'

A couple of minutes later, 'Great baby's all done, let's go find daddy and tell the people at the desk about the blood. Did you have fun today? Do you want to come again?'

I aspire to that level of zen as a parent.

That is some serious parenting skills 😂

GeoffGiraffe · 20/02/2023 18:44

BertHandsome · 20/02/2023 04:36

I bet your bottom isn’t floopy, being clenched 24/7 must do wonders for the cheeks!

You can talk till the cows come home about body parts but if child thinks you have a ham belly or a saggy arse they’re going to fucking say it.

Show quote history

And the thing is, even if you do teach them all the proper names and bodily functions from being small, they're just going to shout things like

"Isnt it sad for you that you haven't got a penis, mummy? A penis and baubles, do yo wish you had baubles?"

"No darling, if I had those then I wouldn't have been able to grow you"

"But I didn't come out of your vulva, did I? The doctor had to do a big cut and get me out herself because I am AWKWARD!"

Never a truer word spoken DS...

NannaKaren · 20/02/2023 18:44

Pricklyheath Well that silly Mother wasn’t she !
She missed a chance to enlighten her dc about our bodies, our choices and our business!
…some people - makes me so cross !

lieselotte · 20/02/2023 18:45

I can't remember any anecdotes this funny but when I ran my first half marathon my son asked me very gravely if I thought I would manage it because "it's a very long way Mummy".

No kidding. I did manage it though.

BlackberryandNettle · 20/02/2023 18:45

Made our day in centre parcs a few years ago: we overhead from the next cubicle: 'mummy what's this?', then a woman said 'no! Don't touch it - we're changing cubicles, no! don't step on it for god's sake!' no idea what the offending object was 😱

Caelan2018 · 20/02/2023 18:47

I wish I was that calm with 4, 2 and 10 months old boys she sounds like my sis in law she is always super calm and super organised

Moaningkimono · 20/02/2023 18:47

In the Centre Parcs family changing room after what my husband described as ‘a very cold swim.’
”Daddy, why is your Willy so small?”
HUGE amounts of sniggering from the next door cubicle! 🙈

Holly03 · 20/02/2023 18:51

AGoldenNarwhal · 19/02/2023 22:14

A few weeks ago, I overhead a mum and three kids (baby, toddler and older child) in a family cubicle near us. Baby screaming her head off. The mum calmly says to the other children, 'Just wait while I feed her'. Screaming stops.

Mum to oldest child. 'Don't pick your nose'. Child starts screaming, 'I'm bleeding, there's blood everyone'. Mum says calmly, 'Put your head back and pinch your nose.' Mum to younger child 'Don't step in it.' Sound of slipping. 'Are you ok? Wait there love while I wipe it off you.'

Mum to younger child, 'Don't jump on the bench'... 'Don't jump on your sister, her nose is bleeding'...'Don't look under the side, love, there's someone next door'.

Mum to younger child, 'Don't open the door, love, we're not wearing our clothes'... 'Oh you've opened the door sweetie, can you shut it again? I'm not sure everyone wants to see us with no clothes on'.

Older child 'I think the bleeding's stopped.' Mum to older child 'Can you wipe the floor with your towel?.' Child does this. Mum to child 'I think that's my scarf.'

Mum to toddler 'Come over here so we can get you dressed'. Then, 'no don't put your bottoms on the floor, there's a puddle there.' To older child, 'Can you get the spare bottoms out of the bag?'

A couple of minutes later, 'Great baby's all done, let's go find daddy and tell the people at the desk about the blood. Did you have fun today? Do you want to come again?'

I aspire to that level of zen as a parent.

Who is this woman and how does she do it? That situation for me would not sound like that

FusionChefGeoff · 20/02/2023 18:52

iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort · 20/02/2023 10:50

I came out of a public toilet to find my daughter and granddaughter already waiting for me

GD shouts at top of her voice

" clever girl nanny! You done a poo ! " started clapping and looking round at the other ladies washing and drying hands as if to say " clap nanny done a poo "

They did 🤭😂

This almost exact thing happened to my Dad when he took DS for a wee at services - as they came out DS turned to look up at him and proudly announced "good wee wee, well done granddad"

caramac04 · 20/02/2023 18:54

Changing cubicle with dgs aged about 3
’Granny why have you got a hairy belly?’
Months later I commented to dd that I’m not very hairy and dgs piped up indignantly ‘Yes you are! You’ve got a hairy belly’

Mothership4two · 20/02/2023 18:55

Only thing we used to overhear in the cubicles after DS's swimming lessons was other kids farting!

Jolie12345 · 20/02/2023 18:55

YoBeaches · 19/02/2023 21:21

Mummy your bum's hairy Blush

😂 my favourite

JudgeJ · 20/02/2023 18:59

Namechange44000 · 19/02/2023 22:18

My DS used to say loudly “Mummy where is your Willy?” “But why don’t you have a Willy Mummy?!”
He was only about 2 and I did explain that women don’t have willys but he still asked every time. He once said he felt sorry for me that I didn’t have a Willy.

A friend who had 4 sons said she wanted to get a badge, No, I don't need a bloody willy!

JudgeJ · 20/02/2023 19:00

OzzyOzworn · 19/02/2023 22:20

Angry grumpy mummy 😂

Show quote history

Humour is a foreign country for many people on here.

elm26 · 20/02/2023 19:00

My DH was 18 when his youngest brother was born.

We used to take him swimming sometimes and one day he didn't want to come into the cubicle with me and insisted on going with DH.

They are family and unisex changing rooms so all mixed.

All of a sudden I heard "Joe Joe why is your winky bigger than Daddy's?"

I was crying with laughter, he was so loud everyone must of heard it. DBIL was only 3.

DH Stepdad explained they still bathed together sometimes and this would be now stopping 😂

Mumof3daughters16 · 20/02/2023 19:01

coronafiona · 19/02/2023 21:33

Why have you got a party pooper up your bottom.
Thankfully not me, the child of a friend of a friend Grin

😂😂

tillytoodles1 · 20/02/2023 19:02

I was on the bus with my four yr old son. I was reading a magazine while he looked out of the window, he turned around to say something to me and I just happened to be on a page with an ad for Tampax. "You've got those haven't you Mummy, you stick them up your bum" in that loud voice children seem to have when they're embarrassing you.

Mumof3daughters16 · 20/02/2023 19:06

Thank you for posting OP! This has made my day so much better!

letsallmeetupinthehyear2000 · 20/02/2023 19:09

I’m crying reading these 🤣

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 20/02/2023 19:09

Ludo19 · 19/02/2023 22:50

Getting changed in a cubicle once, hear a knock on the door "yes?" I ask thinking someone may have left something. When a little voice asks "do you have a hairy fanny?" Then I hear......"Abigail, come here now"

Grin
ScruffMuffin · 20/02/2023 19:14

I enjoyed the OP and also the ensuing posts. Yes, lots of bums and willies, but other funny and innocent comments in between.

My eldest was scared of the noise made by electric hand dryers, vacuum cleaners etc, and I remember her standing in the cubicle once when we'd both gone for a wee in Tesco, with her hands over her ears, exclaiming, "I don't like public toilets!" in a very serious voice. She was 2! Other than that, both DCs would always ask me if I was doing a wee or a poo when we were in a public toilet cubicle. Usually in an extra-loud voice that they reserved for this very situation.

I once found DD2 happily sitting on the bathroom floor, playing with the contents of a box of tampons that she'd got hold of. She was about 18 months.

Yes to teaching correct body parts from an early age (my mum was horrified that I did this!) BUT while trying to get everyone dressed quickly in a crowded public space isn't always the right time for that particular lesson. Kids pick up other words from their peers and still get confused sometimes. Of course, if you go with our approach, you need to be prepared for your toddler to ask the person on the supermarket checkout if they have a vulva like Mummy or a penis like Daddy.

ScruffMuffin · 20/02/2023 19:15

Loving little Abigail and Rory!