People who grew up in dirty/messy homes…

[Melbourne12]

What do you live like now?

I grew up in a cluttered, messy house. To paint a picture, it was one of those houses that was needing renovated for a million years.

Half painted walls (as if someone could only reach up so far and couldn’t be arsed to get a ladder), sunken sofas, a shower with a plastic bag sellotaped along the edge because it leaked into the room downstairs, broken drawers.

I had one school uniform and it got washed once a week, dishes were permanently in the sink. The kitchen table wasn’t functional as a table because it had a pile of shit on top of it, plus more shit under it.

Now that I’m an adult, I have my own home and it’s virtually immaculate at all times. Just small things like making the beds, hoovering and cleaning daily, not letting the washing build up, ironing the clothes, ensuring the place smells nice.

I hated the way I lived as a child and can vividly remember promising myself that I would never have my children in an environment like that. Needless to say, I’ve stuck to my work. I don’t want my child to be too embarrassed to have their friends round when they’re older.

I guess I went the opposite way from how I’d grown up, but I wonder if this is common?

I grew up in a very messy/dirty home.
I was so embarrassed as a child to have friends over. My mum would wash my clothes and then leave them wet in the laundry basket for days so they'd stink of damp.
I got bullied so much for it.

My house is extremely clean and tidy despite having very young children and their clothes are always clean and fresh.
I refuse to let them grow up the same way.

I've been watching that Stacy Solomon show. I struggle with tidiness but everything has a place, apart from one box of doom (the unsorted shit).

The show has given me nightmares because it makes me think of my parents house. My old room is now piled high with boxes floor to ceiling with no bed. The remaining spare bedroom isn't much better. They keep everything. It drives me nuts. And my dad has developed an eBay habit of stuff to sell on (which of course he doesn't).

It's awful. It's just clutter and over sized furniture. Even when they had the kitchen done up they chose a claustrophobic lay out which too much stuff for the room which just doesn't work.

I hate it. I never ever want to get to that state.

Woah!! Are you me?!?!

My parents had 5 of us. We lived in a beautiful, traditional sandstone villa with massive front and back gardens.

They are chronic hoarders and always have been. I absolutely hated that I couldn't bring my friends round because I was so embarrassed. I realise now that being told to "make sure all the doors are closed" is crazy.

I now have a large house of my own with my has and and two very small children. My house is thoroughly immaculate and I am by all means a minimalist. It's so freeing!

i Have a relative whose house was disgusting, it was literally being help together by dirt. I remember other relatives trying to help clean the house for them and physically being sick when they went in the bathroom. All their children are very different.

Also had a friend whose house was beyond awful, no carpet just old floorboards, piles of newspapers everywhere, she slept on an old mattress on the floor, bath was black with dirt, kitchen piled high with dirty dishes, bare walls with no paint or very old whipped wallpaper. We were late teens/early twenties when she invited a group of us round to the house as her parents were away. None of us could believe it, even those who’d live in some dodgy student flats. She obviously didn’t see anything wrong with it, a few of us made excuses to not stay over. I knew her parents well as they would eat in the restaurant I worked in most nights, ate the most expensive steak, always had to be blue & would order the most expensive red so I don’t think money was an issue. When she moved out I was round at her new places, a group of our friends had all gotten a house share together, her parents turned up with their awfully posh accents demanding to tour the house to make sure their baby girl wasn’t living in squalor, those of us who’d seen where she grew up were completely at a loss for words.

I grew up in "do-er uppers" that never finished being done up until just before they were sold. Tatty, full of half-finished DIY jobs, carpets that were decades old when we moved in and never replaced that felt grim to walk on in bare feet, general grossness. It got worse the older I got and I ended up being the one doing the tidying and cleaning. Having friends round was embarrassing (and required me to do a stupid amount of housework first) so I rarely invited them, and still got comments from friends when I did. Other children's homes were always so lovely.

As an adult I can't stand for DIY/repairs to go unfinished. Before I became disabled I'd even be going round polishing door handles if I had guests coming!
We still do our best, our home is nicely decorated and maintained, fairly clean and tidy. Not as much as it would be if I was capable of cleaning it to my standards but that's probably not a bad thing, reading what others have written here about pristine childhood homes. I guess I've been forced into a more balanced approach, as much as every speck of dirt annoys me...!! Only thing is that because it's not as clean and tidy as I'd like (IE spotless), I'm really wary of inviting people in. Think I need to work on that more!

Can I just please ask, not to derail the thread but for those of you who are determined to have a clean and tidy house, how much does your DP/DH/DW pitch in? Anyone (else) out there who doesn't feel relaxed in a messy house but their OH leaves messes everywhere? Do you tidy up after them too?

I'm honestly sick of cleaning the house and leaving a gleaming, spotless room behind me only to be confronted by smelly, untidy mess the very next time I re-enter the room.

A bit of both. The place is immaculate when people come over, I’ll spend hours preparing. But if I’m spending extended periods alone then I’m not in a rush to clear my floordrobe. I do keep the kitchen spotless though just in case someone comes over unexpectedly.

I would never leave walls half painted. I even touch up little scuffs on my walls to ensure it’s always perfect

I enjoy watching this American guy's youtube channel: he is on the ASD spectrum and his obsession is with tidying and cleaning. The more challenging the situation the better for him because it means he gets to spend hours "scratching his itchy" while at the same time helping someone in the process. He is particularly interested in hoarders or people wit MH issues, he does it for free and even buys the cleaning products and materials himself.

He spends hours, sometimes days on one job (but the video is on time lapse) and he explains his methods, gives tips, explains why he choses this or that technique, it is very interesting and satisfying.

My home is very okay, clean and tidy but not showroom style - maybe one day in the future when I have spare money to renovate, redecorate, buy better furniture...but I noticed that when I am getting lazy or I am too busy and letting housework slip, all I need to do is to watch this guy on a Friday or Saturday evening and wake up next day ready to do a spring cleaning!

This is me too. I hate everything about our house and am hugely guilty about the impact on the kids. I keep resolving to do something about it but seem to end up just moving stuff round. Threads like this make me feel so stressed about it, but I will bookmark as maybe it will be the push i need to sort it out for the kids' benefit.

I grew up in a fairly dirty house, my mum died when I was 3 and my dad cleaned but only up to a certain level and not regularly. I took it upon myself to do a lot of cleaning from a young age.

I feel unrelaxed when my house is a mess even now, think I use cleaning as a way of feeling in control of my life and will never forget the powerless feelings as a child.

DH grew up in a very warm and welcoming, but messy, cluttered and chaotic home.

Our home is now immaculate. That's more down to me, but his room at Uni when we met was immaculate, and his little bedroom in his family home . His sister's house is the same.

His parents are now mid 70s and their home has tipped over into a depressing and dangerous living hell - but that's for another thread.

Our last house was so, so cluttered. I was too embarrassed to have people over. DH is a bit of a hoarder, and there's a lot more going on behind that. Letting go of anything is a real struggle for him. With small children though it was a very difficult time.

Then we moved to a bigger house and DH dropped to part time. There's space for stuff! Life is so much easier. It has motivated DH to slowly start sorting his things out and try to break old habits.

It will be interesting to see how DC pan out in future, I'd put money on one being really tidy and one taking after DH.

My home was filthy, sad and neglected. I'd love to be immaculately tidy but instead my home is clean and lived in. Bit messy but not dirty.

My mum kept a perfect house she worked in a professional role and we always had a cleaning lady

I now cannot afford a cleaning lady, I'm quite disorganised at home (but very organised at work!) and have so much stuff it's frightening but we are moving soon so I'm using that as a good time to get stuff cleared.

I was watching Stacey Solomon the other night on her decluttering programme - how on earth do they do that in a week????

My mum’s mum was sectioned (mental health “asylum” - straight jackets and electro therapy, the works) during her childhood and so, she grew up without a mum in the 1960s and her childhood home was rancid. She described rotten food and dead flies lining every surface as the norm.

As an adult, she keeps an immaculate home. I couldn’t find a spec of dirt if I spent all afternoon doing it. She cleans her oven after every use and changes the beds several times a week. I find it stifling and restrictive. Growing up with her, it was difficult to relax.

My home is very ordinary. No rotting food. No obsessive cleaning routines. I clean a little bit every day and everything has a “place”. Even if that place is crammed into a drawer of crap.

At my garden wedding, my mum marvelled at my lifestyle. She said she wished she could live like me and that hers was an extreme reaction to her neglectful childhood. She’s grateful that she has passed along “just enough cleanliness” that I can live normally.

However, my middle brother and his wife live in filth so… who’s to know how these things really work.

I grew up in a home that was immaculate. My mum has a thing for saying 'I grew up in a council estate' (which is rubbish, it was affordable housing but my grandparents worked and paid rent like everyone) so she has a real complex about 'bettering' herself. House was always spotless, they always had the best they could afford in terms of furniture/appliances (though never top of the range or height of fashion as we had limited income). As children we were always roped into cleaning on the weekends (which isn't a bad thing as it taught us how to properly clean and look after things but what 10-year-old wants to be dusting the skirting on a sunny Saturday morning?!). My father also worked in a profession where everything had to be maintained/cleaned/organised so that filtered into home life.

As a result as an adult I am extremely clean and tidy (though not to my mother's standards!). Can't stand clutter, things have a place and need to be put away. I have a small child now and our lounge is overtaken by toys- I tidy them away at the end of every day but they are there (just piled in a corner)- it does annoy me but I know it won't be forever!

I would say though I do find it hard to sit down when I know something needs putting away or the hoover needs running around, I start to get a bit twitchy- so there has been a bit of impact passed on to me from living in an oppressively clean and tidy house.

My home is very clean and tidy now, I feel compelled to keep it clean and organized as it is something I can control.

As a child my parents worked long hours to keep us going and I somehow felt responsible for the state we lived in. I spent so much free time trying to clean and tidy for it just to end up the same way again. As I've got older I've sadly realized that it wasn't my fault or my responsibility. My parents still live like it today and are both retired. They are just lazy and are happy to live that way.

I've had to put some distance in place and where I used to stay over for a few nights at Christmas, I've told them I wont anymore. I just cant relax in that atmosphere. Even when I go over for dinner they clear a space for me to sit on the sofa, rather than tidy the whole room as they are sitting in front of the TV all day. I do have some unresolved anger about it that's for sure.

The house wasn't the only mess, I was left to get myself up and ready for school. I was a dirty, untidy child and I was bullied for most of my school life because no one brushed my hair or washed my school clothes. But that's another issue for another day!

My parents were rich country folk and spent more time outside than in. So every surface was covered with paperwork, books, newspapers etc. They wore muddy clothes everyday so didn't care what was clean. I did my own laundry from the age of 8 and tried to keep on top of tidying and cleaning the house, especially when I had friends over.

Now, my house is spotless, with plenty of storage for clutter and 2+ loads of washing done every day. The kids are always in clean clothes and messes are tidied away when they're done. If furniture breaks we get rid of it and replace it, if the sofa sags we get a new one. If we have a DIY project we finish it ASAP. The house always smells nice, the cars are always cleanish etc. I don't mind mess, and clutter but I couldn't live in a properly messy house again. And I hate horses now, for their smell and how mucky it is to care for them

I grew up in a clean, well-kept home.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't necessarily match up to my mother's standards (I don't use bleach, for example), but our house is always guest-ready for the most part.

My OH, on the other hand, grew up poor with parents who were hoarders and that affected him badly - he never had friends round because he was too ashamed (my PiLs are genuinely lovely people, but my FiL is one of those who is always halfway through a DIY project that never gets finished and my MiL hoards to the extent that entire rooms are unusable).

As a result, he's more on top of the housework than I am.

Growing up in a messy / dirty house has an undeniable effect on people's mental health / sense of self well into adulthood.

My mum has OCD. The house was a show home, could never have anything out of place.

I was the opposite when I moved out I was a slob, but when I hit mid 20s something life changing happened to me and now I'm the same as my mum expect all my furniture is second hand because I can't afford nice things right now. 😅

I grew up in a spotless home and my mum always says she regrets spending more time cleaning than playing with us. However, I’ve gone completely the other way! I wish I could do that Stacey Solomon thing but without the tv cameras 😉

It could work the other way as well. I grew up in a spotless home, not mostly kept by my dps but mostly because it is common to have a ft housekeeper. My home is spotless now, I just can't seem to undo that.

I think too far either way is not healthy. I was someone who grew up in a 'showhome' house and hated it. Even now I can't relax in my parents house. I think my own house is just normal/probably on the cluttered side but I'm sure my mum thinks it is filthy

I grew up in a show home. Honestly, it wasn't particularly nice. Felt like we couldn't relax in our own home. Mum made us do endless chores every day. So even in the summer hols we didn't get out to play until the afternoon. She was OTT about germs also. I couldn't wait to leave.
My own house is cleanish and not too much clutter. I want my children to be relaxed in their own home and to be able to take their toys out and play. I promised myself I wouldn't be like my mum.
So either extreme probably isn't great