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Original poster

People who grew up in dirty/messy homes…

193 replies

Melbourne12 · 16/02/2023 20:27

What do you live like now?

I grew up in a cluttered, messy house. To paint a picture, it was one of those houses that was needing renovated for a million years.

Half painted walls (as if someone could only reach up so far and couldn’t be arsed to get a ladder), sunken sofas, a shower with a plastic bag sellotaped along the edge because it leaked into the room downstairs, broken drawers.

I had one school uniform and it got washed once a week, dishes were permanently in the sink. The kitchen table wasn’t functional as a table because it had a pile of shit on top of it, plus more shit under it.

Now that I’m an adult, I have my own home and it’s virtually immaculate at all times. Just small things like making the beds, hoovering and cleaning daily, not letting the washing build up, ironing the clothes, ensuring the place smells nice.

I hated the way I lived as a child and can vividly remember promising myself that I would never have my children in an environment like that. Needless to say, I’ve stuck to my work. I don’t want my child to be too embarrassed to have their friends round when they’re older.

I guess I went the opposite way from how I’d grown up, but I wonder if this is common?

OP posts:

BettyBoopy · 16/02/2023 20:32

Note but my friend is exactly the same as you. Her house is lovely, always smells lovely, clean, tidy, nicely decorated despite several small children. The house she grew up in wasn't.

user567543 · 16/02/2023 20:34

my parents did their best and were more chaotic personally than very untidy or messy, but I am exactly the same, I'm not on top of things unless certain standards are met.

CheeseDreamsTonight · 16/02/2023 20:35

I'm the other way round. My mum spent so much time cleaning and malign everything perfect as she attached her identity to it, I am much more relaxed, although not dirty or filthy. I'm not willing to spend too much time cleaning as it took my mum away from me.

imnotthatkindofmum · 16/02/2023 20:36

My home growing up was average and we all pitched in. Parents weren't well off so nothing was beautiful just whatever they could get but generally clean.

Where I differ from my mum is I have very few nik naks! Honestly she loves collecting things to display and we had to dust them when we were young. I have as few nik naks as possible just a vase or 2 and some pot plants. I'm not anti "stuff" but I don't want to be dusting 100s of things.

Sadly my kids do not follow my example 🤦🏽‍♀️

rootsandwings89 · 16/02/2023 20:36

Yes, my house was never dirty but was messy. My mum studied and worked hard so never had time to tidy up, was a bit of a hoarder and there was paperwork and books everywhere. I remember being embarrassed and would tidy up before I had friends over for sleepovers.

I have to have my house clean and tidy at all times, I can't stand clutter or anything feeling messy etc. I definitely think it has something to do with how I felt about my house growing up.

afinishedkiss · 16/02/2023 20:37

I lived in squalor as a child and am the absolute opposite now. I have to have a clean, organised, tidy house. It is so important to me. Hated the house I came from.

brokenstone · 16/02/2023 20:37

I am the same as you.

Grew up in a house which was cluttered and messy and now my home is immaculate. If there is any mess or dirt it makes me very anxious.

WellTidy · 16/02/2023 20:38

A close friend of mine from my teens lives in a house like your childhood home. I used to love going there, and she used to love coming to mine too, but mine was always really tidy and well presented (mum cleaned the whole place, spring cleaning style, too to bottom every week, whole house decorated every two years but in the same colour etc). I think now that we are adults, mine and her adult homes are somewhere in the middle!

Original poster

Melbourne12 · 16/02/2023 20:38

Glad it’s not just me!

I remember being a kid and trying my best to tidy up, hoover, dust etc. But there was just so much stuff. In one corner of one room you could easily find a laptop, some shoes, a used plate, a hairbrush, a medication of some kind, a packet of tissues, a pen, someone’s scarf.

That all have a place somewhere. Just not together. I’m definitely a minimalist now and a real learning curve was when my baby was born. I had to relax a bit and let some mess happen. There’s a world of difference between toddler toys (that are tidied later on) and what I experienced though.

OP posts:

Thingamebobwotsit · 16/02/2023 20:39

Our house growing up wasn't as bad as yours sounds but it was definitely muddly and my DM was a hoarder and a few rooms were almost impossible to navigate as a result. It used to drive me up the wall that even leaving the house meant a hunt for the car keys or letters from school would go missing in the mess.

I am pretty tidy now as a result. Not immaculate, but organised with a place for most things and have a regular sort out to keep on top of bits n bobs. House has to be clean and I vacuum most days to stay on top of pet hair.

Pipsickl · 16/02/2023 20:41

So I grew up in a shithole of a house, and have married a man who grew up in a hoarder house. We have both noted that impact that this has had on us in relation to our own home. He only told me about his parents house when we had been together for some while, but I always sensed there was some level of understanding between us whenever we discussed our childhoods.

we both keep the house clean and clutter free and couldn’t imagine having guests to the house unless it was tidy (not always perfect, but never piles of mess everywhere)

we also put a lot of thought into how we decorated it and made sure the kids have lovely, appropriately decorated rooms, so they wouldn’t (when they are a bit bigger) be embarrassed of their home when having friends over like my husband and I were when we were little.

we have both discussed the impact that never being able to have friends over when we were kids had on us and wouldn’t want that for our children.

Suzi888 · 16/02/2023 20:41

From the other side, my parents had an immaculate home. A show home…

I adored going to my friends messier homes. I don’t think children notice dirt as much? A few examples here are extreme, 💐it sounds neglectful.

PegasusReturns · 16/02/2023 20:44

My house growing up was chaotic and neglected - much like the people in it.

it was however big and in someways glamorous so I’m not sure people noticed.

I hated growing up in that environment. Being embarrassed about the filth and squalor.

I’m a little bit obsessed about ensuring my house is immaculate: always tidy; interior designed to within an inch of its life; fresh flowers; candles

Welfast · 16/02/2023 20:45

My parents didn't have any interest in keeping their home nice. The kitchen had big piles of paperwork and bits of car engines on the work surfaces, there were no lamps, just big overhead strip lights, it was very shabby despite them being quite well off. I never felt comfortable there. My own home is always tidy and comfortable

ILoveMyYuccaPlant · 16/02/2023 20:48

The house I grew up in was very messy, DF was a complete hoarder and tidiness was never encouraged. I like a fairly tidy house now, but not to showhome extent. I do find that when I come home from work and the living room is messy then I can't sit down until I've tidied it up as I just feel anxious otherwise.

Greentree1 · 16/02/2023 20:48

My mother's house was pretty immaculate although she worked as a nurse full time, mainly nights. I often think she would think I'm a real slut, I try but not up to her standards, makes me sad really.

aibutohavethisusername · 16/02/2023 20:52

CheeseDreamsTonight · 16/02/2023 20:35

Same here, childhood home was spotless. My flat is messy and cluttered.

Ireallydohope · 16/02/2023 20:58

My parents house was and is spotless

Mine not so

But luckily not so embarrassing the DC can't bring their friends over

It does need redecorating though as DD kindly keeps pointing out

Looks fine to me

Adhdsucks · 16/02/2023 20:59

I’ll stick my head up and say I AM that parent with the messy home. I can tell you that there’s barely a minute of my day where I’m not thinking about it, feeling guilty about it and resolving to change it but unfortunately it doesn’t happen and it really really really gets me down. I can’t even explain how much. From the outside I’m a fairly normal if not a bit scary, with an average job that requires a fair bit of common sense. If my colleagues saw my house they’d honestly not believe it was mine.

For all the people who have managed to be the tidy people after living with messy people it’s really just luck that you were born without (or have been able to overcome) the issues that your parents had to cause the messiness. Because no one would really choose to live like that, in most circumstances there will be a root cause.

HazardaGuest · 16/02/2023 21:00

I grew up in a shit hole. My house is comfortable, never show home but never too messy/dirty.
I do struggle to keep on top of things like repainting though. We moved in 10 years ago when everything needed doing. Two kids later and it now all needs doing again and this is what I struggle with. DH has a bad back so can’t do it, I guess I just need to knuckle down and make a start.

Intrepidescape · 16/02/2023 21:01

afinishedkiss · 16/02/2023 20:37

I lived in squalor as a child and am the absolute opposite now. I have to have a clean, organised, tidy house. It is so important to me. Hated the house I came from.

I lived in squalor too. Asbestos, mould, structural issues, vermin. It was falling apart. When I moved out I was OCD and couldn’t sleep if I hadn’t vacuumed the floors in every room and cleaned the bathroom. Eventually I settled down and I am messy.

Youreeavinalaff · 16/02/2023 21:01

I'm the same - grew up in a rather chaotic messy home and now run a very clean and organised home. I remember trying to tidy up as a child and my mum using weekends and holidays to rant and scream about the state of the house to my dad whilst neither being prepared to sort it out. They both worked in education, mum was part time, long school holidays but nothing got done. I ended up re-decorating the whole home age 18 as I couldn't stand it any longer. It wasn't just the kids being messy either, my mum and dad's room was one of the worst. I'm quite angry about it all in retrospect.

Stellaris22 · 16/02/2023 21:02

My childhood home was immaculate, we had a cleaner and my parents were obsessed with buying new. To the point it was unsustainable and they were often in debt.

My house is now far more relaxed, and I felt far more at home at DH family. It was clean, but lived in and I'm far more at ease there.

I dread my parents visiting. I can scrub and clean but it's never good enough. I never want my home to be somewhere we can't feel comfortable.

Zorrita · 16/02/2023 21:02

Not toally opposite but my house was horrible growing up. Dirty and messy with a lot of hoarded stuff everywhere. It was disgusting, couldn't walk around without getting dirt and crumbs and dog hair stuck to your feet.

My ADHD had me really struggling for a long time but I am now in a position where the house is average. It's lived in (toys strewn often, laundry in baskets, she's in the hallway) but most importantly it is CLEAN. The dishes and hoovering and laundry all get done consistently and you can walk about in bare feet and socks and make things on the work surface right away without having to clear a space, clean it down then pick dog hair out of your sandwich because it also got into the fridge.

I am looking forward to being able to pay for home help again once DH is back at work because putting away laundry is really the only issue we have when it comes to tidying.

elephantmarchingin · 16/02/2023 21:05

My house was immaculate not a thing out of place and we were berated if we made any mess.

My house by comparison is messy (not dirty) and cluttered

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