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Original poster

People who grew up in dirty/messy homes…

193 replies

Melbourne12 · 16/02/2023 20:27

What do you live like now?

I grew up in a cluttered, messy house. To paint a picture, it was one of those houses that was needing renovated for a million years.

Half painted walls (as if someone could only reach up so far and couldn’t be arsed to get a ladder), sunken sofas, a shower with a plastic bag sellotaped along the edge because it leaked into the room downstairs, broken drawers.

I had one school uniform and it got washed once a week, dishes were permanently in the sink. The kitchen table wasn’t functional as a table because it had a pile of shit on top of it, plus more shit under it.

Now that I’m an adult, I have my own home and it’s virtually immaculate at all times. Just small things like making the beds, hoovering and cleaning daily, not letting the washing build up, ironing the clothes, ensuring the place smells nice.

I hated the way I lived as a child and can vividly remember promising myself that I would never have my children in an environment like that. Needless to say, I’ve stuck to my work. I don’t want my child to be too embarrassed to have their friends round when they’re older.

I guess I went the opposite way from how I’d grown up, but I wonder if this is common?

OP posts:
NotMyDayJob · 16/02/2023 21:05

My house was dirty and cluttered. It wasn't maybe as bad as some described here, but DM smoked for a time as well and it stank.

My home now is clean and comfortable, it's not immaculate but my DC would never be ashamed to bring friends home like I was. DHs home was absolutely immaculate in an uncomfortable way so I think we balance each out

Museya15 · 16/02/2023 21:12

I grew up in a squat with hippy type parents that were always off their faces. My house now is clean and tidy and I have a thing for bleach. Out of six sisters, only two of us have clean neat houses, the others live in houseboats and caravans that are cluttered and unclean.

YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 16/02/2023 21:15

I grew up in a messy house, I have 3 older brothers so there was 6 of us. It was chaotic but clean. My room was always an absolute pigsty, it was always a battle to get me to tidy up. Turns out I have ADHD so that's why it was a battle.

I'm still messy, I will never live in an immaculate home, it's just not me. I need to see my stuff because "out of sight out of mind" is very true for me.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 16/02/2023 21:16

Me and my cousin both did. We are both OCD, everything in its place. Unfortunately my DH is a bit of a hoarder which really stresses me out. I don't like having extra stuff, in fact I hate it. We basically have a room now which is piling up with junk and I can't stand it

ittakes2 · 16/02/2023 21:19

I grew up in a spotless house - so spotless it was tricky to have friends over. Now my house is clean (as I have daily cleaners) but unfort a messy tip as I have inattentive ADHD. Sounds like your parent might have had ADHD too. Any ADHD coming through in the children/grandkids?

earsup · 16/02/2023 21:23

Late Dm hoarded....drove me insane....kitchen table piled up with books and clothes etc...had to eat sitting in a chair, lounge and dining room also full of papers, books, magazines....awful....I really try to get rid of junk and be tidy but things slide a bit so every month have a purge, am firm about bringing anything into the house and do not buy anything unless essential.

MyMachineAndMe · 16/02/2023 21:24

Ours wasn't as bad as you describe but it was messy and chaotic. My dad's house was and still is much worse; dh's parents' house even more so.

I used to be ultra clean and tidy and I am happiest in a calm, clean and tidy space but I've had to lower my standards as do has inherited his parents' messiness and ds has adhd; one thing I used to promise myself was that I'd live in a clean and tidy house but I refuse to be the only one who ever does the housework. We've had to compromise quite a lot.

CrystalCoco · 16/02/2023 21:24

Our house was immaculate growing up, we were a large family and I have no idea how my Mum (cos it wasn't my Dad!) did it - and still does, despite being mid 70s.
I strive for the same but can never quite get there, even attempting to follow The Organised Mum Method, I hate mess / when things get dirty, but no matter how hard I try (and I really do try) I just can't get things up to a good enough standard (for my liking)
When friends come round they do comment how clean it is, but to me, it's never as clean as my sibling's or my parent's houses.
My DH wishes I'd relax about it all, but your upbringing really can affect you.

HelloBunny · 16/02/2023 21:24

My place is in a terrible state.
I really want to change...
Before my baby, I was a hoarder.
But now there’s stuff & mess.
Life feels chaotic. I can’t find anything!
I don’t want this for my son.

mahrezzy · 16/02/2023 21:25

Yes, the same as you. Awful living conditions with a mentally ill hoarder mother who thought dog shit on the carpets was absolutely fine.

I have a 4 year old and my very tidy tenancies have had to relax somewhat. However, if the house gets too messy (with ‘permanent’ mess rather than transient stuff) it starts to affect my mental health and I have to tidy up quick smart.

Blessedwithsunshine · 16/02/2023 21:26

Mother had a breakdown due to bereavement and our house was messy and cluttered. I now have a tidy, pristine home to me an orderly clean home equates to good mental health and well being. I am expecting my dc to have messy, cluttered and relaxed homes. What

CrystalCoco · 16/02/2023 21:27

@mahrezzy this is so true for me too, if things get messy beyond a certain point it definitely has a negative impact on my MH, and the opposite is also true.

Headabovetheparakeet · 16/02/2023 21:28

Grew up in an untidy, cluttered house that wasn't cleaned regularly.

My house is the opposite but I'm happy for it to feel lived in.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/02/2023 21:29

Once I'd learned how to keep things clean and tidy, as I had no idea how to do it, it was completely different, like yours.

I've had to relax a little because DP has his own tendencies and a right to have possessions, but every so often I went ballistic over the state of the place and he now tries to keep his shit in the spare room. I'd still love to skip 50% of the stuff here, though, and I usually have to absent myself to breathe deeply somewhere else when I come home to find he's bought yet another piece of storage.

Snard4 · 16/02/2023 21:37

Our house is messy, cluttered and chaotic. My poor children, growing up in this. I really struggle with it yet seem to have a mental block about “just getting on with it”. It is so sad reading threads like this.

hliwingumber · 16/02/2023 21:38

A friend of mine grew up like that. Threadbare carpets in the hallway, furniture damaged and sparse. Just neglect and lack of money. Though I wonder if depression was involved as I went to private school with her and they'd lost a good deal of their income and this was the replacement house, a small terraced place.

Anyway, her house is completely the opposite and always a room ready to receive guests. Though one is rarely used by the family just visitors. Her entrance hallway is pristine with flowers and I've followed her example there as it is the first impression of the house visitors get.

My mother was ridiculous about mess and would run her hand over surfaces if you'd been near the kitchen. I've learned to relax as I didn't use to feel like my own room was tidy (as a young girl) unless I'd cleaned in meticulous detail.

PurplePrawn · 16/02/2023 21:38

Yes! I grew up in squalor. Dirty, messy and cluttered with literal rubbish. I keep a very clean house now and get anxious if there's mess or dirt around. My mum still lives in gross conditions nowadays, but she just doesn't care.

hliwingumber · 16/02/2023 21:39

Sorry for those who are struggling on this thread Flowers

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 16/02/2023 21:43

Absolutely immaculate house as a child. Couldn't even finish a drink without being hounded to wash up the glass and put it away.

Toys tidied away the moment the game dwindled, shoes cleaned when we got home, nothing was out of place.

Was very stifling and now I am messy. I am clean, as in I am always cleaning the house, but the stuff just gets moved around.

SallyWD · 16/02/2023 21:45

My house wasn't squalid but it was most definitely grimy. Grime on everything - door handles, kettle, toaster, taps, cupboards etc. I remember my parents occasionally hoovering but I never remember them cleaning.
I grew up just not seeing dirt. I literally didn't notice it and therefore my own house became grimy, without me realising. I was nearly 30 when I met DH, who grew up in an extremely clean house. After being with him a few years I started to change. Basically I started seeing dirt! Once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it! My house is now clean and I can't relax if I see dirt somewhere. It's amazing how much I've changed. My parents still live in grime!

RudsyFarmer · 16/02/2023 21:48

I grew up in a menagerie. I now have zero pets.

Prettyinpink16 · 16/02/2023 21:49

I grew up in squalor too,sadly. Hoarder house,really filthy. Sink always filled up,no access to using kitchen table as it was permanently covered in all sorts of junk. Piles of clothes and rubbish everywhere. We weren’t allowed to have friends over which made things difficult and it was hard to make excuses.

Now as an adult with my own home,I take care of it. It’s not perfect and I’ve found it harder to keep on top of since having kids but it’s clean and I’m able to have people over without feeling embarrassed! It was hard to grow up like that and I don’t want my kids to ever have to go through the same.

RampantIvy · 16/02/2023 21:52

I keep mine clean and tidy as a result, and hate clutter. I prefer light and airy rooms and find "snug" and "cosy" claustrophobic.

I am not anal about cleaning and hoover nd dust weekly not daily as there is no need, but my house is usually "visitor ready" even if it isn't 100% clean and tidy.

Pedallleur · 16/02/2023 21:55

My partner did. First time I went there I was warned what it would be like but you think it's not true. It was. Pet hair everywhere. Kitchen items both broken or not littered about the kitchen. The bed we had had cat hairs on the sheet. Jam jar lids were hairy (Pet hair). It's not got much better. When our daughter was there as a toddler her tights were furry leggings. Due to a bereavement there is another house the in laws use and I can see the mess is being repeated. A Dyson in bits and will never work. Another Dyson that didn't work because no one had cleaned the plug of fluff, dirt and hair blocking the nozzle. I could go on but the early years made my partner a bit of a clean freak. I understand why.

geoffman · 16/02/2023 21:55

Lived in a messy house, things not fixed, piles of shite everywhere. Both parents hoarded crap. Grew up embarrassed about my home. I tidied and cleaned before friends came over. I just wanted to live in a tidy, clean house like my friends did.

My own house now is a bit messy but not dirty. Don't have time or inclination to have a pristine house. When we visit my parents these days I usually come home with a strong urge to chuck stuff out.