People who grew up in dirty/messy homes…

[Melbourne12]

What do you live like now?

I grew up in a cluttered, messy house. To paint a picture, it was one of those houses that was needing renovated for a million years.

Half painted walls (as if someone could only reach up so far and couldn’t be arsed to get a ladder), sunken sofas, a shower with a plastic bag sellotaped along the edge because it leaked into the room downstairs, broken drawers.

I had one school uniform and it got washed once a week, dishes were permanently in the sink. The kitchen table wasn’t functional as a table because it had a pile of shit on top of it, plus more shit under it.

Now that I’m an adult, I have my own home and it’s virtually immaculate at all times. Just small things like making the beds, hoovering and cleaning daily, not letting the washing build up, ironing the clothes, ensuring the place smells nice.

I hated the way I lived as a child and can vividly remember promising myself that I would never have my children in an environment like that. Needless to say, I’ve stuck to my work. I don’t want my child to be too embarrassed to have their friends round when they’re older.

I guess I went the opposite way from how I’d grown up, but I wonder if this is common?

Ours was clean but always a bit messy , I couldn't stand it even as a young child I round be tidying. My home now is immaculate, I find I can think straight or relax if it gets untidy

Our house was clean but a bit untidy. My mother didn't mind us making a bit of mess, and she didn't mind our friends coming in to play. A couple of friends used to love coming to our house to escape neurotic mothers who wouldn't tolerate any mess or noise.
My house is a bit the same, even though the kids have all left home and got married 🙂😀

I think people go to the extreme when their childhood home was like this. It's like they are overcompensating trying to escape it somehow.

I fully agree it's not appropriate to bring up children in dirty, messy and chaotic and unsuitable housing.

But also consider that doing the opposite can also be detrimental, depending on how you behave, both to your own mental health (becoming obsessive about cleaning and tidying), as well as children picking up on the obsessive, pristine demands of their parents, and not being able to relax if there's a little mess or if you've not done the dusting for a few hours is not healthy.

I think there's a balance to be found. We all love clean houses, but don't go overboard to the detriment of you or your family's mental health and happiness.

My mum used to make us clean with bleech but was a bit of a hoarder at the same time (if that makes sense). She stopped cleaning when we left home (tbf neither of my parents cleaned, they had us do it). I was an utter minimalist and had slightly OCD tendencies (clothes had to be washed at a like 90 degrees, only use towels once). I’m a bit more relaxed now but thats a consequence of having a family (I’d happily chuck all their stuff away tbh).

Seconding @hliwingumber, it must have been horrible for all of those posters who felt ashamed of their homes and judged by them.

My house was a tip growing up and is a tip now. But we never run out of loo roll or other basics

How about you take a week holiday, hire a skip and get it all sorted a room at the time? thinking about it doesn’t help , you need to get into action before it becomes too much .

Grew up in a messy/dirty/neglected house. Smelled of pets, smoke and chip fat which was left lying around tk be reused 🤢 Was far too ashamed to have friends round.

my house is always tidy and much cleaner. Am obsessed with getting enough storage for everything and happy getting rid of stuff. I invest more in my house so carpets get cleaned, we repaint every so often etc.

but I’m not sure I have totally cracked keeping the house really clean. I’m lucky we moved to an old 5 bed house but it’s a struggle with young kids and a dog. Plus it’s dusty. My two bed was much quicker to clean in retrospect, not sure why I didn’t think of it before we moved! But I worry about it all the time. I guess I’m just not over my upbringing of being embarrassed about my home.

Growing up, the house wasn't that messy but all very second hand and patched together. That was fine, it was the smells that haunt me.

Two chain smokers who smoked inside and a love of the deep fat fryer (and smelly dogs but I loved them!). I'm now a militant anti - smoking febreeze addict, compulsively airing the house. Constantly paranoid me and my DC smell. I'm also paranoid of cooking smells and grease...it has really affected me (I was bullied for it, despite it being the 80s/90s...THAT is how bad I stank).

DC has to have freshly washed uniform everyday and i never wear anything except my coat more that once without washing. It's really affected me :(

DH grew up in a grubby house. Severely cluttered and late MIL used a hair dryer to remove dust. FIL is a hoarder and now lives alone and of course it’s got worse. I remember when DDs were 6 months old we went for a walk. MIL managed to push the buggy through a dog poo. DIL gave her the washing up brush to clean the wheel “because it can be disinfected “ 🤢

Not surprisingly DH is a neat freak.

DD1 is moving out of her flat, Uni, four months early because of her flatmate. She leaves food all over the kitchen and lounge, literally raw meat on the kitchen counters and all other foods left on the floor, furniture, under the sofa and in the sink. DD has been sofa surfing for the last couple of months. She had a meeting with the LL and they’ve agreed with her moving out next week.

@pompei8309 while that’s a well meaning posting which I do appreciate it just doesn’t work like that. I suppose if you compare having ADHD with being a hoarder - you wouldn’t just expect a hoarder to be able to take a week off of work, sort their house out and be able to keep it like that. There are reasons in their brain why that won’t happen. It’s the same for me.

My house was embarrassing and I felt ashamed. Dirty, crap everywhere and some rooms only had floorboards. I can’t stand clutter now and keep it clean (to normal standards). I was shamed at school over it and I know people talked behind my back. I’ll never let my children go through that.

I grew up in a cluttered house, it wasn't so much dirty, but there was stuff everywhere and things were dusty. Like the OP there was just stuff everywhere, you could never use both seats on the sofa for example, my parents kitchen is tiny and therefore things had to be stored elsewhere. Mum just struggles to get rid of anything. The house needs new carpets and decorating but it is just impossible to do this as there is so much stuff.

I don't remember being embarrassed, it was just difficult as there was no space as there was so much stuff.

My house is messy, I struggle to get rid of things, though not to the same extent.

Posted too soon. My childhood home was only clean because my sister kept it clean. I remember using the carpet cleaner, before vacuum cleaners were affordable, and washing up. One thing I can’t tolerate now is a washing up bowl because of plates being left to soak overnight.

I could have written this.

I grew up in a cluttered and untidy house

And I now live in a cluttered and untidy house

And the DC's rooms are cluttered and untidy

I guess some of us are fine with it

(Kitchen, loos and bathrooms are clean, BTW)

I grew up in a filthy messy home. My houses have always been a bit messy but clean. I live on my own and still make a mess.

My house was a bit of a mess growing up, lots of STUFF, and especially after my Dad left, my mum worked loads and was out having a life, plus has never been interested in cleaning. But my friends always loved it, it was a warm, relaxed home compared to a lot of theirs. I'm definitely more houseproud and clean much more - my mum often says the cleaning gene must skip a generation as my Gran always kept a perfect house! We still have a lot of mess though - it's impossible not to with two kids, and both of us working, and I want them and their friends to feel relaxed here too. I try to strike a balance 😬

My Mum's house was always spotless despite having 5 children. She is the only person I know who used to stand on a chair to wipe over the top of all internal doors 2 or 3 times a week. My house can get messy but is clean and then I spend a whole day sorting it out again.

I think there’s a big difference between squalor and a bit of untidiness or clutter. My house is average after growing up with a mum that made our beds and tidied our bedrooms for us. Don’t think we even washed a dish as she’d rather have done it herself “properly”. I don’t like housework but I do it as I’d hate for my kids to not feel they could take their friends round. Beds are made, dishes done, toilet cleaned etc every day. I don’t think we should judge people with different standards as we don’t know the reasons why - and I know of people that just generally don’t see it, or see it and can’t be bothered. And that’s fine. They’re not living in squalor - just a bit of untidiness. These tend to be the ones that’s kids get most attention and proper time spent with them colouring in etc in my experience, rather than a mum fussing around with a Hoover and dust cloth 24/7.

Same as you OP.

Grew up in a very cluttered home, although the lounge would be tidy’ish, very dusty though. But the kitchen would be messy, sink full of dishes, our clothes would be washed, put in the dryer and taken out and left on the floor so the next load could go in. Carpets were rarely hoovered. Now I hoover downstairs every day (bedrooms not as often), dishes are washed after every meal (used to have a dishwasher, unfortunately not in our new home), worktop is always clear of any clutter, cupboards are organised and fridge is clean. Clothes are washed, dried, sorted into baskets to what does or does not need ironing. I iron once or twice a week. Bed sheets changed weekly and I always iron bed sheets too. Don’t know if my Mum owned an iron! The lounge is tidied every evening after DD goes to bed. Thankfully she keeps her bedroom clean, she’s almost 5. She does like to “decorate” her dressing table and the top is full of little ornaments or toys or lego that she’s placed in specific places so I cannot keep them away bless!

Husband is a bit messy so his side of the bedroom will have clothes on the floor, I don’t pick them up anymore I just have to keep telling him about them so he gets in the habit of putting them in the laundry basket and it is working, slowly! DD also loves making lots and lots and lots of pictures which involves cutting things from magazines too so this can be a bit messy but I just keep all her pictures and cuttings into a little craft case thing (there’s 1000’s of pictures 🙈).

My brother is the same as I am, but a lot worse! He has OCD, really badly. He would hoover his toddler DS after meals. Keeps toys away even when maybe his DS isn’t done playing and his DS doesn’t ever get to play with play doh or paint or do any colouring. It’s a bit sad really.

I'm the same. Lived in absolute squalor as a child. I'm the complete opposite and can't stand mess. I can't relax until everything is done.

I grew up in a similar house and still carry the Shane with me today. It was awful. As a child you're so powerless over your environment and when it's not safe or meeting your basic needs then it can be so damaging.

I get irrationally angry when I hear people laughing off the fact they live in a shit tip. 'Oh I'd rather spend time making memories than cleaning and keeping the place immaculate, life's too short to scrub skirting boards' tinkly laugh).

Fuck oooofffffff. I bet your poor DC are too embarrassed to have friends over and would die of shame if anyone saw the mess.

I keep my own home clean and tidy. It's not a show home - but it's always visitor ready. I'm a big stickler for storage. Everything has a place and nothing new comes into the house unless there's a place for it to go. I also declutter regularly. It's much easier to stay on top of things if you tackle it as you go along.

Opposite for me, very sterile house where nothing was allowed to be out of place, no mess at all. I remember being screamed at because I sat on the sofa and messed up the cushions, also for not drawing the curtains properly.

Im very grateful I didn’t grow up in a world of social media and instagram my mother would be a ott insta perfect person putting our house and lives on display.

I do appreciate the clean gene, though since having kids I’m not as precious about it. But I’m messy, house is a tip most of the time, the dining table is covered in paint and glitter. I actively fight the tidiness urge, I will deliberately move something out of alignment so I’m nothing like my mother.

Our house it tidy. My husband grew up with a houseproud mother, to the point of her being OCD. Not a phrase I use lightly.

In his opinion, she loved her house more than she loved her kids.

He values my, um, relaxed approach to housework !

I grew up in a neat, tidy, happy house. My husband has remarked that my parent's house was always neat and tidy. So, what's my excuse ? !!

I cook, I don't clean. I didn't say won't.

I once took an interest in housework when we had our house on the market. My husband was a bit frustrated and pretty much said, 'oh alright, just this once because we're selling the house.'