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Original poster

The secret things you do that no-one else knows....

596 replies

Frt · 16/02/2023 11:07

Every day that DP is out of the house at work, I buy an early-afternoon energy drink. They are rancid, sugary, unhealthy and downright common as muck but I absolutely love the buzz I get for the rest of the day. DP would be appalled with me if he found out 😅

My MN habit is a secret too. I don't have children, and I'm meant to have a professional, busy job which doesn't allow time for fucking about online. But here I am. I'm friends with a lot of women with young children who regularly talk about things being discussed on MN. I feign surprise or interest but I'm really thinking "Yeah, I saw that".

When I'm stressed and home alone, I talk to myself. I talk myself through what's getting me down, why, and what I need to do. I also reassure myself saying things like "Pull yourself together, it's fine, make a list and let's start at the top". I have no shame about this, I think its a perfectly normal thing to do. Except that I talk to myself in random accents. Today I went inexplicably scouse. My temporary foreign accent syndrome is the reason I keep this particularly activity a secret.

Tell me your secrets....

BTW, long-timer but NC just in case!

OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 16/02/2023 13:28

Intrepidescape · 16/02/2023 13:07

So you got drunk and cheated on your husband?

Show quote history

How do you know @MollyMack is married? Or was at the time?

Original poster
Frt · 16/02/2023 13:31

Rocklobstershell · 16/02/2023 13:23

I compose daily MN imaginary threads for my current dilemmas / problems but don’t post them. I’ve done this forever, before MN I’d compose letters in my head to agony aunts in magazines. I guess it’s my way of problem solving without constantly moaning to friends.

Oooh, I do this too to figure stuff out. I compose a lot of AIBU threads like if I get pissed off at something or someone, in my head I'll be thinking "AIBU to be really angry at this woman in Morrisons". Then I'll imagine the replies - most of them tell me to give my head a wobble of course!!

OP posts:
NewNameForXmas · 16/02/2023 13:31

DartholomewSpaceInvader · 16/02/2023 13:07

I have alter egos for doing things I don't want to do. One of them is a bearded Scandinavian adventurer called Sven Jurgen, who has a trusty sidekick (and cameraman) Pål. Sometimes I send Sven in to do a boring job like clean the toilet instead of me. He narrates the whole process to Pål and when he returns he presents his mission report to the Royal Society and gets hearty slaps on the back for his accomplishments as though he'd just come back from a year long expedition up the Amazon. He is lauded wherever he goes. 😆

This will out me to a couple of people if they happen to read it but, oh well!

This is completely brilliant! I'm going to steal it for jobs I don't want to do.

bringincrazyback · 16/02/2023 13:32

Fentylipgloss · 16/02/2023 11:33

Cry and pray for death.

So sorry to read this, @Fentylipgloss - I hope things get easier for you soon. 💐

BigFatLiar · 16/02/2023 13:33

Not exactly secret but I have a motorbike. DH doesn't like it (he worries about me) and has only been on it a couple of times but knows I take it out now and again.

seratoninmoonbeams · 16/02/2023 13:33

@BloggersBlog I was just going to ask the same question of @MollyMack! How do you know @Intrepidescape wasn't single?!

PinkFishies · 16/02/2023 13:33

Record myself singing and listen back to it.

I’m tone deaf.

RicherThanYews · 16/02/2023 13:34

I was given a microwaveable plush thing that doubles as a sort of hot water bottle, it's a sheep design and she is 13 years old. I fell in love with her, she has a name, a voice, a personality (disorder) and has more clothes than me and my husband put together. It is known in my house that she is troublesome and the root cause of most disasters. I'm deciding whether I have room for a special miniature armchair or not. In my defence, I gave up drinking and smoking so I had to do something with my time.

seratoninmoonbeams · 16/02/2023 13:34

seratoninmoonbeams · 16/02/2023 13:33

@BloggersBlog I was just going to ask the same question of @MollyMack! How do you know @Intrepidescape wasn't single?!

Other way round. 🤦🏻‍♀️ sorry @MollyMack

Ursuladevinia82 · 16/02/2023 13:36

Pseudonamed · 16/02/2023 12:10

DP was in a band years ago and sometimes when he is working away I listen to his music or watch his vids on youtube. He has NO idea cos I always told him I was not all that impressed but I do love to sit and swoon at him all cute in his 20's with hair etc and have a bit of a bop. They were not famous by any stretch but known in some circles and he has never ever known how much I googled him even before our first date. We are years together now and I never let it slip lol

Why wouldn’t you tell him?

Georgyporky · 16/02/2023 13:37

I was going to write that I hide treat foods in the veg drawer in the fridge & eat them in secret, but then surely everyone does that ?

BestIsWest · 16/02/2023 13:37

Biffatcrafts · 16/02/2023 11:35

When I'm alone I do the most crazy over the top make up (like I would never wear out or in front of DH) - think Glow Up but not that level of expertise - false eyelashes, outrageous lips, weird designs - then take selfies to see if I can take just one that looks good - then I delete them all and wash it all off. It's marvellously therapeutic for me transforming into someone totally different just for myself. But when DH comes home I'm back to being me.

I'd never tell my girlfriends, they'd think I was mad! 😜😁

I am so going to do this!

Teelu · 16/02/2023 13:40

I still play Sims 2 instead of the more recent ones and play each family a Sim week at a time so they all age up together.

I have notebooks full of names for them when they have babies and I give them all middle names which I don't use in the game but are written down in different notebooks. When a teenager is about to age up they go to university and get assigned into random groups where they'll meet the sim they'll end up marrying and having a family with. I go through one year of each student group after doing the family weeks. Whenever a teen has moved out the family have another baby or adopt, basically until both parents have died so each family ends up with approximately 20 children in total.

I also have a spreadsheet which has all the Sims' names and addresses and keeps note of when they're born and when they die and I have another spreadsheet to see the most common names through all the Sims (the adopted children come with their own names but the ones I can name when they're born get completely random and sometimes totally OTT names, if I see an unusual name somewhere I write it down in a notebook for a future Sim).

I have more organisation for my Sims than I have for my own life. Blush

Rocklobstershell · 16/02/2023 13:40

When jogging listening to my favourite running soundtrack I love to imagine that I am the artist I’m listening to and I’m headlining a huge festival or playing Wembley. It gives me a huge buzz of endorphins and goosebumps. I have to be careful though as I occasionally get funny looks from passers by then realise I’ve been tunelessly belting out random lyrics or doing air guitar as I trot along!

BigFatLiar · 16/02/2023 13:40

Both our girls have left and are married. When I'm on my own watching telly I'll get one of their soft toys and sit with it while watching, they all get a chance so none of them get jealous.

RadioactiveWear · 16/02/2023 13:41

I’ve got a secret cleaner too. When my DH works away, I chill out watching TV with a bottle of red, and box of chocolates. I get pizza for the DC. I leave the place in a mess and get a cleaner the day before he comes back.

Sometimes I ask my HomePod to play loud music and I pretend I am on voice, singing Woman in Love by Streisand, or a Shania Twain song, and I get 4 turns after they all cry as it was so beautiful.

pippinsleftleg · 16/02/2023 13:42

Biffatcrafts · 16/02/2023 12:15

@SpaceJamtart wow that is so lovely you sound like an amazing mum

Until her kids want to leave home and she locks them in the house so they have to keep the story going, unable to ever leave because of her Barrie obsession!

Kennykenkencat · 16/02/2023 13:42

I am an open book. I tend to tell people my embarrassing things.
When you start to admit to people things you do you will be surprised the number of people who do that as well or later day they have tried it and what a good idea it is🤣🤣🤣

DarkNecessities · 16/02/2023 13:43

MN

I frequently go alone into swanky bars and sit on my own with a glass of champagne.

Most days I have an afternoon nap.

DarkNecessities · 16/02/2023 13:44

…. I also use fake names depending on who I feel like being that day

Whichwhatnow · 16/02/2023 13:49

I cheat at Pointless (we have it as a kind of competition). My husband is so impressed with my amazing knowledge I can't bear to tell him the truth which is that I'm surreptitiously Googling on my phone

Endofmytether1 · 16/02/2023 13:49

wednesdaynamesep · 16/02/2023 13:08

I put swishy music on, then pick up my cat and sway-dance with her. (David Grey 'Sail Away' is a favourite). She purrs like a tractor in my ear and leans back and gives me long slow blinks. Best thing in the world.

This sounds lovely. I am quite jealous as the second of my 2 cats died recently at 20 years old. I miss having a cat to cuddle and tell all my troubles to so much!

CornishGem1975 · 16/02/2023 13:50

Teelu · 16/02/2023 13:40

I still play Sims 2 instead of the more recent ones and play each family a Sim week at a time so they all age up together.

I have notebooks full of names for them when they have babies and I give them all middle names which I don't use in the game but are written down in different notebooks. When a teenager is about to age up they go to university and get assigned into random groups where they'll meet the sim they'll end up marrying and having a family with. I go through one year of each student group after doing the family weeks. Whenever a teen has moved out the family have another baby or adopt, basically until both parents have died so each family ends up with approximately 20 children in total.

I also have a spreadsheet which has all the Sims' names and addresses and keeps note of when they're born and when they die and I have another spreadsheet to see the most common names through all the Sims (the adopted children come with their own names but the ones I can name when they're born get completely random and sometimes totally OTT names, if I see an unusual name somewhere I write it down in a notebook for a future Sim).

I have more organisation for my Sims than I have for my own life. Blush

I love this dedication to the game!

RadioactiveWear · 16/02/2023 13:51

I too have a boogie with my dog. He’s a great dancer.

IClaudine · 16/02/2023 13:54

TallulahBetty · 16/02/2023 13:23

I microwave a heap of cheese and eat it all melted by itself.

I watch lesbian porn.

I pull my eyelashes out and eat them.

Wow, it feels scary even typing those anonymously :(

Don't the eyelashes stick in your throat?