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Original poster

The secret things you do that no-one else knows....

596 replies

Frt · 16/02/2023 11:07

Every day that DP is out of the house at work, I buy an early-afternoon energy drink. They are rancid, sugary, unhealthy and downright common as muck but I absolutely love the buzz I get for the rest of the day. DP would be appalled with me if he found out 😅

My MN habit is a secret too. I don't have children, and I'm meant to have a professional, busy job which doesn't allow time for fucking about online. But here I am. I'm friends with a lot of women with young children who regularly talk about things being discussed on MN. I feign surprise or interest but I'm really thinking "Yeah, I saw that".

When I'm stressed and home alone, I talk to myself. I talk myself through what's getting me down, why, and what I need to do. I also reassure myself saying things like "Pull yourself together, it's fine, make a list and let's start at the top". I have no shame about this, I think its a perfectly normal thing to do. Except that I talk to myself in random accents. Today I went inexplicably scouse. My temporary foreign accent syndrome is the reason I keep this particularly activity a secret.

Tell me your secrets....

BTW, long-timer but NC just in case!

OP posts:
Shauny098 · 17/02/2023 00:19

SpaceJamtart · 16/02/2023 12:11

My daughters are very very into barbies, they take them very seriously, I never had them as a child but I loved playing with them at friends houses.
They ask me to play pretty much everyday and I love it, its so fun.
I wouldn't tell anyone in real life except my girls, but we have whole soap opera style backstories for the barbies and the stories roll over into the next day. We recently bought some action men from the charity shop to add more characters.

Currently Poppy is lying to Millie about who stole her purple handbag- it was actually her sister Rainbow who threw it in the stables because she was annoyed at her for not making enough spaghetti and meatballs for everyone at the birthday party etc

Its fully mad and I would never admit how much I actually enjoy it.

This made me smile…..what a lovely mum ☺️

paulaparticles · 17/02/2023 00:20

My friend puts 2 packets of crisps in one when nobody is watching so nobody thinks she's greedy 🤣

Mars27 · 17/02/2023 00:20

Beeswood · 17/02/2023 00:10

I rented all my life and was a good tenant, but kept getting evicted because they wanted to sell up, rent to a relative etc.

Then I was able to buy a small cottage! When I moved in, I actually kissed and hugged the walls, I was so happy!

Omg, this is great! (Not the eviction bits, obvs). Congratulations :)

ImNotCrazyIWasTested · 17/02/2023 00:21

Biffatcrafts · 16/02/2023 11:35

When I'm alone I do the most crazy over the top make up (like I would never wear out or in front of DH) - think Glow Up but not that level of expertise - false eyelashes, outrageous lips, weird designs - then take selfies to see if I can take just one that looks good - then I delete them all and wash it all off. It's marvellously therapeutic for me transforming into someone totally different just for myself. But when DH comes home I'm back to being me.

I'd never tell my girlfriends, they'd think I was mad! 😜😁

I do this too! In fact I've got selfies on on my with 2 completely different false eyelashes on!
My excuse is I grew up with in a male only household so even now in my 30's I cannot do make-up (I can re-plaster, decorate and am legally qualified to re-wire your house). I keep 'practising' because now I've got daughters and I don't want them to struggle like I am.

paulaparticles · 17/02/2023 00:22

I also love drinking fizzy. It has to be when the house is quiet and I wont be disturbed. I will literally be dying of thirst and won't drink it til I get peace to drink it 😆

ImNotCrazyIWasTested · 17/02/2023 00:24

SmokyForTheWin · 16/02/2023 12:14

I have conversations with the cat. I accidentally started chatting to her in front of DC once; DC thought I'd gone crazy.
Everyone talks to their cat or dog as if they're a person, right?

My DH called our dog an attention whore TO HER FACE in front of our plumber today, plumber then covered the dogs massive ears and was more offended than her! So yes everyone does it 😂😂

OldFan · 17/02/2023 00:43

IDK if I talk to the cats as if they're people. They either get compliments or light hearted insults depending what they're doing i.e falling over or giving us some fuss or whatever.

Mamanyt · 17/02/2023 00:58

LOL, don't hate me...I "grammar police" television shows. I'd never do it to someone in person, but I do with television shows. THESE ARE PROFESSIONAL WRITERS, and I expect them to be professional. I have no quibble at all with idiomatic language, which can include some grammar issues, but, for goodness' sake, DO NOT WRITE LINES WITH "Celia and I" when it should be "Celia and me." For instance, "The car belongs to Celia and ME," not "Celia and I." But, "Celia and I bought it last year." IF you would say "we," it is "X and I." If you would say "us," it is "X and me." And, just to prove I'm nuts, I do this out loud.

Peanutlicious · 17/02/2023 01:10

If I'm struggling with the kids and feeling like a shit mum I pretend I'm Supernanny. I walk out the room as me and then march confidently back into the room as her and somehow it helps me to take charge and set boundaries better. If the kids are still playing up I pretend (as Supernanny) to be talking to the camera about how these children are the most challenging she's ever met which makes me feel vindicated for struggling. For some reason pretending to be her suddenly makes me feel like a parenting authority rather than a tired, frazzled mum who is winging it.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 17/02/2023 01:18

Learn guitar.

I bought a secondhand one last year and teach myself from YouTube videos. Haven't been able to practice in ages because I broke 2 strings and need to sneak it out the house to get them replaced 😄

Beeswood · 17/02/2023 01:21

Mars27 · 17/02/2023 00:20

Omg, this is great! (Not the eviction bits, obvs). Congratulations :)

Show quote history

@Mars27

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your comment. 😀

pollyglot · 17/02/2023 01:45

I don't do it any more, but when my kids were small, I used to pick the hokey pokey pieces out of the HP icecream...my secret addiction. Then I lied and told them that they don't put as much HP in any more. I've carried that guilt for 35 years. Oh, the relief.

Sugarfree23 · 17/02/2023 02:06

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 17/02/2023 01:18

Learn guitar.

I bought a secondhand one last year and teach myself from YouTube videos. Haven't been able to practice in ages because I broke 2 strings and need to sneak it out the house to get them replaced 😄

I'm also trying with my guitar. You should be able to replace strings yourself.

I bought mine when I was furloughed that but only lasted 5 weeks. So never got very far. My new year resolution was to practice every day, I'm managing every other day while dinner is in the oven and the odd extra slot wfh.

HateEatingInTheDark · 17/02/2023 02:24

This has got to go to Classics

JimnJoyce · 17/02/2023 02:47

@FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar Poison, Motley Crue, Whitesnake that kind of thing

Redkettle · 17/02/2023 03:13

I have heated arguments with people who aren't there and who haven't even upset me yet

sashh · 17/02/2023 03:14

SmokyForTheWin · 16/02/2023 12:14

I have conversations with the cat. I accidentally started chatting to her in front of DC once; DC thought I'd gone crazy.
Everyone talks to their cat or dog as if they're a person, right?

My old cat, Charlie, was very vocal, I had full conversations with him.

Redkettle · 17/02/2023 03:14

Peanutlicious · 17/02/2023 01:10

If I'm struggling with the kids and feeling like a shit mum I pretend I'm Supernanny. I walk out the room as me and then march confidently back into the room as her and somehow it helps me to take charge and set boundaries better. If the kids are still playing up I pretend (as Supernanny) to be talking to the camera about how these children are the most challenging she's ever met which makes me feel vindicated for struggling. For some reason pretending to be her suddenly makes me feel like a parenting authority rather than a tired, frazzled mum who is winging it.

Love this

LunaTheCat · 17/02/2023 03:29

paulaparticles · 17/02/2023 00:20

My friend puts 2 packets of crisps in one when nobody is watching so nobody thinks she's greedy 🤣

This is pure genius!

LunaTheCat · 17/02/2023 03:31

Mars27 congratulations on your cottage. I hope that you can make it feel just your own and and feel safe and secure there!

auscan · 17/02/2023 03:43

I love this so much! Your storyline is fantastic! You should definitely YouTube it. Please let us know if you do!

Derbybound2022 · 17/02/2023 04:08

I sometimes count in my head or count the letters in words. WTF.

I also enjoy imaginative play with my children and love making up chats between our dolls, dinosaurs, or when we play shops! Possibly need to get out more as I'm a SAHM at the moment!

Piecetocamera · 17/02/2023 04:51

I buy scratch cards secretly. I won £150 on one once. IRL I dismiss them as being chavvy but I love the thrill 😂i even change where I buy them as I think the shop assistant is judging me. I only ever buy 4 of the same. I Google the big prize odds before purchasing as I like to think I am being scientific. I’m not, obviously. Sometimes I do then whilst chatting to my Dad at his grave and I tell him the numbers as I scratch them off so he knows if ‘we’ are going to win or not. I also have a £20 monthly limit set up on 5 onlinebetting accounts and I play Jackpot King online slots with 10p stakes. I fantasise about what I’d do if I won. obviously I won’t, ever.

I play the Archers on the BBC sounds app at my Dad’s grave when I’m alone and no one else is around so he can ‘hear’ the episode. I also listen to the Archers now he is dead so that they don’t lose their audience member numbers. I don’t even really like the Archers. I clean the gravestones of my dad’s ‘neighbours’ when I clean his headstone as I think he would’ve done the same. He was a kind man.

I do a ‘piece to camera’ a la Nigella when i’m prepping the family dinner when everyone is out explaining what I am doing.

I have a secret stash of chocolate that I know everyone likes so I can have a couple of squares in peace with a coffee. If it was in the official snack place, DH would eat it all in one go which pisses me off. In the snack drawer I leave Dark choc which no one likes.

I secretly read erotic fiction on my phone in bed to get me in the mood if I think DH is likely to want middle of the night/morning sex. Sex is massively important to him but menopause means my natural libido is shite so I assist it a bit. I particularly enjoy voyeuristic stories. Everyone is happy.

I buy jars of maraschino cocktail cherries which I hide at the back of the cupboard and eat one every now and again. It is the taste of an 80’s childhood.

I’ve written most of a book which I’m going to send to a publisher this year. None of my family know. I’m secretly quite a good writer and I’m quite funny. You wouldn’t think that if you knew me.

I have an ‘Aya Stark’ style shit list that I repeat silently to myself before going to sleep. I also thank God for the day I’ve had, even if it was crap.,Most people think I am easy going. I’m really not. I have a memory like an elephant.

I sometimes go to a weekday morning mass. I light a candle if a friend is having a bad time and say a prayer. I don’t tell them I’ve done this.

I secretly write letters to my narcissistic mother telling her about what a terrible mother she was. I’ll never send them. I will put them into her coffin.

My secret behaviours are a hangover from a shit childhood. No one really knows how awful my mother was to me. To the world I present that I am confident, successful and well-adjusted. This is how I piss my mother off who thinks despite trying that she didn’t really ‘get to me’. She did. I’ve had to overcome years of being told how unlikeable I was by the person who should’ve been my champion. Not disclosing anything became my default position. I was a great keeper of secrets to my friends as nothing was private at my home. Consequently I disappeared into my own head where I championed myself as a coping mechanism and was my safe place where my mother couldn’t go when I was a child. As a result of this, I am a great mother to my own child.

sjxoxo · 17/02/2023 05:15

SpaceJamtart · 16/02/2023 12:11

My daughters are very very into barbies, they take them very seriously, I never had them as a child but I loved playing with them at friends houses.
They ask me to play pretty much everyday and I love it, its so fun.
I wouldn't tell anyone in real life except my girls, but we have whole soap opera style backstories for the barbies and the stories roll over into the next day. We recently bought some action men from the charity shop to add more characters.

Currently Poppy is lying to Millie about who stole her purple handbag- it was actually her sister Rainbow who threw it in the stables because she was annoyed at her for not making enough spaghetti and meatballs for everyone at the birthday party etc

Its fully mad and I would never admit how much I actually enjoy it.

This wins!! Like TOWIE or eastenders 😂
Maybe your daughters will end up working as film directors or script writing! Don’t give this one up as they grow xxxx

Goodread1 · 17/02/2023 05:16

Thanks so much Op for this thread idea

Love reading Already all the threads on here,

It's good reassuring to know, I am not obviously the only one, to have a fantasy life at home to counter act the mundanes ect