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Original poster

The secret things you do that no-one else knows....

596 replies

Frt · 16/02/2023 11:07

Every day that DP is out of the house at work, I buy an early-afternoon energy drink. They are rancid, sugary, unhealthy and downright common as muck but I absolutely love the buzz I get for the rest of the day. DP would be appalled with me if he found out 😅

My MN habit is a secret too. I don't have children, and I'm meant to have a professional, busy job which doesn't allow time for fucking about online. But here I am. I'm friends with a lot of women with young children who regularly talk about things being discussed on MN. I feign surprise or interest but I'm really thinking "Yeah, I saw that".

When I'm stressed and home alone, I talk to myself. I talk myself through what's getting me down, why, and what I need to do. I also reassure myself saying things like "Pull yourself together, it's fine, make a list and let's start at the top". I have no shame about this, I think its a perfectly normal thing to do. Except that I talk to myself in random accents. Today I went inexplicably scouse. My temporary foreign accent syndrome is the reason I keep this particularly activity a secret.

Tell me your secrets....

BTW, long-timer but NC just in case!

OP posts:
kateandme · 17/02/2023 05:25

Frt · 16/02/2023 12:15

I do something similar with all books, not just good ones. It's like I finish a book and I have all these thoughts about it which overwhelm me and I have to express them aloud. So I'll finish a book and then spend a few minutes saying to the cover things like "I didn't enjoy you all that much, I thought your characters were very 2D and your story...."
I think its because I've never had anyone to share my opinions on books with. No-one in my house growing up was a big reader and my DP doesn't enjoy reading. So I'm just kind of in a book club by myself. LOL.

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im like this with my reading.and sometimes walk into the room so overwhelmed with my book thoughts that i want to say to them "why arent you feeling this too!?" i need people to come along this moving story with me haha.
i love reading and love book and will often tell them so. and so many times think i dont want them to end.of course im fine but when that thought first comes with a really good book its horrid.

kateandme · 17/02/2023 05:27

paulaparticles · 17/02/2023 00:20

My friend puts 2 packets of crisps in one when nobody is watching so nobody thinks she's greedy 🤣

to be fair this is totally reasonable and advice we should all live by. she shouldnt have to. you get about 10 bloody crisps in them and they are getting less. 2 packs is a reasonable amount...just

Frances0911 · 17/02/2023 05:29

Being as untidy as hell at home, and dread the thought of anyone turning up unannounced when I'm home. Outwardly I appear very smart and organised, but I'm actually on the spectrum and my concentration is horrendous. A simple task like loading and unloading the disheasher can take me a couple of days!

kateandme · 17/02/2023 05:32

i kiss my cuddly toy dog on the head and say thankyou for looking after me when ive been upset and hugging him in bed. and sometimes talk to him like i would with a real life dog. because i did used to talk to my dog when she was alive.

kateandme · 17/02/2023 05:33

Piecetocamera · 17/02/2023 04:51

I buy scratch cards secretly. I won £150 on one once. IRL I dismiss them as being chavvy but I love the thrill 😂i even change where I buy them as I think the shop assistant is judging me. I only ever buy 4 of the same. I Google the big prize odds before purchasing as I like to think I am being scientific. I’m not, obviously. Sometimes I do then whilst chatting to my Dad at his grave and I tell him the numbers as I scratch them off so he knows if ‘we’ are going to win or not. I also have a £20 monthly limit set up on 5 onlinebetting accounts and I play Jackpot King online slots with 10p stakes. I fantasise about what I’d do if I won. obviously I won’t, ever.

I play the Archers on the BBC sounds app at my Dad’s grave when I’m alone and no one else is around so he can ‘hear’ the episode. I also listen to the Archers now he is dead so that they don’t lose their audience member numbers. I don’t even really like the Archers. I clean the gravestones of my dad’s ‘neighbours’ when I clean his headstone as I think he would’ve done the same. He was a kind man.

I do a ‘piece to camera’ a la Nigella when i’m prepping the family dinner when everyone is out explaining what I am doing.

I have a secret stash of chocolate that I know everyone likes so I can have a couple of squares in peace with a coffee. If it was in the official snack place, DH would eat it all in one go which pisses me off. In the snack drawer I leave Dark choc which no one likes.

I secretly read erotic fiction on my phone in bed to get me in the mood if I think DH is likely to want middle of the night/morning sex. Sex is massively important to him but menopause means my natural libido is shite so I assist it a bit. I particularly enjoy voyeuristic stories. Everyone is happy.

I buy jars of maraschino cocktail cherries which I hide at the back of the cupboard and eat one every now and again. It is the taste of an 80’s childhood.

I’ve written most of a book which I’m going to send to a publisher this year. None of my family know. I’m secretly quite a good writer and I’m quite funny. You wouldn’t think that if you knew me.

I have an ‘Aya Stark’ style shit list that I repeat silently to myself before going to sleep. I also thank God for the day I’ve had, even if it was crap.,Most people think I am easy going. I’m really not. I have a memory like an elephant.

I sometimes go to a weekday morning mass. I light a candle if a friend is having a bad time and say a prayer. I don’t tell them I’ve done this.

I secretly write letters to my narcissistic mother telling her about what a terrible mother she was. I’ll never send them. I will put them into her coffin.

My secret behaviours are a hangover from a shit childhood. No one really knows how awful my mother was to me. To the world I present that I am confident, successful and well-adjusted. This is how I piss my mother off who thinks despite trying that she didn’t really ‘get to me’. She did. I’ve had to overcome years of being told how unlikeable I was by the person who should’ve been my champion. Not disclosing anything became my default position. I was a great keeper of secrets to my friends as nothing was private at my home. Consequently I disappeared into my own head where I championed myself as a coping mechanism and was my safe place where my mother couldn’t go when I was a child. As a result of this, I am a great mother to my own child.

volunteer reader right here please!

pissedoffamericawoman · 17/02/2023 06:00

When my husband is out with the baby I watch trashy gossip youtubers. He absolutely hates them. It’s probably not a huge secret as it shows up in my history and I’m not necessarily hiding it but it’s a guilty pleasure of mine! My personal favourite is Ms Blaire White. I love her! She is so scandalous!

JennyForeigner · 17/02/2023 06:04

Rocklobstershell · 16/02/2023 13:23

I compose daily MN imaginary threads for my current dilemmas / problems but don’t post them. I’ve done this forever, before MN I’d compose letters in my head to agony aunts in magazines. I guess it’s my way of problem solving without constantly moaning to friends.

I do this too! More problem page letters than MN threads, maybe because I don't want to think about replies. Something about drafting the letter in my mind and focusing on the important bits of it is so helpful.

JennyForeigner · 17/02/2023 06:14

Ilovelblue · 16/02/2023 22:26

There are some brilliant ones on here which have made me laugh out loud.

When I am driving on my own, I have to find car registration plates that make up an acronym. It could be something like AB72 NHS for example. If it's a three letter one which is a foreign word (usually French or Spanish for me), I give myself two points, all others are one point. I have to get to ten points for it to be a good day ahead.

Also, apart from the four friends I have made via a MN thread, none of my real life local friends know I am on here. Sometimes I want to mention something I've read on here but have to term it vaguely as "one of those things I read online somewhere".

Haha and I do this one too. I turn license plate letters into words and then give myself points for the length of word. And then I imagine the admiration of the DI as they say 'but Jenny, you only saw the get away car for a second after that infamous art robbery. How can you be so sure...?'

JennyForeigner · 17/02/2023 06:23

Oh, and because this thread is so lovely, I want to contribute my own.

When I am a passenger in a car I imagine there is a leopard or sometimes a giant wolfhound keeping pace with us. He darts around parked cars, jumps on the roof and springs down. Sometimes he gets ahead and on a faster stretch has to run flat out to catch up. At traffic lights, he sits and waits and grins at me with his tongue out and panting, and then off we go again.

People always wonder why I am quiet in cars.

Dibbydoos · 17/02/2023 06:32

I am the leader of an online gaming team, I inherited it from my son who stopped playing 🤣🤣🤣 I have a fair few adults playing on the team too... We're ranked mid table.

BeautifulDayintheneighbourhood · 17/02/2023 06:47

So many really imaginative people on this thread. I can’t say i have anything very interesting to add beyond talking to myself a lot!

gede · 17/02/2023 06:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JunkinDonuts · 17/02/2023 06:56

I bite my toenails.
If my DH ever saw me, he'd probably never kiss me again 😂

IHeartGeneHunt · 17/02/2023 07:08

Oh I play the Coat Game too. Every time I'm on a bus I have ten points to give to the best coats I see out the window. (One per good coat.)
They can be awarded for colour, style, or simply if the person wearing them looks like they tried hard.

Canigoonroblox · 17/02/2023 07:29

This us a brilliant idea. I have a day off today and once everyone is out I’m doing this.

Canigoonroblox · 17/02/2023 07:30

I was trying to reply to the one where u get your instrument and join in with the orchestra, sorry

Jonnycakes · 17/02/2023 07:39

paulaparticles · 17/02/2023 00:20

My friend puts 2 packets of crisps in one when nobody is watching so nobody thinks she's greedy 🤣

I do this too!!

DaisyStarburst · 17/02/2023 07:47

When I take the mop upstairs to wash the bathroom floor I point it at the banister and run up pretending I'm jousting.

Pumpupthejampumpitup · 17/02/2023 07:57

I go clubbing. I’m nearly 60.

I also choreograph dance moves in my head if I can’t get to sleep.

Pansypotter123 · 17/02/2023 07:58

littlestrawberryhat · 16/02/2023 20:51

I drink small cups of double cream with sugar sprinkled on top.

I do that but it has to be brown sugar! 😋

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 17/02/2023 08:13

I work freelance and sometimes secretly take a random day off to spend a whole day at my lovely gym and then John Lewis for some mooching around

something about John Lewis soothes me

It’s old fashioned and staff are pleasant and there is an atmosphere of calm

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 17/02/2023 08:19

@JennyForeigner I love wolfhounds

i sometimes pretend I walk around with a pack of them, like they’re my body guards

the imagination is almost reality as I have a deerhound and a greyhound now. But they don’t walk majestically alongside me, …they pull on the lead to sniff other dogs’ piss patches 😁 and run around like wallies

Pssspsss · 17/02/2023 08:27

KevinsChilli · 16/02/2023 20:10

Yep I don’t think people understand… “too good to be true!” Kinda thing. It’s not as good as it used to be, bookies don’t give out as many free bets now due to new gambling regulations, plus bookies are quick to “gub” (stopping letting you have free bets etc.) once they click you’re a matched better. It takes a little time to get used to it but once you do it’s easy money!

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Surely this would work better with two accounts though. One bet on one account the opposite bet on the other? To stop their algorithms flagging you as someone matched betting?

Liz1tummypain · 17/02/2023 08:33

Frt · 16/02/2023 13:31

Oooh, I do this too to figure stuff out. I compose a lot of AIBU threads like if I get pissed off at something or someone, in my head I'll be thinking "AIBU to be really angry at this woman in Morrisons". Then I'll imagine the replies - most of them tell me to give my head a wobble of course!!

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Me too. I ask all sorts of random questions in the MN in my head. One slightly poorly-worded post to AIBU , will cause a public crucifixion and most normal people won't go there again.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 17/02/2023 08:43

RobertaFirmino · 16/02/2023 23:29

I have an ongoing daydream about a certain premier league football manager

Oooh, go on, @Franklin2000 tell us who it is! Football managers are much better looking than they used to be!

Jurgen Klopp maybe ?